Life Back On Track

Alright, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to this episode.

In this one, I've got a question sent in and this one was sent in from Richard in Texas, and it's a situation that seems to strike generally the guys and Richard is asking a question about his partner and this is one that resonates very personally with me.

Richard has asked, when his partner is obviously upset, he will ask her the question that a lot of blokes use "What's wrong?" and her response is, "Nothing!". In other words, she didn't say 'nothing'. She says the word 'nothing'. Now, Richard's confused and perplexed as to why this is the case. Why women say this, when you know that they're upset, when you know that there's something bothering them, when they know that, you know, because you've obviously asked.

So he's baffled as to why and he's also baffled as to what to do. I'm going to keep this is as short and concise as possible so that you can understand what the situation is and how to remedy it. If you want to go into greater depth, I do have a premium podcast that you can look up and subscribe to and I'll go into a lot more depth. However, I want to make sure there's enough information here that you can understand and make progress.

The main source of this situation is that there are people who, they are uncomfortable expressing their anger and they use a tool that I've mentioned before, which is called passive aggression. This is basically a way where if you've ever seen a pressure cooker it's got it's a metal receptacle, like a big saucepan with a lid that seals and inside the pressure builds up.

Now, obviously if the pressure just built up and built up it would eventually blow up. So the design has a little weight on the top. As the steam builds, it lets out a little bit so it can keep it at a maximum pressure. Therefore it doesn't blow. Someone who is using passive aggression is doing the same thing. They have anger, frustration, disappointment, all the other aspects of anger on the spectrum, they have inside them and they don't feel comfortable enough in expressing it, they don't feel safe enough in expressing it. They may not be able to get a grasp on what it is that's really bothering them.

The simplest way for them is to let out a little bit of anger, like the pressure cooker and what they're doing is they're letting it out in the form of if you were to summarise all the ways that they do this, it's a way of going "f@$# you", in other words. In Richard's case with his partner, she is saying, "You know, I'm upset and because I'm so upset, you're going to have to figure it out". In other words, f@$# you, all right?

So I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm gonna make you frustrated as well. So, it's a way of expressing it, but not expressing it. Sadly though it's a very common form, even more so than aggressive anger. Unfortunately, though it's also more damaging because it cuts in, subtly, on so many different levels that can really undermine a lot of things. So the first thing you have to do when you have someone like this is obviously state the obvious.

Say  "I can see you're upset. I'd like to know what it is, that's upsetting you. So I'm willing to listen when you're ready to talk. I had this situation with my wife when I first met her, she did exactly the same thing to me as Richards partner did to him. The first thing I did was say that "So I can see you're upset. You're free to talk and tell me what it is that has upset you". So what I had to do over the next few months was create an environment where she felt safe.

She started testing and she would just tell me a little bit and then she'd pull back and wait and then she'd see that that was received, and then she'd say a little more and wait and then she'd say a little more and wait and over a period of time she got more comfortable. And now obviously she's at the point where when she's upset she'll just say it because she knows I'll listen. I won't retaliate. I won't negate her, I won't minimise her. I won't argue the point.

Therefore she can be heard. She can be valued. And that's really important for people who are using passive aggression. They need to know that they are able to voice it, as long as they're voicing it in a healthy way. Okay. So it's a "I'm upset because ..." and then once they say that you then echo it back. You say "It sounds like you're upset by ... because, whatever it is" and then they go "Yes that's what it is".

Then, if you want you can negotiate and find a solution. That is a very short, concise version of the journey. It takes a little more effort than that. However that will give you an understanding Richard, so that you can go and get a result with your partner and start to make headway.

But that is the really important part, is to let her know that she is safe, in voicing what her problem is, what it is that's upsetting her. You have to allow her, as people have to allow people, to explore it externally. They might be really mixed up inside and unsure of how to word it. So when they voice it and it may not come out accurately at first and they may need to bounce it around outside themselves so you have to be patient, you have to listen okay, because the first thing that comes out of their mouth may not be exactly what they want to say or need to say.

You need to be a little bit patient while they explore it. They'll get better with it and then eventually you'll get to a point where they'll get upset, they'll voice it straight away and then you can deal with it. Okay? So that's it. Richard, go and practice. It'll be, probably a little uncomfortable at first, as it often is when you're trying new skills. It will get better and easier as you go along and good luck with it. Let me know how you go.

All right. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. I hope you're going to go and use that information so you can get a better result with someone who may be using passive aggression with yourself. All right, Look after yourselves, have a great one, and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
 
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. 

Welcome to the latest episode. In this one. I want to talk about an incident that happened in my life that sparked quite a number of journeys and it came from the most unlikely of sources. You see, my father who was the instigator of these journeys was and still is someone who tends to keep his opinion to himself in regards to your life. He's not always forthcoming with advice or anything like that. 

Many years ago when my first wife left, I was visiting my father and this was only probably about five or six months after the separation. So everything was still very raw. I was still processing a lot of things, and as we're visiting my father, we were out in the backyard and my sons were playing, my father and I were talking and as we were playing, my youngest son did something that displeased me. I suppose it was probably an impulse rather than a thought out action. I smacked his bum and my father who bless him, is like I said, not someone who normally puts forward an opinion or a statement in that sort of context, but he looked at me and he said, "Why are you taking it out on him? 

Now, at the time, it didn't really hit me with any massive magnitude and it was only later once I had gone home and I put my sons to bed, that the house was quiet and I had that bit of time to myself that the impact of that statement hit me, and the reason it hit me so hard is because there was a number of levels to it which at first I hadn't contemplated or been aware of until I had that chance to sit and think about it. 

