Life Back On Track

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

A while ago, I had someone ask me "In all of the things you've been through, what did you learn?"

Because I often ask clients, What do you learn from the experience? How can you become a better version of you from what you've learned. Anyway, I thought it was a very interesting question. So I sat and pondered for some time and looked back at my journey. The situations that I've been in, the way that I'd reacted, the ways that I would've liked to have reacted, the a-ha moments that I've had. I looked at all of this information and I came up with 12 tips.

Now I'm going to very quickly go through these because obviously I wanted to chew up a heap of your time and also because they ended up so good, I think at some point I'll turn them into a book.

Anyway, the first one I've already mentioned this one before, and it was a really big one for me, and that's what we're not broken. You see, I had this belief that I was incomplete, that I needed fixing, that there was something wrong with me. Because I believed what my ex wife had said, and that was she said, There's something wrong with you. So I was going to a psychologist and I realised there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not broken.

So I stopped doing that because I had that epiphany of, I'm not broken, so that actually took a lot of weight off of my mind and that sort of belief comes from heaps of different directions. We get given that sort of message by so many different sources, and we tend to believe it. I'm telling you, it's not true. No one is broken and that leads me to my second one.

The second one is, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools that they have. Now, I know this is one that I've used many times, the analogy, but it is so true. If you're trying to chop down a tree with a hammer, you can do it. But it takes a lot of energy, it takes a lot of time, and it's very messy. How do I know you can do this? Because I've done it. I actually chop down a tree with a hammer, and it did take a very long time, was exceptionally messy, and I was very knackered at the end of it. So if you apply that analogy to anything, whether it's communicating, whether it's having dialogue about something, exploring something difficult, whether it's dealing with a conflict, whether it's reprimanding someone, whatever it is, we all do the best we can with the tools we have. If we have shitty tools, we tend to get a shitty result. If we get a better tool, we tend to use that because it gets us a better result and it's not as messy.

The next one is, there's no right or wrong answers. There's no right or wrong information. You see everything in the world either fits us and gets us the result we want or it doesn't. You see, I read a lot of books, I've listened to lots of audio and some of it was just plain silly. Some of it was good information, but it just didn't fit me and my journey. Therefore, I didn't really utilise it. So what I want to say to you is everything you come across, don't dismiss it off hand, weigh it up, look at it and say "Will this get me the result that I want?" "Will this be effective for me?" If it doesn't fit you, that doesn't make it a wrong piece of information. It doesn't make it a wrong decision. It's just not right for that moment. It's not effective. It's not efficient, but there is no right or wrong. Try not to judge things using that label.

This next one, and this was a big one for me, and I find that this one's tied in very much with your sense of self worth, and that's your boundaries. Make sure you set boundaries. Boundaries are where you say "You know what? That's my line in the sand. You cross that line in the sand. I'm going to be very upset." Now, if we tend to move that line in the sand, it's because we're people pleasing or putting other people's needs in front of ours. Basically, we're saying that we don't matter.

If you have solid boundaries and you believe that you're worth something, your boundaries don't move. The good thing about having boundaries that don't move is that people stop pushing them. They tend to say "You know what, they know exactly where their line is. Don't push it because it's not worth it." So Number four is set your boundaries, and that's with relationships, work places, children, family, everything. Set your boundaries. Don't let them move.

Number five is one that I created when I was coaching a couple who were on the verge of breaking up. They didn't want to break up. They knew they loved each other. They wanted to make it work. So I gave them lots of tools and processes and mindset shifts to get their result. The one thing I kept saying, which I now realise is a really cool piece of information is, be gentle. That's being gentle with yourself. Being gentle with others because, remember, everyone's doing the best they can with the tools they have. See if someone's using shitty tools and getting a shitty result, it's no good beating them up, because that's not going to help them. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others. We're doing the best we can. And if you do that, life becomes easier for yourself. You also find you'll become less judgmental.

Number six. Tell yourself the truth. Denial is a horrible tool to use because if you're denying things, you can't move forward, so start telling yourself the truth about yourself. Admit to yourself when you're struggling, when you're confused, when you're lost, when you're not motivated, just tell yourself the truth about you. Also, tell yourself the truth about others. If that person is sabotaging you, stabbing you in the back, staying stuff behind your back that they wouldn't say to your face, tell yourself the truth about it. The hard thing is sometimes these people are family members and friends, and they may not be my meaning to be nasty or malicious. If it's damaging, you know, just admit that they're doing it. It doesn't mean you don't care for them, but at least you're not in denial. At least you're telling yourself the truth about that person.

Number seven. You can only be responsible for you. Okay, you can't make someone else happy. You can't make someone else angry. You can't get someone else's results for them. The only person you can be responsible for is you. You can inspire someone to help themselves. You could encourage them. You could support them, but you can't do it for them. The only person for whom you can get results, that you can actually motivate, is you. So take responsibility for you and you only. Stop trying to fix other people. A lot of people do this. We can't help ourselves because we believe we're meant to be helping others and not ourselves. But if you're not helping yourself, you definitely can't help others. So make sure you take responsibility for you.

Number eight is one that I worked on for a long time, and that's understanding your emotions. You see, when you understand your emotions, you get better feedback about how you feel and where you want to be. So if you understand your emotions and that's not just the positive emotions or so called positive emotions, it's also the so called negative emotions. We get taught that you're not meant to be angry, that your not meant to be scared, that you're not going to be all of these so called negative emotions. However, they can be really good emotions to utilise if you understand them, if you recognise them. If you start to be open to those so called negative emotions and you can let them in. You can let in more of the positive. If you try to deny the negatives, you're also denying the positives. You can't have one without the other. They're all present, they're all part of life. So understand your emotions. Get in touch with them. When you're in touch with them, you can start to control them. You can choose them. Therefore you don't get dictated to by your emotions. You control them. You use them, you utilise them. Then you get a result using your emotions.

Number nine is one I learned a number of years ago and something that I do, and it's very personal. Personal is how you want to do it, and that's a morning ritual. Every morning you do something every morning, that they gets your day off to a good start. So for myself, I have a number of things that I do. A couple that I would recommend is exercise of some sort. Now, this doesn't mean working out. It could be just doing a couple of simple movements to get your body moving and primed for the day. Could be stretches, could be just some squats and push ups, it doesn't matter what it is, you get your heart moving, you get your muscles moving, and that's important. Another one I would recommend putting into your morning ritual is something where you list five things you're grateful for and try to list five things that are different every day. So one day it could be things about yourself. You're glad you've got your health. You're glad you've got hands that work. You're glad you've got lungs that breathe fresh air. The next time it could be about your partner or your children, your family, your friends, the world you live in, it could be many different things, but five things you're grateful for. If you want to really make it powerful, say "why?" So I enjoy having hands because they enable me to do ... therefore, it makes it more solid.

