Life's Dirty Little Secrets Podcast | Breaking Silence Around the Secrets We All Carry

Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry host the wrap-up episode, celebrating the end of season two. They reflect on various discussions from the season, including self-discovery, personal growth, relationships, equity, social justice, and mental health.

The wrap-up includes highlights from various episodes, featuring topics such as challenging societal norms, the importance of self-regulation in neurodivergent individuals, and the complexities of relationships with narcissistic personalities.

Highlights:

• Sibling Dynamics and Aggression
• Sexual Education
• Victim Blaming
• Neurodivergence

[00:00] Introduction and Season Two Wrap-Up

[01:29] Challenging Norms and Definitions

[01:38] Self-Discovery and Authenticity

[02:59] Dr. Steve Hayes on the Myth of Normal

[06:09] Kristen Campbell on Sexual Education

[09:29] Perfectionism with Dr. Z

[13:23] Stephen Batchelor on Good and Evil

[19:32] Katie Palmer on Favoritism

[25:28] Elisabeth Lati on Sisu

[31:37] Amy Beddows on Victim Blame

[35:01] The Term 'Victim' vs. 'Survivor'

[35:38] The Importance of Recognizing Victimhood

[36:25] Trauma Responses and Validation

[40:14] The Role of Neurodivergence

[49:24] Sibling Dynamics and Aggression

[55:27] The Impact of Narcissism

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In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, special guest Dr. Diana Hill, a clinical psychologist and host of the "Wise Effort" podcast, joins hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington to delve into the concept of "Wise Effort."

As the discussion unfolds, Dr. Hill offers actionable advice, introducing three steps to embrace wise effort: get curious, open up, and choose wisely. She delves into the balance required to manage energy effectively, avoiding pitfalls like attachment, avoidance, and negative self-stories. Highlighting the significance of consilience and radical regeneration, the episode touches on the abundance of renewable resources and the importance of a mindset of stubborn optimism.

Highlights:

• Wise Effort and Energy
• Principles and Techniques for Wise Effort
• Value of Diverse Interactions
• Recognizing Negative Narratives
• Managing Emotional Responses

About Dr. Diana Hill

Diana Hill, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, international trainer, and sought-out speaker on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Host of the podcast Wise Effort and author of The Self-Compassion Daily Journal, The ACT Daily Journal, and the upcoming book Wise Effort, Diana works with organizations and individuals to develop psychological flexibility so that they can grow fulfilling and impactful lives.

Integrating her 20+ years of meditation experience with yoga and psychological training, Diana leads retreats and workshops internationally at InsightLA, Blue Spirit Costa Rica, PESI, Praxis Continuing Education, Yoga Soup, and Insight Timer Meditation. She is on the board of the Institute for Better Health and blogs for Psychology Today and Mindful.org. Diana practices what she preaches in her daily life as a mom of two boys and bee guardian. Go to drdianahill.com or her channels on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube (@drdianahill) to learn more.

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• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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In this episode, we are joined by special guest, Dr. Robyn Walser. Robyn, a renowned clinical psychologist and expert in acceptance and commitment therapy, shares her profound insights on the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships and communities.

From the deep-seated insecurities that drive narcissistic behavior to the emotional toll it can take on those entangled in such relationships, Robyn sheds light on the often misunderstood world of narcissism. The conversation delves into the allure of charismatic individuals during crises, the manipulation of power dynamics, and the dangerous exploitation of empathic and vulnerable individuals.

Listeners will gain valuable strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior, including the importance of setting clear boundaries, seeking community support, and recognizing the red flags of covert narcissism. We also discuss the troubling tendency to surrender autonomy to powerful figures and the historical and contemporary implications of such behavior.

• Understanding Narcissism
• Causes and Rise in Attention
• Attraction and Relationships with Narcissistic Individuals
• Challenges in Addressing Narcissism
• Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists

Timestamps:

[00:00] Introduction to the Guest

[01:33] Defining Narcissism

[03:55] The Rise of Narcissism in Society

[10:10] Narcissism in Relationships

[15:53] The Impact of Narcissistic Leaders

[26:25] Coping with Narcissism

[45:21] Conclusion and Resources

About Dr. Robyn D. Walser

Visit TL Consultation Services, Dr. Walser’s

Check out this Youtube Channel @Surviving Narcissism

And a shout out to her bulldog, Daisy Optimus Prime, who can be heard breathing throughout the podcast.