The crazy thing is that sometimes the best lessons can come from the most unlikely places at the most unlikely times and in the most unlikely method. So this was very unexpected. So I sat there thinking about the different levels of this statement that my father had made, and on the surface it would look relatively simple. The more I thought about it, is it made me look at my parenting and the safe space that I was creating for my sons so that they could also come to grips with their parents splitting up because that situation wasn't just about me, it wasn't just about their mother, it was about them as well. 

It got me thinking about that and it also got me thinking about the way I processed anger, the way that I expressed my anger, and also what it meant to me. It also got me thinking about where I was myself in regards to processing that relationship and being able to move forward after learning what I needed from it. 

So, that statement from my father, at first didn't seem like that big a deal. However, the more I thought about it and there was more than those three layers, but they were the three major ones that hit me and it got me thinking about those. It really got me thinking about my role as a parent, my role as a father, my role of creating a safe space for my sons. 

So that when they came over they were comfortable with me and all of these other aspects of my life. It really got me thinking about it and it's funny for many years, I never even mentioned this to my father and a number of years ago we went away, we did a golfing holiday and while we were driving I thought this is a perfect opportunity, he's in the car. He can't go anywhere. 

So, I may as well talk to him about it. So I thanked him for that and let him know the impact that one simple line had on me and how much of a profound effect it had, and also letting him know that he may not have meant a massive amount by it. It did, however, make a massive difference to my life, the way I processed my anger and looked at my anger, and expressed my anger also. That looking at my anger and stuff also impacted my relationships, my friendships, all these different aspects. 

It just had a domino effect on many different areas of my life. So the reason I wanted to tell you this story is I wanted to make you aware that sometimes the thing that will flip your life around can be right in front of you. It can be a song, that could be a lyric, it could be a book that you read, it could be an off-hand comment like my father's where something can open you up to a new you, a new version of you, an aspect of you you hadn't contemplated before.

So this episode was more about getting you to think about where your lessons are coming from, because sometimes our best teacher can be right in front of us and we don't even realise it. A teacher that I love to use, is children. They remind me to chill out a bit, relax, be in the moment and enjoy life and use my creativity and having those sorts of people in my life makes a big difference. So look for your teacher. You can be the student and also be aware that sometimes you're the teacher for someone else who's a student. 

So that's it. Nice, deep philosophical pondering for this episode. Go out. Look for your lessons, become that best version of you, so that the people you love and care about can get the best version of you. All right, That's it. If you've got any questions, fire them through. Otherwise, we'll catch you on the next podcast.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting 

our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own 

podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening. You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Again, we've been sent in a question by someone. So this is Eddie from Newcastle-Upon-Tyne in the UK. Now Eddie has sent in a very simple question and it's one that tickled me because the origins of this question go back a long time.

So what Eddie wants to know is, what is it with kids today, Why are they lazy? Why do they feel entitled? And he sort of had a lovely little diatribe about the state of the youth. Now, this was something that tickled me because this is a statement that has been issued by generations before us. In fact, the first time I heard mention of this, it was many years ago, and I was a scout leader and I was doing some research on our local area, the history of the buildings and that sort of thing. I was reading the older newspapers that were decades old from my area where I was at the time.

This particular newspaper was dated in the early 1900s. So you're talking around 100 years prior, 90 years prior to what I was reading? The letters in there were, "There's all these young people loitering around at this time of night, up to no good" and all this sort of thing, and they had all these judgments. Then I came across a statement a while later that the ancient Greeks had this same statement they issued, "What is it with kids today?" "You know, "They don't want to learn" and that all of these things.

So this is a common, I won't say a problem, but a common challenge that our older generation like myself, we have as we got older. Now, the main contributors to this statement is we tend to forget because time softens. We tend to forget a lot of the silly things we did as youths, or if we do remember, we don't want our youngsters to know, because then that gives them permission to go and do certain things. It gives them am ammunition to throw back at us as to why they're not listening. So this is a common problem Eddie.

Most kids in any generation. So, I mean, the generation that are around us at the moment that were around when I was young and so on back and further and further is most kids are good as humans. We tend to focus on negatives. It's a very easy thing for us to do to focus on negatives. So what we tend to do is we tend to only notice the unruly ones. It's like when you're at school, it's the naughty kid that gets all the attention because the teacher is trying to get them to behave so that they can teach the rest of the kids. So there's one kid that gets all the attention because they get all the attention all the other children get not ignored but they their presence seems to diminish. So because of these few people that misbehave, they tend to become representative of the whole generation and that's not accurate.

Most kids are respectful, well mannered, they do the right thing. So what you need to do, Eddie is actually... I've just had a story pop into my head perfectly illustrates this. Many years ago, I was working with this man. It was just coming up to ANZAC Day which I know the rest of the world won't understand ANZAC Day, but ANZAC is the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. So it's our chaps that went from Australia and New Zealand to war and we call them ANZAC's. So every year we have a day where we commemorate them now. We have the people that served and continue to serve now.

So not necessarily served then, but also current service men and women. They march and they have various parades and dedications for the fallen comrades plus the people that are serving now. And this chap I was working with, he said "Our young kids today, they think ANZAC Day is just a game". "They think it's just something fun to do" and I had to grab him and correct him. I said you might want to pull your head in and do your research on this. I said I am a scout leader and I have my scouts stand all night doing vigil at what was one of the training grounds of the ANZAC soldiers who came from Western Australia.

They stand there all night watching a flame doing nothing but thinking about those people that served. Okay, so these kids, they have an understanding and a lot of kids do have that understanding. There's only a few that are disrespectful towards it. And it's the same with everything with kids, the majority of them, the vast majority do the right thing. It's just a small number that get our attention because the rest of them are just busy doing what they're doing. They get the attention, they get the focus and they tend to sadly represent that generation.

So what you will find it is if you went and did volunteer work and helped kids, you'd find that most of them are really good kids. So what I would recommend is get involved with kids, learn about kids. I don't know if you've got children of your own or not. You didn't state that in your question, but if you get involved with kids, you'll see that they're really good for the vast majority of them. They're great kids. Now I know this isn't answering a question per se. I'm just getting you to see a bigger picture so you can understand a little better.

