I remember being in grade school. When we had to sit at that cluster of desks. I was new to the elementary school and there was a part of me that was aware that many of the kids I was with had been in school with each other since maybe Kindergarten. That meant, to me, that I was late forming relationships with everyone.

At that point, I was at a table with three boys. I can’t tell you now, how long they had been friends before I arrived. I just remember that they were chatting so much. With a flow. Chatting and drawing. Drawing and chatting. Now, don’t get me wrong, being the only girl, there were plenty of conversations where I was included and welcomed. I’m going to say that before I share the rest of the conversation. The boys at this table were really cool (I’m still really cool with all three, 30 something years later).

Now, I can’t remember what this particular conversation was about. Being self-aware now, I just remember that I was inserting myself in a conversation that wasn’t concerning me. One of the boys pointed it out. Elementary school aged me was a bit bruised by his comment that I was butting in.

Who was he to say that I couldn’t add to the conversation?

The reality? I didn’t actually have anything to add to the conversation because I had absolutely no clue who they were talking about and what they were talking about.

The reality? (From the self-aware me) I was inserting myself because I wasn’t comfortable being quiet and I wanted to be seen and included.

The reality? That conversation didn’t have anything to do with me and they didn’t owe me to fill me in on what they were discussing just because we all had to sit at that table. They were allowed to have that conversation.

I’m going to insert a pause right here for those of you whose minds have immediately called these young men sexist or misogynistic. If that’s what you think, you will have a problem accepting the rest of what I am saying here. They weren’t misogynistic or shutting me down because I was a girl. Like I said, I was included in all other conversation. But this one, I didn’t belong in.

I find much of society doing the same today. Inserting the self in spaces where you aren’t supposed to be. Because the idea that “One doesn’t belong” seems oppositional. We understand that for so long, minority groups have been marginalized and not accepted in places that they could otherwise thrive because of differences beyond their control.

Here, the discussion for me isn’t about knocking down doors necessarily to be included in places that will allow proper representation. This discussion is about how society has formed a behavior of bulldozing into places you don’t have to be, simply because those places are public and one feels like they are owed a seat at said proverbial table. Or because one needs an already formed platform to push their personal agendas.

What makes you want to assert your self into places not meant for you?

Why is this deemed a space of overcoming and lauded as an achievement? Especially when those already there are clear that they don’t want to make a seat at the table for you?

What would happen if you took that same energy and created your own seats and your own table?

My assumption is that most don’t want to do that because they want the perceived benefit of what is already formed and running (ie spotlight, audience, funding, social standing, clout). Someone else told you that this is the place to be in order for you to be who you are, and when they didn’t let you in, it was taken personally.

In light of my own personal story, I learned that you can create and cultivate your won spaces and doing so is important. It allows you to more easily create seats for others. In order to do this, you have to be a trailblazer and willing to do what’s needed to create the image you want. You have to know that people won’t be accepting initially in some cases or that what you created may not measure up to the larger thing, so there will be comparisons.

Push through. Those current spaces are crowded.

Someone needs you to create that space.

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Joy.

For too long we’ve thought that it was a destination.

It’s a state of being. Existing.

What does Joy look like for you? Have you been introduced?

Have you and Happiness been acquainted?

Have you crossed paths with Peace?

Would you recognize them if you encountered them?

The last sentence is part of the issue. These states of being exist but if you don’t recognize them, none of it matters.

Suffering is a part of the human experience, yet we aren’t supposed to live there. Heavy. Weighed down. Becoming so familiar with that albatross around your neck. The anchor holding you in the water, no matter how high the tide rises.

We’ve come to a point where we desperately need to pivot. Desperately need leadership that shows us what things look like on the other side of all of this pain and trauma and heaviness.

What if leadership changed the channel and showed us another frequency that was made for us as well? One that you could elevate to, even after something in life weighs you down. An existence that gives you clarity and peace of mind.

Many of us have trouble fathoming that you can live that way. It requires a faith walk. It requires confidence and optimism. It requires dedication and a firm decision to take off all of which weighs you down and claim something different. Too often, people hold tight to all the horrible occurrences and create their very identity out of the endurance of hardships. So that means that you would refuse the “good” and uplifting experiences because you haven’t read that story. You’re more familiar with how the story goes for the former. So much so, you’ve told that story over and over again and you know it by heart. When a new story comes along, the chance at an existence where you are introduced to Peace and Joy, many choose not to walk. Citing the fact that they don’t know what’s ahead. I’ve even heard people say that a life with so much positivity doesn’t seem authentic.

That’s not true.

You’ve just created a habit of pain. So much so that you won’t identify with things like success, achievement, Love, contentment, or the like, without that pain. When you live with the habit of pain, pain has to come first. Somehow you’ve convinced yourself that if that pain comes first, it makes you worthy of those positive things, that by the way, don’t weigh you down.

That kind of thinking keeps you anchored in the ocean. The tide rising and out of your control.

You have to choose Joy.

In doing so, you have to put in the effort to get acquainted. Perhaps you’ve been introduced to Joy and Peace by someone else who lives in those vibrations. Maybe, no one at all in your circle has this existence and you have to venture out on your own. Either way, the road ahead is a choice.

You have to do the work to understand and accept that you deserve Joy. So when you encounter it, you can claim it.

Contrary to the (unbalanced) popular opinion that positivity can be toxic, living in the frequency of Joy, Peace, Happiness, is a rite of the human existence. We’ve gotten too far out of experiencing our feelings properly. And this concept of living in the frequency is not linear or concrete. There is suffering AND there is Peace. Life is not filled with one or the other. As a matter of fact, you can be suffering and still have a sense of Peace. Because in confidence and faith, you understand that the human experience is layered and things can coexist and all be valid. You choose to move through the suffering, not live there.

How fulfilling life is, is up to us ultimately. It’s a personal decision, among all of the ups and downs. Among all of the ebbs and flows. Just because you may not have chosen Joy before, it doesn’t mean you can’t be empowered to change your mind.

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A little about what’s new over here at the Love Blog.

I’m super excited to make a few changes and hope you will come along with me for the ride!

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