Number ten. This is a good one because a lot of us, we get caught up on both extremes of this. Number ten is living in the moment, in the now because the past is already gone, it's memories. It's things that no longer exist except in our head. That means all of the so called negative emotions that come along with it are in our head. They don't exist in the real world, they are only a memory and the future hasn't happened yet. So if you try to live in the past, you have a lot of regret. If you try to live in the future, you have a lot of anxiety. The only moment you have is right now. Can you learn from the past? Yes. Can you plan for the future? Yes, but don't get caught in either of those extremes. Live in the moment. Choose what you want to choose right now. That's a really big one, living in the moment.

 Number eleven.  A lot of the times we have things in our lives that we want to deal with, that could be a little big, a little overwhelming, a little bit where we're not sure where to start. So the old joke is "How do you eat an elephant?" One bite at a time. And it's the same with anything. If you break it down into small enough steps, you can do anything. So whether it's sorting out your relationship, your finances, your parenting, your health, whatever it is, whatever you want to get sorted, work out some steps that you can repeat every single day. So if you want to get healthier, for example, each day with your morning ritual, eat something healthy for breakfast. Do a little bit of exercise, it doesn't have to be big, but repeat that every day and you'll make a big change. So you're eating the elephant one bite at a time. Okay, so that's a really big one.

The final one, and this is something for you to ponder, and you can use this to influence how you act every single day. Number twelve is your legacy. A lot of people think of a legacy as something big that you're gonna leave behind like a a foundation that helps homeless kids or something like that. A legacy is something you do every single day. If you have a partner that you love, you support, you encourage, you hold accountable so that they can grow and become more. That is a legacy that you're doing. You're creating that every single day. Your Children, what you tell them, what you demonstrate to them, what you expect of them is the legacy you are creating for them. The memories you create with your friends, your family. That is your legacy. Your legacy is something you create every single day. So think about that. That's where all of these other eleven come into it, is what is the legacy that you are leaving for everyone else that's left behind when you go.

So that's it. That's my twelve tips. I hope you've written them down. Hope you've enjoyed them. If you've got any feedback on them, feel free to send it in. I'd love to hear. All right, enjoy yourself, look after yourself, and remember, here's to a good life.

If you are enjoying the podcast and want to go even deeper, we are creating a premium subscription podcast where we go even deeper with the information and the answers to your questions. It's coming soon so keep an ear out for it.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to this episode where I continue the story of my journey.

So, I've already explained to you the struggle that I've been through, the challenges I've had, the dark place I pulled myself back from, and now I want to explain to you as it started all to come together and how I managed to create the results that I got and that I now help other people with.

The one thing I've been working on through my whole learning journey was that of being a good parent. I had a moment, thankfully when my boys were very little where something was placed in front of me, a wonderful learning opportunity that woke me up amazingly. That occurred when I was visiting my father and we had our family challenges because, we'd only in the last year or so, lost my not only my grandmother but also my mother within a few months of each other.

So that was still very fresh, years ago and I was visiting my father and I was going through all the struggles with their mother of separating and struggling financially and emotionally and all of that. My youngest had done something that had irritated me, so I gave him a smack because you know, that's what you did when your children misbehave.

My father, who is not usually one of those people that says something, had this wonderful moment of lucidity and he looked at me and said, "Why are you taking it out on him?", and that really hit home. I went home that night with my boys, put them to bed and I sat there for hours thinking about that and he was absolutely right. He was absolutely right. I was making them responsible for my frustrations. They were the recipients of my frustrations and from that moment on I vowed to work on owning my stuff so I wanted to take responsibility.

I spent years working on myself, learning to accept what I had contributed to situations and working out why I attracted certain situations. Now, that was where my journey started was trying to be the best father to them, so as much as possible, I was trying to stay calm with them, not lose my cool with them, making sure they felt safe and secure, and for the most part of I feel I've done a pretty good job. They turned out pretty damn good considering.

The next thing I wanted to work on was, I ended up marrying that other relationship, because I thought it would make her happy, I thought her to give her security. Didn't work. Okay, Just a tip for you. If you're with someone and you think marrying them will make them happy, will give them security, don't. It's an insane belief and I had that at the time.

Anyway. I tried to make that relationship work. I tried using the things that I was learning and it was only when I ended it and I was sitting down and thinking about it the way a lot of the times with our relationships, we screwed up because we get the order wrong, okay? What I mean by that is that we go out, we meet someone, we think they're a good fit for us and we like them. So we get in a relationship with them and then we have all these struggles, we have these obstacles, we have this conflict, we have this stress.

If we don't have the tools or the understanding to change it, it ends up just being painful. Now, if you've watched my video about the five relationship stages or listened to my podcast regarding that, you will know what the five stages are and I struggled to get past the therapeutic power struggle. Once I realised why we have a partner, why we attract a particular partner, I decided I would flip the relationship journey around, knowing who I needed to be with and how they fitted myself and my journey.

Once I got clear on that, all I had to do was work out how to go out and find them. So for me, this was a real challenge because believe it or not, I'm actually a shy person, I'm a reserved person, so I created this system and this system, I spent months refining it, figuring it out, making sure I got it right and I worked out exactly who I should be with and why.

I had to look at myself, do a fair bit of introspection to get the right answers. I then went and worked out who she should be and then I went out looking for her. Now, for someone who is shy and reserved approaching a woman was a terrifying prospect. So I went out and I vowed that I would go out at least three nights a week looking for her.

So the first night I went out I spoke to no one, I mean literally no one. The second night I went out I spoke to a doorman as I went into a venue, and I didn't speak to anyone else. The third night I went out I berated myself, I took myself off to the toilet. I go kicking myself going "What are you doing? You know this is gonna work. You've been through this, you know, it's gonna work just freaking do it".

So, after I admonished myself long enough, I went out and I said, just approach one woman. So I approached one woman, we had an enjoyable conversation for 10, 15 minutes, and then I went, right, I did that, I'm going home. That gave me a tiny little bit of confidence. Then the next time I went out and spoke to a couple of ladies and every time I went out and spoke to more women, and over the course of seven weeks, my confidence increased that much I spoke to over 170 women. I would be approaching 3 to 4 women at a time. I would engage them all in a conversation. I would test them all to make sure they were qualified to be in a relationship with me, which means I went through all the aspects of who she should be based off my Dating Template that I had created.

I then kept doing that and I met lots of lovely ladies of all ages, shapes, sizes, everything, and no-one had matched yet. There were a few that were sort of close, but no-one matched. Then by the time I got to the end of the seven weeks, I was having that much fun talking to women because I'd never spoken to this many women before in my life. I was having that much fun, I'd almost forgotten to test them and qualify them to date me.

I was enjoying myself that much. I was at an event and it was with one of my social groups and this woman came in and sat next to me and I thought to myself, well, she's a bit cute, started talking to her and then, hang on, she's ticking a couple of boxes. We organised a date and we went on this date and enjoyed ourselves and needless to say a few months later, I thought actually, I could spend the rest of my life with her.

We had a few hiccups to get past and in the end, I asked her to marry me. She said yes and it's been brilliant ever since.