So I hope that that's giving you some clarity, some understanding. Maybe a little bit of empathy. Remember some of the things you did as a kid. I certainly remember some of the silly things I did and I'm happy to tell my boys because I don't have shame in it. Also want them to know they don't need to do silly stuff. So that's something I've educated them on.

However, for you, Eddie, I would say get out, get involved with the kids and spend time with them. Kids are actually pretty cool. Anyway, that's it for this episode. We'll catch you on the next one, Look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In this one, I've been sent a question by someone and this has been sent in by Thierry. I hope I pronounced that right, of Germany. Hess, in Germany actually. And Thierry is in a similar situation that I was in years ago with my second wife and what he has asked is why does my partner keep arguing?

There's a number of different things that this could be attributed to. There are various drivers behind us when we want to keep arguing. The main one though is we just want to be heard. Now, the problem is a lot of us are not taught how to do conflict properly. What normally happens is the person who is upset, or has been triggered, instead of exploring where that came from, where they trigger originated from and how to deal with it. They launch into an attack at the person that apparently caused them to feel this way, not realising that it's actually a trigger.

Now the person who is the recipient of this attack usually goes on the defence, which means you then try and justify. You try and explain, to try and calm the person down, or you go on a counter attack. Now this is normally how we do conflict and then it goes backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, yelling and screaming and generally nothing's resolved. At the end of the day, the problem still exists.

Some of the drivers to this situation, where the person gets triggered and I won't go into great depth into that, what I will mention though, is usually we want to be heard. We don't feel that our opinion is heard. We don't feel that our feelings are heard. We don't feel like we are being heard. So usually we go for volume, we go for attack, to try and drive home our point.

The other thing is we may not feel valued. Because we don't feel valued, we are trying to make that value heard, validated, received, and for our partner to to put effort into allowing us to feel more valued. Now those sorts of drivers are all valid drivers. We all want to be heard. We all want to be valued. We all want to be, "I feel like we're part of something that's worth being in."

The trouble is we usually don't have the right skills to communicate that. So I would say Thierry, the reason why your partner is continuing to argue is they don't feel heard. They don't feel valued. They don't feel some particular aspect of the relationship is as it should be. Now a simple one that you can do is you can allow them to be heard.

All right, so a quick two little steps you can do. This isn't a very in depth process, but it can get something started so you can start to get a result. So the first thing you do is you acknowledge that they have spoken to you, alright, and you acknowledge how you believe they feel, how it looks like they feel. So you would validate that by saying "It looks like you're really upset about something. I'd really like to get to the bottom of this, and in order to do this though, we need to have a calm discussion. So if you're willing to do a calm discussion, I'm willing to hear exactly what you've got to say."

So if you say something like that, even hopefully get them to just bring the energy down a little bit. You don't want them to calm down. Do not use the words "calm down". No-one in the history of the world has ever calmed down when people say "calm down". The reason it doesn't work is we don't want to calm down because we want to be heard, we were calm before, we're not being heard, so therefore we're going to go for volume.

So saying calm down, not a good thing, acknowledge how they feel, have a guess at how they feel, it's okay if you get it wrong. The main thing you want to communicate though is that you want to help them solve that situation. So once you've got them to acknowledge that and hear that and agree to some sort of process, you can use what we call the W.I.F.L.E. stick. Now the W.I.F.L.E. stick can be literally anything, You can have a proper stick, you can use a wooden spoon, you can do literally anything, but it has to be something you can hold in your hands.

What happens is, you give this to them. They then have the ability to unload everything that they feel. That doesn't mean they unload to you in an aggressive way, or a damaging way. This is then being able to calmly explain what it is that bothering them. You're not allowed into interrupt, you just have to listen, so you allow them to say everything they need to say. Hopefully they're not doing it in an attacking way. Hopefully they're using 'I' statements, "I don't feel like I'm I'm valued here", "I don't feel that I'm supported", "I don't feel...", so hopefully they use lots of I statements, and then once they're finished, once they've got everything out, they purged themselves, they then say, "...and that's what I feel like expressing". That's what the W.I.F.L.E. stands for, "What I Feel Like Expressing".

Once they have done that, they then put down the W.I.F.L.E. stick, whatever that is, whatever item you decided to use for the W.I.F.L.E. stick, they put that down and then they're done. Now, you acknowledge what they said, you say, "okay, so it sounds like this blah blah blah is how you feel. I'd like to help you get to the bottom of that, give me time to think about what you've said, to process it and I'll get back to you".

Now, if you do something like that, that should make a big difference. Now, I've got other processes and tools to use to be able to control that a lot better. That two little steps should get you a long way towards getting a resolution and for them to feel heard and therefore to stop being so angry. Because, next time hopefully they'll realise that all have to pick up the W.I.F.L.E. stick, you see them holding it, that means all you gotta do is listen. Then they can say "I'm ...", whatever, and then they say, "...and that's what I feel like expressing", and again you acknowledge it, you say "I'm gonna go away and think about it, then I'll come back and we can resolve it" and that's it.

And you just keep doing that backwards and forwards until you find some sort of happy ground where they feel heard, valued, whatever it is they need, and you feel like you've actually met them and help them and supported them and whatever they needed.

All right, so I hope you've enjoyed that one. I hope that gave you some good insight there Thierry, so that you can go and use that. Feel free to let me know how you go. Because I'd love to hear. If you want this information to go deeper, if you subscribe to my premium podcast I'll go into this in a lot more depth. So you can click the link in the notes and then that will take you to a page and you can subscribe to the premium podcast and you can get that deeper information.

