Love Your Story: Stories and discussions about personal growth, mindset and living with intention

Welcome Listeners to the Love Your Story podcast. Today’s episode is a part of a series where I am going into more detail on each of the challenges in my book - LIFE  - which stands for: Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday, the 21 Life Connection Challenges - today is all about Challenge #5 - Give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Just a quick recap - 

In episode 12 and 89 I went into some wonderful detail about the process of doing Random Acts of Kindness, which is Challenge # 1 in the 21 Life Connection Challenges.

In episode 163 I went into detail with Ashley Stuart, a de-clutter expert, and we talked about why challenge #2 - to get rid of 1 thing you no longer need - is so much more important than this simple act seems on the surface. 

In episode 169 I tackled an in-depth on challenge #3 where we looked at what it really means and looks like to find the lesson in something that doesn’t go your way. Again, great stuff with expert Leslie Householder on finding the gratitude and lesson in our trials or disappointments.

In episode episode 171 we got into detail about why Challenge #4 - a life hack I call “Success-file” is so important to living happy.

And today we are on Challenge #5 - which is - Giving people the benefit of the doubt and how that becomes relationship changing.

The recaps of these challenges is about getting into more detail about why the challenge was included in the book, to hear what experts have to say about the topic, and to see what it looks like in real life.

These 21 Challenges are not just a random bunch of challenges I threw together. They have been chosen for specific reasons, and the shifts they cause in every day lives just by using them. That’s what these episodes are about - is delving into why each challenge is important.

So let’s talk about the challenge of giving someone the benefit of the doubt. —challenge #5.

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt may be easier than it sounds. But first let’s talk about what it is:

The Urban Dictionary says, To give someone the benefit of the doubt is to default to the belief that their intentions are honest, and not assume malice when there is uncertainty or doubt surrounding the circumstances.

Or, in other words, to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either. 

The reason this challenge is included is because this small decision will make a huge difference in your relationships, and the challenges are to help you create connection in your life.

Benefit of the doubt example:

John didn't pay me back the $20 he owes me, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he simply forgot and isn't trying to rip me off.

Jill is late, but there must be a good reason and it’s not just because she doesn’t respect my time.

My spouse hasn’t done what they agreed to do, but before getting upset I’ll talk to them about it - something probably got in the way.

Let’s talk about doing it ….giving the benefit of the doubt?

When someone does or says something that irritates you, feels unfair, or feels like a betrayal, giving the benefit of the doubt means that you consciously change the way you are interpreting the situation and the story you are building around it, and instead find a way to give that person the benefit of the doubt that they did not mean offense, that they are doing the best they can, that there is part of the story you don’t understand, or consider that there may be a misunderstanding.

People rub up against each other (metaphorically speaking) all the time; it’s what we do. There are rubs and irritants, and miscommunications every day. But if everyone gave each other the benefit of the doubt that they meant well, or that they are doing the best they can in their current state of understanding, I suspect life would generate a whole lot less friction and we would instead create grace for others. 

I know I am always grateful when people afford me a little grace and create stories that are generous and kind rather than being quick to take offense. I never mean to be offensive but sometimes I most certainly am, and I appreciate it when a friend or person is mature enough not to jump to conclusions or offense.

It is human nature to want to make sense of things we see and hear, so we try to fill in the details. This is where we get power - Instead of filling the stories with negative beliefs, fill other people’s stories with compassion. The person with the scowl is not angry with you; rather, they are having a bad day and could use a smile.

The guy riding your bumper in traffic might really have an emergency he needs to speed to, he’s not just being a jerk.

By choosing to fill stories with kindness rather than negativity, this obviously changes our interactions with others because if we go in having filled in negative details or taken things at face value we’ll be ready to fight or confront. But, if we fill their stories with compassion, we will begin our interactions with kindness. And this one choice changes everything.

The main reason we we strive to give the benefit of the doubt, which I know first-hand, is when we do it saves our relationships. For me, it saves how I feel about the people in my life.

Years ago I was just starting to go out with a guy that I had known from high school. He was the heart throb back then and a big catch, but he was a hard one to get to know. Well….One of my friends who had known him was supposed to be putting in a good word for me - in fabulous Jr. high style, even though we were adults, but every time I spoke with her about if she’d had the conversation with him, she just put me off. I was really hurt by her lack of support because we had been good friends since high school and I had supported her with many such things, and I couldn’t figure out why she would tell me one thing and then act differently - act like she was on board and then not follow through. I felt a sense of betrayal, if I’m honest. I felt like she was letting me down when I felt like she could really help out and it didn’t seem like it would be much skin off her back - a simple thing. After a few weeks of this I realized my feelings toward her were really changing. I wasn’t feeling like she was a good friend. I wasn’t feeling like I could trust her to have my back. It was a real cross-roads moment. I recognized that if I did not come up with a way to give her the benefit of the doubt that I would be forfeiting this friendship. So I made the choice…I made the conscious choice to create a reality in my own head that allowed for her own issues, her own jealousy, her inability to be straight forward with me, and to allow her to be whole, with all her issues and choices, because that’s what friends do. It allowed me to continue my friendship with her - which I have never regretted.

