Life's Dirty Little Secrets Podcast | Breaking Silence Around the Secrets We All Carry

In this episode we are joined by Dr. Steve Graybar, a clinical psychologist from the University of Arizona.

They delve into the complex and sensitive topic of gender affirming care for minors. Dr. Graybar provides a nuanced analysis, advocating for a more comprehensive and research-based approach to gender affirming care. He emphasizes the need to reimagine the current model to include thorough psychological evaluation and family therapy while cautioning against the politically charged atmosphere surrounding the issue.

The discussion also explores the risks of medical transitioning and the importance of empirical support and informed consent in making these significant decisions.

Topics Discussed:

• Evolution of gender reassignment and need for long-term follow-up studies
• Social pressures and vulnerabilities during adolescence
• Emphasis on family therapy to prevent parental alienation
• Societal Approach and Policy Recommendations

About Steve Graybar

Follow Steve on Linkedin

Clinical Psychologist, Associate Clinical Professor University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ, all around nice guy.

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• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry are joined by Dr. Russell Kolts, a clinical psychologist and professor at Eastern Washington University. They discuss the complexities of masculinity and anger in today's society.

Dr. Kolts shares insights on how societal expectations shape male behavior, the challenges men face in expressing emotions, and the importance of creating safe spaces for men to be vulnerable. The discussion also covers the role of temperament and upbringing in emotional development and highlights the impact of competitive social contexts on behavior.

The episode emphasizes the need for both men and women to support emotional expression and vulnerability in boys and men to foster healthier relationships and communities.

Topics Discussed:

• Detoxifying Masculinity and Anger Management
• Societal Expectations and Gender Differences
• Creating Safe Spaces for Men
• The Consent Conversation

About Russell Kolts

Watch Russell’s TEDx Talk

Check out An Open-Hearted Life. Shambhala. 2015.

Read The Anger Workbook: Discover the Strength to Transform Your Anger Using Your Compassionate Mind. Robinson (Little, Brown Book Group). 2024.

Learn more about The Compassionate Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger. New Harbinger Publications. 2012.

Read Buddhist Psychology and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: A Clinician's Guide. The Guilford Press. 2016.

Russell Kolts is a clinical psychologist and founder of the Inland Northwest Compassionate Mind Center in Spokane, Washington, USA. Dr. Kolts regularly conducts trainings and workshops on Compassion-Focused Therapy, as well as on mindfulness and compassion practices. His professional interests lie primarily in the application of CFT and mindfulness approaches to individuals suffering from problematic anger, trauma, mood, and attachment-related difficulties. Kolts has published and presented research in diverse areas such as positive psychology, PTSD, psychopharmacology, mindfulness, and compassion. In his personal life, Dr. Kolts enjoys family time, reading, meditation, outdoor activities, and listening to and playing music.

For more information, resources, and links regarding Compassion-Focused Therapy, visit www.compassionatemind.co.uk

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington delve into the transformative power of compassion and human connection in healthcare. Joined by pediatric nurse and humanitarian Becky Platt, who recently completed a mission in Gaza with Save the Children, they explore the profound impact of empathy in high-pressure medical environments.

The discussion spans heart-wrenching stories of young patients, the courage in providing dignified end-of-life care, and the mutual gifts of understanding during moments of grief. Becky shares insights from her nonprofit 'Don't Forget the Bubbles,' which offers educational resources to support those caring for sick children. The episode emphasizes the importance of regarding patients as whole individuals, advocating for a humane approach in caregiving that values every human interaction, and highlights how these acts of compassion can mitigate burnout in healthcare professionals.

Join us as we reflect on the radical idea of 'loving your patient' and the power of love and connection as tools for healing and therapy.

Highlights:

• Human Connection In Healthcare
• Importance Of Compassion
• Personal Reflections And Emotional Connections
• Dealing With Parental Guilt

Watch Becky’s TEDxNHS talk

Learn more about Don't Forget the Bubbles

Becky Platt is an Advanced Clinical Practitioner in Paediatric A&E at the Royal London, an executive member of the Don’t Forget the Bubbles team and a senior lecturer on the PEM MSc at QMUL. Becky has deployed to several disease outbreaks and conflict zones with humanitarian organisations, most recently to Gaza with Save the Children. She was awarded the British Empire Medal in 2021 for her overseas humanitarian work.

Becky is passionate about humanity in healthcare, putting patients first, and caring for staff. She regularly hosts debrief sessions after clinical incidents and is committed to facilitating individual, team and organisational learning from events, as well as supporting staff after challenging situations. She is a committed educator and loves teaching in a variety of ways. She delivers online and face-to-face training and talks to global audiences on a range of clinical and non-clinical topics.