All right. Hope you've enjoyed it. If you've got any other questions anyone, send them in. That would be brilliant and I'll answer them and I'll let you know when I've answered it. All right, look after yourself, take care and remember here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

In our lives, we tend to have moments, moments where we hit a crossroads, where there's a big decision to be made and either of the the decisions can take us in very different directions. We generally don't have a lot of these. That's why they call them a crossroads and that's why they call them a big moment.

For me, one of my big moments was thanks to one of the people that probably caused me the most pain and struggle and that was my second wife. Now everyone's moments are different and I've had others. I've probably had about five, maybe six in my life, where I had these big moments where I realised something or I had a decision to make that dramatically altered the path of my life and you will get them as well.

When you can recognise these, it's a really cool thing. Sometimes you don't see them in the moment. Sometimes you realise it's a big moment, it's a big decision. So, I want to talk about this woman that I was married to that created potentially so much pain. But ultimately down the track became one of my greatest gifts. This woman when we were together, and you've heard me probably on other episodes talk about her.

At the time she was, to use labels, I'll describe her using labels because that's what we do with people. For me at that time, she was seen by me as very jealous, very insecure, very angry, very manipulative, very controlling, very aggressive, very determined to keep an argument going. She was very good at that one. So all of these labels that I had attached to her which were negative.

Now, the challenge when we have any relationship, is when we have a partner who we attribute a lot of these negative labels to. It's when we start to use that as a generalisation and you hear about people that do this, they have a belief that all men are a particular way or all women are a particular type of way. The problem is when we do that, I know it's an unconscious mode of coping with the world, to protect us from being hurt again. If we have this belief that they're all like that, then we can't get into a relationship and therefore get hurt again.

It's not just relationships. We do it with all aspects of our lives and where a lot of our challenges and obstacles come from. In that instance, though with myself, I could have very easily fallen into that. I could have chosen that path. This is where one of my big moments came from is, I had this opportunity to either say, okay, here's a woman who's presenting all of these particular behaviours, and attributes, and attitudes, and things that are causing me, or creating a situation where it's painful for myself. It's not causing me pain or choosing to react to it in that way. However, that's the situation I was in.

So I could have generalised and decided that all women were like that, and therefore I could have shut myself off and become a very miserable angry person. What I did, though thankfully, towards the end of my relationship with her is, I was starting to work on me more. I had come across men's groups, men's workshops, men's retreats, where you go away and you look at masculinity and how you fit in. So, I was discovering my own masculinity and where I sat with that and how engaged I was with my masculinity and bringing balance back to myself.

Because I was dealing with that at the time, I had an opportunity to look at these labels that I had put on this woman. And when I ultimately realised that I had attracted this woman into my life, because we do attract the people that we need, I realised that I needed someone who was determined to give me the lesson and the opportunity to grow, which was what she was doing.

When I had that opportunity to do that work, I was looking at that whole situation, that eleven years of relationship, of toxicity, and aggression, and arguing, and tension, and stress, and all of these negatives, and an opportunity to look all of those compressed down to one particular situation, one moment, one interaction. In that moment, I realised that this woman had been bringing me this gift, but because I was unaware of the situation and what that is, I couldn't accept that gift, I wasn't accepting it.

Therefore, I wasn't taking that opportunity to be more of myself. So when I realised that, and I accepted that lesson and explored it in that moment in my men's group, I realised that this woman was brilliant and she was actually the catalyst for the change in my life. That's where I really started to step into my own and become more congruent with who I really am, more authentic.

In that congruence and that authenticity I found my strength. I found my groundedness, my solidness and I became more of me. So, this woman who for those all those years, I put all of these negative labels on, suddenly they just fell away like leaves off an autumn tree and she became fantastic and I didn't really interact with her after that moment because I moved out, and I ended the relationship, and I never actually got to thank her. I wish I had because it would have probably freaked her out a little bit because I would have been really pleased to see her and been very grateful and she would have wondered what was going on because of all of those years of stress, and tension and that's what we did. And yes, ultimately this woman became one of my major turning points in my life.

So it might be worth for yourself, looking at your own life, that some of these people who we put supposedly, we're putting these negative labels on, that are actually bringing us our greatest gifts, our greatest opportunities and we're just not seeing them. So be aware that sometimes the shittiest moments in your life can also be some of the most profound, some of the most moving, some of the most important moments because they present this crossroads where we can continue down this path of negativity, and pain, and struggle, or we can go to this path of lightness, and growth, and opportunity.

So yes, that was my big message. I wanted to bring you as we have these opportunities to be more. Don't miss them. Be aware of them, grasp them, run with them and become all that you can do because we're all awesome given the right opportunity to grow and become that.

So I hope you've enjoyed my little story. I hope you start to recognise some of your own crossroads and your opportunities to be more so until the next episode, look after yourself, be awesome and remember here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode.

Now, I have been sent a question, but before I answer that, I was actually sent another question. This one obviously won't take long to answer. But they asked me do you do all of that fancy editing when you do your recordings? Do you do multiple takes? Do you pick the best one? Do you edit it together? The answer is no, I don't do any of that. The reason being is, I want these episodes that I record to be like a snapshot, so I record them in one take. If I make mistakes, if I make goofs, it doesn't matter because life isn't perfect. Life is made up of little glitches, little problems, little challenges and that's okay. So, I believe if I leave it in the episode and you hear it, you hear it being real, then you hopefully will learn to be a little easier on yourself if you make a mistake because you hear me making mistakes and realising that it's okay, it's not the end of the world. So hopefully through my simple recording of these, where I just do a snapshot with how I am in the moment, what I'm thinking about what's forefront in my thoughts, hopefully that'll get you living a little more in the moment, and being more gentle with yourself when and if you make a mistake.