Boots on the ground - giving the benefit of the doubt saves relationships, creates less stress, and generates better feelings in our own hearts

Liz Newman said, “Give people the benefit of the doubt, over and over again, and do the same for yourself. Believe that you’re trying and that they’re trying. See the good in others, so it brings out the best in you.” 

I have a special treat for you today - some of the people who have been taking the challenges are families - which include, of course, children and teens. Three of these fabulous kids have offered to share their experiences with this challenge.

Here they are:

Tune into the audio program to hear these teen's experiences with the challenge.

Quick recap: Giving the benefit of the doubt does primarily 3 things: 1. Saves your relationships 2. Creates less stress for you. 3. Changes the energy at which you approach people which changes outcomes for the better.

Your challenge this week is to keep this top of mind and to practice giving the benefit of the doubt. I’d love to hear from you about your experience. Email me at [email protected] with Challenge 5 in the subject line. You can do this at home with family members, with people across the board whether you know them or not, so there is lots of opportunity.

If you want your own copy of the 21 LIFE Connection Challenges hop on Amazon or hit up loveyourstorypodcast.com for a link to Amazon to get your own copy.

We’ll see you in two weeks for our next episode.

Welcome back to the Love Your Story podcast my beloved audience. How many of you have heard of the term, “Rare Faith?”

There is the simple faith that we have knowing the sun will rise each morning, because we’ve seen it thousands of times. Then there is the type of faith that makes things happen. Today on the show I have Leslie Householder. Stay tuned for lots of wisdom from this woman who has the Rare Faith Platform where she teaches universal laws.

Leslie is the ward-winning international best selling author of The Jackrabbit Factor, Portal to Genius and Hidden Treasures. These books are all about how we access heaven’s help in our money matters and how this rare faith is the key to making things happen. She has helped people all over the world discover and apply the Rare kind of faith that causes powerful life changes. She takes time to help those in her audience crush every challenge, achieve every goal, and vanquish every monster under their beds. She is also - above all - a dedicated wife and mother of seven children. Yes…..she does alllll this. 

Tune into the audio program to hear her answers to questions like:

1. Where did you get the term Rare Faith?
2. How did you come to understand the idea of rare faith?
3. How have you used rare faith in your own life. What did that look like?
4. You have a book called Hidden Treasures that explains a list of universal laws and how they work. I’ve often thought, as I’ve heard the statement that all blessings are predicated on laws, that if I only knew what the laws were that were tied to the blessings I wanted, then I could more actively seek the outcomes I wished for. Tell us a little about these universal laws.
5. How have you tested them?
6. How often does your faith falter?
7. How do we come to really understand a universal law? Trial and error? How often is there error if it’s a law?
8. How do you share and teach these? How can people find you if they want more information?

There are laws of the universe we are very familiar with - like the law of gravity. We know it works whether we believe in it or not. It makes sense that the other laws of the universe work the same way. It also makes sense to me that laws were put in place to govern the unfolding of seasons, the circle of life, the earth on its track in the universe, so why wouldn’t God have also put into place laws that determined outcomes for his children. Laws that, like science and physics, are consistent? These are the laws we talked about today. How powerful would we be if we came to truly understand, practice and create with these laws?

It’s an exciting concept and I hope you got something wonderful out of listening to Leslie today.

For more information on Leslie:

[email protected]

#rarefaith

www.rarefaith.org

Share this episode with someone else who would find interesting. Sharing a podcast episode is an easy way to do a random act of kindness for someone. And it you REALLY liked it, share it on your social media and tag me.

Thanks for being here - remember you’ve always got the loveyourstorypodcast website where you can get links to all the past episodes, you can order your LYS t-shirts, you can find a link to buy LIFE - Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday - the 21 LIFE Connection Challenges, or you can find our new link to TELL YOUR STORY where you can start to get your own story/life history recorded in audio format.

See you in two weeks.

*Thanks to Franz Danzi: Wind Quintet Opus 67, Nos.2 by Soni Ventorum Wind Quintet for music in this podcast.

What happens when you have a past that you need to let go of?

My guest today is Dana Kazic, born and raised in Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. Caught in the middle of the Bosnian conflict, shot as a teenager during that war, Djana says the saddest thing she sees is how so many people play the victim role - she still sees it in Bosnia - people who can’t let go of wrongs done to them. Her choice to finally leave the area, despite her close relationship to her family, to create a better destiny for herself is a story she wants to share. She says, “Everyone is the creator of their own universe. Your thoughts and words become your reality. Dare to dream for fortune follows the brave.” Stay tuned for Djana’s story and what she learned having spent 3 years mostly without electricity, water, little food and grenades constantly falling on them, never knowing if she would see her family again from day to day.

