Locker Room - A Southland Christian Church Podcast

Developing a healthy, intentional ethos (culture and characteristics) as a Godly man is critical. It's about building disciplines that drive us to deeper places, move us closer to Jesus, and infuse purpose back into our lives.

On today's episode we will dive into 3 things that should be non-negotiables for us as men.

DISCUSSION GUIDE :

Are you a person who sets goals/resolutions? What goals have you set for yourself recently? How has it been going for you? Share a funny story of when you gave up on a goal way too quickly.

Challenge 1: Pursue Jesus Daily - What does it look like for you to follow Jesus on a day-to-day basis?

Does reading come naturally to you? How often are you actually in God's Word? Would you like your time reading the Bible to look different? How so?

Read 2 Timothy 3:16-17 & Hebrews 12:4. Based on these scriptures, why is it so valuable to be reading the Bible? If you don't have a daily Bible reading rhythm make one now. Take a few minutes now to discuss a plan to read daily and together. Then make a plan to keep each other accountable.

Challenge 2: Exercise Consistently - Read Mark 12:30, 1 Corinthians 9:26-27, and 1 Timothy 4:8. Men can fall into two extremes when it comes to physical health: they either ignore it or worship it. Which camp do you tend to fall in? Do you value training and diet in the right way?

Read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. The way we treat our bodies reflects how we feel about God. Can you honestly say you honor God with your body based on how you exercise and eat? What do you need to start doing (today, tomorrow, or next week) to honor God with your body?

Challenge 3: Live in Community with other Godly men. If you're answering these questions, you are likely already doing this. What has Biblical community looked like for you over the years? How have you benefited from doing life with other men?

Read Proverbs 27:17 & Proverbs 13:20. Who is sharpening you to look more like Christ? Who in your life leads you to foolish harm? What changes do you need to make to the men you surround yourself with?

What else from the podcast spoke to you?

What did God/Holy Spirit speak/prompt/say to you? What's God asking you to do? What does He want to give you? What does He want you to lay down?

Next Steps

• Join a Group at southland.church/groups
• Join Fight Club in Georgetown
• Learn more about being a Marriage Mentor - email [email protected]
• Check out the Parenting Podcast and more at southland.church/podcasts
• For any other questions or comments email [email protected]

There isn't a tougher job on the planet than parenting! At the same time, there are a ton of voices speaking into how to do it.

We are releasing a new podcast for parents that focuses first on the heart of the parent because at the end of the day, you can't give what you don't have. We want so many things for our kids, but often what matters most when it comes to our parenting is the condition of our own hearts. That's what our new podcast is all about.

This first episode is published here on the Locker Room podcast feed. To subscribe to future episodes, find, "Parenting - a Southland.Church podcast" on your favorite podcast platform, or listen on our website at https://southland.church/podcasts

--

Episode 1: Parenting Begins in Our Hearts

The most influential thing on the hearts of our children—for good or for bad—is the state of our own hearts and what comes out of us.

We have all been influenced by our own individual experiences growing up. Some of us only had one parent around. Some of us didn't have a strong faith component in our lives growing up—no map to guide us on what to do. Some of us may have grown up in a family where faith was a key part of daily life, but maybe we never had that personal relationship with the Father.

Our hosts for this podcast have been in some of those places, and we'll discuss how getting our own hearts right with God is the first and most important step we can take as parents.

If you are a Christian, you are playing an away game. There was a day when the church was a predominant influence in culture. Not anymore. In the U.S. the church has lost influence in our communities and been pushed out to the margins, and Christ-followers are no longer warmly met, but now face vitriol and resistance.

But this is nothing new. In this episode of Locker Room Scott and returning guest Kevin Comp sit down to look back into history to a time when a group of young men who followed the Lord were faced with an ultimate test of faith versus a culture that wanted nothing to do with God. Discussion Guide:

1. Which option would you pick between truth or dare? Why?

2. Describe a time when you saw someone do something courageous. Where did their strength come from? What effect did their courage have on you?