So this next question was sent in by Rachel from Essex in the UK and she's asking about children doing chores. Now if you're a parent and you're wondering about this, especially if you've got little kids, absolutely, they should be doing chores. Because the whole premise of chores is that your children learn how to contribute and be a part of being in that household, being in part of that family that they are in. The other thing as well, if you've listened to one of my earlier podcast where I talk about one of the major goals of parenting, which is to raise children that are capable, confident, independent chores contributes to that. So, it gives them capabilities. So, from a very young age, from the age of two, a child can learn to put their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket, they can learn very simple tasks that are age appropriate at a very young age and progress up as they get older, to more involved ones to take more time, more effort, more skill, so that by the time they move into adulthood they should basically be able to run a household on their own.

They should be able to cook, and clean, and do all of this stuff and fix stuff. So the other thing that Rachel wanted to know, sorry, forgot her name for a second. The the other thing that Rachel wanted to know was what's the deal with pocket money and how do you pick who does what chores and all of this sort of thing. So it depends of course, on how many children you have and what their age are, so Chores always have to be age appropriate.

When they're young, they start off learning how to do things that don't create jobs for other people. In other words, if your child's two and three, like I said, they can put their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket, that's a very simple one, I get undressed to have my bath or my shower, I put the clothes in the basket, it's something that's very quick, it's easy,  they learn to do that, it's automatic. Now if you don't start teaching that and they move up through their childhood and you're always running after them putting their clothes in their dirty clothes basket, they become an adult, they can't do that simple task of putting their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes basket.

If they can't do something that simple, anyone who's looking at them as a partner will go "Well. If they can't even do something that simple, they're certainly not going to be able to do a more complex task". So you're giving them chores that are age appropriate, not only gives them a skill set, it increases their value as a future parent, as a potential partner and as a human being, because skills you learn at home translate out into the real world. They translate to what you do as a job. So if you're doing a job and you learn that certain things are, they just have to be done, you don't think about it.

One of the big challenges I used to have was if I was in a workshop and you'll get people that can't put the milk in the fridge, it's like, how can that be difficult? You use it, you put it back in the fridge. I was used to be baffled by that one. So learning those skills starts at a very young age. As they get older, they get a little more complex, they get more time consuming, they're things that take a little longer, like hanging the clothes out on the clothes line, takes a little more effort, takes a little more attention.

Therefore it's something you don't give to a two year old, you give it to a child that's obviously considerably older. Make sure it's age appropriate. In regards to pocket money, now, this is a tricky one that some people struggle with. Some people don't do pocket money at all. That's fine. That's your choice. For me, there's certain chores that are mandatory, you have to do them. You don't get a say in it. It contributes to the running of the household. It includes you as being part of that family.

So what you're doing there is you're letting them see that they are a contributing member to the family, they have worth within the family. Things like setting the table for dinner, helping cook, clean up, put your dirty clothes into dirty clothes basket, that sort of thing are contributing to the running of the household, therefore not negotiable. Okay, you just do them because you do them.

Other chores, like if your Children decide to wash your car, for example, that's not something that contributes to the running of the household per se. Therefore you can give pocket money for that. So you say to them, you wash my car and, of course, you make the money age appropriate. You don't give $50 to an eight year old for washing your car. But if your teenager washes the car, you can give them $10 or $15, you just make sure it's age appropriate money. Also, that's where you start teaching them about putting some of their pocket money aside, about investing it, about saving up for things.

The difference between discretionary spending and mandatory spending, all of this sort of thing. Chores are a massive part of a child's self esteem and self worth. So, as they are contributing to the family, they're developing a skill set, they are developing capability, the more they do,  they develop confidence and the more they develop confidence and capability, the more they develop independence, and you've rocked it as a parent.

There you go, dead simple. I hope that answers your question, Rachel? Yes, they should do chores, work out what's mandatory, work out what's additional, where they can earn pocket money, and make sure it's age appropriate. The big thing is, make sure they do it. Don't give them a choice in the mandatory, it's you either do them or you do them. That's your only two choices. I remember years ago, my stepson, he argued about some of his chores and I said, that's fine. I'll do your chores, you can do mine, and I started listing off all of the things that I do in the running of the household, and he was like, "No, it's all right. I'll do my chores".

So, letting them know that they don't have a massive amount, but it's necessary and it contributes, and it also shows them, in the real world, everyone contributes. So, regardless of your status, where you sit in the hierarchy in a workplace, everyone contributes to the running of the company. No-one is more or less important than anyone else and everyone has responsibilities.

Having chores as a child, is absolutely important. Really important. Don't become one of these parents that does everything for the kids because you will hamstring them and they will not be better off in the real world. So make sure your kids have got chores, make sure you enforce that, so they become a better person, a better value person, when they transition into adulthood.

Here we go. I hope you've enjoyed it. You've got something out of it. If you've got any other questions you want me to answer, feel free to send them through and I'll keep answering them as best I can I can until the next episode, have a great time, look after yourself and remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown, welcome to the latest episode of Life Back On Track.

Today, I want to talk to you about something that's pretty close to my heart. It's about something that was some of the best times of my life and most challenging times of my life also. Its one that I see, that creates a lot of challenge for a lot of people when it doesn't need to.

Now what I'm talking about is parenting and when it transitions into other areas. So you may be aware or you would have heard me talk about when the mother of my two sons left. Before she left, I was very much a hands on father. I was someone who would come home from work. I would play with my sons. I would bathe my sons. I would feed my sons, I would get them ready for bed. I would read them the bedtime story, I put them to bed. And also because I was the lightest sleeper. I got up to them every night as well. So for me I was very much involved.

So when their mother left, when they were little, even though it was challenging, even though that was the start of a dark period of my life. The thing that challenged me the most and caused me the most emotional pain was transitioning from being an involved father to a part time father, which means seeing my son's every second weekend. That was really hard.

