If only we had really read this bible of our nation’s top douchebag and considered it prophetic propaganda.

We’re sorry but please know that if we didn’t “review” this book you wouldn’t learn this gem right from the ass’ mouth: “I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present.”

Dump: The Fart of the Meal.

Next book: Maid for a Sheikh by Kate Goldman

We hit the Aston well for the third time, and while not her best work, plenty of goodness to work with. Cowgirl up!

Next book: With Matthew’s sincerest apologies, Trump: The Art of the Deal

“He tried to look anywhere else but the pert posterior…” A simple search for some new furniture leads to two sexual advances and one brilliant credenza.

Next book: Trust by Jana Aston

Trigger alert: Lots of unpleasant handiwork and alternative hair products in this fine piece of literature.

Next week’s book: (yet another book with the same title) The Fix Up by Tawna Fenske

In the game between Matrus and Patrus, whose side are you on?

In a fist fight between Matthew and Becky, who wins?

Next book: The Fix Up by Kendall Ryan