3. Read Daniel 1:1-21. The first chapter of the book of Daniel provides context for the type of character and courage Daniel, Hananiah (Shadrach), Mishael (Meshach), and Azariah (Abednego) possessed. What specific attributes or actions of these four men stand out to you? Why?

4. Read Daniel 2:46-49. The second chapter could be summarized in three acts: Nebuchadnezzar's dream, Daniel's interpretation, and Nebuchadnezzar's response. What's significant about Nebuchadnezzar's response to Daniel's interpretation of his dream? How should we have expected him to respond?

5. Read Daniel 3:1-7. Pride is a dangerous form of self-deception, and it's abundantly clear with Nebuchadnezzar. What areas in your life do you intentionally or unintentionally try to sit on God's throne? How has He revealed this to you? What's typically your response when He does?

6. Read Daniel 3:8-18 and 2 Timothy 1:7. "Even if" is arguably one of the most important qualifiers as it pertains to our walk with God. When was the last time you experienced conflict because of your faith? How did you handle the situation? What did you learn from it?

7. Read Daniel 3:19-23 and 1 Corinthians 16:13. When are you the most tempted to compromise on your faith? How can you practically guard against this temptation?

8. Read Daniel 3:24-30 and Isaiah 42:2-3. Why is it so easy for us to forget that God is with us? What are some of the ways we can remind ourselves of His presence, especially when our circumstances seem dire?

9. Read John 15:18-21. Pastor Tony Evans once said, "A ship belongs in the water, but the water doesn't belong in the ship. We are to be in the world, but the world should not be in us." What does it mean to be a counter-cultural Christian in our current cultural climate?

10. Listen to each of the following songs this week and meditate on Scott's question: What are you afraid of?

    1. "Another in the Fire" by Hillsong Worship

    2. "Even If" by MercyMe

    3. "Christ Be Magnified" by Cody Carnes

Eradicate Passivity

The definition of passivity is an acceptance of what happens, without active response or resistance. Passivity is apathy, indifference, numbness and resignation. It's like an ostrich who buries its head in the ground.

Nothing brings hell to earth faster than passive, whiny men who blame everyone and everything for their lack of responsibility.

Passivity harms a man's relationship with God and it makes his family vulnerable because he is unwilling to engage in the most important things. In this episode of Locker Room we are going to dig into what can become a huge obstacle for men.

--

Discussion Guide

The best stories often involve a hero who faces conflict and takes action to overcome it. Who are some of your favorite heroes (in movies/stories, or real life). What about them makes them admirable?

When we are passive, we are still making a choice—a choice to do nothing about a situation. We all have had times in life where we can look back and see that taking action could have led to a different result. Think back on a time in your life when taking action would have been the right call. What did the lack of action cost you?

Read Genesis 3:1-8. At the beginning of history, Adam—the very first man—stands passively by as Eve eats from the tree that God forbid; and then goes along with the crowd by eating it himself. When God asks what they have done, they both pass the blame—Adam blames Eve and Eve blames the serpent. The impulse to be passive, when action is needed to restrain sin, can entangle us deeply in sin.

Read Romans 5:12-20. Notice how sin entered the world through one man's passivity (Adam), and how sin was atoned for the whole world through Jesus taking responsibility. (It wasn't his problem, but he made it his responsibility).

Passivity and responsibility are opposed to each other. One says, "It's not my fault, it's not my problem—there's nothing I can do about it." The other says, "It may not be my fault, it may not be my problem, but I can do something about it." How can we shift our attitude in life from being passive to being someone who takes responsibility?

Scott talked about the big beautiful house across from the dairy farm, and how whoever lived there must have gotten to the point where they didn't notice the stench anymore—but that doesn't mean the stench was gone—they just became oblivious to it. What are some things in life that you've ignored for too long, to the point where you don't even notice them anymore?

- It could be something in your home that you forgot to put away, and now it's been there for months. You see it every time you enter the room, but you'll get to it…

- It could be a maintenance need on your vehicle that started off as a nuisance but now has become a real problem that is affecting your ability to get to work or participate in activities with friends and family.