TLConstulation Services is individually owned and operated in two locations. The main location is in Menlo Park, CA. Dr. Walser also has a home office. There she conducts personal consultation over Skype and by phone.

Robyn is Director of TL Consultation Services and co-director of the Bay Area Trauma Recovery Center and staff at the National Center for PTSD, Dissemination and Training Division. As a licensed psychologist, she maintains an international training, consulting and therapy practice. She is an expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and has co-authored 4 books on ACT including a book on learning ACT. She also has expertise in traumatic stress and substance abuse and has authored a number of articles, chapters and books on these topics. Dr. Walser has been described as a “passionate, creative, and bold ACT trainer and therapist” and she is best known for her dynamic, warm and challenging workshops. She is often referred to as a clinician’s clinician.

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode, we are joined by special guest Dr. Jonathan Caspi, an internationally recognized sibling expert and family therapist. Dr. Caspi dives deep into the intricate dynamics of sibling relationships, shedding light on the complexities of sibling conflict, comparisons, and the ever-present vying for parental attention.

As we engage with Dr. Caspi in a thought-provoking conversation that touches on how sibling comparisons and parental pressures shape behavior and self-identity. Listeners will gain an understanding of how allowing children to pursue different interests can mitigate sibling rivalry and foster individuality.

Dr. Caspi shares personal anecdotes and research-backed insights on how sibling conflict is normal but warns against normalizing physical violence. He powerfully discusses the under-recognized issue of sibling abuse, its higher prevalence compared to parental abuse, and the contributing factors such as favoritism and marital conflict. The episode also explores the significance of setting clear behavioral expectations and rules to cultivate positive sibling interactions.

Highlights

• Normalcy and Risks of Sibling Conflict
• The Prevalence and Causes of Sibling Abuse
• Parental Intervention in Sibling Conflicts
• Long-term Effects of Sibling Conflicts
• Evolutionary Perspective on Sibling Rivalry
• Parental Strategies for Managing Conflict

SHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-28-Sibilings-with-Dr-Jonathan-Caspi 

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• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this thought-provoking episode, we are joined by the insightful guest, Jennifer Kemp, a clinical psychologist who specializes in neurodivergence with a focus on autism and ADHD. Jennifer delves deep into the world of neurodivergent adults, especially undiagnosed women, and highlights the transformative power of accepting and embracing one's neurodivergent identity.

From discussing the critical importance of reliable resources to navigating the healthcare system's gatekeeping, Jennifer provides invaluable guidance and information. Listeners will also benefit from Jennifer's expertise on the often-misunderstood symptoms and challenges of ADHD and autism, as well as strategies for self-compassion and self-advocacy.

Our conversation sheds light on overcoming the stigmas of neurodivergence and the essential steps toward living more authentically. Whether you are neurodivergent or seeking to understand more about neurodiversity, this episode is packed with information that empowers and educates.

Highlights:

• Introduction to Neurodivergence
• Challenges Faced by Neurodivergent Individuals
• Diagnosing Autism and ADHD
• Importance of Understanding and Validating Neurodivergence
• Living Authentically with Neurodivergence

About Jennifer Kemp:

Visit Jennifer’s website 

Purchase The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism

Order the The Neurodivergent Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD

Jennifer Kemp BSc(Psych)Hons, MPsych(Clinical), GradDipApplSc(Psychology of Coaching), MAPS, FCCLP

Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist based in Adelaide who works with older adolescents and adults experiencing perfectionism, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and chronic illness. The majority of her clients are neurodivergent, so using a neurodiversity-affirming approach, Jennifer weaves together acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), behavioural and compassion-focused approaches with her own lived experience, to help her clients improve their mental health and develop greater self-compassion, self-acceptance, and pride in their neurodivergent identity.

Jennifer juggles clinical practice with writing, presenting, and clinical supervision. Jennifer is the co-author of “The Neurodivergent Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD: Cultivate Self-Compassion, Live Authentically, and Be Your Own Advocate,” which is due for release in July 2024, and author of “The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism: Build Your Best (Imperfect) Life Using Powerful Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and Self-Compassion Skills.”

Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets

Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:[email protected]

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
• ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In today’s revealing episode, we welcome Dr. Amy Beddows, a leading expert with a Ph.D. focused on victim-blaming within the context of sexual violence. Providing a compelling exploration of this societal phenomenon, Dr. Beddows dissects the multifaceted layers of victim guilt and its profound implications on survivors.

