Love Each Other Better

In this special episode, I sat down with John Kinyon, a close friend of Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Join us as we explore some of the insights John learned directly from Marshall, along with what has inspired him most about other teachers of his, including Carl Rogers (cofounder of Humanistic Psychology) and Dick Schwartz (founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS)). Our conversation delves into the spiritual dimensions of NVC, the nuances of empathy, and how NVC is so much more than a communication and mediation tool. Perfect for anyone interested in deepening their understanding of NVC — both its roots and its potential.

About my guest: John Kinyon is an internationally recognized mediator and trainer of his Mediate Your Life (MYL) approach. For over 25 years he has mediated conflicts and developed and delivered the MYL training throughout the U.S. and in countries around the world in Europe, Asia, and Australia. He is a certified trainer of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and worked closely for over a decade with NVC creator/founder Marshall Rosenberg.

CONNECT WITH MY GUEST, JOHN KINYON:

John's website: https://www.johnkinyon.com

Mediate Your Life Trainings: https://johnkinyon.com/trainings/

Email John: [email protected]

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST, ALI MILLER:

Book a free 45-minute call: https://www.calendly.com/alimillercoaching/45

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

Blame doesn't always sound like blame. In this episode, we'll look at the top three subtle ways it shows up in your relationship without you realizing it, why it keeps you and your partner stuck in fight mode, and what to do about it...so you can get out of fight mode and get on with doing what you do best: loving each other.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

Book a free 45-minute call: https://www.calendly.com/alimillercoaching/45

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

When you and your partner clash over parenting—too harsh, too permissive, wrong boundaries, wrong tone—it can quickly turn into disconnection, defensiveness, and a painful battle to prove who's right. In this episode, I share how Nonviolent Communication can help you move beneath parenting "strategies" to the real drivers: the feelings, needs, and values both of you are trying to protect. You'll learn the three core NVC skills (self-empathy, empathy, and self-expression), the four-step framework (observation, feeling, need, request), and how to have connecting and productive conversations about parenting instead of it turning into yet another argument. Learn how to stay connected to each other even when you disagree about something so important.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

There's a powerful question I come back to again and again in my own relationships and in my work with couples because it is the single most effective way to transform conflict into connection:

"What need is this person trying to meet?"

In this episode, I explore why I believe this inquiry is THE most impactful shift we can make when we want someone to change their behavior. While NVC is often taught as a set of communication skills, its truly transformative power lies in the way it changes how we see ourselves and others.

We'll look at why understanding the needs underneath behavior can help us move beyond blame, reduce defensiveness, and create more productive conversations — even when we strongly disagree. I'll also address a common misconception: that understanding someone's needs means excusing their behavior.

If you've ever found yourself frustrated with your partner's behavior or discouraged that the same conflicts keep repeating, this episode will help you address your relationship struggles in a clearer, more compassionate, and way more effective way.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

What if one of the most powerful relationship skills could be learned from a kindergartner?

In this episode, I share a story about my daughter that sparked a reminder we all need: when someone we love is struggling, they often need our presence more than our solutions. I explore why we instinctively jump into "fix-it mode," how that can create disconnection, and what to do instead. You'll learn a simple Nonviolent Communication (NVC) practice that can help turn conflict into deeper understanding and connection.

If you've ever felt frustrated when your attempts to help don't land, this episode is for you.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

Do you struggle with relationship anxiety, constant doubt, or the feeling of being stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship cycle? Are you asking yourself "Should I break up or stay?" and unable to find clarity?

In this episode, I explore relationship ambivalence through the lens of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and how to navigate breakup decisions, uncertainty, and doubt in relationships.

I cover:

• Why relationship ambivalence and indecision are often signs of important needs
• Why you may feel stuck in "should I stay or should I go" thinking
• How to navigate uncertainty without rushing into a decision or forcing clarity
• How to make a conscious choice even when you don't feel sure

If you're struggling with relationship doubt, ambivalence, or an on-again off-again dynamic, this episode will help you relate to your experience in a more grounded and self-compassionate way.