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode, we are joined by special guests Christopher Michaelson & Jennifer Tosti-Kharas. As co-authors of "Is Your Work Worth It? How to Think About Meaningful Work," they provide a compelling examination of how to find purpose and value in one's career.

The episode explores the privilege of questioning the worthiness of work and the generational shifts in work perception. From Christopher’s poignant reflections on his grandfather's and mother's work experiences to the societal undervaluation of critical roles like delivery workers and cleaners, the discussion dives deep into what truly makes work meaningful.

Listeners will hear about the impact of historical events like 9/11 on work motivations, and the persistent dilemma of working for love versus money.

The discussion emphasizes the liberating notion of not having all the answers and the importance of curiosity in navigating work life. Michaelson introduces the concept of 'dancing with work,' promoting a healthier and more flexible relationship with our careers.

Join us as we unpack the intricate relationship between work, happiness, and societal contribution, encouraging a mindset of adaptive curiosity and practical fulfillment.

Highlights:

• Meaning & Fulfillment:
  Understand why examining the meaning of your work and questioning your purpose is more beneficial than seeking absolute answers.
• Societal Values:
  Reflect on the societal undervaluing of certain essential jobs and the overdue reevaluation prompted by the pandemic.
• Employer Motivation:
  Discover why highlighting the importance of work can be more motivating for employees than punitive measures.
• Privilege of Passion:
  Realize the privilege linked with finding a “calling” and the potential burnout from societal pressure.

Visit: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-38-Is-Your-Work-Worth-It-with-Christopher-Michaelson-&-Jennifer-Tosti-Kharas to learn more

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry talk to Carina Simmons, a consultant clinical psychologist from Barts National Health Service Trust, Royal London Hospital. Carina discusses the complexities surrounding youth interpersonal violence, the impact of social media, and the challenges faced by youth in managing emotions and mental health.

Emphasizing a holistic approach, Carina highlights the importance of addressing both individual and systemic factors, the need for early intervention, and the role of emotional literacy in preventing violence. The conversation also explores the unique difficulties faced by young men in expressing emotions and the therapeutic potential of building strong, trusting relationships.

Highlights:

• Understanding Youth Violence
• Role of Social Media in Youth Violence
• Causes of Youth Violence
• Male Emotional Expression
• Complex trauma in youth

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Clarification

00:24 Meet Carina Simmons

01:05 Understanding Youth Violence

01:36 Factors Contributing to Youth Violence

03:56 Approaches in Trauma Centers

06:14 Complex Trauma and Mental Health

15:47 Gender Differences in Emotional Expression

25:29 The Role of Social Media

34:57 Supporting Emotional Literacy

50:43 Final Thoughts and Reflections

About Carina Simmons

More about Barts NHS Trust based in the Royal London Hospital

Learn more about London’s Air Ambulance

Learn more about The Major Trauma Centre

I am a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Barts NHS Trust based in the Royal London Hospital. I lead the Major Trauma Centre's Clinical Psychology Service which aims to integrate psychological and physical healthcare in major trauma for patients across the lifespan. We provide responsive and proactive inpatient and outpatient services and also offer a variety of CPD sessions for our staff. I lead and manage the service as part of the pan-London Major Trauma Network and work closely with St Giles, the After Trauma Team, Police Liaison, Therapies, medical and nursing colleagues to provide the highest standard of joined up care.

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome back Dr. Yael Schonbrun, PhD, a clinical psychologist, writer, and faculty member at Brown University. Dr. Schonbrun discusses the surprising benefits of disagreements, emphasizing how differences can nourish relationships, foster growth, and help individuals thrive.

She explains the importance of mindset shifts, the role of conflict in couples and society, and shares strategies for turning disagreements into productive and positive experiences. The conversation also touches on personal anecdotes, the challenges of maintaining perspective, and the power of repair in relationships.