The other system I created was regarding conflict resolution. Now, up until that point, I had had, as I explained, a relationship where arguments would go literally for hours. They would start at 5 or 6 o'clock in the evening, seven o'clock in the evening and they would go to 2, 3, or 4  in the morning. And it was ridiculous because nothing was ever resolved and we argued about shit that didn't matter. So what I did is I looked at that, I dug deep into it to understand where it originated from and how I could use that to get a result that I was after. So I created a system for that.

Now when I have conflict with my wife, there is no yelling, occasionally I get a little bit frustrated, but there's no yelling Most of the time, 95% of the time, it's usually over in about two or three minutes because three quarters of the time, it only happens in my own head, she doesn't even need to be involved because I realised that when you get triggered by someone that's an opportunity for you to learn. So for me, I know now when I have conflict, it's nothing to do with the other person, therefore they don't need to be involved. So they trigger it, I do the work, I benefit from it and then they benefit from it as well because they get a better version of me. I created that system and there were a few others as well for emotions and mindset and all of this sort of thing.

My life did a complete turnaround from where it was, say, 10, or 11 years ago. So now I have the relationship I have always wanted. There's a lot less stress. I understand my emotions, conflict is almost non existent. The relationship with my sons is brilliant. So many different aspects of my life have vastly improved because of the systems I created based off, not just what I had learned, but what I had realised in my journey. These systems have helped me.

They've helped other people go out and find their partners, deal with conflict, to understand their emotions, to get back connection with themselves. So that's basically what I do. So if that sounds like something you'd want to look into, below is a link where you can join a thing called "The Family". "The Family" is a repository for me to put everything that I've learned and understood over the last 20 years. It's also where you can get feedback on various things and interact with people that are on a journey like yourself.

Now, the family has a number of different levels based off the amount of time, effort and money you want to put into your journey. Now the link below will take you to a free access, which means you get to look at various sections and you get to see the layout of the entire family. So you can see what's involved and it costs you nothing. So click the link below. You can read about it before you actually subscribe. Then you can subscribe and you can check out the family for yourself and then you can understand some of the things that I've learned that have helped me and many others, so go and enjoy.

I hope you've learned something from the this episode. And if you've got any questions you'd like me to answer, send them in and I'll do my best to answer them as quick as I can. Other than that, have a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track and welcome to the next episode.

In this episode. I'm just going to be talking a little bit about my journey, what I've been through, and the challenges that I had, so you can understand how I ended up where I ended up today.

Now this story that I'm about to tell, I'm going to actually put it in two parts because I don't want to be dragging this out and using up a lot of your very valuable time. So this part I'm going to be talking about the struggle, what I've been through, the obstacles I had to overcome, and the pretty shitty places that I found myself in so that you can understand that getting yourself out of any situation is possible.

So for me, in my early twenties after doing all the typical thing of going to school and getting a job, I met someone who I felt I was going to be with the rest of my life. So we got married and we bought a house and then we started having children and it was a struggle because we were on one income. She stayed at home and looked after the children and the money was tight. We weren't destitute, but we were certainly living paycheck to paycheck.

Unfortunately, after about four years she decided she'd had enough and she up and decided she was leaving. She was not only leaving me, but she was also taking our two sons with her, which is typical when the woman leaves. Unfortunately for me, she is English and she was going to take them back to England, which for myself as someone who was a very and still is a very hands-on father, that ripped me apart.

Now that coupled with some other personal challenges that I was going through at the time, had sent me into a very dark place. So for a very long time, I was teetering on the edge of depression. I had daily thoughts of suicide. I was really in a shitty place for many, many, months and eventually, I started to pull myself out of it and pull myself back from the edge of the abyss and that was a real struggle.

I look back now and still wonder how I managed to get through it. However, I reached a point where I was realised I needed to understand something. So I started learning, I started reading books I started completing all the courses I could find. Because my money was really tight, I didn't have a lot of money to invest in the learning. Books and CD's, that sort of thing were about the only thing that I could afford at that point. So I was listening to CDs constantly, reading books on psychology, parenting relationships, conflict resolution, mindset, all sorts of things, just to try and make sense of what was going on in my head and maybe get some answers about what had happened with my marriage.

Eventually, I started to feel like I was getting somewhere, and if you know, and you have had that situation where you feel like "I'm making some headway here, you know, I'm getting it together" and then you get sideswiped and that's what happened to me. I met someone who I met through a mutual friend and I thought it was going to be ok. I thought maybe with all the bits that I'm learning, maybe things were going to start to look up. There was going to start to be an improvement and there seemed to be at the start, you know, when you start off and it all looks promising.

Then we got to the point where we were living together, we were sharing a house and it started to turn to poo. It didn't go well. It ended up being worse than my first marriage, which had been a struggle. We had arguments. It wasn't anything too intense, it was just arguments, misunderstandings, frustration. This second partner was a new level of toxicity, a new level of stress, a new level of conflict. It was above and beyond what I had had before, and it was very toxic, stressful, and painful for both of us.

For some reason, I stuck it out for 11 years. Eleven years of this amazingly horrible, painful period of my life. It was a real challenge. So what I attracted back then, was what I needed to learn. The one thing I've realised, is we attract into our lives, the people that we need, that bring us the lessons that are going to give us an opportunity to become more of who we are, that will challenge us to grow.

So, I stuck it out for this eleven years and eventually what stopped it, is one day I was looking at it and I had a vision of the previous eleven years that this pain, this toxicity, this struggle had gone on and it had changed virtually not at all. It was the same amount of struggle and it happened in front of people in public, It didn't matter. It was all over the place, arguments would go on for hours and hours.

I know that all of us have our struggles and we could compare notes, which would be pointless because it's not a competition to see who's got the biggest pile of crap to overcome. This isn't about that. I want you to know that this is where I was, this is the situation I found myself in with this pain and this struggle, this confusion, the stress, and I had to pick myself up after the first marriage because even though we were struggling financially when she left, I had to pay her out. I had legal fees. I had child maintenance. So I was really struggling financially, which put a huge strain on my emotions and my mental health. So I was under constant stress.

There's a score that they have where you look at incidents in your life and they give all these different incidents a score out of 100 and the highest is the death of a spouse. And then you've got all these other things underneath that and they say if you have a score over 100, the chances of you having a serious illness is dramatically increased. I think from memory my score was like 160 or 180. So I definitely should have been suffering health-wise. Thankfully though I was doing my best to eat well and move so that I think worked in my favor and kept me a little more on balance than I would have been.

Anyway, I looked at this journey of the last 11 years and noticed that nothing had changed and I had this epiphany that If I didn't do something now, I'd be there 10 years later, still going through the same crap. So one day I said to her, I can't do this anymore, I'm out of here. And she was a little bit shocked. The one thing that astounds me and I don't know if you've experienced this when you have a relationship where there's lots of struggle. You look at the behaviors, the habits, the attitudes that are causing the struggle, and because of them, you make a decision to end the relationship, which is what I did amazingly what she did, and if you've experienced this, please let me know.

