Burt was one of the first famous people we ever got to be in one of our dumb Funny Or Die sketches back in 2011 or so. I ended up getting to spend the good part of a day with him, and it was really something. He was a helluva guy. Here's the story of it, from the best I can remember. 

It's weird that a president has never really had a drinking scandal in our entire lifetime, or even seem to appear drunk in the public view. The bar show at the (not so) Good Nite. I saw Say Anything at the Regent. It was sweet Eric's birthday Friday. Ralph's deli department should have been part of Dante's Inferno. Observations (and criticisms!) about Theo Von's & Marc Maron's recent podcasts. I saw Killers Of The Flower Moon, so that you don't have to. 

Shows & shit. The Bouncing Souls extravaganza. The return of Studio A. Swing & a miss on 285. Somewhow I still find fulfillment at open mics? Wtf. "Police Drone In Use." The Creator. 

I got my Harley back after 3 months...or did I? Why is it so hard to get my lunch meat cut thick/the way I want it. I'd have a better chance at alchemy than getting lunch meat cut to my specs. I saw Converge with Bokes for the first time in over 20yrs; it went about as well as everything else did this fuckin' weekend. 

Wet handshakes. White knuckle weekend. Girls on dating apps think they're hilarious, but no one will tell them guys only pretend to laugh at everything they say because they want to see their butthole. (And other annoying LA dating profile attributes) A moderately revelatory week of stand up/open mic grindage. The lost Howard Stern cassette archive. (Worst Indiana Jones plot ever) This new doctor is a real backstabber. 

The human blinker! Gen Z are socially maladjusted weirdos, and I'm tired of them. A most unusual Hinge date. The Dope Show/comedy show in Venice Beach, and the valley hang after. (With famous comedian ________) Stand up low point for 2023, get your shit together. (Me, I'm talking to. Well, you too, maybe. Let's all kick ourselves in the ass) El Coyote. Somene get Joe List to listen to god damn Hold Steady.

More like the Ice PICK House! LOL!! Fuck me for missing the Sparta tour. Most people are predictable, unfunny bores. Steak & a cigar Friday, like a real man. (Contrary to what my gym teacher thought of me) Open mics have been brutal lately, they feel more like a comedy study hall. More like Matt Rife-with-boring-personality. (See what I did there?) Bobby Tongs doesn't belongs. (on a podcast) Chimneysweep and lack of sleep. Someday I'll figure out what's wrong with my wretched, 98yr old man guts. 

"Research," and night vision goggles that accidentally let you see into other dimensions, and shit. HBO has ads now (gtfoh), but I watched that Telemarketer documetnary and had some thoughts about it. The Opportunist pod-khaast. Titties & totalitarianism. I'd rather juggle scorpions than have to try to find a pair of size 12 sneakers in this city, and grandpa goes shopping for video games. 

A chip off the ol door. Zuma Beach, 2023: Attempt #4. My show at the 4th Wall Cafe Friday night. The Flash movie stinks, but it was nice to see Keats back as Bats. Jay Leno at Flappers. The Will Haven show, and the Slayer paradox. 

Wood Ranch? More like "WOULD Ranch, stay open past 9pm?" We need bullies. For heavens sake, Heavens Gate. Why do MRI machines seem like technology that hasn't progressed since 1968. Impromptu Improv. Hogan on Rogan. Metallica show at Sofi stadium. One of the worst dates I've ever been on.