Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep podcast. We hope as you continue to listen that your marriage is strengthened and that you continue to use God's Word as the foundation for your marriage.

We are starting a 3 part miniseries called "3 Pillars of a Healthy Marriage." In our first episode, we will be focus on you as an individual. In the second episode, we will focus on you and your spouse in your marriage relationship, and then in the final episode we will discuss how other people factor into a healthy marriage.

Of course in all 3 parts, God is at the center and we encourage you to make sure you constantly look to build all three of these areas on his principals. It might help to think about our miniseries like a 3 legged stool. Each of the topics are a leg of the stool. The seat of the stool is God and He is what all of the legs should be connected to for he gives the stool strength and stability.

With that let's talk more about today and our focus on you as an individual. Our episode will be divided into 3 parts. We will discuss God's Love, Your Awareness, and Your Humility.

Part A: God's Love

Key Verse: And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16-19)

What is God's Love?

God's love is vast and incomprehensible.

Comparing it to Niagara Falls helps grasp its magnitude.

INFINITE:

God's love is infinite, demonstrated by His sacrifice for all humanity.

Like Niagara Falls, it flows endlessly.

POWER:

God's love empowers us, casting out fear and enabling us to do all things.

It's akin to the power generated by Niagara Falls, capable of great impact.

GIFT:

God's love is a gift, shown through Christ's sacrifice.

It's not just an action; God is Love itself, permeating everything.

Personal Stories

Brian's Experience

Accepted Christ at 12, experiencing overwhelming joy.

His understanding of God's infinite, powerful love shaped his life.

Heather's Encounter

Amidst life's trials, felt abandoned by God.

Encountered God's love at a conference, experiencing comfort and renewal.

Moving Forward:

• Embrace the vastness of God's love, recognizing its infinite nature and power to transform lives.
• Internalize the truth that God's love is a gift, freely given and encompassing every aspect of our being.
• Allow God's love to empower and guide you, casting out fear.

Part B: Self Awareness

Key Verse: Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong, then guide me on the road to eternal life. Psalms 139:23-24 MSG

Adam and Eve's Awareness

We were created in God's image ("So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Gen 1:27), morally, spiritually, and intellectually.

Initially aligned with God, Adam and Eve felt no shame (Gen 2).

Their awareness changed when deceived by Satan, leading to shame and hiding (Gen 3).

Your Awareness

God desires an intimate relationship with us, akin to Adam and Eve's connection with Him.

Often, we are more aware of others' faults than our own, as Matthew highlighted ("Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matt 7:3-5).

Blind spots, like in "The Emperor's New Clothes," can prevent us from recognizing our own faults.

Even if we recognize our faults, like Paul, we may struggle to overcome them ("For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." Romans 7:18-19).

God's View of You

Despite our faults, God loves us infinitely, demonstrated by Jesus' sacrifice.

Through Jesus, God sees us as loved, courageous, free, victorious, and chosen.

Even in our failings, God sees our true worth.

Personal Stories

Heather's Personal Experience:

Felt worthless during a failing marriage, but God showed me my true worth.

Despite my faults, God's love changed me for the better.

Moving Forward:

• Embrace the journey of self-awareness, recognizing the importance of understanding one's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
• Commit to introspection and reflection, identifying blind spots and areas for growth with honesty and humility.
• Allow self-awareness to foster a deeper connection with God and a greater sense of self-worth and purpose.

Part C: Humility

Key Verse

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4)

Definition: Humility is a modest view of oneself, devoid of pride and arrogance, prioritizing others' needs over our own.

Jesus' Example: Jesus exemplified humility by valuing others above Himself, washing His disciples' feet as an act of selfless love (John 13:1–15).

Reward of Humility: God honors the humble, choosing them for His work and bestowing grace upon them

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." 1 Corinthians 1:27

"Wisdom's instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor." Proverbs 15:33).

Personal

Personal Reflection: Reflect on moments of pride and arrogance, and strive to adopt a humble attitude in interactions with others.

Practical Examples: Consider practical ways to demonstrate humility towards your spouse, such as letting them choose activities or taking on household chores yourself.

Moving Forward

· Foster humility in your relationship by prioritizing your spouse's needs and desires over your own.

· Practice humility in decision-making, avoiding the desire to "win" and instead working together as a team.

· Embrace disagreements with humility, agreeing to disagree and supporting your spouse's decisions without resentment or bitterness, fostering a spirit of unity and cooperation in your marriage.