Djana has spent her time since the war getting an education, working, and globe trotting. She to her BA in Sarajevo, her Masters in Italy, did her management training in Malaysia and got her PhD in Hawaii. Today she’s her to share her story.

Tune into the audio program for her story and interview.

Do you have a story - something that happened to you in your past that makes you feel like a victim? Something that happened that you haven’t been able to let go of?

If you need to reframe a story that is holding you back - please go back and listen to episodes 46-50 of the Love Your Story podcast, for 5 full episodes that explore the steps of how to truly reframe a story so you can find the meaning and purpose in the experience - so the story can support and build a better life moving forward rather than keep a holdin’ you back.

There is also an online course you can purchase on the website: www.loveyourstorypodcast.com for the 5 steps to reframing your stories. These tools have been provided to help you love your story. Because that’s what this is all about.

Thanks for being here this week - share the episode with one other person who would find value in this story. It makes the world better to share the love.

See you in two weeks for the next new episode of the Love Your Story podcast.

Welcome Listeners to the Love Your Story podcast. Today’s episode is a part of a series where I am going into more detail on each of the challenges in my book - LIFE Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday, the 21 Life Connection Challenges.

In episode 89  I went into some wonderful detail about the process of doing Random Acts of Kindness  —Challenge # 1 in the 21 Life Connection Challenges— and we did some boots on the ground recording on the RAK night and what they looked like, what  popped up for those doing the acts of kindness, and what feelings and thoughts doing the RAK’s generated in those doing them. Responses of those who got the acts of kindness. It’s all a lot less predictable than it sounds.

In episode 164 I went into detail with Ashley Stuart, a de-clutter expert, and we talked about why challenge #2 - to get rid of 1 thing you no longer need - is so much more important than this simple act seems on the surface. 

In episode 170 I tackled an in-depth on challenge #3 where we looked at what it really means and looks like to find the lesson in something that doesn’t go your way. Again, great stuff with expert Leslie Householder on finding the gratitude and lesson in our trials or disappointments.

This series of episodes is specifically to delve into why these challenges were included in the book in the first place, by getting into more detail about what they are, having experts weigh in on the ideas, and then showing real life examples.

Tune into the audio because today we are exploring Challenge #4 - it’s a thing I call Success-file.

Let’s jump right in! What is challenge #4? 

Challenge #4 is “At the end of the day as you are lying in bed, make a mental list of all the things you accomplished today.”  Now stick with me here - I know it seems easy, but some of the best things are!

This is one of my favorite challenges. I call it Success file - which is a play on words - success FUL - Success FILE. It’s one of my favorites because I love doing it. Because it makes me happy and because I get a great deal of satisfaction reliving, even just for a moment, the spaces in which I spent my time.

The way this works is at the end of the day you list - either in your head, or on paper, everything you got done that day. This switches things up a bit, because the natural tendency is to consider and mull over everything we still need to get done and to stress about it as we are falling to sleep. This makes it so our mind can’t slow down which means it takes longer to go to sleep, and then the sleep isn’t as good because your subconscious is concerned with all you still need to do because that’s what you fell asleep thinking about.

With Success Filing you lay in bed and count everything you did that day- “I got up and got out of bed. I had a shower and did my hair and make-up - nice job! I ate something healthy and made sure the kids had breakfast. I got all the kids to school. I did dishes. I had a good talk with a friend. I got to work on time. I sent a positive email. I said my prayers or went over gratitudes, I got caught up on….. you get the idea.

Let’s talk about WHY…

One way that we drive ourselves to overwhelm, stress and anxiety is by harboring a constant focus on what we have not yet accomplished. There will always be more to do, let’s get that out of the way right now. Even when you’re dead there will still be more that could be done, but I think what matters more is what you’ve already done and if you enjoyed that journey. I know that ENJOY THE JOURNEY is a cliche, but it’s a cliche’ because it is used often, and it is used often because it has real meaning. 

If we take time to celebrate our wins —the small ones as well as large accomplishments, we improve our self esteem, we lower our stress, we get a moment of attention, satisfaction, and reconsideration about things that otherwise get pushed under the rug of time, lost to the pace of modern living.

When I lay in bed and do this I feel wonderful. I count everything I did that day and I almost feel a sigh of relief in my soul. It’s a mini celebration that makes me feel accomplished and gives me time to think over and reminisce about the good, the things that are now OFF my list, and this make me feel strong. And, if there are a few things that went awry I get to consider what I might have done differently and shift quietly.

