Like a Mother

This is my mission statement for this platform, myself, and for single moms everywhere:

I will set big, giant scary goals for myself and family, regardless of what my family looks like, or what other people think I am capable of.

I appreciate every single day that I live in a time of unprecedented wealth and opportunity for women, and it is my duty to achieve both to honor the people who fought for me to have these opportunities, as well as for those who come after me.

I accept responsibility for my own financial well being.

I might not have it all figured out right now, but I am taking steps to be debt free, financially independent, and with a financial plan for the future.

I will never chose to under-earn in order to maximize receipt of child support, alimony or public benefits.

I will never under-earn to minimize paying child support or alimony.

I will take steps to minimize working mom guilt, instead deferring to extensive research that finds that after age 3, the number of hours moms spend with their kids does not impact their development, and actively thwart peer pressure that assumes that the stay-at-home mom is the better mom, because all science finds to the contrary.

I will take big and calculated (and some not-so-calculated) risk. Because that is the only way to grow and change — financially, professionally and personally.

I will seek without guilt or shame work that is exciting, creative and fulfilling.

I will never minimize my professional success — in actuality or perception — in order to appear attractive to men.

I relish that I am role model of earning and professional success for my children. Also, for other women and moms.

I give back. Even — especially — when I feel like I don’t have any more to give, I remember that I can give to others, and that gives me strength.

I accept help. I’m just one woman, I am vulnerable, and I can’t do everything on my own (that would be insane).

I will stumble, fail, eff stuff up in the worst way. Then get back up and go for it again.

I’m never, ever, ever, ever, ever entitled. Ever!

I am capable of so, so much more than I limit myself to. I open myself up to the amazing and impossible.

Of course it's never 'just sex.' But sometimes, a relationship based on little more than sexual chemistry is a fantastic way to get in touch with your femininity, your sexual identity, and get your groove back — especially after a long hiatus or long-term relationship.

Why? 

In the absence of potential emotional or relationship entanglement, you can focus on JUST THE SEX. You learn what makes you hot, what turns you on, what you need in bed without all the complications of a relationship (because, let's face it: relationships can kill your mojo). 

So: Without shame or guilt, go for that hottie who you know you'll never fall in love with. Hook up with the guy who your family and friends will never meet. Enjoy. Indulge. Learn.

Then take those lessons to your next relationship.  

I was stunned when, a couple months ago, I attended a media event for the Oxygen show, Quit Your Day Job (think SharkTank meets Survivor), where one of the panelists, and show co-host, Lauren Maillian took her turn at the mic, introducing herself. Some of the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm a single mom." I wasn't sure what she said after that, because I was so stunned — I have never, ever heard a high-profile woman lead with her unmarried moms status.

This was a triumph.

So is Lauren. I met Lauren, 31, a few years ago when we discussed working on a book together. She is remarkable — a former fashion model (she is remarkable in her beauty and fashion, as we discuss in this episode. Seriously, she GOES THERE when she steps out), wine entrepreneur, best-selling author, luxury marketing consultant, TV personality, philanthropist and, of course, single mom.

In this episode we discuss:

• The power of feminine beauty in business.
• How being the only black kid in her Manhattan private school developed her risk tolerance and thick skin.
• How she integrates her children, ages 6 and 8, into the untraditional flow of her professional life, and why that is so fantastic for the whole family.
• Her commitment to being an advocate for women and women of color in the boardroom, despite never facing sexual discrimination herself.
• Why bringing your A game all the time is so critical (even if the press makes fun of your frequent wardrobe changes).

Check out Lauren's book, The Path Redefined:

Other ways to listen: iTunes  ♦  Stitcher   ♦  TuneIn   ♦  SoundCloud (and coming soon … GooglePlay!)

This is such an awesome interview for so many reasons. Kimberly Palmer, former senior money editor for U.S. News, married mom of two, and all-around smart girl, wrote a book that is so obvious in its scope and mission it seems impossible it does not already exist:

Smart Mom, Rich Mom: How to Build Wealth While Raising a Family

That's right: a personal finance book for moms. Insane? Hardly. But what delightfully thrilled me is some hard-lined rules Palmer lays out for mothers, as well as her patent assumption that moms need to be taking care of business by themselves — and not naively assume there is a man in the picture. Some highlights from the interview:

• Stop focusing on couponing, and start focusing on EARNING
• Never ignore your earning power. DO NOT STEP OFF THE CAREER PATH.
• Stay-at-home motherhood is a fantastical fantasy, so get over it. 
• The higher-earning spouse's time is not more valuable than the less-earning spouse's time. 
• How to talk to your kids so they understand that you w.o.r.k.

Loving this podcast? Follow on RSS, Stitcher, TuneIn, SoundCloud or  iTunes. Leave a review, me love you long time. Muah! 

Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

Other ways to listen: iTunes  ♦  Stitcher   ♦  TuneIn   ♦  SoundCloud (and coming soon … GooglePlay!)

I've known Amy Silverman for more than 15 years, from when I worked with the Phoenix New Times award-winning journalist's husband Ray Stern at another (now defunct!) Arizona newspaper. I remember when their second daughter Sophie was born, and how they contended first with the denial, fear and ultimately acceptance and joy at learning their child has Down syndrome.

I am so thrilled to interview Amy on Like a Mother about her new book, My Heart Can't Believe It: A Story of Science, Love, and Down Syndrome. This reported memoir is raw and honest, as Amy contends with her own adolescent notions about learning disabilities, including her casual use of the word 'retarded,' hilarious in its antics of raising a intellectually disabled tween obsessed with her own puberty, as well as tender moments of accepting and learning to love a child who is not like you, or what you thought your family would look like.