 They then use that same behavior, attitudes, reactions, etcetera and magnify it as if to prove to you that you're doing the right thing in leaving. So leaving ended up being very easy because of that. And of course, I had to start over again. I had to start over again, which means I lost a heap of money again. I put myself under more emotional stress as I had to try and deal with this because I still had to deal with her. Thankfully didn't have any children with her, but I still had to go and deal with all the fallout from it, which was a struggle because, you know, it went through court and all of this sort of thing.

So, it put me in a not as dark place as before, but it still put me in a place of struggle and in all that time I'm still trying to be a part time father to my boys. So you know, I had all the struggle with that during the toxicity of the relationship etcetera. However, once I got clear, at that stage, I had been learning for around 14 years reading books, listening to cds, trying to make sense of things and I realized I had learned a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff.

I've read hundreds of books, done dozens of courses, listened to thousands of hours of Cds, and what I realised is a lot of the information out there was confusing and contradictory, and set up a mindset that was not going to work for me. So eventually I had to go through, get rid of all the stuff that was just rubbish, take the stuff that was good, the real gold. I decided and try and use that as a foundation to create something I could use.

So I'm in this situation where I'm living in this house after ending this relationship and I'm spending my evenings pulling it all together and eventually, eventually I create some systems that changed my life and that of many other people. So on the next episode I'm going to be explaining to you those systems, what they consisted of and how they helped me and other people sort out various aspects of our lives.

I hope you understand that if I can pull myself out of that situation I have described, and of course I could give heaps and examples and stories, not going into that because your time is more valuable than that. I just want you to know that no matter where you're at, no matter what you're struggling with, I've probably been through it, and if I can do it, you can do it.

I really do want you to know that if I can do it, you can do it. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Catch you on the next one. Feel free to send messages, comments, questions and I'll answer them in the next one. Okay, take care, look after yourselves and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the podcast.

In this podcast, I want to talk to you about past relationships, and the reason I want to do this is that I had a memory pop into my head yesterday. When I first started coaching, I was talking to a chap about relationships, and he let loose on this barrage of quite nasty statements about his ex-partner. And as I listened to him, I was amazed at the intensity and the ferocity of these statements. And once he unleashed and I had let him vent a little bit, and then I stopped him, and I asked him how long ago this had happened, figuring it would have been mere months ago because it sounded like it was still really raw and really fresh. He told me, and I almost literally fell over. He said it was 15 years ago. 15 years and he was still holding this venom about this woman that had wronged him, and I was amazed at how much ferocity there was behind it, and sadly, he's not a solo story. There are many people that are like this.

 They carry around these negative views about their ex-partners. I'm amazed that people do this and in this podcast I want to just give you a couple of little things to ponder, to think about in regard to your ex-partners. Now, I don't know obviously, how you view your ex-partners. You might have parted really healthily. You could still be able to have a dialogue with him if you needed to. You probably don't bear any grudges or any hurt or any venom against them. And that may be the case. If it is, fantastic. If you're someone though, that does carry around some things that bug you still, I want to give you a couple of things to get you to think about them that may help you shift your viewpoint of them, your perception.

First of all, when you got with them, you're with them for a reason. And through the course of the relationship, those things were probably still present. Those good things that you enjoyed were probably still there. But because you started focusing on the negatives as you moved out of the honeymoon period into the power struggle, you probably focused a lot more on the negatives because as humans we're silly like that. We focus on negatives more than we do positives. So, therefore we tend to not see the positives because we're focusing on the negatives. So I want you to think about some of the things that were there, that appealed to you, that made them someone you would consider going out with, and know that they're still those things, even though those negatives were there.

And the other thing I want you to ponder. And I'll tell you, my story as well to illustrate this. Actually, there's two parts to this. We attract the people that we need at that moment in our life. So for where we are at that moment in time, we attracted the perfect person for us. We attracted them into our lives. We welcomed them in. We chose to be with them and we chose this because they bring certain lessons. So they attracted us because we have lessons for them. Now, if we're aware, we can receive these lessons and we can become better versions of ourselves. So I'll illustrate these point with two stories. 

One was or is, I should say, when I first get with partners, I'm someone who enjoys looking after someone. So when I get with them, I tend to do most of the cooking, I'll do most of the shopping and things like this and I don't have a problem with that. But in the past, what I found was, I started getting angry in the relationship and I couldn't figure out why, and it was only years later that I realised why. Because each of us has things that we do so easily, so naturally that we don't see it as difficult, yet other people, they struggle with it.

So I don't know about you, if you've ever watched, say, a bricklayer, they get the bricks, they slap them down. They make it look easy. So then you decide. I could probably build a wall and then you build a wall and it looks like someone's thrown the bricks from about eight metres away. I know that because I've actually done that, not throwing them from eight metres away, but built a small retaining wall, thinking "Ah. it can't be that hard" and a bricklayer, who was a mate of a mate came along and had a look at it and went "The walls a bit wobbly".

Anyway, there are things that we do so easily, so naturally, we don't think about it, that if we don't realise that we can feel like we're being used, that we're not being valued. And that's how it was for me, with the cooking and the shopping and all of these things. So I ended up feeling used and taken advantage of, and that's where my anger came from, and what it is, is I had this ability to do these things and because I just did it so naturally and so easily, I didn't think about it, and therefore it was not consciously used by the other person.

They used it without me being aware that I needed it to be acknowledged. When I met my current wife, I said to her, "Look, I'll make your coffee every morning for breakfast. I'll cook. I'll do the shopping. We actually do it together. I said, I'm happy to do all of that and every now and then though, I want you to just come up and say thank you. So I'll give her a coffee in the morning and she'll say Thank you and I feel appreciated. I'll wash the dishes, which I do, you know, 98% of the time and she'll come up every now and then and give me a little hug and say thank you for doing the dishes, and I'll feel appreciated.

So because my little gift, my little ability, my skill is being acknowledged. I feel I have worth, I have value and I feel loved. So that's something where with our exes, we can be bringing these things into the relationship because we are not aware of them, we have a sense that we're not valued. We don't have worth. We might not be appreciated or have as much gratitude from our partners as we would like. So that was could be one of the things with your ex. You know, you could be feeling like they didn't value you. they didn't take your worth for what it was and give you appreciation. And that could be where it stems from, something like that.

The other one is, I've mentioned this in a previous podcast where we attract partners who push our buttons and it gives us an opportunity to grow. So with my partners, I tended to attract angry women, and I didn't know why. And it became quite intense with wife number two, and the anger was of a very high standard, a very high level. And it wasn't until I'd ended the relationship because I couldn't see it changing, that I did some work and I realised that these two women that I had married we're bringing in a challenge to me, to step into my masculinity and to be strong, to be firm and to by the masculine energy within the relationship which I wasn't doing.

So now I do that, and I don't have a problem doing that, and consequently, I don't need to attract angry women anymore. So that's why my wife and I have so little conflict is because, a) I have learned how to use it properly, and b) I didn't need to attract an angry woman anymore. So for you, that could be the same thing. You need to sit down, look at your previous relationships, ponder what they were bringing, that was giving you an opportunity to be a better version of you.