And if you're navigating this in your own relationship, I support individuals and couples in this exact space. You can schedule a free 45-minute consultation with me at https://www.calendly.com/alimillercoaching/45

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

Whether you're looking for a fast track to more peace and understanding or a deeper, guided journey toward lasting change, Love Each Other Better private programs offer two paths to help you and your partner stop fighting and feel closer than ever. In this episode, you'll hear how both The Essentials and The Deep Dive can help you and your partner create the kind of relationship you actually want to be in.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

NVC Training + Coaching

Check out my updated Love Each Other Better Private Programs: The Essentials + The Deep Dive: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com/privateprograms

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

Valentine's Day can stir up all kinds of longing, worry, and relational anxiety — especially if you love deeply and notice closeness and distance acutely. In this episode of Love Each Other Better, I dive into Marshall Rosenberg's famous metaphor:

"I want to be flowers on your table, not oxygen for your lungs."

I break down what this means through the compassionate lenses of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and attachment theory, including:

• The difference between universal human needs (like connection) and the particular ways we meet them in a relationship

• How anxious attachment patterns show up, and how I suggest caring for your inner child without making your partner responsible for your emotional survival

• What "flower-love" looks like in practice: freely chosen, generous, and joyful

You'll come away with practical insights for nurturing secure, adult love — honoring both your need for connection and your partner's autonomy.

✨ Learn how to love each other better, without shame, pressure, obligation, or resentment.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

Training + Coaching

Explore current ways to work with me: https://www.AliMillerCoaching.com

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

Are you tired of arguing with your partner over the same issues — or feeling frustrated, unheard, or disconnected? In this episode, we dive into why stuffing your feelings fuels conflict and what you can do instead.

You'll learn why ignoring your emotions or pushing them aside may feel easier in the moment but actually costs you time, energy, and connection. We explore a practical approach using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to notice your feelings, identify your needs, and respond in ways that keep connection alive — even in the middle of tension.

Plus, you'll get a simple practice to try this week and access to free feelings and needs lists to help make your conversations more effective and connecting.

Stop letting unspoken feelings drive your arguments — start noticing, naming, and transforming them into real connection.

Links & Resources Named in Episode 44:

• Free Feelings & Needs Lists: alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Learn more about private coaching: alimillercoaching.com/stopfighting

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

Training + Coaching

Explore my 9-week private coaching program for couples: Stop Fighting! (without stuffing your feelings or sacrificing your needs): https://www.alimillercoaching.com/stopfighting

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com

If you're tired of avoiding conflict, walking on eggshells, or losing yourself to keep the peace, this episode is for you. Join me as I explore the real cost of people-pleasing, and a different way forward that doesn't require becoming confrontational.

People-pleasing often develops as a way to stay safe and connected, especially when conflict felt overwhelming or dangerous earlier in life. But in adult relationships, that same strategy can lead to disconnection, resentment, and a loss of intimacy.

In this episode, we look at why naming your feelings and needs can feel so scary, how fear of conflict fuels people-pleasing, and what helps couples become conflict-confident instead of conflict-avoidant. Using insights from Nonviolent Communication (NVC), this conversation points toward a way of relating where honesty feels safer, connection runs deeper, and you don't have to abandon yourself to keep the relationship intact.

Connect with your host, Ali Miller:

Training + Coaching

Explore my 9-week private coaching program for couples: Stop Fighting! (without stuffing your feelings or sacrificing your needs): https://www.alimillercoaching.com/stopfighting

Free Resources

• Feelings & Needs Cheatsheets: https://www.alimillercoaching.com/feelingsandneeds

• Free Mini-Course: The 4 Steps to Stop Any Fight Without Giving In https://www.alimillercoaching.com/freeminicourse

Connect with Ali

• Instagram: @alimillercoaching

• Free Private Facebook Group: NVC for Couples https://www.facebook.com/groups/nvcforcouples

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: https://www.alimillercoaching.com