The seeing them was a joyous moment. I would drive into the driveway, knock on the door, and they would come running out. It was a wonderful, wonderful moment. The bit that really tore my heart out every time, was saying goodbye to them every second weekend when I took them back. Now, it's been obviously some time since I've had to do that, because my boys are now in their mid twenties and older.

Having now the opportunity to look back on the journey and what worked and what didn't, what created challenges for myself and what created challenges for their mother and also for our two sons, and also looking at the journey of other people. That's what I want to talk about today is my observations. Looking back now, knowing what I know now.

I don't know you, I don't know if you've got children. I don't know if you're planning on having children. I don't know if you're together as a couple. I don't know if you're separated and you're a single parent or you're someone like me that had access every second weekend. I know nothing about that. I know though how it feels and looking back, seeing what the challenges are. I now know what that is and I want to talk to you about that, so hopefully you can have some things that will help you get through it

When people have children, I don't think any of us fully comprehend how much work is involved in raising children and what a massive impact that has on our lives nowadays. More and more people are thinking seriously about having children before they actually have the children. So, they're stepping back and actually saying, is this something I really want? Or is there an external pressure on me to have children, so from family or whatever?

So that's a good thing. Some couples obviously stay together for their lifetime and live happily ever after and raise kids and do it all wonderfully. However, that's sadly not the majority, the majority of single parents. So I don't know if you're a father, I don't know if you're a mother listening to this. Either way, the information is going to be pretty much the same. Every parent is important to a child. There is only one person who should determine whether or not that parent has access to those children and that's the children themselves.

As parents or as a couple when we separate, sometimes it's tempting to try and cause pain to the other partner, or the ex-partner. It's tempting. I ask that you don't. Whether you're the person that's the primary carer to the children or whether you're the person who like me that had them every second weekend. Make sure to separate how you feel about your ex from parenting of that child. That child should have access to both parents unless one of those parents is a danger to the kids, and that danger could be the primary carer. It could be the other person, it doesn't matter which one it is, as long as those kids are safe, they're loved and all of that and they're being raised, okay.

It doesn't matter about the adults, the adults are secondary, raising the children is the primary. Because I look back on my situation and a lot of the times my ex-wife would wait until the situation became so intense, so difficult to deal with that, she would then throw up her hands and say, "Wayne, you sort it out". Then suddenly, I've got this maelstrom of a mess that I have to sort out, which isn't difficult, but it used to frustrate me because it was a case of why didn't you just involve me from the start and you could have avoided that stress for yourself, that struggle for yourself. And it would have involved me. My boys would have had both of us involved and operating as a team, even though we're not a couple operating as a team raising our sons and it could have been easier on all four of us.

Sadly she is typical of the primary carer now, Sometimes, most times it's the woman, sometimes it's the father. Either way, it's one of those things where it makes life more challenging, more difficult than it needs to be. So if you're the primary care of Children, if you aren't already involving the other person, I ask you on behalf of your children, please separate your feelings, your memories and your goals for the relationship with your ex partner, separate that from the well being of the children.

Because they deserve to have both parents. Now, regardless of whether you're ex hates you or loves you or whatever, if they're a decent parent, they're going to want to help raise their children. So one of the best things I ever saw was a chap that was sharing my house in the early days. He was still going around once a week to his ex's house and they had dinner as a family. So even though they weren't a couple, they both said to each other we still need to raise these boys, and they had two sons like I did. So he would go around once a week to the ex's house, the ex-family house, have dinner with her and his sons and they would be involved. If she went away on holiday, she would phone him up and say "hey come and look after the boys" because obviously he jumped at the chance, so he would do that. He would go and raise the kids or look after the kids while she was on holiday so she could go and relax, knowing that someone who really cared for her sons was raising them, looking after them, making sure they're okay.

That's the way parenting should be. Parenting is challenging, we don't need to make it harder. It was harder for me because I had to not only enjoy my sons when I had them, which is part of the fun of parenting is enjoying children, because it gives you an opportunity to reconnect to your own inner child. Not only was I enjoying that, I also had to double down with my parenting, because I only saw them 18% of their time, I had to really double down my fathering skills to ensure that they got what they needed from a father figure.

So it could have been a lot less challenging for me and it could have been easier for her if she'd asked for help. So being a part time dad isn't a bad thing. That's not the big challenge. And I know, I have talked to a lot of fathers about this and occasionally mothers, but mostly it's a father, where they feel kept out of their child's life. So they've got these little human beings that they love, they want to do everything for and they're kept out of it. It's a shame because the mothers and obviously sometimes the fathers would benefit.

So try to involve your ex, get professional help if you need to, just whatever is needed so that your children can have what they need to grow up with two humans, two adults that really, really care about them and put their needs above any petty squabbling. So for me, looking back, that's what I wish someone had said to myself and my ex wife because it would have made it easier for everyone. My sons would have had an easier journey growing up as well. They would have had less challenges and I'd like to see other people have less challenges.

For me I loved being a father, like I said, and I still love it. If I catch up with friends with children straight away I drop into child mode, I'm the bigger kid of any group of kids in front of me. It's the one, it's the one thing I wish I could wave a wand for, for part time dads, part time mums, anyone that's struggling with that part of parenting or even if you're together, sometimes you can be pitting yourself against each other. Don't need to do that, parenting is challenging enough. Yeah.

Change the rules. Have a discussion. Get some help if you need to. Hopefully, your parenting journey will be a little easier based off the things that I've said, hopefully it will open your mind to some opportunities where your life can be easier. So I'm hoping that's clicked something within yourself so that you can go off and have an easier journey.

So regardless of whether you've got kids haven't got kids, whether you're together as a couple, single parent, part time parent, doesn't matter. Being the best parent you can to those children so you can raise them to be the best possible human beings. That's your goal, that's your aim. That's what you should be shooting for.