Wrap-Up

· We are off to a great start. We have covered today the first of the 3 Pillars of a Healthy Marriage. We focused on the importance of God's Love, then we turned inward toward Self Awareness, and then finally discussed how that inward reflection can show itself outwardly in Humility.

· We really look forward to Part 2 next where we will discuss the 2nd Pillar that is all about your marriage relationship to each other. There will be 3 key areas will we discuss.

· We will end with Pillar 3 after that in which we discuss how you can take what you have learned about yourself and as a couple out to other important people in your life.

Conclusion

FREE "Date Night Ideas"

There are several creative and easy Date ideas for you as a married couple to engage in. We give some brief instruction on how best to enjoy each idea. Spending Quality Time together will give you a much better chance to strengthen your connection and you will create a memory you won't forget together. Go to www.lovehowdeep.com/datenight to see several free options.

FREE 10 Practical Communication Strategies

This guide will help you as a couple have more effective and connecting conversations.

Closing

Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time.

Stay tuned for our next episode.

Welcome back to the Love How Deep podcast. Today we have a very special guest. Her name is Heather Hetchler and she is a Reframing Relationships expert, author, speaker and joy seeker. She helps women reframe difficult relationships and situations and reclaim their peace. Heather primarily works with women and couples in co-parenting, stepfamilies and empty nesting. Heather is passionate about educating, empowering and encouraging women to live life loved in Christ. She and her husband reside in Cleveland having launched their six kids.

Today we will be talking to Heather about working through the Grief that everyone in a blended family experiences due to the losses they don't anticipate.

On the show you will hear more about the following from Heather:

1. The Role of Grief: Heather talks about the light bulb moment when we (she) realized the role grief played in her blended family.

2. More About The Role of Grief and Loss in a Blended Family:

Heather talks about the role loss and grief plays in a stepfamily and most importantly a stepcouple. Before a stepfamly can form, there is loss. Either a death, divorce or unpartnering must occur for two families to come together and where there is loss there must be grieving. Too often, couples come together with love, joy and hope and a strong faith and when they are hit with struggles - they question the marriage instead of recognizing the role of grief. Plays for them and the kids and extended family members.

3. Some Common Challenges Blended Families Have in this Area:

We often think of grief in terms of losing a person. Grief is loss and it can be the loss of a dream. Two people marry with their love goggles on and don't see the role that grief plays. Talk about the loss of "full"authority of a stepparent, loss of "control" over your home because what happens in the other home impacts yours. The loss kids navigate having to share a parent, a home, etc… Loss of being the "first" and so much more…. When we can view hurtful behavior through the lens of loss we can often have compassion for the other. It also opens the window to better view another person and situations through God's lens.

4. Practical Tips - The 4 P's.

Heather walks you through the steps. Pause, Prayer, Process. Proceed. This involves identifying your patterns of pain, looking at the loss in the story. This can help you learn to honor your feelings while responding to the hurt instead of reacting in it.

5. What is the most important thing(s) you want the listener to get from what we are talking about?

Identifying the grief and understanding some of the complex dynamics will help each spouse better understand that it's not personal. Anchoring in your faith, reminding yourself that your spouse is not your enemy and gaining knowledge and encouragement goes a long way. It's normal for a stepfamily to have grief and you can navigate it well.

6. What about your Christian faith and walk with God (or Bible passage, scriptures, or story), etc has the biggest impact on you and what we are talking about.

Heather shares a deep and personal moment where God met her where she was and promised to preserve she and her family. Listen into this story and think about how this applies to you and your marriage and family.

7. Share with our listeners what resources that you have produced that would be most helpful for them and how can they get them?

I have a small group program for stepmoms. It's a six week commitment with other women. I offer a digital course called the CORE workout and this helps individuals and couples identify the why behind the stuck. I have a whole offering of courses, a devotional and limited life coaching one-on-one.

8. How can our listener best get in touch with you? You can call me at 1-855-STEPPARENT. You can email me at [email protected]. Or go to my website www.reframingrelationships.com and if you want daily tips and tools be sure to follow me on instagram @reframingrelationships

Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep podcast. We hope as you continue to listen that your marriage is strengthened and that you continue to use God's Word as the foundation for your marriage.

1. Introduction:

Our podcast episode today is called "Navigating Personality Difference in Your Marriage"

What an important topic, because often our personality differences can be super beneficial and other times cause issues if we are not careful.

2. Similarities – Brian & Heather

Heather and Brian have lots of personality differences, but the funny thing is that when we take personality tests we are usually very similar.