Also, what were the skills and the abilities that maybe you weren't being appreciated for? So therefore, you know, you didn't feel like you had as much worth with your ex, as you would have liked. So this is a couple of things for you to think about in regard to your previous relationships. So I'm hoping that gets your thoughts going. It gives you something to think about and ponder and hopefully allows you to release some of the stuff you've been dragging around with ex-partners and so that you can let them go on, move on into your next relationship or if you're in one currently, give yourself to it fully.

So I hope you've enjoyed this. I hope you found it illuminating. Feel free to send us any messages, questions, whatever, and we're happy to answer them. So yeah, look after yourselves, and remember, here's to a good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 
You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the podcast. In this one, I'm going to talk briefly about something that impacts many people's lives, and it tends to come out regularly with a lot of people. Now. I'm talking, of course, about anger.

Now everyone gets frustrated, disappointed, annoyed, and some people have full blown rage, and they're all different forms of anger. Now there are three types of anger, and I want to talk very briefly about them here.

One of them is probably the most obvious one, and that's aggressive anger. Now, aggressive anger is fairly obvious. It's yelling and screaming, name calling, hurling things. It's basically any of these really volatile acts when people are angry or frustrated or disappointed or raging, whatever it is. So this one is generally from people who, they aren't able to articulate their anger, they are unable to articulate their frustration, their disappointment, their upset, the things that are ticking them off. So instead of articulating, they rage, they yell, they scream. And the sad thing with using this method is the person who's doing all the raging probably feels better at the end of it because they've vented, they've got rid of their tension. The problem is they've generally caused a lot of pain, a lot of damage along the way, especially if it's in an intimate relationship. You can cause damage. It runs very deep. It can cause security and safety issues with the other person. It can cause trust issues. It can cause all sorts of problems, that can take a very long time to repair. Sadly, this is a very common one.

It seems there's a lot of people that unable to deal with their anger properly or in a healthy way. So that's the most important one. Not the most important one, the most common one.

Another one, which is sort of the opposite end. This is a form of anger with people who are told to suppress the anger, that they're not allowed to show their anger. So what happens is they're a bit like a pressure cooker. They got all this anger inside them that seething away, and it comes out in little subtle ways, like a pressure cooker. I don't know if you've ever seen a pressure cooker. It's a big pot. A solid lid goes on top and have this little weight that sits on the top over the vent. And as the pressure builds, it tips to one side and lets a little bit of pressure out.

So people that use passive aggression, that little bit of steam that comes out, comes out in really sneaky, subtle ways. Basically what they do is they let this anger out in a little subtle way that basically says, 'F#*% you', it's a subtle wave of attacking you. So, a common one is, if someone's upset and you can see they're upset, and you ask them, "what's wrong?" and they say "It's nothing". That passive aggression that's basically saying "F#*% you. You can figure it out. You can mind-read. You can do all the hard work figuring out why I'm upset". Basically, anything that would come across as a way of saying, "F#*% you". Littering is another example. People walking along, they throw the litter down, they can't be bothered putting it in the bin. It's like "F#*% you. Someone else will pick it up". So it's passive aggression is again, not a healthy way of doing it.

It's someone who, they can articulate it, they're just not allowed to. They feel that their anger is suppressed and it has to come out in these unhealthy ways. Again, it's not effective, doesn't get anywhere. It causes a lot of frustration, especially the people, trying to figure it out or trying to help you.

The third one is probably the most important one. That's assertive anger. Now, assertive anger, you could basically sum up as saying, "No, this is my line. It's not getting crossed". So it's where boundaries are firm. Someone is capable of saying that they're upset, that they're hurt, that they're disappointed, that they're frustrated and they can say it in a healthy way. It doesn't cause damage to the other person, and it ensures that they are heard, not only heard, but understood. Because it's assertive, the likelihood of it occurring again is dramatically reduced because it's assertive. It's delivered in a healthy, clean way.

Now I know for myself with my second wife, we definitely did aggressive anger. It was lots of yelling, lots of name-calling. It was very stressful, very toxic and I was very good at it. And so was she. We did that for years. I look back and think, what a stupid waste of time that was. So much annoyance, so much frustration. It was, not good, it was not good. Of course, now is it's a totally different story. I'll probably get upset with driving in the traffic more than I get upset with, like my wife or my kids or my friends or anything like that. I think that's probably my vent nowadays is on the road. When you get people who do stuff, that's probably not the most common sense thing. And then I vent at them. So I have some fun with it sometimes, too.

However, for you. If you fall into one of the first two, it's not a bad thing because everyone has. As I've said before, everyone does the best they can with the tools they have. And if the best tool you've got at this moment is aggressive anger, or if the best tool you have is passive aggression, neither of them is ultimately going to get you the result you're after. Go and learn how to do anger properly. Learn how to understand it. Learn how to understand your emotions. Learn how to articulate your anger to the person that's frustrating you, or disappointing you, or upsetting you, because then you can actually move forward. You can minimise that happening again.

You'll have a lot healthier relationships, friendships, working environments. Really, really important to understand anger and be able to express it in a clean way that doesn't damage and actually fixes stuff. So I hope you've got something out of that. I hope some lightbulbs have turned on. Feel free to reach out to us, if you would like some help. We do teach people how to deal with anger.

I hope you've have enjoyed it and we'll catch you on the next podcast. If you want to send us a message to get more information, it's [email protected]. So send us a message or an email. Tell us you want to learn about anger and how to deal with it properly, and in a more healthy way. We'll send you a couple of things to get you started, and then we can go further from there if you want and I hope you have enjoyed the podcast and we'll catch on the next one and remember, here's to a good life.

If you have any questions or feedback, you can send an email to admin@life-on- track.com

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Wayne Brown of Life Back On Track. Welcome back to the podcast

In this podcast, I want to talk to you about parenting. Now a lot of people get into parenting, completely unaware of what the journey's like. It is one of the toughest, most challenging journeys you'll ever take on. And the reason why this is because nothing you ever see, read, learn about, get advised about, can prepare you for the actual event. You can have an understanding, but when you're in the midst of it, sometimes it can be very overwhelming.

I know there were certainly times during my own parenting journey that it was quite overwhelming, and I didn't quite know what to do. However, to make it a little bit easier, I want to explain one thing to you, and that is basically what your ultimate goal is. Because with parenting there are obviously various stages that children go through, and with each of these stages they have different needs that have, different levels of support that they need, different levels of guidance that they need, different levels of involvement within the family and therefore your parenting role changes.

There are, however, some constants that run through the whole parenting journey, and this is what I want to talk to about here. And it's one that dawned on me slowly as my parenting journey progressed and I realised, by the time my boys, were probably starting school in the first year or two, it dawned on me what my role as a parent was and what any parents role is, and it's this one thing, and that's to put yourself out of a job.

That means as quickly as possible, you want to be able to stop being a parent, So if you can do that, you have actually done a really good job as a parent. I'll explain that there are three things that you need to assist your child or children in attaining, and that is you need them to develop a level of independence.