All right, look after yourselves will catch on the next episode and until then here's to a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

 Welcome back to the latest episode. In this one, I want to talk to you about something that a lot of people seem to have a belief about and that is that there is a 'soul mate', that there's a, 'the one' or the perfect person for them. I want to set you straight on this. There is no such thing.

If there was such a thing, the odds against it happening for one person, let alone millions is just astronomically huge. So if you think about the odds that someone in the world was your soul mate, let's just pretend someone was your soul mate. If it was a real thing, that person, what would be the odds of them living in the same country as you? There's something like 217 countries. So we're already at one in 217 factor in that that they live in the same state of the same country as you.

Well, let's assume there's ten states in your country that's already observed 2,170 to 1. But, it could actually to be a hell of a lot more because if you've got more than 10 states in every country. So we're already well into the thousands now. Imagine that in that state, they're in the same city as you and not only in the same city as you, they happen to go out on the same night as you to the exact same venue as you to run into you so that you can have this relationship with 'the one' or your 'soul mate'.

The odds are just so astronomically huge that even for one person for that to happen would just be ridiculously unlikely and then make that for millions of people. Absolutely impossible. Absolutely impossible. The problem is that due to rom-coms, romantic movies, a lot of the ways that relationships are portrayed in movies and books and magazines, they're portrayed as being this perfect thing, like you meet someone and suddenly everything's fine.

Well that might be good in the movies, however, it doesn't happen in real life. In real life. People have things that go on. They have challenges that pop up, they have things that frustrate them and annoy them and disappoint them and therefore you don't have this little perfect world that's portrayed in the movies. In actuality, what you're looking for is the complete opposite of a soul mate or the one or the perfect person for you. What you're looking for is someone that helps you create a situation where you can grow and become the best version of you. This means that they challenge you. This means that they hold you accountable. This means that they support you, they encourage you, they do all of these things so that you can become the best version of you and what that is, is they help point out the parts about you that you want to grow and improve and be better.

Therefore, the only way that they are the one, or a soulmate, or anything like that, is if they can assist you in creating that situation. If they don't hold you accountable, if they don't support you and encourage you and kick your butt, then they're not a right partner for you. Therefore you shouldn't be with them. So instead of having, looking for having the goal of looking for a soul mate, the one, the perfect one, the one that's going to complete you, will make you whole, and all this sort of stuff. Look for someone that's going to push your buttons, that's gonna make you confront the hard truths, someone that's gonna make you accountable. When you say you're going to do something, they kick your butt and make sure you do it.

If you say you want to get fit, if you want to say you want to get healthy, if you say you want to learn something, they hold you accountable. They make sure that you become all you can be and if you do that for them as well, that's probably the closest you will get to what they call a soul mate, or the one, or your perfect partner. So release any romantic notions, any beliefs that you have around this highly romanticised version of a partner and make sure that you're trying to find someone who helps you become more than you currently are.

So if they're doing that, they're helping you create that situation because you're contributing to it as well. If they're helping you create that situation, you've found someone who can be a good partner for you. So I hope that clears up about being a soulmate? Because I hear a lot of people use those words, "I'm trying to find the one" or "my soul mate" and it is a load of rubbish and holding onto that belief will do nothing but cause problems and struggle.

So let go of that and find someone who holds you accountable, pushes your buttons, encourages you, supports you and does all of that wonderful stuff instead. Okay, I hope that's helped. I hope that's given you some enlightenment and I hope you've enjoyed it. All right, take it easy and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome to the latest episode again.

This is another one of those questions that someone has sent in and this one's from Michael in Brisbane in Australia. Now, Michael's question is regarding his teenage son, his teenage son is 15.5, so he's worried about him because he's becoming argumentative, he's becoming rebellious and Michael is getting a little frustrated. He doesn't know what to do, he's starting to front up to him, to get aggressive towards him and Michael's worried that it might escalate into something.

Okay, now this is a common problem. It's one that I had to prepare my sons for so that I could avoid that, and it's also because I had a realisation. I did a fair bit of work on myself at men's workshops and weekends and what I realised is there something that a lot of our young men are denied and it holds us back, a lot of us from achieving what we could really achieve, and that is a transition into adulthood.

So a lot of the times a young man, he will be obviously a child, he will be growing up, puberty will start to hit, his testosterone starts to max out, and the challenge is that nowadays there's a lot of images of manhood that are not very effective or very complete. A word that gets bandied around, I don't like this and I don't endorse this word, but toxic masculinity. I don't like that, because it infers that there's something wrong, that you're broken. I don't agree with that. I believe it's more of an incomplete manhood. You don't have all of the information to understand how to operate as a man.

So what your son will be going through Michael, is he will be in this situation where he will be looking for guidance to become that man. Now, if you yourself have not done something like this, I would recommend doing it. I did it when my boys were just coming into their teen years and I know when my youngest, he went through it, I didn't have any problems with him directly, but he had some challenges at school. So I took him to a young teen version of what I did and that made a massive difference with him. He saw manhood in a wonderful, complete version and it changed how he looked at himself and he was certainly a lot calmer and more in control of himself.

So a lot of that argumentativeness, that rebelliousness is an unconscious drive from young males so that they get driven away from the family home so that they can find their own journey, their own image, their own version of themselves. And to do that you need to step away from the family and traditionally, the males of the tribe used to come in and take the boys away and do an initiation and that could be something from a few days to a few weeks where they're kept away from the tribe and they're taught how to be a man. They are taught the skills that men need, and then they come back to the tribe.

Some initiations start as young as thirteen in the older tribes, so that the boy that left at 13 comes back as a man of 13. He now gets a place in the council, he gets a voice, he gets heard, he gets valued, he learns his place, he learns to understand how he contributes, he learns to see the bigger picture and we don't get that nowadays, a lot of our young men and that's what ends up tarnishing a lot of us and giving us this sense of something's missing and that's what it is. It's that transition into manhood.