· Myers Briggs – We both are ISFJ (Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)

· Enneagram – Brian is primarily a Loyalist Type 6, secondarily a Peacemaker Type 9 while Heather has the same top 2, just flipped – Peacemaker Type 9 then Loyalist Type 6.

· Prepare Enrich Marriage Assessment:

o Social – Brian & Heather tend to enjoy time with small groups of people or alone time

o Change – Both Brian & Heather like things the way they are and can struggle with change

o Organization – While the Assessment stated we had a difference, it is different in different ways. Heather is efficient and organized in her classroom and at home. Brian is efficient and organizing in running his own business and in financial management.

3. Differences - Brian & Heather

Even though Brian & Heather have lots of similarities there are also some differences and here are a few examples

· Family and Friends - Heather places a higher level of importance in making sure she stays connected to family and friends. Brian while agrees about the importance does not take the same level of action

· Love How Deep Content– Brian often wants to step on the gas pedal and produce a higher quantity of content, but sometimes at the cost of quality. Heather is typically the reverse as she values higher quality work sometimes at the cost of the quantity.

· Communication/Conflict Resolution – Brian can have a tendency to push a disagreement and want to continue to talk. Heather will want to stop the discussion and move on.

4. Male and Female Typical Personality Differences

The following are generalizations and may not be completely the case all the time with every person. The point with what we are going to discuss is really to always be aware that personality differences can cause men and women to process information differently, see the world differently, and also want to solve problems in different ways.

Gender is just one aspect of a person's identity, and other factors such as culture, upbringing, and personal experiences also play significant roles in shaping emotional and mental characteristics.

1. Communication Style: Females tend to communicate more openly about their feelings and emotions, while males may be more reserved or less expressive.

2. Empathy: Females often exhibit higher levels of empathy and are more attuned to others' emotions, while males may focus more on problem-solving.

3. Coping Mechanisms: Females may be more inclined towards seeking social support when dealing with stress or problems, while males may prefer to deal with issues independently.

4. Emotional Expression: Females may express a wider range of emotions and may cry more frequently, while males may suppress emotions or express them through actions rather than words.

5. Decision-Making: Females may weigh emotions more heavily in decision-making processes, while males may prioritize logic and reasoning.

6. Risk-Taking Behavior: Males tend to engage in more risk-taking behaviors, while females may exhibit more caution and risk aversion.

7. Self-Perception: Females may be more self-critical and prone to low self-esteem, while males may display more confidence or overconfidence.

8. Friendship Dynamics: Females often prioritize emotional intimacy in friendships, while males may focus more on shared activities or interests.

9. Leadership Style: Females may exhibit more collaborative and inclusive leadership styles, while males may be more directive or hierarchical.

10. Response to Success: Females may attribute success to external factors or luck, while males may attribute success to internal factors like ability or effort.

5. What Issues Can These Differences Cause in a Marriage

· Conflict – If a couple has trouble navigating these differences then conflict frequency and severity can increase

· Isolation – The desire to not get into more arguments can sometimes cause one or both people in a marriage to back away from each other in conversation and intimate moments which causes decisions to not be made.

· Resentment and Bitterness – When differences are handled poorly over a long period of time, it can cause one or both spouses to be clouded in moments with much that has gone wrong in the past.

6. Navigating These Differences

Communication and Understanding: Encourage open and honest communication about each other's emotional and mental differences. Take the time to actively listen and seek to understand your partner's perspective without judgment or defensiveness. Recognize that differences are natural and can enrich the relationship if approached with empathy and respect.

Compromise and Flexibility: Practice compromise and flexibility when addressing conflicts or making decisions. Acknowledge that both partners may have valid viewpoints and work together to find solutions that accommodate each other's needs and preferences. Be willing to negotiate and make concessions to reach a mutually satisfying outcome.

Emotional Validation: Validate each other's emotions and experiences, even if they differ from your own. Show empathy and support by acknowledging and accepting your partner's feelings, even if you don't fully understand them. Offer reassurance and comfort during times of distress, demonstrating your commitment to being a supportive partner.

Seeking Professional Guidance: Consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support in navigating personality differences. A trained professional can help facilitate productive communication, teach conflict resolution skills, and offer insights into understanding and appreciating each other's differences.

Quality Time and Connection: Make time for regular quality time and connection to strengthen your bond as a couple. Engage in activities and shared interests that allow you to connect on an emotional level and foster intimacy. Prioritize spending time together, whether it's through meaningful conversations, date nights, or shared hobbies, to nurture your relationship and build a strong foundation for navigating personality differences.