That means they need to be able to do things for themselves. You get a lot of kids nowadays, they hit adulthood, and there's so many things that they seem incapable of doing, they don't seem to be able to cook or clean or pay bills, check the oil in a car, change a tyre, changing a light globe, so many things they seem to have no idea how to do. That's one thing I made sure with my boys that they were capable. They could do various things, so they started cooking dinner when they came over to my house. Probably once each weekend that they came over and I would explain to them what to do, but they did it, so by the time they reached adulthood, there was a number of meals that they could cook. They could do your spaghetti bolognese, and roasts, and stir-fries and all this sort of thing So they're more than capable of fending for themselves in that regard.

 And the good thing is if you give them capability, if you make them able to fend for themselves, so basically, at the age of 15, for example, they could run a household. If you can get them to that stage, they then develop the second thing and that's confidence. They need to have confidence in themselves, in their abilities, in their ability to actually achieve something, and finish something. So if they have the confidence, then they're willing to try new things, which is a really important thing. So when they enter the working world, they're willing to give things a go. They're willing to risk failing so that they can learn. They'll understand these things a lot more because they have the confidence.

The other thing as well is, once they've got confidence and they've got capability, they get the most important thing and that's independence. The worst thing you can have is someone who's attained adulthood, and they're still dependent on a parent. If you have raised your child and they're in their mid-twenties, late twenties, early thirties and they're still dependent on you, they're not capable. They're not independent. I'm sorry, you need to be admonished. You need to be told off because you haven't done, your job as a parent.

The challenge with a lot of parents is these helicopter parents? The reason they are like that, is that I don't have any faith in their parenting abilities. In other words, they don't believe they've managed to teach their child how to be capable, how to be independent, how to be confident. So therefore they need to keep stepping in and rescuing them. Because if you have faith in your abilities as a parent, if you know that you've done the best possible job you can, you don't need to step in and rescue your child. You don't need to step in and hover around and make sure they're all right, checking in any of every five minutes.

So that is the goal as a parent, do yourself out of a job. If you can make it so that your children, don't need you, and there's a big difference here. As long as they don't need you, they can choose to want you in their life. And that's a big difference between a person who is dependent on you and needs you and someone who's been raised correctly and has capability, confidence, independence, and chooses to spend time with you. Because they have these things, you've done a good job of raising them.

Anyway, that is parenting in a nutshell. Obviously, there's a lot of things to go with that. However, if you keep that goal in mind, you will do an awesome job as a parent. If at the end when they hit their 18th birthday, they're capable they're confident and they're independent, you have rocked it as a parent. You have done really well.

So, yeah, that's my summary of parenting. So I hope you got something out of that. If anything I've said's triggered you, that's a good thing, because that's obviously something you need to address, you need to look at so that you can be a better parent and you can raise your Children as best you can.

Now no one does a perfect job. Okay, I don't imply, I'm not saying, I'm not hinting at, that anyone should aim for some form of perfection. When it comes to parenting, we're all gonna have things at the end we wish we could have done better. We do the best we can at the time. But if you keep that goal in mind to get your children capable, confident, and independent, you've rocked it. So if it's triggered something, go and work on it. Be everything you can be. Be the parent your kids deserve. If it hasn't triggered anything, then you are on your path. Awesome. Keep up the good work. I hope you've enjoyed the podcast. Catch you one the next one.

Just remember, here's to a good life

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, This is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. 

Welcome back to the podcast. In this one, I'm going to be talking about something that a lot of people experience, but a lot of people don't realise that there's actually a journey on. That is for relationships. For a lot of people, we go out, we meet someone, we like them, we fall in love with them, we have a relationship, and it either works or it doesn't work. 
The problem is, a lot of people don't realise there's an actual journey that we go through a transition, a series of five stages and these are common. Everyone goes through them at different stages. Some people get stuck, and in this broadcast we want to run through the five stages, just so you're aware of what's ahead in a relationship. 

So you might be in a relationship. You might be single and looking for a relationship, so you will notice various stages that are familiar to you, and others you wouldn't have heard of, so let's get into it, Okay? 

The first stage is one that most people are familiar with, and it's called the Honeymoon period, and when we first meet someone, if we saw them in all their glory, with all their faults, their challenges, their things that annoy us, we probably wouldn't hook up with them. So nature does a bit of a sneaky trick on us, it gets us to block out all of those so-called negatives. 

So what we do is, we only see all the good stuff in these people, so we tend to be attracted to them a lot easier. Now, this is actually a trick that nature does to get us to procreate, otherwise, we wouldn't breed and therefore we would die out pretty quickly. So the honeymoon period is where we love spending time with them. We'll talk for hours about all sorts of things, we will spend every waking minute with them, we message them regularly and we almost can't get enough of them. 

We get a real dopamine hit from them, a real endorphin rush. So we feel really good when we're around them and we spend as much of our time with them as we can. Now, the honeymoon period where we have on our rose coloured glasses, where we have our blinkers up, can last anywhere from two months to two years, and in that period it's wonderful. So we tend to really enjoy this. 

The problem is, when this honeymoon period ends, we move into the next stage, and this is what I call the therapeutic power struggle. Now the reason this happens is once the rose coloured glasses come off, or the blinkers come off, when we see them for what they are. We have a couple of different thoughts that go through her head. We want them to be how they were when we first met them, where it was all fun and exciting and nice and enjoyable. And the problem is that they're still being their exact same self. They haven't changed. It's just our perception of them. 

The way we see them, how much we're letting through. So they react, of course. And of course, they see us in our true light and they're wondering why we can't be like we were when we first met them. So we have this struggle, first of all with seeing their truth. And the other thing is, we're now trying to work out where we fit in the relationship their pushing our buttons. They're triggering all sorts of actions, reactions, memories that are getting dredged up. 

We start to have the old arguments. Now, for most people, these arguments are not pleasant. We don't tend to do them in a very respectful way. We don't tend to be very mature about it. In fact, most people are pretty crap at having conflict in a relationship that's healthy. Now, a lot of people in this power struggle, this therapeutic power struggle, this stage can last indefinitely, so people either do a number of different things, they either tough it out and stick with it, and nothing changes. Or they figure they need some help. So they go get some help, they might do couples therapy or couples counseling or something like that, or they might do a course or whatever. 

They work at it, you know, because they both committed to the relationship or they split and they go back and start again because they think there's something wrong with the relationship, and that's not the case. The therapeutic power struggle is one of the wonderful parts of a relationship, if you know how to use it properly. The whole point of their pushing our buttons and triggering things within us is they are opportunities for us to grow if you understand how it works. 

So when they're pushing our buttons rather than reacting, we should be embracing the opportunity to learn more about ourselves, become more complete, more whole, a bit of version of ourselves. If we do, then we become a better version. They become a better version, and as a couple we grow. So it's a really cool part if you understand what's going on.

Now for most people, they tend to give up. They tend to go. "You know what? Something is obviously wrong here. We're gonna just end it and we'll try again." The problem is, all you do is attract someone who's exactly like the other person because you need the lessons that they bring. You need their button pushing, and if you manage to get through this power struggle, you get to a point of stability. 