Venturing deep into the grim reality where predators often escape accountability, our guest exposes the strenuous challenges victims face from systemic inefficiencies. From the understaffed support agencies to the emotional strain on police, barristers, and counselors, the episode unveils the heartbreaking burden on those seeking justice.

Join us as Dr. Beddows also addresses how victim-blaming maintains patriarchal structures, obstructing societal progress and diverting essential funding from victim services.

Together, we confront the distressing impact of cognitive dissonance and emotional distress among victims and acknowledge the unspoken consequences of burnout and cynicism among professionals. Shedding light on the intricate web of sexism, racism, and ableism that exacerbates victim-blaming, this episode stands as a call to action for empathy and systemic reform.

• The Societal Impact of Victim Blaming
• Victim Blaming Across Various Situations
• Dr. Amy Beddows' Research Insights
• Agency and Support Service Challenges
• Service Provider Challenges and Burnout
• The Role of Compassion and Human Connection

Learn more about this episode:

https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/secret-26-victim-blame-with-amy-beddows

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• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, we delve into the multifaceted concept of "Sisu" with our esteemed guest, Dr. Elisabet Lahti, the founder of Sisu Lab and an educator devoutly studying this Finnish philosophy. Dr. Lahti unravels the threads of extraordinary determination encapsulated in Sisu, a reserve of power each of us harbors for life's most challenging moments.

Embarking on a journey through the psyche, this discussion explores the engaging intersection between Sisu and human progress, analyzing how one's action mindset and courage can transform perceived impossibilities into stepping stones for personal growth. Dr. Lahti constructs a compelling narrative around Sisu as an embodied somatic fortitude, distinguishing it from cognitive traits like passion or resilience.

However, this episode isn't just about the strengths of Sisu. Dr. Lahti candidly discusses its potential dark side—when determination morphs into stubbornness or when excess grit leads to burnout, revealing the fine line between fortitude and fragility.

• Introduction to Dr. Elisabet Lahti and the Concept of Sisu
• The Core Elements of Sisu
• Sisu in the Face of Adversity and Personal Challenges
• Sisu and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• Commitment and Courage in Sisu
• The Balance of Determination and Gentleness

SHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-25-Gentle-Power-with-Dr-Elisabet-Lahti

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• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this episode, we welcome the insightful Katie Palmer, a renowned educational consultant and parenting coach, who dives deep into the controversial and emotional topic of parental favoritism. Katie invites listeners to explore the reluctant admittance of having a 'favorite child' and the potential psychological impact this taboo subject can have on family dynamics.

This episode peels back the layers on the challenging issue of fair versus equal treatment and the intricacies of parenting. Discover how balancing different needs does not invariably equate to equitable treatment and why understanding this distinction is fundamental in nurturing well-rounded individuals.

Listeners will find themselves deeply engrossed in personal anecdotes and expert insights that shine a light on the internal struggles parents face when connecting with their offspring. Especially poignant is the examination of shared values, teenage rebellion, and the constant negotiation of needs and values within the family structure.

Highlights:

• Insights on reluctance in admitting favoritism among children
• The Emotional Challenges of Parenting and Fairness
• The Favorite Child: Parental Perspectives and Dilemmas
• Balancing Values, Needs, and Relationship Dynamics
• Fairness vs. Equality: Understanding the Distinction

SHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-24-The-Favorite-Child-with-Katie-Palmer

Subscribe to Life's Dirty Little Secrets YouTube Channel!

Resources Mentioned in this episode:

A study on the notion of a “favorite child” from Purdue University

An article on parent favoritism from The Institute for Family Studies

Two books by Anthony Wolf:

• Mom, Jason’s breathing on me: The solution to sibling bickering. Ballantine Books. (2003).
• It’s not fair, Jeremy Spencer’s parents let him stay up all night: A guide to the tougher parts of parenting. Farrar, Straus and Giroux . (1996).

Siblings without rivalry:  How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too. W. W. Norton & Company; Revised edition (2012).  by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish·

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

In this enlightening Life's Dirty Little Secrets episode hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry delve deep with the Buddhist philosopher, Stephen Batchelor on navigating ethical dilemmas in a world bound by societal norms. In this episode, Stephen challenges listeners to find courage and clarity in uncertainty, and to embrace radical self-acceptance as a means to thoughtful, compassionate living.

Touching on the need for like-minded communities amid the decline of traditional institutions, this episode encourages individuals to consciously forge new support systems. Stephen's call for a personal approach to spirituality and ethics resonates throughout the discussion, advocating for a non-binary grasp of morality.