7. Conclusion

We hope this episode on Navigating Differences in Your Marriage has helped you both see that differences are common, that they can cause issues if we are not careful, but that there are simple ways to feel better and strengthen your connection with each other through these differences.

Free Helpful Resources:

FREE "Date Night Ideas"

There are several creative and easy Date ideas for you as a married couple to engage in. We give some brief instruction on how best to enjoy each idea. Spending Quality Time together will give you a much better chance to strengthen your connection and you will create a memory you won't forget together. Go to www.lovehowdeep.com/datenight to see several free options.

FREE 10 Practical Communication Strategies

This guide will help you as a couple have more effective and connecting conversations.

Closing

Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time.

Stay tuned for our next episode.

Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep podcast. We hope as you continue to listen that your marriage is strengthened and that you continue to use God's Word as the foundation for your marriage.

Don't forget in addition to our podcast, we also have lots of great resources on our website – blog articles, free resources, an online course on forgiveness, and information about our couples experience conference. This is all at www.lovehowdeep.com

Now on to today's episode about how to Be a Better Wife for Your Marriage

Proverbs 31 Woman - She is a superwoman. She does it all and she does it well.

• • We juggle so much with being mothers, wives, caretakers, homemakers, and providers we are likely to feel exhausted
  • Evaluate why you do the things you do
  • Ask God to show you His will.
  • Is it time to let something go?
  • Ecclesiastes 3:1 states "There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the heavens."
  • Does the business of your life steal your joy?
  • Joy comes from the Lord. Phillipians 4:4 states to "rejoice in the Lord always." That is a command! If you struggle to feel joy in life, your family senses that.
  • Nehemiah 8:10 says "The joy of the Lord is our strength!"
  • His strength gives us the power to do the things has called us to
  • Make it intentional to find joy in the lord.
  • How we feel affects our actions and words and affects our marriage marriage
  • Learn to know when to speak and when to to stay silent.
  • Proverbs 15:21 says "There is power in the tongue."
  • Be the voice of encouragement
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus

Free Resource

Get FREE "Date Night Ideas"

There are several creative and easy Date ideas for you as a married couple to engage in. We give some brief instruction on how best to enjoy each idea. Spending Quality Time together will give you a much better chance to strengthen your connection and you will create a memory you won't forget together. Go to www.lovehowdeep.com/datenight to see several free options.

Closing

Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time.

Stay tuned for our next episode.

Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep Podcast. We help couples keep promises!

Today Brian Mayer is flying solo, because He wants to talk to the husbands. He wants to give 5 tips on Being a Better Husband for Your Marriage. All of these tips rely on the power of God's Word to not only strengthen you as an individual but to strengthen your relationship.

This episode is inspired on a study called "Becoming a Wholeheated Husband" by Dave McLean. He has lots of great wisdom in his study that I would point you to help you become a more Godly husband. However, the content in this episode in all our own.

Certainly! Here are five principles from the Bible that can guide you in being a better husband:

1. Love Unconditionally:

   • Reference: Ephesians 5:25
   • Summary: The Bible encourages husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificially and unconditionally. Show love and kindness in all circumstances.

2. Lead with Humility:

   • Reference: Ephesians 5:21-24
   • Summary: Husbands are called to lead their families with humility, putting the needs and interests of their wives above their own. A humble and servant-hearted approach fosters a harmonious relationship.

3. Communicate with Wisdom:

   • Reference: Proverbs 15:1, Ephesians 4:29
   • Summary: Use kind and wise words when communicating with your spouse. Avoid harsh language and strive to build each other up through positive and encouraging communication.

4. Provide and Protect:

   • Reference: 1 Timothy 5:8
   • Summary: Taking responsibility for the well-being of your family, both physically and emotionally, is emphasized. Provide for their needs and create an environment where they feel safe and cared for.

5. Seek Unity and Resolution:

   • Reference: Ephesians 4:2-3, Colossians 3:13-14
   • Summary: Strive for unity in your marriage and be quick to forgive. Avoid holding onto grudges, and work towards resolving conflicts with love and understanding.

Remember that these principles are general guidelines, and each marriage is unique. It's important to continually seek guidance, communicate openly with your spouse, and grow together in faith and love.

Don't forget our "The Power of Forgiveness: The Key to Lasting Love for Christian Married Couples" Online Course if you have a hurt that has come between you two that you are having difficulty navigating.

Use Coupon Code FG97 to get the course for $97.

