Like a Mother

A few years ago I wrote this a couple years ago while reflecting on my own first post-divorce breakup. It continues to be one of the most-trafficked posts on this whole blog, more than two years later. I haven’t read about this phenomenon anywhere else, but it is apparently very, very common:

When your first relationship after your marriage ends, the pain is like nothing else. Here I explore why. If this is your experience, I hope this helps you understand what you are going through. Please share this with others who may benefit — and share your own experience in the comments. That way, we can all feel less alone.

Related posts:

Why post-divorce rebound relationships hurt so damn bad (and why divorces are totally different and way worse than breakups)

Post-divorce rebound: A requisite heart pummeling

Healing from divorce takes the long and winding road

xo,

Emma

A few months ago I was complaining to friend and Like a Mother guest and business Jenn Scalia about feeling stalled in my career. "I can't work with you until you get through your money blocks," Jenn said, matter-of-factly. You might remember that Jenn went from earning a $38,000 salary to a profit of $400,000 in two years. She credits the work of Denise Duffield-Thomas, a money mindset coach and author of Lucky Bitch and Get Rich, Lucky Bitch.  I paid attention.

Fast-forward two months. I'd read Thomas's book. I love how she offered very clear, reasonable, actionable steps for manifesting what I wanted (in this case: MONEY). She was funny and real, not pretentious, new-agey or annoying in any way.

Guess what? Money started flowing into my life. Career goals I set magically manifested. Key people I needed on my team suddenly were introduced. Even smaller things -- like my brother gave me his old TV, which was on my to-buy list for Christmas. I met others who had the same experience with Thomas. I bought a stack of Get Rich, Lucky Bitch and gave one to each of my ambitious girlfriends for Christmas.

Here I interview Denise Duffield-Thomas. Just as her videos and book suggest, she is warm, funny and real as she dished -- very pregnant with her second child -- from her home on the beach in Australia. In this episode Thomas shares:

Check out the FREE Lucky Bitch manifestation course to get a taste of Thomas's charm and powerful tips.

My favorite episode yet!

Super-special guest today ... my daughter, Helena. This 8-year-old gorgeous pickle and I have a mother-daughter interview:

Insider secret: Even the most poised, gorgeous, successful people are shitting their pants, all day long.

So if you feel a little fat, a bit unsure of yourself, a tad -- or a lot!  -- inadequate ... join the effing club mama! 

In this episode I elaborate on these tricks I've cultivated over the years 

What do you do to feel sexy and confident? Share in the comments! 

What's it like when a dad moves out of the house in the middle of divorce?

In this episode I interview my friend Chad Dougatz, of Hangar Studios, the genius behind this and other amazing podcasts, including Chicken Soup For the Soul. Chad, who is launching his own show on this process, Dad's Pad, just moved out his family house a few days prior.

In this episode we talk about:

In a crappy job? Miserable in your work? Underpaid, burnt out, and not sure where to go?

In this episode I get your ass in gear. I will show you:

Loving this podcast? Follow on RSS or  iTunes. Leave a review, me love you long time. Muah! 

What will it take to creating the parental leave and family-friendly policies in the workplace?

First step - aggressive acts of bravery by moms inside the system. 

Sandra Schwarzer, global director of human resources at Soros Open Foundations, the largest nonprofit organization in the world, shares about her own macro-aggression inside her company, fought hard for a new policy for all its 1,600 to receive 6 months parental leave, half of it full pay, three months 70 percent pay -- with tons of flexibility of how they chose to use it -- including in the U.S. offices.

In this episode Schwarzer talks about what it took to make happen what she calls her "greatest career achievement to date."

There are times when we are getting along, when we are chatting like old friends at the kids’ T-ball game, the kids are exhausted from schlepping back and forth between our apartments, I remember all his good qualities and all the benefits of marriage, and I think:

Can’t we just be adults and make it work? Can’t we just agree not to fight any more? Be in one home, be practical, get over this trite, adolescent notion of forever soulful romantic love, have no expectations your husband will fulfill you and just be realistic already – FOR THE KIDS’ SAKE? 

Then he will blame me for my kid tripping in the hallway of my apartment and getting a bloody boo-boo on his head, or cancel a visit with the kids last-minute because he wants to see a concert and all those cozy notions are thrown out the window quicker than a Las Vegas divorce.

Maybe it means I’m selfish. Maybe it means I can’t control my anger. Maybe it means I am a indulgent adolescent artist, but I don’t want to be married to my ex-husband so I am not married to my ex-husband. We were great together in many ways, but we also bring out the worst in one another — something that neither of us are committed to overcoming. Also: I just don’t want to be married to him.

Also, also: That is OK.

I want to explore my sexuality in a way that is impossible with him. I want to be with people who support my huge professional ambition and creative pursuits without competing — again, impossible with him. I want to be with someone who easily forgives, and easily laughs, and easily picks up his fucking dirty clothes and just puts them in the hamper.

I just don’t want to be married to him.

And that is OK.

Dr. Susan O'Malley is pretty awesome. With her thick New York accent, this lifelong underachiever, secretary with no more than a high school diploma, set out at age 30 to become a physician.

She did it.

In this interview, I interview this amazing, charming woman who did not let her age, marital or family status or the zillions of naysayers hold her back from her mid-life dream of medicine.

Dr. Susan O'Malley shares about:

Listen to her gush about the 15-year romance with her husband (hear what she said when I asked how the sex was after all those years, and now in her 60s).

Dr. Susan O'Malley is the author of Tough Cookies Don't Crumble: Turn Set-Backs into Success, on Amazon.

Loving this podcast? Follow on RSS or  iTunes. Leave a review, me love you long time. Muah! 

Are you part of the new Facebook group, Millionaire Single Moms? No income requirement, though BIG GOALS and a POSITIVE MINDSET required! Join now! 

If younger men are hot for old moms, and old moms complain men their age want younger women -- what do younger women have to say about all this?

In this episode I chat with my friend and podcast editor Rachel Jacobs, an awesome 25-year-old woman who'd love to meet a guy and have a family one day -- but finds the pickings are slim, in part, because everyone is dating outside their age zone.

Really funny and interesting perspective. Have a listen!