• Healthy conflict resolution strategies
• Adversarial collaboration in science
• Parental modeling of repairs
• Self compassion in mistakes
• Personal responsibility in conflicts - Importance of conflict repair

[02:12] The Secret Power of Disagreements

[04:06] Embracing Differences for Growth

[06:47] Healthy Conflict Resolution Strategies

[07:16] Adversarial Collaboration in Science

[11:17] The Elephant and the Blind Men Parable

[14:37] Perspective Taking vs. Perspective Giving

[27:06] The Joint Contributory System

[31:29] Understanding the Goggles Metaphor

[32:15] Personal Anecdote: Misinterpreting Intentions

[33:02] The Inescapable Nature of Our Perspectives

[33:35] Conflict in Relationships: A Humbling Experience

[36:28] The Importance of Sleep and Self-Care in Conflict Resolution

[42:33] The Power of Repair in Relationships

[44:35] Tips for Effective Repair

[49:59] The Importance of Conflict in Personal Growth

About Dr. Yael Schonbrun

Check out Dr. Schonbrun’s last visit on Life’s Dirty Little Secrets Podcast - Secret #7 Parental Guilt with Dr. Yael Schonbrun

Purchase Work Parent Drive by Dr. Yael Schonbrun on Amazon or at your local bookstore to gain valuable insights and strategies for navigating the tension between being a parent and working. https://www.amazon.com/Work-Parent-Thrive-Science-Backed-Strategies/dp/1611809657

Yael Schonbrun, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock: A podcast about the science and practice of living well, and mother of three. Yael’s academic research explores the interaction between relationship problems and mental health conditions.

Follow Dr. Schonbrun on Linkedin

Tweet Dr. Schonbrun on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrYaelSchonbrun

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome Tiffany Rochester, a clinical psychologist and co-parenting coach.

Tiffany discusses the importance of separating well, providing evidence-based, compassionate, and collaborative solutions as alternatives to litigation. She highlights the need for strategic planning, conflict resolution skills, and effective communication to foster better outcomes for children.

Tiffany offers practical advice on managing the initial stages of separation, involving key professionals for guidance, and maintaining a child-focused approach.

Highlights:

• Collaborative solutions for separated families
• Creating space for emotional reaction
• Practical steps for separation process
• Resilience through collaboration and support

About Tiffany Rochester:

Tiffany Rochester is a Clinical Psychologist and Co-Parenting Coach. Seeing the trauma inflicted on families by broken systems providing woefully inadequate support, Tiffany founded Co-Parenting Companion to provide separated families with evidence-based, compassionate collaborative solutions as an effective, accessible alternative to the traditional pathway of litigation.  Her big-picture vision extends beyond immediate alternative dispute resolutions to fundamentally reshaping how society supports families post-separation for the lifespan of the child.

The legal pathway can cost families more than $300,000 and take up to four years (25% of a child’s life!). Tiffany argues it was never the right answer for families in transition, and that it is the foundations of psychology, not law, that pave the pathway to healthy co-parenting after separation.

The first of its kind in Australia, Co-Parenting Companion is a Coaching service to support separated parents to co-parent with simplicity and ease as they raise children in one family across two homes. Through Tiffany's signature program, the Co-Parenting Intensive Reset, participants are guided to reconnect with their values and learn effective strategies for raising children across two homes, with self-care for the complicated thoughts and feelings that are part of co-parenting with an ex. Co-parents are welcomed into the Co-parenting Companion community, with monthly group coaching calls and an extensive membership resource base of videos, tip sheets and how-tos to keep co-parenting low-conflict and effective. As a qualified Collaborative Coach, Tiffany coaches co-parents to reach Parenting Agreements and facilitates non-adversarial collaborative separations with a team of Family Lawyers, Accountants and Financial Advisors.  Find more information about how Co-Parenting Companion is changing the landscape of separated co-parenting at https://coparentingcompanion.au

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome Tiffany Rochester, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Co Parenting Companion.

Tiffany discusses her work in providing separated families with evidence-based, compassionate, and collaborative solutions as an alternative to litigation. She dives deep into the challenges and solutions for co-parenting, emphasizing psychological flexibility, kindness, and effective communication.

Tiffany highlights the importance of supporting parents through the separation process to reduce conflict and foster better outcomes for children, providing practical strategies and insights into co-parenting dynamics.

Highlights:

• Managing narrative around separation
• Importance of co-parenting skills
• Addressing emotional triggers effectively
• Understanding co-parenting boundaries
• Overcoming binary thinking in conflict

Timestamps:

[01:52] Tiffany's Journey into Co-Parenting

[04:12] Challenges of Co-Parenting

[07:21] Impact on Children and Families

[11:39] Skills for Effective Co-Parenting

[16:09] The Role of Psychological Flexibility

[25:02] Practical Tools and AI in Co-Parenting

[37:08] The Importance of Grace and Letting Go

About Tiffany Rochester:

Tiffany Rochester is a Clinical Psychologist and Co-Parenting Coach. Seeing the trauma inflicted on families by broken systems providing woefully inadequate support, Tiffany founded Co-Parenting Companion to provide separated families with evidence-based, compassionate collaborative solutions as an effective, accessible alternative to the traditional pathway of litigation.  Her big-picture vision extends beyond immediate alternative dispute resolutions to fundamentally reshaping how society supports families post-separation for the lifespan of the child.