Thanks so much for listening and we will talk next time.

Welcome back to another episode of the Love How Deep podcast. We hope as you continue to listen that your marriage is strengthen and that you continue to use God's Word as the foundation for your marriage.

Don't forget in addition to our podcast, we also have lots of great resources on our website – blog articles, free resources, an online course on forgiveness, and information about our couples experience conference. This is all at www.lovehowdeep.com

Now on to today's episode about the 5 Love Languages.

The Foundation of Love

• In scripture there are four kinds of love. The Greek words for these are Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape
• Eros: Represents passionate, romantic, or sensual love. It is often associated with desire, attraction, and the physical aspects of love. Eros is the type of love that involves intense emotion and is commonly linked to romantic relationships.
• Storge: Refers to familial love or natural affection. It is the love between family members, parents, and children. Storge is characterized by a sense of familiarity, comfort, and acceptance that comes from being a part of the same family or social unit.
• Philia: Denotes deep friendship or affectionate regard. It is a type of love that involves mutual respect, loyalty, and shared values. Philia goes beyond surface-level connections and is often seen in close, platonic relationships where individuals genuinely care for each other's well-being.
• Agape: This love often considered the highest form of love. It is unconditional, selfless love that transcends personal gain. Agape is characterized by compassion, benevolence, and a desire for the well-being of others. It is a selfless, sacrificial love that extends beyond familial or friendly ties. This is how God loves us. This is how he wants us to love others, especially our spouse.
• Agape love is also more an action and less a feeling.

· Let's talk about what kinds of actions God is talking about when he is referring to Agape. We can find this in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV):

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

• Let's Get More Practical by Talking about The 5 Love Languages, a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman
• According to his book, there are 5 different actions we can take to show our love. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Physical Touch. We will talk about those in just a minute.
• Typically, not all of these love languages resonate with every person. Usually 1-2 really make someone feel loved and the other 3-4 remaining may not.
• It is beneficial in a marriage to first of all know which one or ones cause you to feel loved. But probably even more importantly, which make your spouse feel loved.
• Often if we are not aware that our spouse's love language is not the same, then we may love them with a love language that makes us feel loved. However, kind that may be it won't work in the long run.
• So with that let's dive in to each love language.

Words of Affirmation

• Expressing love through verbal affirmation, compliments, and words of encouragement to build up and support your partner emotionally. Examples include:
• Compliment your partner genuinely and regularly, acknowledging their strengths and efforts.
• Leave heartfelt notes or messages expressing your love and appreciation.
• Offer words of encouragement during challenging times or important moments.
• Express gratitude for specific actions or qualities your partner possesses.
• Share verbal affirmations of love and affection regularly.
• Biblical scripture: Proverbs 16:24 (Kind words are like honey...)

Acts of Service

• "Doing" something for your spouse. Examples include:
• Take on a task or chore that your partner usually handles to lighten their load.
• Prepare a meal or organize a surprise gesture to make their day easier.
• Assist with responsibilities without being asked, showing proactive support.
• Complete a DIY project or fix something that needs attention around the house.
• Offer to run errands or take care of responsibilities on their behalf.
• Biblical scripture: Galatians 5:13 (Serve one another humbly in love)

Receiving Gifts

• Giving something tangible. Examples include:
• Thoughtfully select and give gifts that align with your partner's interests and preferences.
• Surprise them with small tokens of appreciation, even if they're simple.
• Create personalized gifts or crafts that hold sentimental value.
• Remember special occasions and celebrate them with a meaningful gift.
• Pay attention to items your partner admires and surprise them with those gifts.

Quality Time

• Spending undivided, focused time together, engaging in meaningful conversations and shared experiences. Examples include
• Schedule regular date nights or quality time together without distractions.
• Engage in activities your partner enjoys, showing genuine interest in their hobbies.
• Have meaningful conversations and actively listen to your partner's thoughts and feelings.
• Plan weekend getaways or short trips to create shared memories.
• Put away electronic devices and focus on each other during your time together.
• Biblical scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1 (There is a time for everything...)

Physical Touch

• Gestures such as hugs, kisses, holding hands, or other forms of touch. Examples include:
• Offer spontaneous hugs, kisses, or physical affection throughout the day.
• Hold hands while walking or sitting together.
• Plan regular cuddle sessions or moments of physical closeness including sex.
• Show physical support during times of stress or sadness.
• Engage in activities that involve physical touch, like dancing or massages.
• Biblical scripture: Song of Solomon 2:6 (His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me)

Conclusion:

• When you don't often love each other in the love language that is meaningful, it is like it speaking German when all the other person knows is Spanish.
• Some Homework for you. Go to the website 5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz to see what order the Love Languages mean to each of you. Then have a conversation about those with each other. Then finally, love each other often in those ways.