I think the bottom line for doing this is simple - it makes us happier, improves our sleep, lessens our stress and improves our mood.

Why do we need a tool like this in the first place?

We are programmed, evolutionarily, to focus on what is wrong so we can protect ourselves from pain, attack, etc. It’s called a negativity bias. That’s why we can remember the emotional disappointments or traumas in our past so much easier than we can remember all the good things that happened to us. It’s so that we can remember what hurt us and stay away from it. The bummer side of this survival mechanism is that it creates a lot of unhappiness in our lives because our thoughts naturally swirl around the pain, the undone, the not right, and our thoughts create our reality and thus we end up having to actively manage our thoughts in order to create JOYFUL living on purpose. This involves monitoring the stories we are telling ourselves about our selves and our lives and the people and things going on around us. Well, challenge #4 is one of the techniques for managing the stories you are telling yourself about your journey.

When you take the few minutes it takes to acknowledge your own daily progress, to focus on what you did instead of what you didn’t do, when you celebrate your success - large and small and become your own best cheerleader, you shift your energy and your reality and your journey.

Bam! That is why this becomes a really gorgeous tool.

Now let’s get a little outside thought on the topic:

Rescue Time blog says, “When Harvard’s Teresa Amabile looked into the daily habits of hundreds of knowledge workers across industries, she found that out of all the things that can boost our mood and motivation during the workday, “the single most important is making progress on meaningful work.”

Just like we love crossing small tasks off our to-do list, being able to see that we’re even one step closer to a big goal is a huge motivator. The problem is that these “small wins” are notoriously hard to measure. And worse, we tend to ignore them.”

As author Jocelyn K. Glei notes: “Most of us make advances small and large every single day, but we fail to notice them because we lack a method for acknowledging our progress. This is a huge loss.

There’s a reason we’re busier than ever but feel like nothing gets done. When all you see is a huge goal looming in front of you, it’s easy to get depressed and feel defeated.”

Well, in response to Jocelyn’s comment that we lack a method for acknowledging our progress - NOW YOU NO LONGER LACK A METHOD. It’s called Success-File.

Let’s talk a little data now: In a study conducted to determine how the normal life inside organizations influence performance, researchers had 238 employees, across seven companies, keep a daily diary. After looking over 12,000 diary entries they found that capturing small wins every day is what keeps us motivated. To increase self confidence, motivation, and future success, all you need to do is record the small wins. Why does this work? When we acknowledge that we accomplished something our reward center is activated and we feel a sense of pride - specifically, the neurochemical dopamine is released and we feel happy, energized, hopeful. It’s why we seek accomplishment in the first place - we are hooked on the feeling. By acknowledging the wins daily we keep happy, we keep motivated, we keep positive.”

Well…that’s it for today people. Your challenge, of course, is to go to sleep tonight counting your accomplishments for the day, rather than sheep. And it will only take one day of doing this to realize how good it feels and you’ll be hooked.

Let’s hear it for less stress, better sleep, and the joy of celebrating ALL that you do! 

The tools are here for better living.

If you’d like a copy of the 21 Challenges - Your own book with places to record your experiences. It’s yours. Easy to find on Amazon. It’s called LIFE -  Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday - the 21 Life Connection Challenges. Just search my name and the word LIFE in capital letters and it comes right up. You can also go to www.loveyourstorypodcast.com and there is a link that will take you right to Amazon. The book has amazing challenges that have deep purpose in them. If you’re looking for a program or format for helping you to create more connection, possibility and self care in your life - I highly recommend all 21 challenges in the book. 

Also - use the website to find all past episode and copy and share links of those episodes with the people you love. It’s an easy way to do an RAK - share an empowering episode with someone that would enjoy it.

See you in two weeks for our next fabulous episode. Have fun success filing.

Welcome Listeners to the Love Your Story podcast. Today’s episode is a part of a series where I am going into more detail on each of the challenges in my book - LIFE Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday, the 21 Life Connection Challenges.

In episode 89 I went into some wonderful detail about the process of doing Random Acts of Kinds - and we got feedback from the RAK night and what they looked like, what popped up for those doing the acts of kindness, and what feelings and thoughts doing the RAK’s generated in those doing them. It’s all a lot less predictable than it sounds.

In episode 163 I went into detail with Ashley Stuart, a de-clutter expert, and we talked about why challenge #2 - to get rid of 1 think you no longer need - is so much more important than this simple act seems on the surface. 

These episodes open up the wonderful egg of why these challenges were included in the book in the first place by getting into more detail about what they are, having experts weigh in on the ideas, and then showing real life examples.

Stay tuned because today we are exploring Challenge #3 - to find the lesson in something that doesn’t go your way.

Maya Angelo said, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”. 

Amen, sista!