We talk about the cliquey world of Down syndrome support groups and Special Olympic politics, and the universal mom worries about what life is like for our children after we are gone, felt even more acutely when your child is not able to care for herself. about a twisted connection between her earlier obsession with a retro sex-ed video coming full circle to be the saving grace in her motherhood challenges:

Loving this podcast? Follow on RSS, Stitcher, TuneIn, SoundCloud or  iTunes. Leave a review, me love you long time. Muah! 

Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

Oh man, when I read Heather Shumaker's essay in Salon Homework is wrecking our kids: The research is clear, let's ban elementary homework, I reached out to her immediately. In her excellent article, Shumaker articulates exactly what I have been grumbling about (and fighting with my ex about) since my kids were in preschool. I wanted to know: Would she be my BFF? Make sweet love to me? Talk to my school/ex/annoying parents who dominate the PTAs and playgrounds and support all the over-parenting pressure that is actually corrupting kids, holding women back professionally and financially, and are generally an irritant to the establishment?

Shumaker, a Minneapolis based journalist and married mom of two, agreed to be interviewed on this show, and I am so glad she did. This is a home girl, a sister-in-arms in reasonable parenting that supports kids and families in ways that promote health and reason, and not the homemaker fantasy that dominates school schedules and curriculums, and pressure to spend inordinate and unprecedented hours with our children even though science negates any benefit and personal and macroeconomics suffer at the hands of such practices. 

Check out Heather Schumaker's awesome books that should be required reading for every new parent before they are allowed to check out of the hospital:

It's OK to Go Up the Slide: Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids

It's OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids

If you have any question at all about why you should stop micro-managing your kids, let them play freely, dirtily, creatively, check out this awesome info from TheGeniusofPlay.org:

Highlights include ...

• Improved language in kindergardeners
• Higher academic performance overall, including math, problem-solving and yes, you Type A parent, standardized tests
• Better behavior when kids exercise
• Play promotes emotion regulation and empathy
• Play = lower stress

More info on the power of play for kids:

The case for well-played kids 

The evolutionary importance of self-directed play

The decline of unstructured play 

A few anecdotes:

• The mom blogger who earns six-figures each year calls herself a "stay-at-home-mom." (Not surprising: Pew found 40 percent of Americans believe (brace yourself for the horror) it HARMS children when their mothers work outside the home.
• The Columbia educated mom who left her banking position owning to burnout and yearning to spend more time with her kids defensively tells all new acquaintances:  "I'm NOT staying home. I'm consultingworkingparttimevolunteering!"

How do you define yourself as a mom? Is it by what you value (professional mom vs SAHM)? Or what you're actually doing at that moment?

Does it matter?

In this episode I share my thoughts on this: Yes it does matter. Because by lying about not earning and working when you do, you perpetuate sexist stereotypes and parenting myths that hold women back.

Have a listen. 

Loving this podcast? Follow on RSS, Stitcher, TuneIn, SoundCloud or  iTunes. Leave a review, me love you long time. Muah! 

Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

Two years ago Manon DeFelice launched Inkwell, a recruiting agency specializing in placing high-level professional moms in positions with flexible or part-time schedules. In the past six months the agency grossed $500,000 in commissions, and is projected to hit 7-figures in 2016.

Impressive numbers for DeFelice, a 35-year-old mom of three kids ages 8 and younger, who was inspired by personal experience. The Barnard and Brooklyn Law grad spent her early career in Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s Office of Criminal Justice, and as executive director of the AHA Foundation, which focuses on female human rights issues. In her career, DeFelice faced discrimination for being pregnant, taking maternity leave and breastfeeding in the office, she says. She also struggled to find balance between her New York City office and three children and husband in Greenwich, Conn. She saw highly educated and accomplished women all around her dropping out, staying home full time and being increasingly frustrated and bored. 

Today, she helps high-achieving women facing the same pickle:

“I’m trying to stop the brain drain,” DeFelice says. “Women are educated at the best schools, and trained at the best companies, but then they quit because they want to go to music class Tuesdays with their baby. That is bad for lifetime earnings, bad for marriages, and the world misses out on women’s contributions. Aside from staying home fulltime, or working fulltime crazy hours, there are very few third options. I’m helping moms find a third option.”

Amanda Steinberg, single mom, and all-around kick-ass entrepreneur you probably read about in every single business publication, has been consistently pissed off that women do not have as much wealth as men.

First, the Columbia educated engineer launched DailyWorth, the leading site for ambitious women who want to learn more about money, and now co-founder of WorthFM, an investing and savings platform marketed to women, and automates savings and investing based on your money type. 

In this episode we talk about:

How women invest, save and spend differently from men.

• Typical pitfalls women fall into when it comes to accumulating credit card debt.
• Amanda's money habits that made her book publisher worry make her look like a financial train wreck.
• Why she is anti-budgeting.
• Financial challenges specific to single moms. 
• The "social atrocity" that the world does not teach women to take care of themselves financially. 

Loving this podcast? Follow on RSS, Stitcher, TuneIn, SoundCloud or  iTunes. Leave a review, me love you long time. Muah! 

Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

Other ways to listen: iTunes  ♦  Stitcher   ♦  TuneIn   ♦  SoundCloud (and coming soon … GooglePlay!)

I keep hearing women who work from home — some earning a lot of money — call themselves "stay-at-home moms." Meanwhile, I see moms who are un- or under-employed who go out of their way to make sure that no one things they are stay-at-home moms. The horror! 

Bottom line: No one is really ascribing to the "We all must respect each other's decisions, and support one another in the mom-tribe!" That is bull. Each one of us has very strong feelings about what is best for families and women, and you and I make sure everyone knows where we fit into that paradigm — whether explicitly or passive-aggressively. 

Have a listen.

What do you think?