Free Resource

Get FREE "Date Night Ideas"

There are several creative and easy Date ideas for you as a married couple to engage in. We give some brief instruction on how best to enjoy each idea. Spending Quality Time together will give you a much better chance to strengthen your connection and you will create a memory you won't forget together. Go to www.lovehowdeep.com/datenight to see several free options.

Closing

Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time.

Stay tuned for our next episode.

Welcome to another episode of the Love How Deep Podcast with Brian & Heather Mayer!

Because money and finances can be a topic that generates a lot tension within a marriage relationship, we want to take some time to discuss one area that can cause issues. It is the idea of having individual (separate) or shared (joint) accounts within the marriage.

Decades ago it was common for married couples to have a shared checking and savings account. That trend has changed with Gen Y (often called Millennials – born between 1981-1996) and Gen Z (born between 1997 – 2012).

Heather are Brian are both Gen X (born between 1965 – 1980). So of course we grew up in a generation where it is more standard to have joint accounts. So all the being said we want to take an honest look at the pros and cons of each. And as is typically important with us, getting underneath the surface to understand motives around why an individual or couple might want to choose a certain route will also be important.

Our podcast episode todays I really designed "question style" meaning we will talk about different areas around finances in your marriage but while we do so we will be giving you the important questions you should ask each other to begin a healthy journey around finances in your marriage.

Let's get started!

Childhood - Getting To Know Each's Other's Experiences with Money and Finances

1. Were there money struggles growing up?

2. How was money discussed by your parents? Were the conversations around money and finances amicable or tense?

3. Were there any financial calamities (for example did one of your parents lose a job unexpectedly)?

4. Were there any financial betrayal (examples might be unknown gambling or large unknown purchases)?

5. Was Tithing and Giving Important

Talking to each other about these issues can help you both discover anything from your early years that could be shaping your viewpoints

Past Relationships/Marriages

1. How was money generally handled and discussed in past relationships?

2. Did you have joint or separate accounts? How did that work out?

3. Was there trust, openness, and good communication?

4. Were there any betrayals of trust around money?

5. Was Tithing and Giving Important?

Current Goals, Practices, and Values

1. What are our individual financial goals, and how do they align with our shared goals as a couple?

2. How do we currently handle our finances, and what aspects are working or not working for us?

3. How can we incorporate biblical principles into our financial decisions, and what scriptures resonate with our approach?

4. Are there specific financial values or principles that we want to prioritize in our marriage?

5. Are we Tithing?

Trust

1. Do each of us generally trust one another? Has anything happened especially around finances that needs to be repaired between us as a married couple?

2. How comfortable are we with sharing full financial transparency, including income, debts, and spending habits?

3. Are there specific concerns or fears about joint or separate accounts that we need to address?

4. What level of financial independence do we desire within our marriage?

Managing Our Money

1. In what ways can combining or separating our finances enhance our ability to reach our financial goals together?

2. Are there specific concerns or fears about joint or separate accounts that we need to address?

3. How do we feel about contributing unequally to joint expenses, and how will we navigate potential disparities in income?

4. What financial responsibilities do we want to manage individually, and which ones do we prefer to handle jointly?

5. How do we plan to handle discretionary (non-essential) spending, and what should require joint decision-making?

6. Do we have a system for saving and budgeting, and how can joint or separate accounts support these practices?

7. How do we envision handling financial challenges or unexpected expenses within our marriage?

8. If we are not tithing or giving less than 10%, should we make a plan to change that?

9. If we are not giving to others, let's talk about the importance of that for each of us.

Communication and a Financial Advisor

1. How will we communicate and make decisions about large purchases, investments, or financial commitments?

2. Have we considered consulting with a financial advisor to help us make informed decisions about joint or separate accounts?

3. Are there specific financial values or principles that we want to prioritize in our marriage that are not noted above?

4. How do we plan to revisit and adjust our financial arrangement as our circumstances and goals evolve?

5. What compromises are we willing to make to ensure that our financial arrangement supports a healthy and harmonious marriage around finances?

Conclusion

Trust and Communication are two very important pieces around finances. If you don't have either one of those then coming to conclusions and compromise around finances might be difficult. Obstacles and difficult seasons will always come up but with trust and communication it will be much easier to navigate.