There are lots of ways to look at life. Lots of ways to look at every event that happens to us and the way we interpret it. I’m talking about the guy who cuts us off in traffic, or your friend that always shows up late - I’m talking about every day stuff. When we learn how to be aware of our conclusion and interpretations of them, and then we get good at choosing perceptions that serve us, then we control our own destiny with power.

We acknowledge all the time that our stories are filled with challenges - people we clash with; lost love; bad drivers; situations that require the depths of our patience; health and body issues; disappointments; lost jobs; that lump of coal you got for Christmas; the state of the world; the defining of sharks.

Of course there are also moments of beauty and miracles, but this challenge is about the habit of how we deal with disappointments and challenges. One of the tays we can approach life is with the idea that everything is a life lesson. If you look at life as if the people you meet and everything you encounter are all a part of your learning experience here in this thing we call life, then we get lots of opportunities to choose attitude.

When we approach life as if all our experiences hold a gift for us then hope and faith become our companions instead of blaming, bitterness and disappointment. 

It’s easy to start making up stories about ourselves and others when things don’t happen the way we want: I’m not good enough; that person had it out for me; my boss doesn’t really like me, the world is full of assholes. None of these are helpful stories - even if they seem real. That’s where the practiced habit of remembering that you get the wonderful challenge and opportunity to choose how you see things. 

1. Become aware of your interpretations
2. Remember they are not fact - they are created by your upbringing, culture, belief system, education, assumptions, etc.
3. Choose to shift the negative interpretations into ones that will serve you better.

What do I mean by ones that serve you better? Choose interpretations that focus on the lesson or meaning in something really hard. For example, when I was first reframing my story about many difficult things that had happened to me as I went through 3 divorces, I realized, with some reframing help, that I had experienced many things that gave me massive amounts of empathy for others. I had gained empathy and understanding that helped me grow. My most painful life moments had still been painful and had still been gigantic and had still often been the choices of other people that affected me, but I could focus on that or I could focus on what I learned and how I became better because of that learning.

An interpretation that serves you is one that lightens the load of stress, anger, victimhood, frustration, and fear.

I’m always a believer that real life examples help teach best so I have three for you today. These 3 folks agreed to tackle Challenge #3 that week and then record a blurb for me on how they shifted their interpretation of a frustrating situation into one that helped them learn or find positive things in it.

Listen to the audio program to hear 3 audio recordings of people who took the challenge.

Now, let’s go to our expert.

Leslie Householder is joining me today to bring us all examples and wisdom.

Listen to the audio program to hear my interview with Leslie.

I’m going to close with one quote that sums it all up:

Dale Carnegie said, “Happiness does not depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.”

It is my hope that you will take this challenge in you own life and start to practice it. It’s worth the work it will take at first, because soon enough you’ll get so you go there looking for a reframe more naturally.

If you’d like a copy of LIFE- Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday - the 21 Life Connection Challenges, you can get your own copy with ALL the challenges in it off Amazon. Just search my name and the word LIFE in capital letters and it comes right up. You can also go to www.loveyourstorypodcast.com and there is a link that will take you right to Amazon. The book has amazing challenges that have deep purpose in them. If you’re looking for a program or format for helping you to create more connection, possibility and self care in your life - I highly recommend all 21 challenges in the book. It’s also a workbook style with a place at the end of each challenge to record your experiences. It’s all part of the learning.

See you in two weeks for our next fabulous episode.

On the morning of July 11, 2001, Michael O’Brien, an avid cyclist, was riding his bicycle on a New Mexico road when an SUV hit him head-on going 40 mph. The crushing accident left him near death as the mede-vac helicopter descended to take his broken body to be pieced back together. Today Michael is with us and will take us to the darkness of his accident and the long, slow road to recovery, but he’ll also take us to his shift - the moment when he decided it was the power of his mind that would decide the rest of his life. It wasn’t the tragedy that would define him, but how he responded to the tragedy.

I recently returned from a Genius Bootcamp, put on by Leslie Householder, in Arizona. The concept behind her teachings are a greater understanding of universal law and how to implement those laws for the greatest most powerful creations of our own lives. At the very foundation of universal law is the understanding of the power of the human mind. Where we focus our attention begins to create things spiritually, and eventually we bring those into the physical world - whether it’s an idea of something we want to create, attracting money, or changing our vibrations to live healthier or with more joy. Truth always ties into truth and as I read Michael O’Brien’s book Shift  and cheered him on as he intentionally chose the mindset and perspective that would help him make his way back into a life he wanted, I just smiled at the way this truth comes up over and over. This is why I’m always asking you, “What story are you telling yourself?” “Are you creating your life on purpose?” And “You’re responsible for creating the life story you want to tell.” It’s all about our personal agency to shift our story when needed.”

Listen to the audio program to hear Michael's story and how he shifted. We talk about questions like:

1. Your accident was almost 20 years ago and I believe your book just came out. When did you decide you wanted to start sharing your story and why?