So the stability stage, Now the stability stage, is where things sort of calm down. Your conflict gets under control. Your starting to figure out your position within the relationship. What your roles out, what's expected of you, what you bring to it. You start to understand how you can fit together as a team. You start to develop a little bit of an attitude of working together, which is always a good thing in a relationship. And if you get to that stage, you'll be with that for a little while and then you'll realise that you know you're actually starting to act like a proper couple. And once you're at this stage, you can move to the fourth stage, and that's the commitment stage. 

This is where you actually get married. So a lot of people they'll meet someone and they'll be in the honeymoon period and they'll go "Wow, I've met someone fantastic. I'm gonna marry them". And then the power struggle kicks in and you wonder why it all turns to poo. So the thing is, you have to get through the power struggle. We have to have a period of stability. Once you have a period of stability, then you can actually commit and get married. And once you're married, your then a proper couple. You're working effectively as a team. You're drawing on each other's strengths. You're helping each other out. You're giving each other support and encouragement. You're keeping each other accountable, and then you move into the final stage, which is the co creation stage. 

This stage is basically we go and create a life together, and you have to be really careful because you can rely too much on each other and you become insular and you cut off the rest of the world and that's not healthy. So you've got to find a balance between being as a partnership, a couple and also two individuals that are operating within the world as a whole. 

You may also go back to one of the earlier stages. He could have you Conflict stage comes back, and that's all part of the evolution. And as you become better at dealing with things, you can move through the power struggle a lot quicker. I know that with my previous marriages, they weren't healthy, and I've actually been married twice prior to this current marriage, and the first one was a fair struggle, second one was a phenomenal struggle. It was very toxic, was very unhealthy for both of us. It didn't achieve a lot during the actual relationship. I stuck it out for some time, and at the end of it I finally got the lessons, realised. 

Now I'm with my current wife and if we got back to the power struggle, if that pops up, it'll that only lasts a few minutes nowadays because I understand it. She's getting to understand it. So therefore, when our conflict comes up, our struggles come up, they're a lot healthier and they actually allow us to grow and develop closeness as a couple, and that's the aim, is that person who is pushing your buttons and really frustrating you and annoying you is actually the person that will help you become the best version of you. 

So they're the five stages of a relationship. Everyone goes through it at different stages, and no one escapes any of it. There's lots of different stages out there. I looked and looked and looked, and this one I found, I added in a bit for the second stage. The lady that developed these five stages, she calls the second one just the power struggle. I call it the therapeutic power struggle, because it's the one where you'll tend to go and do your counseling or your therapy or your work on it together and it is basically thrashing out a lot of your crap from your past so that you can clear stuff out and make yourself whole and complete without anyone else doing it cause that's your responsibility. 

So, you got these five stages? If you've got any questions about this, or you want to go further and or maybe you want to learn how to get through the power struggle, Feel free to send an email to [email protected] and we'll send you some information, and help you get through the power struggle a lot easier than you may have done in the past. 

All right, I hope you've enjoyed this. Look after yourself, and here's to a good life.

If you have any questions, you can send an email to [email protected] or if you prefer, you can send it snail mail to: PO Box 40, Cannington WA 6987, Australia 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track. 

Welcome back to the third of my, you must know this podcast. Now these are based off rules, guidelines, principles that I take people through that I've realised in my journey, and I hope underpin their journey of getting their life back on track. 

So the first one was, you're not broken. The second one was, you're just using shitty tools, which is how most people operate, they do the best they can with the tools they have. This third one is, for me, it's stopped a lot of my internal judgement of myself. So I'm hoping it has the same effect for you. 

A lot of us were, we're hesitant to put forward our beliefs, our opinions, our desires, our goals, because of this undercurrent that runs through a lot of our thinking. And that is that there's a right or a wrong answer to things. So if someone has an opinion, contrary to yours, people seem to feel that they can argue it or minimise it or negate it. 

If you have an opinion, or a belief or an attitude, or a goal, or want or desire a dream, it's exactly that it's just one that belongs to you. It's not right, it's not wrong. And no one is right or wrong, because everyone has a perception, a way they see things. 

When I'm taking people through a workshop or working with them one on one, I let them know that regardless of what you say, in regards to opinions, beliefs, attitudes, goals, wants, dreams, desires, none of it is right or wrong. It is just what applies to you. This also applies to any tools, any knowledge, it is basically. What I feel is, instead of using the labels, right or wrong, or good or bad, it's easier to say, is it effective or ineffective in regards to myself? 

In other words, is it leading me to the result that I'm chasing? Or is it moving me away or restricting me from the result that I'm chasing? So if I'm after a better relationship, for example, or more connection with my partner, will this attitude this belief, this tool, this process, will it help me get a better relationship, or cause problems? In other words, is it effective, or is it not effective? Not good or bad, because what works for you, may not work for someone else, or what works for someone else might not work for you. 

So I always say to people, even with the information I'm giving it works for me, I find a works for me, it seems to work for a lot of people. I say to people try it, if it works for you keep using it. If it doesn't work, don't use it, it's fine to take off that tool, that bit of clothing that process. It's your prerogative to only use what works for you what gets a result for you. So if you're asking a question of yourself, what is my desire, my goal, my belief, my opinion about this? It's not right or wrong. It's just what applies to you. 

So the thing I want to leave you with at the end of this is, every time you read something, or you want to judge someone, don't judge someone because it's only the way you see it. It's not right or wrong. There was a cartoon I saw years ago, and it keeps popping up every now and then it's these two men standing either side of a large number. Obviously, because they're on opposite sides, they see it a different way. So one of the chaps is looking at this number that's on the ground in between them and he's saying "it's a nine" and the bloke and the other side's going "no it's a six". 

Now they could both argue and it's the same thing they're arguing over, they just see it different ways. And that's how it is with any tool, process, opinion, belief, etc. It's just the way you see it. So in other words, is it getting you the result or not? You know, everyone's doing the best they can with what they know. And that's what this is about.

There's no right or wrong, it either works for you, or it doesn't. So there's my three little goals, principles, guidelines, whatever you want to call them, that I take people through when they attend one of my workshops, or do a course with me, or coach one on one. 

So they're three principles I'd love for you to carry through. Not just your journey of listening to these podcasts, but also your own journey in life, that you're not broken, that you're doing the best you can with the tools you have. If you're getting frustrated with something, look for a better tool, look for a better process, look for a better mindset.

And also, is it getting you the result that you're after? Is it working for you or is it not? Get rid of the labels good, bad, that right or wrong? Because that will hold you back? Because you're too busy labeling it and judging it rather than just looking to see if it's getting you the result. 

So anyway, that's my third podcast. I hope you've enjoyed it. We'll catch you on the next one and here's to a good life.

You can also send an email to [email protected] or if you prefer, you can send it snail mail to: PO Box 40, Cannington WA 6987, Australia 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening. You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown of Life Back On Track.