Remember, Heather and I believe in the power of prayer and God's Word when it comes to finances and working together in your marriage. Here are some key verses that have helped us along the way. Incorporate these as you work together and find others the resonate with you.

1. "Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine." Proverbs 3:9-10

2. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21 (NIV)

3. "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 (NIV):

Free Resource

Get the FREE "Goal Setting 301 Financial Goals Workbook"

This workbook will help you define what is important to each of you financially. Then you can come together to discuss and make agreements on what you want to work toward together. Remember when you are aligned financially, trust is built and your future can be much more secure. We should always remember that God is the one in whom we should find ultimate security, and so make sure to include Him in everything you do.

Closing

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Stay tuned for our next episode.

Introduction

Welcome! Today we are discussing some very common issues that tend to come up in most marriages at some point or another. Now some of these issues may not be a problem for you or maybe you have figured them. Some may be sticking points for you. We will discuss and give some quick hitting tips and biblical scripture that may help.

Time Constraints:

Pain Point: Juggling responsibilities can leave little time for each other.

Bible Verse: Ecclesiastes 3:1 - "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

Powerful Tip: Schedule regular date nights or "us time" to prioritize your relationship.

Spiritual Disconnect:

Pain Point: Busy schedules can lead to spiritual disconnection.

Bible Verse: Psalm 42:1 - "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God."

Powerful Tip: Set aside a specific time for shared prayer, devotion, or worship to nurture your spiritual bond.

Communication Struggles:

Pain Point: Lack of time can hinder effective communication.

Bible Verse: Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs."

Powerful Tip: Practice active listening and schedule regular check-ins to discuss important matters.

Parenting Pressures:

Pain Point: Parenting demands can strain the marriage.

Bible Verse: Psalm 127:3 - "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him."

Powerful Tip: Create a shared parenting plan and find ways to support each other in your roles.

Burnout and Stress:

Pain Point: Overwhelm can lead to burnout and stress.

Bible Verse: Matthew 11:28-30 - "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Powerful Tip: Practice self-care and encourage each other to rest and rejuvenate.

Neglecting Self-Care:

Pain Point: Neglecting personal well-being due to busyness.

Bible Verse: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit?"

Powerful Tip: Prioritize self-care as a couple and individually to maintain a strong foundation.

Financial Stress:

Pain Point: Financial pressures leading to tension.

Bible Verse: Philippians 4:19 - "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."

Powerful Tip: Create a budget and openly discuss financial goals to ease stress.

Loss of Identity:

Pain Point: Balancing roles can result in loss of identity.

Bible Verse: Galatians 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."

Powerful Tip: Pursue individual hobbies and interests to nurture personal growth.

Comparison and Expectations:

Pain Point: Comparing with others and struggling with expectations.

Bible Verse: Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Powerful Tip: Focus on your unique journey and set realistic expectations based on your values.

Lack of Romance:

Pain Point: Decreased intimacy and romantic gestures.

Bible Verse: Song of Solomon 7:10 - "I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me."

Powerful Tip: Plan surprise gestures or love notes to keep the romance alive.

Spiritual Differences:

Pain Point: Differences in spiritual practices or beliefs.

Bible Verse: 1 Corinthians 1:10 - "I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you."

Powerful Tip: Engage in respectful discussions about faith, seeking understanding and unity.

Community Isolation:

Pain Point: Feeling isolated from church and community.

Bible Verse: Hebrews 10:24-25 - "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together."

Powerful Tip: Participate in church activities and small groups to build connections.

Decision Fatigue:

Pain Point: Feeling overwhelmed by constant decision-making.

Bible Verse: James 1:5 - "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Powerful Tip: Pray for guidance and make decisions together, sharing the load.

Conflict Resolution:

Pain Point: Struggling to resolve conflicts effectively.

Bible Verse: Ephesians 4:32 - "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Powerful Tip: Practice active conflict resolution with empathy, understanding, and forgiveness.

Lack of Intimacy:

Pain Point: Diminished emotional and physical intimacy.

Bible Verse: 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 - "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband."

Powerful Tip: Prioritize intimate moments, both emotionally and physically, to deepen your connection.

Free Resource: 6 Free Date Night Ideas

Go to our DIY – Date Night Ideas page on our website. There are 6 creative Date Night idea suggestions to help breathe some life back into your marriage relationship. They are all free and when you request them you will also be signed up for our free newsletter. The link is here in the show notes for this episode: 6 Free Date Night Ideas

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Stay tuned for more episodes

Love How Deep Episode 19: Navigating the Saver-Spender Dynamic in Your Marriage

Introduction

Welcome! Today, we're diving into a topic that might hit close to home—navigating financial differences in your marriage.