2. Take us back to the accident - what do you remember?

3. What was the hardest part?

4. What would you do differently?

5. What were you most grateful for at the time?

6. How did the shift happen?

7. You have 20 tips at the back of your book - can you share your top 3?

When I talk about reframing our stories - the ones that are holding us back, I’m talking about this very thing - this SHIFT. When we are stuck in a story that isn’t serving us, we MUST understand that we can shift our perspective and change our interpretation in order to stay on higher vibrational levels - in order to stay out of the victim mindset - in order to live our best life story. 

I’m grateful to Michael for sharing his story and his shift and giving us a visual of what that looks like in action. The power of our minds more vast than we can comprehend. Use yours to create your best space: to lift you when you are down, to intentionally create the life you want, to overcome.

For more information on Michael and his books:

www.facebook.com/michaelspeloton

www.instagram.com/michaelobrienshift

Books: My Last Bed Day Shift, and his memoir: Shift: Creating Better Tomorrows

Your challenge this week is to find a story that needs to shift for you. Are you in a fight with your spouse and you can choose to let go of a way of seeing something that can help you find a happier space? Are you holding a grudge - can you shift and give someone the benefit of the doubt? Do you have something bigger that needs a major shift? Try changing the thought and see what happens. Things only have the power we give them.

See you in two weeks on the next episode of Love Your Story

Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled said, “Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.” 

Stay tuned for today’s episode which I have created to remind you about all the courage and wisdom you’ve gained from your problems and challenges, and that life interrupted is actually just life.

As most of you know, the Love Your Story podcast started from an earlier time in my life where I didn’t love my story. I felt shame and disappointment about my three failed marriages. I felt like I had failed in places where I was meant to succeed. What I wasn’t seeing during those rough years was that the relationship problems and all my efforts at saving my relationships, the struggles and the learning, the mistakes, the stretching that was required in the most painful places, and maybe especially the spiritual experiences I had as I tried to stand again after being metaphorically gutted in all kinds of ways….well these events would create courage and wisdom. They would show me my own strength. They would give me empathy and understanding I could never have had if I hadn’t been in the battles I’d fought.

Elisabeth Kubler Ross said, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation , a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fill them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” 

Today’s episode is a reminder that the problems in your life, big and small, have the potential to call forth your courage and wisdom. They have the potential to create in you understanding and empathy, and to align you with the human plight in ways that the easy life could not. As we traverse our problems sometimes it’s hard to remember that they are opportunities, that they are workshops, so this reminder episode is a space for you to look at the problem you are currently wrestling with - what is it? Let’s pinpoint it right here……., now console yourself with the knowledge that you are growing, and then consider what story you can create around it that will serve you best - that will help with that growth state, that will bring hope bubbling to the surface, even if it’s just hope for a better time, with the knowing that at some point the difficult parts of your journey will make more sense.

In episode 22 Becky Andrews, a blind woman, mom, and mental health councilor shares a story of an important crossroads where she recognized a crucial moment in her life - where she could choose to control her fear or to stay home bound. She shifted from her fear and chose how she was going to let her problem of losing her eyesight and the fear she felt control her life. Here’s Becky:

Tune in for this flashback clip...

Hellen Keller once said, “Although the world is very full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”

The overcoming of it - the struggle, these are the opportunities of the metaphorical cocoon. Richard Bach, one of my favorite writers - pointed out, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly.”

We are all at a different stage within our cocoons - changing, growing, turning stubby legs into beautiful wings. I always remember the example taught in grade school - you can’t help a chicken break out of it’s egg or it won’t be strong enough to survive. You can’t pry a roses petals open or it will wilt and die. You can’t tear open the cocoon to help the butterfly emerge - the butterfly must break out of the cocoon itself in order to have the strength to fly off. We are of a grand design and that design requires struggle, but that struggle creates beauty. 

Let me share another example from another earlier Love Your Story episode. This was one of the craziest stories I’ve heard on the podcast - 

In episode 21 I interviewed Rusty Lindquist and he shared his story of his father trying to sacrifice him as Abraham tried to sacrifice Isaac in the Bible. His mother escapes with her two children but the drama and trauma doesn’t stop there… it’s an almost unbelievable story that I highly recommend going back and listening to, but I want to just share a clip today….

Tune in for this flashback clip...

His story is an excellent example of being able to choose the story you create about your experiences - Rusty could have been a VERY traumatized and broken man, but his choice to look at his story as the space for overcoming and sharing created a successful outlook on life for him. He went on to creat a solid marriage, a close family with lots of kids, a successful and stable career, and a platform for sharing his story to help others. This was built intentionally. This was the overcoming.