- It could be being passive about your personal finances and you need to buckle down and make good choices now so that you can escape debt and get financial freedom in the future.

- It could be your physical health—maybe you used to be active, but life has just been so busy that you have neglected your body. Passivity in our health can bleed over into so many areas.

- Sometimes our passivity can stem from a feeling of being overwhelmed. One small step in the right direction could lead us to success in multiple areas once we see some results. What is one step you could take in each of the areas mentioned above?

Have you become passive about your walk with God? Do you find yourself checking in at church on Sundays and waiting to be fed, then going about your week all on your own strength? Look at your calendar and put in one intentional time this week to have a conversation with God and read some of His Word. Even if it is just fifteen minutes, take the first step.

Have you become passive in your friendships? Do you spend most of your time thinking about your own needs and not investing in others? If a close friend had a crisis, would you be someone they could call? What can we change about our friendships to build into others? How can we be better listeners?

Are you struggling with being passive in your marriage? Do you focus on your work so much that you don't have anything left in the tank for your spouse? Jobs may come and go. We have to prioritize our marriage relationships. Find some time this week when you were planning to do something for yourself or work that you can instead build into your relationship with your wife. Surprise her by taking responsibility.

Have you become passive with your kids? Our children are our responsibility for sure. If we neglect this area, there is no shortage of other things that will influence them. If we don't maintain a relationship with our kids, they are not going to feel comfortable coming to us when problems arise. What is one step you can take this week to improve your relationship with your children? Consider carving out some time this week to spend with each child. Be slow to speak and eager to listen.

Our guest on this episode of Locker Room is Kevin Wirfel. Kevin and his wife Cheryl lost their son Nathan to suicide on April 9, 2021. In this conversation, Kevin shares about the profound grief they walked through as a family wrestling with this devastating loss. Kevin talks about struggles and warning signs in Nathan's life; things we should be watching for as parents, and in the lives of our loved ones.

Nearly every person that you lock eyes with has someone they care about who has either contemplated or attempted suicide, or knows someone who has taken their own life. People we come in contact with every day may be struggling themselves too. Even you who are reading this may feel trapped or hopeless too. We all need to know there is no shame in getting help and we don't have to live on an island. Our enemy wants us to feel like we are all alone and have no hope. Don't believe it. All we have to do is just take a step.

The Suicide & Crisis hotline: 988. It's a 24-hour hotline where someone is always available to talk with you or someone you love. It's worth putting into your phone contacts—you never know when you might need it.

If you've been wrestling with grief due to losing someone in your life—we have a Group called Grief Share that currently meets at the Nicholasville and Richmond Campuses. You can go to the Groups page and sign up there.

Books that we recommend for families that have walked through suicide:

Grieving A Suicide, by Albert Y Hsu.

So Much to Live For (How to Provide Help & Hope to Someone Considering Suicide) by Gregory Jantz.

For Christian Counseling, go to Southland.church/help scroll down & fill out the form and our staff will get you connected to a couple of Christian Counseling options. All this is confidential.

If you're struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts or feel stuck right now…the drastic thing that you should do is Reach out for help. Please reach out to a church or our church. We have a lot of resources and we'd be honored to come alongside you and your family. We've got staff that would be willing to sit down with you, Groups for Veterans, First Responders, Mental Health Groups, Grief Share and a bunch of other Groups—you need community and you need to know that you're not alone.

Please reach out.

Discussion Guide:

1. What's one thing that brings a smile to your face regardless of how tough your day has been? (E.g. book, memory, movie, person, song, TV show, etc.)
2. How would you describe your mental health during this season of life? What factors have contributed to your current state?
3. Scott shared some statistics regarding mental health on a more macro scale. Which was the most alarming or surprising to you? Why?
4. Read Matthew 22:37. Despite the notion that the Bible only speaks to our spiritual health, Jesus actually speaks to a more comprehensive view of how we're to love God, love others, and love ourselves — which includes our mental health. How should this change our perspective towards the stigma of mental health?
5. Read James 5:17-18 and 1 Kings 19:1-8. Elijah is one of the most well-known prophets in the Bible because of the "mountaintop" and "valley" moments he experienced. What are some of the signs that suggest someone may be in a "valley" and struggling with depression? How can we bring these concerns to light in a gracious and tactful way?
6. Read John 10:10 and 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. Scott and Kevin talked about the lies the enemy will try to plant in our minds. However, God provides us comfort even in the midst of our suffering. Not to give Satan too much credit, why is this an effective strategy? What are some of the reasons discussions about pain and suffering tend to be avoided in Christian circles?
7. Read Romans 12:1-2, 2 Corinthians 10:3-6, and Ephesians 4:20-24. Paul touches on the importance of our thought patterns in his letters. What are the implications based on these verses?
8. Read Isaiah 26:3, Romans 8:6, and Colossians 3:1-2. One of the ways we can fight for our mental health is by focusing on the eternal instead of the earthly. What are some of the different ways we can practically set our minds on the things of God?
9. Read, pray, and meditate on Psalm 34:17-18 this week. Make it a commitment to convert this verse to memory.
10. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When you sense something in yourself or in others, say something. Here's a list of resources to save for future reference:
    1. Suicide & Crisis Hotline 988
    2. Southland Christian Church Care Staff
    3. Christian Counseling Referral
    4. Care Groups (DivorceCare, GriefShare, War Stories, etc.)

God's heart is to move us toward the deeper places that strengthen our faith and trust in Him, and the main way that happens is through prayer.

Prayer can seem like a bit of a mystery. But in reality it's a conversation between our heart and the heart of God. Becoming intentional in our prayer life is something every man should lean into, because the stakes are too high if we don't.

Join us on this episode of Locker Room as Scott sits down with Matt Williams to talk about how we can be intentional with our prayer.

--

Discussion Guide

Who was the first person you ever heard pray (E.g. family member, coach, teammate, character in a movie or TV show, etc.)? What do you remember about their prayer?

In your own words, what does it mean to pray? What's the importance of prayer?

How would you describe your attitude towards prayer? Have you ever had a situation that drove you to pray earnestly to God? If so, what were the circumstances?

Read Matthew 6:5-8. The phrase "when you pray…" is repeated three times in this passage. This implies Jesus expects His followers to pray. Is prayer currently a priority in your life? Why or why not? What are some of the barriers or hurdles you've experienced with prayer? (E.g. comparison, distractions, guilt/shame, repetition, time constraints, etc.)

Read Luke 11:1-4. Although the disciples witnessed Jesus perform a number of miracles (E.g. calming storms, healing the sick, raising the dead, etc.), their only request is for Him to teach them how to pray. What are the implications for us regarding the significance of prayer? What else resonates with you about this specific prayer?

Read Nehemiah 1:4-11. Nehemiah's prayer has a similar framework to the Lord's Prayer found in Matthew 6:9-13 and Luke 11:1-4 — God's greatness, God's promises, specific requests, and confession. Which of these components do you have the tendency to naturally pray? Which do you have the tendency to leave out?

Read Proverbs 8:32-36, John 10:14-15, and John 10:27. Prayer is intended to be a dialogue, not a monologue. In other words, our communication with God should include speaking as well as listening. Why is listening difficult in general and especially as it pertains to prayer? How can we become more effective listeners?

Read Philippians 4:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, and Hebrews 4:16. How should verses like these change our perspective and our approach to prayer?

At the end of the day, prayer is essentially having a conversation throughout the day with our Good Father. What are your 1-2 main takeaways from today's episode?

Scott landed the discussion by sharing a story with a powerful illustration on prayer. Make it a priority this week to have a daily conversation with God in one of the empty seats around you.

In this episode of Locker Room, we are focusing on communication in marriage.

Communication is critical. It fuels our intimacy, allows us to be fully loving & be fully loved, fully knowing & being fully known. Communication strengthens our relationships, and it's what keeps vision and mission central in our marriage.

We may be great at communication with our spouse or we may have a lot of work to do in this area, but with God's help we can all improve.

