I loved doing this episode with him, it's fun to see how he's grown from just doing to the videos with me.

I love that little ginger so much

.

I enjoyed recording this episode a lot.

It's been a really beautiful journey in learning and understanding more about me, why I am how I am, what I need to work on and communicating things when it feels tricky.

Learning to sit in uncomfortable situations and having them help me grow as a person vs defeat me, that's had quite a learning curve.

I'm working on truly believing I'm worthy of love, communication, respect, intimacy, but I will say this is the closest I've ever been to being the best version of me that I've ever been and that feels really good and I'm proud of myself, because I could have given up, but I keep flexing and growing because I choose ME and in doing that I'm able to show up in better ways for myself and those around me.

It's a weird feeling to feel lighter, lighter in the way of my soul, my soul feels lighter lately. I don't think I realized how taxing it was on me to be in survival mode all the time. I think a lot in visual representations in my head and I see things like; say you're in 4wheel drive and then you get onto the pavement and your still in 4wheel and your vehicle isn't happy about it and all you need to do is pull over take it out of 4wheel drive and backup a bit and then keep going forward.

So many times we feel like we've failed because we had to stop and go back a little and then keep on going.. the fact that we're still going, that's amazing. Life is pretty amazing and I feel a whole lot of gratitude for it. I keep waking up and that's pretty phenomenal.

With the holiday just around the corner we seriously need to pay attention to our bodies, our thoughts, our actions and in all reality we need to be doing this all the time.

I think its even more important during these times because the expectation that's pushed is a lot of perfection and we don't

need that, we need grace.

I don't think I truly understood how much the body really doesn't know the difference on how we use our words and the things we say and do, not until the other day.

Being dishonest ends up hurting the person telling the lie in the most insane ways, ways that absolutely soul sucking.

Sometimes I think we forget how important it is to get uncomfortable, have those conversations , say your peace/pain.

The best growth I've ever experienced started from a place of discomfort and I made a choice to learn and grow or let that discomfort dictate my future in a way that didn't promote growth.

I will keep choosing discomfort and growth!

Having the realization that I don't have to live in survival mode anymore. That the person I had to become, to make it through some of the most intense situations. Because of the person I was, it helped me to create roots with people, you create security and safety and unconditional, no strings attached, they chose you to be in their life and you feel it and its so beautiful and terrifying because in having this realization... you realize this means that little version of me, the teen version, the 20's and 30's version of me, the state of survival mode all of these other ages of survival mode I have lived in.. that's not me, I don't need to live in that state anymore.

I think it's so important to see the things that aren't so great in ourselves and our kids and work on them. Because why wouldn't you want things to be better, create healthier humans and that helps your personal ripple effect.

I had really wanted to save this one for the week of Halloween, but with how I've been feeling and so I decided to do what I want and I wanted to have this in my episode this week.

I love listening to this story that I have heard my whole life and I love that I have this recording of one of my favorite stories I grew up hearing.

I hope y'all enjoy!

It takes a level of bravery to show the parts of us that aren't very appealing. To have the courage to be judged, to be viewed through real time glasses vs rose colored ones.

I am willing to have the hard conversations, to be able to have a relationship with the boys that they feel comfortable enough to call me out, to check me and do it in a way that feels safe for all of us.

I will keep fighting to break cycles, I will own my ugly, I will apologize when I mess up. I want more and I'm willing to do the work to get it.

I never thought I would be so intrigued by death topics and I think it comes back to me being curious. I want to understand why I feel how I do, how others feel. I truly find it so interesting and so y'all should definitely check out the book- The in-between By Hadley Vlahos