In episode 65 Annadel Lemon shares some ideas on taking back our power. I don’t know all the processes of healing that Rusty went through as he grew up, but this next example shines a light on the process of healing and being gentle with ourselves as we enter the recovery phase.

When Annadel was 15 years old her father shot her mother and then killed himself in a tragedy that certainly created a difficult story for Annadel. Instead of letting her story and her problems hold her back Annadel found that she naturally started looking for things she could be grateful for in her life. She says that being able to get to that space of gratitude for the growth, the life shifts, the new opportunities, despite our losses, is key, but first there is a process of grieving our losses. I think this is an important piece of the puzzle as we discuss the ideas of life’s interruptions, because the space and compassion for ourselves, for our pain, for the processes we must go through is part of the growth, and we need to allow for that part of the struggle without self recrimination. Let’s be real about how we heal. It’s a process and that process requires self compassion, an allowing and a tenderness rather than judgement and pressure. Here’s what Annadel has to say: 

Tune in for this flashback clip...

As we are making our best life plans shit happens and life, the life we envisioned is interrupted or even completely rerouted. In episode 103/104 Taunia Terry finds her way back to herself after 5 abusive marriages - those weren’t in the plan. In episode 115 Sara Dean works through infertility and the life she had planned, the life she wanted, and creates something different than she originally expected - the Shameless Mom Academy. 

When your husband leaves you unexpectedly, when you don’t get that promotion at work that you’ve invested years into getting, when you get that cancer diagnosis that changes your life, or your child is born with disabilities….what you pictured gets interrupted and the canvas you’re painting on suddenly has colors you never expected. 

What do you do with those colors? That’s up to you - like Becky’s story; like Rusty’s story. We always have choice.

Now, stick with me through a couple threaded thoughts - First, we all know the adage that Nobody said Life is Fair. It’s not. Second adage - You can do hard things. You can. Third adage, Life is Messy. That’s a fact. Fourth adage: Live Well. Laugh Often, Love Much. That one’s just annoying, but it’s still great advice.

In other words, the very nature of this thing we call life is that nothing is guaranteed, fair, or easy, but that we are strong and we can choose to laugh, love, and live with beauty.

In episode 30 - Titled “Beautiful People Do Not Just Happen.” I quoted Simon Sinek…and I want to use this quote again - 

Simon Sinek said, “The most important thing to do before we die is live.” 

I think Simon Sinek’s quote applies to this topic beautifully because times of trial are times when living is the hardest. It’s these hard, uphill climbs when we often want to stop – sit down on the metaphorical trail or jump off the cliff. I’ve had moments where I could not see any point in going on. I’ve had times I wanted the whole darn thing to be over with. But I’ve come to realize, that like it or not, living is a collage of beautiful spaces and staggering pain. There are incredible ah ha moments, peace is often fleeting, uncertainty is a given, and fear – in all its forms is a part of the game, but it’s also rife with accomplishment, joy, love, and magic. It’s a mixed bag of everything, and I’ll state the obvious - it’s the bad that helps us appreciate the good. It’s the dark that lets us see the light.

Live with all you’ve got people - live before you die. There isn’t room for leaving early. You’ve got power, choices, and internal strength. Call on all of it when you need to, and I’m a fan of including God and all that extra power when things get beyond me - I highly recommend that. 

Think back with me through your life. What courage and wisdom have you gained from your “life interrupted” moments? (Leave a space here……)

The answer to this one question is enough to put things into perspective and even to shine a light of hope on any current interruptions to your ideal.

Your wisdom and courage didn’t come from having everything go right. So, the fact that it may not all being going smoothly right now is still okay…it’s all going to be alright - all of it. Even the stuff that so inconsiderately interrupted your plan.

You are getting tougher, wiser and braver and every time the skies darken you flex those muscles. 

You choose to be held hostage by the worst things that have happened to you, or you find your way forward knowing that this too shall pass and when it does you’ll have a little more wisdom, a little more courage, and a greater understanding of your own strength.

In the words of Aristotle, “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” 

Life interrupted is just life. Not the life we planned, but have faith that the story ends with someone - YOU - who knows things they didn’t know when they started; who understands things they did not once understand, and along with that you’ll also have a bag of magic tricks you’ve learned along your journey. It really IS about the journey and the journey is an adventure, and the nature of an adventure is that you never know what’s around the next corner. Surprises are the norm and struggles make us strong, and the nature of life is the mixed bag of all of it.

You’ve got this. 

Thanks for being with me today.

Quick reminder: Go to loveyourstorypodcast.com for your t-shirts, for the link to buy your copy of LIFE - Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday - my book with the 21 Life Connection Challenges in it, and to get a link to all the 160+ episodes that have aired over the past 3.5 years. Including the ones I shared snippets of today.

Your challenge for the week is to take a moment and consider the toughest times of your life and to catalogue the growth that came to you during those times. It’s a GREAT journal entry that will serve to strengthen you even more.