DISCUSSION GUIDE

Who is a communicator that you admire? What do you admire about them?

How would you describe your communication style? How is it consistent or different depending on the context?

When has ineffective communication cost you something? How did you respond?

Read Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 15:1-2, and Proverbs 16:24. Healthy communication is vital to any relationship.

The book of Proverbs has several verses that remind us to be wise with our words. Who models this well in your sphere of influence? What specific examples or situations come to mind?

Read James 1:5, Ephesians 5:25-33, James 1:19, and Ephesians 4:29. Scott highlighted how communication can affect four primary areas of our relationships: decision-making, roles and responsibilities, expectations, and spiritual intimacy. How do these verses speak into each of these areas? How have you seen effective or poor communication impact your relationship in these areas?

Read Proverbs 18:21 and Matthew 12:36-37. It's tempting to hold more weight for our actions in comparison to our words. But based on these verses, what are the eternal implications of our words?

Read Psalm 141:3, Colossians 3:8, Colossians 4:6, and James 3:5-8. What are some of the ways we can proactively guard our tongues?

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. If you put your name at the beginning of each attribute, which areas are you stronger? Which areas do you have room for growth?

Read, pray, and meditate on Psalm 139:23-24 this week. Ask God to search your heart and reveal any area where you're not leading well with your communication during this season. Own your shortcomings to your significant other and ask how you can serve them better moving forward.

Take the initiative to establish healthy communication with your significant other by committing to one of the following challenges:

- Go to church together and discuss your main takeaways from the message

- Designate one day of the week for a Bible study or a book study together

- Pray with each other on a daily basis

Picking up from last week, Scott and Nate continue into specifics on how we as dads build into the relationships with our kids, and how to be an example of what being a godly man looks like.

We'll talk about listening well and how we can ask good questions. We'll also talk about how to start the discipline of praying for and encouraging our children regularly.

Discussion Guide:

1. Who's one of your favorite TV dads? Why are they one of your favorites?

2. In your opinion, what are 2-3 of the most important attributes of a father or father-like figure? Why did you select these?

3. Read Matthew 11:28-30. This passage is the only place in Scripture where Jesus explicitly says what His heart is like — gentle and lowly. What does it mean to be approachable? What does it mean to be understanding? Why is this important for the way we interact and engage with kids?

4. Read Isaiah 64:8, Matthew 6:9, and 1 John 3:1. God is referred to as Father over 10 times in the Old Testament and over 150 times in the New Testament. What's your understanding of God as a Father? How should our perspective of God as a good Father influence how we approach parenting or influencing the next generation?

5. Read Psalm 145:4, Proverbs 4:11-12, and Proverbs 23:24. Two of the most important things we could pass down to the next generation are wisdom and faith. How have you benefited from someone else sharing or modeling this for you?

6. Read Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Proverbs 22:6, and Ephesians 6:4. Children will need a strong biblical foundation in order to navigate life. What are you teaching the kids God has entrusted to you during this season (own children, students, players, mentees, etc.)? Are there any specific spiritual disciplines or practices you're implementing to help them grow in their faith?

7. Read Proverbs 27:19. What are some areas where you believe you're doing well as a father or father figure? Which areas do you have room to grow?

8. What are 1-2 main takeaways you have from last week's episode and this week's episode?

9. Make it a priority this week to not only pray for the kids in your orbit, but to also pray with them.

10. Share this episode along with "Raising Boys Pt.1" with some other fathers or father figures in your life.

The most important mark that we leave on this world is the mark we leave on our kids. Raising children is important and it's a big part of our role as men as we lead our homes. In this episode of Locker Room, Scott starts a conversation with Nate Head, who along with his wife Stefany is raising two young men.

Even if you don't have sons, you are a man, and today's episode might help you think about how you were raised. If you are raising girls, a lot of this conversation can be transferable for us as dads, as long as we contextualize our situation.

Discussion Guide:

1. Share one of your favorite dad jokes.

2. What's one of your fondest memories from your childhood? Why did you choose this specific memory?

3. The phrase "Boys will be boys…" is periodically quoted throughout our lives. What comes to mind when you hear or see this? What are certain attributes or qualities about boys that make them uniquely different from girls?