Tune in to explore the balance between individual beliefs and societal pressures, and how meditation groups can anchor us in a turbulent sea of systemic issues. "Good and Evil with Stephen Batchelor" is a must-hear for those wrestling with life's complex ethical questions.

Highlights:

• The Nature of Ethical Choices
• Personal Values vs. Societal Pressures
• Inner Values and Intuition
• Stress, Binary Thinking, and Language
• Self-Acceptance and Growth

Timestamps:

[00:00] Striking similarities in inner struggles, liberating experience.

[05:07] Overwhelmed by thoughts, emotions, habits, regrets, grudges. Ethical uncertainty.

[06:35] Striving for best intentions often leads astray.

[12:58] Ethics is about becoming the best version of oneself.

[14:25] Ethics is about shaping and forming oneself.

[18:29] Tradition must adapt to the changing world.

[23:45] Ethics and imagination crucial for societal change.

[26:02] Encouraging tough questions, creativity, and ethical change.

[28:20] Marvel at the mysterious complexity of human society.

[33:07] Influential counterculture can inspire real societal change.

[36:22] Challenging binary thinking for ethical understanding.

[41:35] Language reinforces binary habits, rooted in evolution.

[43:58] Radical self-acceptance is vital in ethical training.

[46:48] Focus on non-reactive attention, ethics, community bonds.

[50:27] Navigating questions, offering support, creating understanding.

Stephen Batchelor is a former monk in the Tibetan and Zen traditions. He has translated Shantideva’s A Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life and is the author of Alone with Others, The Faith to Doubt, The Tibet Guide, The Awakening of the West, Buddhism without Beliefs, and Verses from the Center. He is a contributing editor of Tricycle magazine, a guiding teacher at Gaia House Retreat Centre, and cofounder of Sharpham College for Buddhist Studies and Contemporary Inquiry in Devon, England. He lives in southwest France and lectures and conducts meditation retreats worldwide.

Learn more about Stephen Batchelor

Order your copy of the Art of Solitude and Living with the Devil

Episodes mentioned -

Secret #2: We Are Not Alone with Martin Wilks

Secret #17: Adolescenting  - How to be an Adolescent with Dr. Louise Hayes

• ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

Join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry, alongside esteemed guest Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona (affectionately known as Dr. Z), as they delve deep into the intricate maze of perfectionism. Together, they unravel the complexities that drive our relentless pursuit of flawlessness and the hidden costs it entails.

Dr. Z opens the discussion by dissecting the motivations behind perfectionistic tendencies, from a profound care for one's work to the haunting fear of failure and the rigid adherence to internalized rules. As she shares fascinating insights from her clinical experience, you'll learn about the crucial need to examine these often subconscious guidelines that forge our actions and shape our lives.

The hosts also reflect on societal pressures and the intricate balance of caring for others while nurturing self-compassion. They converse about the paradox of promoting self-care when society often glorifies self-sacrifice, and Emma candidly shares her own journey toward understanding that self-kindness manifests in various, sometimes unexpected, forms.

Dr. Z advocates for a balanced approach to high achievement by laying bare a comical yet relatable anecdote about her quest for the perfect TV - a metaphorical invitation for listeners to contemplate when to aim for the stars and when 'good enough' truly suffices.

Highlights:

• Understanding Perfectionism
• The Concept of the "Maximizer"
• Self-Compassion and Self-Care
• Social and Interpersonal Perfectionism
• Radical Acceptance and Personal Values

Timestamps:

[00:00] Fear of failure and rigid rules controlling behavior.

[05:18] Understanding client's struggles, mind's protective patterns.

[10:21] Dismissing standards invalidates and fosters fear.

[12:53] Caring about values & flexibility in actions.

[15:58] Approach tasks with fear or expansion.

[18:52] Reflect on motivations driving urges and choices.

[22:49] Teenager's stress due to late-night studying.

[26:09] Helping people with self-compassion and growth.

[28:46] Prioritizing health, limitations, and personal connections.

[31:41] Struggling to balance responsibilities and emotions.

[35:39] Taking ownership of what matters is liberating.

[40:55] Advising on decision-making: maximize or satisfy?

About Dr. Zurita Ona

Listen to Dr. Z’s Playing-It-Safe Podcast

Read Dr. Z’s book Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors: Do Things Your Way, Be Yourself, and Live a Purposeful Life

Visit Dr. Z’s Website

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• ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)