We've got practical tips and biblical wisdom coming your way, so stick around for some valuable insights.

Understanding Each Other's Money Story

Let's kick off by urging you to have open conversations about your money backgrounds.

Share your stories, understand each other's financial tendencies, and consider Proverbs 2:2-5 as your guide to gaining financial understanding.

Establishing Common Financial Goals

Now, let's talk about setting common financial goals as a couple. Dream together, plan together, and let Proverbs 16:3 remind you to commit your plans to the Lord.

Creating a Budget that Works for Both

Ever thought of budgeting as a tool for finding common ground? We've got some practical tips for creating a budget that suits both your saving and spending styles.

And don't forget Proverbs 21:5 – it tells us that the plans of the diligent lead to profit.

Compromise and Communication

Compromise and communication are the backbone of a successful marriage. Seek counsel from each other and consider Proverbs 15:22 as your inspiration for seeking wisdom from others.

Embracing Each Other's Strengths

Celebrate your financial differences as strengths. Each of you brings something valuable to the table, as Proverbs 14:1 beautifully points out.

Financial Dates and Check-Ins

Turn those budget discussions into enjoyable financial dates. Regular check-ins, as Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 suggests, can strengthen your companionship and financial journey.

Seeking Wise Counsel from Others

Before we dive into seeking God's guidance, consider seeking advice from others who've been there. Proverbs 15:22 highlights the importance of seeking counsel from trusted friends, family, or financial advisors.

Seeking God's Guidance in Your Finances

Now, let's transition to the spiritual side of your financial decisions. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages you to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding.

Pray together and trust that God will guide you towards financial unity.

Conclusion

Summing up the key takeaways – embracing differences, seeking unity, and finding strength in your unique perspectives.

We hope you're feeling empowered and equipped to navigate the saver-spender dynamic in your marriage.

Free Resource

Get the FREE "Goal Setting 301 Financial Goals Workbook"

This workbook will help you define what is important to each of you financially. Then you can come together to discuss and make agreements on what you want to work toward together. Remember when you are aligned financially, trust is built and your future can be much more secure. Of course we should always remember that God is the one in whom we should find ultimate security, and so make sure to include Him in everything you do.

Closing

Thanks for tuning in! We appreciate your time.

Stay tuned for more episodes or share your thoughts and questions with us. We'd love to hear from you!

18 - The Art of Listening for the Married Couple

Strengthening Your Marriage and Connection Through Active Listening

Introduction:

· Ever notice how Dogs are So Intent and Can Hang on Every Word

· What must they be thinking?

· Do dogs think every word that comes from us is like us saying "bacon."

· Whatever it is, we could probably learn a thing or two.

Here are 3 quick tips to help you with something called Active Listening to grow in your connection with each other as a Christian married couple.

1. Be Fully Present to get better at Active Listening

· Difficult because of distractions

· Make sure distractions that are obstacles don't turn into excuses.

· Remember the key to Active Listening is the word "Active." It takes some work to really pay attention. This can be helped by repeating back what you think you heard for clarity.

· You are human and it is okay to occasionally be caught up in something else but do not make it a habit.

· Looking at your spouse in the eyes while they speak can be very helpful.

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20

2. Empathetic Listening for the Married Couple

· Empathetic Listening is paying attention to the emotions that you are hearing. Your spouse may not be saying them directly, but sometimes you can pick up on them.

· Make sure to acknowledge the sadness or hurt or fear they are feeling

· Doing these things can go a long way toward helping each other feeling heard understood and ultimately loved.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15

3. Avoid Jumping to Solutions to Increase Connection

· Solution or Advice Giving usually comes from a good place. But if done too quickly, it will often make your spouse feel unheard. It is counterintuitive but trust us on this one.

· If you want to give advice, simply ask.

· If you are the one venting, be sure to say "I am venting and just want someone to listen and show empathy."

"To answer before listening— that is folly and shame." Proverbs 18:13

4. Final Thoughts

These 3 simple but sometimes not easy techniques can help you both grow closer together in your walk as a Christian Married Couple. And I do believe that Jesus encourages these three things with your spouse and really with anyone.

5. Pick up our Free 10 Practical Communication Strategies

This guide will help you as a couple have more effective and connecting conversations.

6. Until Next Time

Happy Talking....and Listening! See you next time