4. The books of 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel as well as some of the Psalms highlight different descriptions of David — shepherd, musician, warrior, king, and poet. Based on David's different giftings and interests, how would you describe what it means to be a man? What is the essence of manhood?

5. Read 1 Samuel 17:1-58 and 2 Samuel 11:1-27. These two passages of Scripture record what are arguably David's highest and lowest moments in his life. What are the key moments that forged you into the man you are today? What did you learn?

6. Read 2 Samuel 12:24-25, 1 Kings 2:1-12, and 1 Kings 3:1-28. David's son, Solomon, would serve as the next king and would eventually be regarded as one of the wisest people to ever live. How would you describe your relationship with your father or father figure? What values did you learn from him?

7. Read 1 Kings 11:1-6. In this section, we see the ripple effect of generational sin. Have you ever considered your father's upbringing? How has it impacted you today?

8. Read Proverbs 1:1-9. Solomon would eventually stray far from God, but he didn't allow it to define him. The book of Proverbs is a reflection of what life has taught him. Based on these verses, what's the purpose of Proverbs? Why is this significant in light of Solomon's story and David's story? What are the implications for us?

9. Read Proverbs 3:5, Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:3, and Proverbs 22:6. What's the best piece of advice or encouragement you've received from another man? How have you applied it?

10. Grab a copy of one of the following resources to read and discuss with another dad or father-like figure:

    1. Raising Boys by James Dobson

    2. Raising a Modern-Day Knight by Robert Lewis

    3. Every Young Man's Battle by Arterburn & Stoker

    4. The Intentional Father by Jon Tyson

Adoption is the highest privilege that the gospel offers.'Father' is the Christian name for God., and our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption. All of us have been adopted into God's family when we follow Jesus. Eric is back this week with Scott to talk about how adoption has become a part of each of their own family's story.

_______

1. If you had to choose between listening to a story or reading a story, which would you choose? Why?

2. What's a pivotal choice you've made that you've never regretted? What led you to make this decision?

3. Eric and Scott mentioned that adoption is a key theme throughout the pages of Scripture (see Exodus 2, 1 Samuel 1, the Gospels). In your own words, how would you describe what it means to be chosen? How has adoption directly or indirectly impacted you?

4. Read Luke 4:28-29, John 6:63-67, and Luke 23:13-25. Arguably, the opposite of being chosen is being rejected. These verses highlight how Jesus experienced rejection. When have you dealt with rejection? How did you process this in the moment and the days that followed? Does it still affect you today? If so, how?

5. Read Psalm 27:10, Psalm 68:5-6, James 1:27, and 1 John 3:1. Despite the rejection we might experience in this life from the world, there's a greater narrative being written by God — we've been chosen by Him to be a part of His family. What resonates with you about these verses?

6. Read John 1:12-13, 2 Corinthians 6:18, Galatians 4:3-7, and Ephesians 1:4-6. When Jesus prays to God, he often refers to Him as "Father." How should knowing that God is also a father change our relationship with Him? How have our earthly fathers helped or hindered this perspective?

7. Eric and Scott discussed some of the different dynamics and misconceptions that exist about adoption (E.g. open vs. closed, varsity vs. JV, the role and care of birth moms, etc.). What information surprised you? Why?

8. Scott shared the following quote from J.I. Packer: "Adoption is the highest privilege that the gospel offers: higher than justification. To be right with God the Judge is a great offering, but to be loved and cared for by God the Father is even greater. 'Father' is the Christian name for God. Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption." How has your perspective on adoption changed after listening to this episode?

9. Listen to the song "Who You Say I Am" by Hillsong Worship. What lyrics resonate with you in light of the adoption narrative found in the Bible?

10. Carve out some intentional time and space this week to pray about what role God's calling you to play in adoption. Is this something you and your spouse should consider? Or are you called to provide emotional support, financial support, or spiritual support to those who have been called to adopt?