Love on the Air - Podcast of The Whole Parent

Love my kids as you love me. I won’t ever forget that final requirement. And when you do find it in another single parent, you’ve both been given a singular gift that cannot be given by someone who’s never had kids. Parenting is a spiritual journey that you enter when your kids are born. The relationships you have as parents may change over time, but your parenting is a huge part of what gives your life meaning.

To me, my kids are everything. And to my partner, my love of their kids and their love of my kids, is unfathomable and wonderful when it happens. The divorce may have fractured a huge portion of my life, but my days ahead can also be my brightest ever, as a dad, as a lover, and as a father figure to someone else’s children.

Read the entire article here: https://wholeparentbook.com/single-parents-finding-each-other-4-relationship-requirements/

Find John's books on Amazon: https://amzn.to/4iBtKAe

One Man’s Courage to Stand Alone: Brené Brown’s BRAVING - Love On the Air Read along here: https://wholeparentbook.com/on-brene-brown

Find more of John's writing here: https://wholeparentbook.com/ and here: https://mcelhenney.net.

John's books are available from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4pLrybH

"Dating a Single Dad: What You Want In the Next Relationship" by John McElhenney, offers insights into the unique challenges and preferences of a single father re-entering the dating world. McElhenney emphasizes the importance of slowing down physical intimacy to foster genuine connection, the desire for partners with a deep understanding of parenting (preferably other mothers), and a commitment to honesty and monogamy. He also discusses his evolving perspective on dating younger, childless women, highlighting the value of shared life experiences. The extensive comments section provides diverse perspectives from readers, including other single parents and childless individuals, who both agree and disagree with his viewpoints, fostering a dialogue about the complexities of modern dating, especially for those with children. Read the original post here: https://wholeparentbook.com/single-dads-next-relationship/

Faith Dickey is an amazing athlete who came to my attention with the introduction of The Apple Vision Pro. Faith was the star of Adventure, the first immersive Vision Pro feature. Let's jump in.

How do you stand beside your partner, when they are going through a rough patch? Can you be supportive without needing to rush in with a fix, or an opinion, or advice? Over time, I’ve learned a number of things about keeping good boundaries even in loving relationships.

1. I cannot fix you.

You can read the rest of this article here: https://wholeparentbook.com/standing-strong-with-your-partner-as-they-struggle-bounded-love/

I have a problem with rage. When a partner gets mad, that’s usually okay. It’s hard, but it’s no longer scary. When a partner yells, however, all kinds of self-defense mechanisms kick in and begin to cloud my rational response into something more childlike.

Anger in any form is part of the ebb and flow of life. In a relationship, if you’re not allowing yourself to get angry and express that frustration, you’re going to be pushing it under the carpet. At some point, the anger is going to come out. By learning to deal with anger in rational and connective ways with your partner, you can go a long way toward future-proofing your relationship from the major blowups. That’s the goal, anyway.

Read this article on The Whole Parent.

Most of us are not very good at self-care. We often put other’s needs before ours. Especially if we are single parents, we’ve got a full load at work and a full load at home. Where is the time for ourselves? How do we make time for self-care?

One of my life-skills has been learning how to run my schedule using Google Calendar. I put all the appointments on my calendar. I remember a “hello date” several years ago, where I asked, “If you’ll give me your email address I’ll send you a calendar invite for our coffee this Saturday.” She found it odd, quirky, and somewhat endearing. I found it essential to put our dates on the map of my time so that I could make energy and time available.

I put things on my calendar so I can show up ready to go. I can glance at my week, see the high points and make decisions about how I’m going to schedule or use my open time. When I know what’s coming on Thursday evening, I can plan an early night on Wednesday to give me plenty of energy for the event. If I run my day at full-tilt and am slightly surprised that I have an evening event, I’m going to be tired, I’m going to be less-than-100%, I’m going to be disappointed in my planning and management.

I was speaking to a friend recently about their self-care planning. Here’s what I heard then say, “I’ve just got too much going on. Too many people need me right now.” Here’s the underlying message, “My self-care is not as important as my care of others.” And where this gets problematic is when things get overwhelming. When our schedules get overbooked with obligations to our kids, our friends, our partners, we will feel anxiety and exhaustion as we head into the weekday, the day where we have NO BREAKS.

“What if,” I proposed to my friend, “You take a moment at the beginning of each day, and add in a ME CYCLE? What if the first calendar event was YOU, every single day?” I could see the consternation on my friend’s face. I could hear the “not possible” response forming on their lips. “Just consider it,” I said. “I know, even this feels overwhelming, and like adding one more event to your calendar.” They nodded. “And I’m not speaking to you as a coach, but as a friend who cares about you.” I could see the pain in their expression.

Read the entire article on The Whole Parent.

Let's look into the challenges of dating as a single parent. To start, we've both got some history under our belt, kids, and some requirements for what's OK and what we simply won't ever do again.

As we navigate "dating" again, we quickly realize the rules are very different as single parents. Our experience gives us some distinct advantages in terms of recognizing what we don't want. And perhaps our unfinished healing might keep us from starting the dating process again.

Read this article on The Whole Parent: What a Single Dad Wants

I know we often want to believe that another person is going to make it all better. A lover would make us happier. A quest for love can become a casual sport or a spiritual journey. Let’s imagine that finding a lifetime partnership is our ultimate goal. Let’s look forward to years and years with our lover. Let’s plan on staying together.

First, before you find your beloved, you’ve got to become the beloved of your own life. According to Eva Blake on my recent podcast, you’re relationship with yourself, even sexually, changes your relationship to the world. How are you with self-love? Do you know what you like? Do you give it to yourself from time to time, even when you’re in a relationship? What are the things that make you happy? Can you do them for yourself?

Read this article on The Whole Parent: Showing Up In *Your* Love Life

It is probably not a far-fetched idea that we all have hidden pain inside our hearts and minds. Often, part of any relationship-building experience is learning that OUR emotional pain is ours alone. And the harder lesson: the emotional pain of our partners is most definitely NOT OURS.

“Stay in your lane” means learning to support your partner when they are in pain, but not to take that pain on as yours to solve. We cannot solve the emotional pain of our partners. What we can do is stand strong beside them, assure them that we are listening and empathetic, and then be quiet and let them tell us what they need. Often, what they need may not involve you or your input.

Read this article on The Whole Parent: Own Your Pain