The legal pathway can cost families more than $300,000 and take up to four years (25% of a child’s life!). Tiffany argues it was never the right answer for families in transition, and that it is the foundations of psychology, not law, that pave the pathway to healthy co-parenting after separation.

The first of its kind in Australia, Co-Parenting Companion is a Coaching service to support separated parents to co-parent with simplicity and ease as they raise children in one family across two homes. Through Tiffany's signature program, the Co-Parenting Intensive Reset, participants are guided to reconnect with their values and learn effective strategies for raising children across two homes, with self-care for the complicated thoughts and feelings that are part of co-parenting with an ex. Co-parents are welcomed into the Co-parenting Companion community, with monthly group coaching calls and an extensive membership resource base of videos, tip sheets and how-tos to keep co-parenting low-conflict and effective. As a qualified Collaborative Coach, Tiffany coaches co-parents to reach Parenting Agreements and facilitates non-adversarial collaborative separations with a team of Family Lawyers, Accountants and Financial Advisors.  Find more information about how Co-Parenting Companion is changing the landscape of separated co-parenting at https://coparentingcompanion.au

Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets

Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington talk with Dr. Emily Edlin, a clinical psychologist specializing in children and families.

They explore the question of whether parents truly make a significant difference in their children's lives. The conversation delves into parenting pressures, the influence of genetics versus parental involvement, and the impact of different parenting styles. Emily shares insights from her new book on autonomy-supportive parenting, offering practical advice on managing parental anxiety and fostering healthy development in children.

The episode highlights the importance of maintaining a balanced perspective on the real influence of parenting and encourages listeners to focus on building nurturing relationships with their children.

Highlights:

• The impact of intensive parenting
• The influence of genetics vs. parenting
• Parental responsibility and anxiety
• The evolution of the parent-child relationship

Timestamps:

[01:54] The Impact of Parenting

[08:27] Genetics vs. Parenting

[11:38] Parental Responsibility and Anxiety

[22:28] Pseudoscience and Parenting

[29:01] Parental Expectations and Child Development

[30:31] The Importance of Parent-Child Relationship

[32:20] Technology and Modern Parenting Challenges

[34:44] Pressure in Youth Sports

[35:52] Dealing with Children's Disappointment

[40:27] Parental Influence and Letting Go

[44:52] Balancing Guidance and Freedom

About Dr. Emily Edlynn:

Check our Dr. Edlynn’s website

Follow  @DrEmilyEdlynn on Instagram:

Read Dr. Edlynn’s Substack

Emily Edlynn is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in pediatric health psychology who works in private practice with children, teens, and adults. She has a BA in English from Smith College, a PhD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Chicago, and completed postgraduate training at Stanford and Children’s Hospital Orange County. Emily spent almost ten years working in children’s hospitals before pivoting to private practice, which allowed her to start a writing career. Emily has written her blog, The Art and Science of Mom, since 2017 and a parenting advice column for Parents.com since 2019. Emily’s writing has also appeared in the Washington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Motherly, and more. She recently joined the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast as a co-host and is the author of a new book, Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent Confident Children. Emily lives with her husband, three children, and two rescue dogs in Oak Park, IL where she can see Chicago’s skyline from her attic window.

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington engage in an insightful conversation with Dr. Aprilia West, a renowned psychologist, executive coach, and author, about the concept of 'choicefulness.' West, with over 20 years of experience working with various individuals and organizations, delves into how our power lies in our moments of choice.

She explains how default reactions can limit our potential and discusses the importance of mindful, intentional decision-making. The conversation covers practical steps for developing choicefulness, recognizing cognitive and emotional biases, and aligning actions with what truly matters to us.

This engaging and enlightening discussion is essential for anyone looking to tap into their full potential and live a more intentional life.

Highlights:

• Defining choicefulness
• Emotional efficacy
• Defaults and behavior patterns
• Values and decision making
• Cognitive biases
• Emotionally driven decisions

About Dr. Aprilia West

Check out Dr. West’s Website

Follow @drapriliawest on Instagram

Follow drapriliawest on LinkedIn

Dr. Aprilia West brings 20+ years of real-world experience working with individuals, leaders and organizations across a range of industries, including Fortune 500 companies, U.S. Congress, entertainment industry executives, artists and creatives, and tech founders to increase wellbeing and performance. Her extensive experience as a psychologist, executive coach and trainer gives her a niche understanding of human behavior and how to facilitate positive, prosocial change.

Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets

Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)