So I heavily endorse you to go and look at something like that. I'll happily give a plug for the one that I did. It was a mob called mankind and it originated in America and it's a three day long weekend, and we can get very intense. They'll take you through a lot of processes, a lot of answers you can find for yourself, and I felt really good at the end of that. I started to find myself again.

I also did another one and the mankind one I did here in Perth in Western Australia, but they are held all around the world. And the other one I did was in Brisbane, which was called R.E.A.L. and what I realised once I did that is a lot of that was derived from mankind. It was still a good process. I enjoyed it, still got some things out of it. The one I did and organised for my younger son was, like I had a young teen version of the mankind weekend, because that's 18 and over the one I did, he was under eighteen, I think he was 15.5 16, same age as your son, Michael, where he went and spent that weekend doing this. It was camping and just having fun.

So I'll put some links in below. If you've got any other questions, send them through to us and we'll answer them as quick as we can. So until the next episode, take care and here's to a good life.

Attending a NWTA (New Warrior Training Adventure) with MKP (ManKind Project) was something that really started my journey and helped me heaps to get started. It also really helped my son through a tough spot himself. Click HERE to find out more. This is the Australian version of MKP as the person who asked the question is in Australia. You should be able to find them near you.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.
 
Welcome to the latest episode.
 
In previous episodes, I've mentioned that if you have any questions you can send them into us and we'll answer them. This is one of those questions. Natalie is from Utah in the States and is a little bit confused. She's sent this in and asked, "How do you get over an ex?"

 Because she split up with a guy nearly two years ago and she still struggles with letting him go. His memories with her impede into her everyday life. Certain things trigger off the memories that generally aren't too good and she basically wants to be able to let all of that go and to move on. The thing is, it's not so much about forgetting it, it's about rewiring it. You see, when we separate with someone, whether we've been with them for six months, six years, sixty years, it's still a very similar journey.

The thing is, our unconscious will have realised we have a certain amount of emotions that get triggered that need to be dealt with, and depending on our upbringing and our culture, we might not be comfortable addressing those things. Certain emotions we're taught, we have to suppress, were not allowed to engage them or be able to put them out into the open. So what we do is we suppress them, we repress them, we try to ignore them. What happens is our unconscious has all of these questions that it would like answers to, and because it has all these questions that it wants answers to, in our conscious mind, it isn't ready to deal with it.

Sometimes it gives us hints of something that we need to deal with. Now I've had my share of breakups, both myself ending them and them ending it. So what I've found is that works for me is, what I do is I go back and I revisit the relationship. Now if the relationship was really terrible, we wouldn't get with them at the start. So what I found was a good way to do it was to go back and visit the good times to try and get a balance between the good memories and the bad memories.

Because a lot of the times our mind will enlarge it, will magnify the negatives and make them sometimes a lot worse than they actually were. Because our human nature is we tend to notice negatives rather than positives, we will fixate on them and because we'll fixate on them, they take up a lot of our mind-set and a lot of our time. Which means we'll go over and over and over in our head, so therefore will negate a lot of the positives and forget that they happen.

So I find that's one good way of dealing with it, Another one is actually acknowledging things. So if for example with myself, I found that I was always subjugating myself to my previous partners wants and desires and dreams and all of that sort of thing. So I ended up having this underlying resentment that I didn't acknowledge because I was taught to be a people pleaser, so it was more natural so to speak, to do that, to put myself as a back seat to their wants and their desires.

It wasn't until I acknowledged that and started dealing with it, that not only was I able to see how I was contributing to the situation, so that I could get some answers as to why it probably wasn't as effective a relationship as it could be and therefore because I acknowledged it, it started to empower me. That enabled me to then make better decisions in my current relationship. So what I would say to you Natalie, is to do that go back and visit the memories and try and find the positive ones to try and bring balance with your negatives go in and find why they were negatives. What were the things in there that you need to address that you might have been repressing or ignoring?

 Sometimes there's red flags that were there at the start and we choose to ignore them because we want to see the good in people. You know, it's part of what some of us do. We try to look for the good in people. So sometimes we ignore obvious red flags, but if you acknowledge them then you can be on the lookout for them next time and be better at dealing with them because you won't be repressing them or ignoring them the next time. Things like that.

They tend to make a big difference and bear in mind that we always attract to us the exact, perfect partner for us at that point in our journey. If we can move forward in our journey so that we become a better version of ourselves, we're less likely to need to attract that person that we attracted last time. So we're always looking for the lessons that our partners can bring. That's why I try to get people to look at their previous relationships. That's why I get people to ask people that they're dating about their relationships because it gives you an indication of how much they've evolved and moved on from them.

This will also make it easier for you if you're doing that. So balance the memories, look for the negatives you might have been hiding from so that you can learn. Also understand that everyone is doing the best they can with where they're at. So I'm sure with the relationship Natalie you did the best you could. If you want your next relationship to be better, you may want to get better tools.

For example, if you had struggles with conflict or voicing your wants, get some tools, some mindsets and processes that will enable you to externalise those things so that your partner is aware of them and you can then have that better relationship that you know you deserve. So I hope those few little tips help and they are relatively simple to do. They can be challenging however, to get past the denial part. So I hope it moves you forward.

If you've got any further questions again, feel free to send them in. That's the whole idea of these episodes. These question episodes is where you can ask me something so I can give you my feedback and what I've learned, what I've experienced and you can benefit from them.

Keep up the good work Nat. Great to have you listening in and we're slowly getting more and more listeners around the world. I notice I've got heaps in the in the States. Now, I've got Netherlands Sweden Germany Australia, obviously, because that's where I am, and that number is growing all the time. So it's really great that people are joining in. Again, if you've got any questions, feel free to send them in and we'll answer them as quickly as we can get to them. All. All right, look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
 
You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

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