Love in the Time of COVID

Most couples, at one point or another, will find themselves in doubt about the future of their relationship. Dr. Wakefield helps us think through the question "where do we go from here?"

All relationships based on "need-meeting" are inherently unstable. Compatibility is wonderful, but it is not everything. Relationships based on journey and growth and shared experiences, rather than meeting each other's needs, are much more successful in today's world. Dr. Wakefield explains how we can build soulful relationships that endure challenges and changes.

Dr. Wakefield shares ways we can move beyond sensitivity in conversations with our partners and work together toward solutions.

Dr. Wakefield walks us through the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion and why the latter is especially important in our relationships: how we cultivate it and how it can serve as an antidote to shame.

We're cooped up, stressed out, and fighting with our partners more than usual. Dr. Wakefield guides us through her conflict resolution model of the 4 Rs—regret, reflection, reengagement, and repair. She walks us through the process of having compassion about how we are each imperfect people while being accountable for moving forward, managing our personal reactivity, and learning to communicate more effectively so that we can both feel responded to and the relationship can feel cooperative and reciprocal.

In this week’s episode, Dr. Chelsea Wakefield covers:

- The importance of non-sexual touch

- How sex “is not something that we do. It’s a place we go,” as Esther Perel says

- How we can have pleasant, pleasurable experiences without the pressure on performance

- How women’s role as the gatekeepers and men’s role as the initiators often play out in relationships

- Why women tend to view themselves as sexual objects instead of sexual subjects

- The importance of presence and communication for a fulfilling sex life

- What men sometimes need but can’t ask for

Some of us need love letters and kind words to feel special. For others, it may be a long hug, a thoughtful gift, or even time apart that fills them up. How can we recognize differences in our relationship and work toward expanding the ways we give and receive love?

Dr. Wakefield shares practical advice on how to understand ourselves and our partners so that we can listen deeply and make requests more clearly. She also shares how curiosity allows us to discharge heated conversations and why it's the antidote to boredom.

We may find ourselves stuck in the same circular arguments. How can we break these cyclical conversations? And where is one of the best places to have a serious conversation with our loved one?

We may find ourselves being irritated by or picking on our partners a bit more than usual. It’s not surprising, given the increased tensions during this time.

In this week’s episode, we discuss how to handle growing irritation with our partners and how to deal with the challenges of being at home with kids all day.

- When we are engaging in conversations with our partners, it’s important to ask ourselves, “Why am I talking?” What’s my motivation or need?

- How introverts and extroverts are wired differently

- How validating our partner’s underlying feelings can discharge a heated discussion

- For parents with kids at home balancing the demands of responsibilities with the kids’ desire to play, it’s helpful to set up a rhythm that allows for productivity and play.

- How to validate children’s feelings instead of shifting into guilt and excuses when kids ask “why aren’t you playing with me?”

- The magic of the long-distance hug to connect us with those we can’t see right now.

Dr. Wakefiled explains how many of us are being “cracked open” in terms of the unfamiliar of where are we, what is this, and when it will end. Our capacity to tolerate anxiety and the scariness of vulnerability is at the heart of intimacy and really knowing and being known. How can we use this time to better understand ourselves and to deepen our intimate relationships?