Welcome back to the podcast. In the previous recording, I was talking about one of the rules that I guide people through who attend my workshops, who I coach with. And this next one is sort of a continuation from that. So in the first one, I spoke about how none of us are broken. And this next one is something that has allowed me, when I have an interaction with someone where it might not be pleasant, where I might be perceiving them in a negative way, and it helps me understand where they're at.

And that rule, that guideline, that principle is, we just need better tools. So every one of us, regardless of where we're at, how we're perceived by people, we're all just doing the best we can with the tools we have. Now, the analogy that I've used for many years, is, if I gave you a hammer and I asked you to go and chop down a tree, you could do it. Now, it might take you quite some time because a hammer is a very blunt instrument, and a tree is not designed to be cut down with a hammer.

Now, the reason I'm using this analogy is because many years ago, I needed to chop down a small tree, and the only tool I had access to was a hammer. So I know in reality that this analogy is very true. You can chop down a tree with a hammer, it does however, take a lot of time, a lot of effort, and makes a lot of mess.

So a lot of people who may not be getting the result that they're after, are just trying to chop down a tree with a hammer. They're making a lot of mess, it's getting a more result, they're ultimately chopping the tree down. But it's messy, there's a lot of damage that doesn't need to happen, they may not be feeling too good at the end of it, but they've got the result, it's taken a lot of time, a lot of effort and it might of course, you know, caused scarring along the way, however, they're doing the best they can.

So for me, I now am inclined to look at people and go, Okay, if they coming into this interaction with that attitude, maybe they just have a hammer that they're trying to chop this tree down with. So if I can guide them to being able to pick up an axe, or a saw or a chainsaw, or something that's a little more effective at chopping down that tree, then they won't need to use the hammer to chop down the tree, therefore they can get a better result.

So I know that if someone comes to me and they're angry at something, or they're disappointed, they're frustrated, whatever it is, I know, they're just trying to use a hammer to get that result. So I try and guide them assist them, help them find that better tool so that they can get a better result.

So for example, if they've come to me, and let's say I've said something that offends them, it seems to be a common one nowadays, people get offended. So I say something that's offended them. So they come at me in a really aggressive tone, or a defensive tone. And for most people, we would probably be inclined to just apologise and move on. Now, that may get a result of some sort. Unfortunately, it's not a particularly good tool. So I would get them to explore that so we could get a better result. Therefore, rather than myself feeling bad for offending someone, I can actually feel better because I'm helping them find a better result and give them a better tool to find out what that is.

Now there might not have been the best example of this thinking off the top of my head there. However, regardless of what the situation is, I now look at people situations in a way that I can stop judging them and putting labels on them, that may block my ability to connect with that person, or my ability to be more empathetic or understanding, or gracious, or whatever it is. If I'm using that judgement, that negative judgement, which is so easy to do, if I'm stopping that, and realising they're just doing the best they can, no matter how much, I may perceive them in a negative way, they're just doing the best they can.

And everyone does the best they can until they learn better tools. So we become a better parent when we learn better tools, we can better at relationships when we get better tools, we get better with our mindset when we get better tools, we're better with our dating when we get better tools, we get better with our conflict resolution when we get better tools.

So basically, having that attitude, that realisation has changed a lot of my interactions with people, and I'm hoping if you think about it, that you realise it too, can help you. So even if this is the only thing you get out of the podcast, hopefully it will make you a more empathetic and understanding human being and making more effective in your interactions as a partner, as a person, as an employee, as an employer, as a parent, as a friend, regardless, hopefully that this one little guideline, rule, whatever you want to call it will help you understand people better.

Okay, thanks for listening in. We'll catch you on the next podcast. And I'll give you the third of my rules. And I think this one's pretty important as well. We'll catch you then. And here's your good life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.

 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Wayne Brown from Life Back On Track, and welcome to our podcast. 

This is the first of this season and I want to run through some of the rules that I take my workshop attendees, my one-on-one clients through, and these are realisations, revelations that I've had during my journey that have helped me so much so that I make sure that everyone that I'm helping also learn these so that they can get their mindset in the right place. 

So this first one was one of the ones, where it originated, amazingly, from my second wife, yes, I've been married a couple of times. And she had this belief that there was something wrong with me, that I was broken. And she kept attaching this label to me, in not very pleasant ways. And in a way, she convinced me that maybe I was broken or damaged or defective, or had something in my persona, in my psyche that needed fixing. So she suggested that I should go to a psychologist, so I found one local and, and I went and spoke to her. And we agreed to some sessions. And she took me through the first couple of sessions, and it was stuff that I sort of already understood and knew. And we were exploring those things. And we got to the third session, and I was halfway through and I had a realisation of something that, for me was very profound, and seems to be true with all of the people that I work with people that I interact with on a daily basis. 

And that is this, you are not broken. I sat there realising that I wasn't broken, I didn't need fixing, I didn't need completing, there was nothing about me that was missing. And we all seem to have this belief, this attitude that we're going out there to fix something in us, that is defective, to put something back that's been taken away, to fix cracks and blemishes and make us perfect, so that we function properly and effectively, and all of this sort of thing. And it gives us this mentality of being inferior, of being low of having a low worth, or low value. And I found for me, that was very damaging. 

And I've spoken to many people who seem to have this same belief of, there's something wrong with me, there's something that needs fixing. And so they go to counsellors and therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists and all sorts of people. And yes, before you want to argue, which is your right, there are some people that do legitimately need a professionals assistance in guiding them through this journey. 

For the majority of us, though, it's realising we're not broken. We don't need fixing, we are not defective. There isn't something wrong with us. So for me, this was really profound and why, when I'm doing a workshop, it's one of the first things I say, when I'm working one-on-one with someone, that's what the first thing I say, is to let them know, you don't need to be fixed or completed or rewired or made whole again, because you are perfect the way you are. And through these podcasts, I want to give you information that will help you to guide you in your relationships, in your dating in your mindset, in your parenting, whatever it is, I want to be able to help you and it needs to come from this position of we're not trying to fix you because you do not need to be fixed. 

So I want you to say that to yourself a few times. I don't need to be fixed, I am not broken. I am whole, I am complete. I am functioning.

And I want you to get that because that underscores a lot of this stuff that I'm going to be going through, is that basic premise of you're not broken. I'm not, you're not, no one is broken. Some may need a little assistance, getting through the journey. No one is broken, no one is defective. 

So anyway, that's the first of my little rules. I wanted to guide you through, and even rules isn't the correct word. A shift in mindset, a paradigm shift, a changing of perception, a different understanding of who you are and where you are in your life. So that's the first of my podcasts. I hope you found it interesting. 

There's two more with two other rules, guidelines, whatever you want to call them, that I take my workshop attendees that I take my one on one clients through. So this was the first one, look out for the other two. 

And here's to a great life.

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting 

our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out.
 You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own 

podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE Thanks for listening. 

You can listen to the Life Back On Track podcast on your favourite platform by visiting our podcast website. Click HERE to check it out. 

You can also listen to my radio show “All About Relationships” which has its own podcast on your favourite platform by clicking HERE 

You can also check out our website by clicking HERE

Thanks for listening.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.