See you in two weeks - back here.

August 31, 2017 Braxton Nielsen was crushed and paralyzed by a bucking bronco in a rodeo in Filer, Idaho. Growing up his dad always told him he was born to succeed. Those comments created a mindset that would serve Braxton as he faced a broken back. 

Aways interested in rodeo, Braxton placed 8th in the nation in 2017 and then went pro. His dream of becoming a world champion bareback rider was getting closer and closer, but life happened and after the accident Braxton was given less than a 5% chance of walking again. 

Five fused vertebrae’s, two rods, eight screws, numbness in his right leg and can’t feel his left foot. Recover is a long road, but stay tuned today to hear about his journey and to soak in some of that positive attitude that Braxton exudes as he talks about life.

Braxton was born and raised in Roosevelt Utah where he now resides with his lovely wife Heather. He grew up loving the outdoors, spending time with family, and he was a three sport athlete in high school where he received all state awards. Braxton says. “We as individuals were born to succeed. There are no limits. The only one that limits yourself is you. Life is great. Don’t waste a second being unhappy, but be grateful, be positive and truly know that you were born to succeed.”

Tune into the audio program to hear Braxton's Story and to talk about questions like:

1. When did you know you wanted to rodeo?

2. What type of mental focus does it take to bareback ride?

3. Did that help you deal with this?

4. Tell me about the accident.

5. What happened afterward?

6. When did you decide you were going to beat it?

7. What was it like?

8. What was the hardest part?

9. How did you get through that part?

10. How do you stay so positive?

11. How can other people keep that same attitude when they are faced with their tough spaces?

The thing that stands out to me most about Braxton is his infectious optimism. It’s as if there really is no doubt that we are all incredibly powerful, born to succeed and nothing stands in our way. Thank YOU Braxton for sharing that faith, that optimism, and for shining a light on what it looks like to truly live big and face our problems head-on.

More information on Braxton: Podcast: Born to Succeed; #borntosucceed

Your challenge this week is to repeat this mantra - all week long - “I was born to succeed.” Do it on the way to work. Do it while you’re walking down the hall. Chant it in the shower! The subconscious is what creates our outcomes, and our subconscious is programed by emotion and repetition. There really is power to repetition and belief. Chant, baby chant.

Thanks for being here this week - remember to use the website - loveyourstorypodcast.com where you can order your LYS t-shirt - share any LYS episode - or comment on episodes and share your own expiences. Remember that in 2020 I stated a new option called “Tell Your Story.” This is for people who want their own audio recording of their story - for posterity, for personal record, or know a family member or friend who should capture their story. Contact me at [email protected] with Tell Your Story in the subject line and we’ll make that happen.

See you in two weeks on the next episode.

Welcome to the Love Your Story podcast. Over the past month I’ve listened to a number of podcast hosts hop on and talk about their take regarding COVID 19 and the Coronavirus. I’m almost sick of hearing about it, but one thing I haven’t heard is a real first-hand account of having the virus. So….today that’s what I’m bringing to you. Stay tuned for my interview with Matt Newey, a 23 year old outdoor photographer/video from Centerville, UT. Who, on March 19th, was Utah’s 78th confirmed Covid-19 case. 

Matt Newey most likely contracted the virus while on a ski trip to Colorado with four friends. 

This is Matt’s Covid-19 story.

First - let’s make Matt a real person. Here’s a little about him. Matt is a 23 year old outdoor photographer, videographer and adventurer. From the time Matt got his first Gopro camera at the age of 10 he has been videoing himself ever since doing ski backflips, rock climbing and searching for the perfect landscape photo. In high school shooting one of his many time lapse shots of the Great Salt Lake he realized his mission is to “chase sunsets for a living.” He further realized that this is his passion when he went off at 18 on an 8 day solo trip taking pictures on southern Utah. He’s a skier, a son, a brother, and an all around good kid who survived.

Tune into the audio program to hear Matt tell his own story.

To find Matt:

Instagram: @mattcnewey https://www.instagram.com/mattcnewey/

YouTube: https://youtu.be/Vd7tpRbas48

Website: https://mattcnewey.com/work

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/666837390339248/posts/1063467160676267/?vh=e&d=n

Lots of stories are being written right now. People who are getting COVID 19, people who are fighting it on the front lines, people who are terrified and living as such, people who are creating some wonderful family/home time during social distancing and quarantine.

Personally I feel like this very odd time for us holds a basket of opportunities. Family time. Time to take stock of our preparedness. Time to focus on home and loved ones. Time to slow down. Time, like Matt has illustrated, where you are on the front lines and you have a story to share in order to help others better understand what is going on.

I encourage all of us to turn to love, community, family and sharing to get the most beauty and positive outcome from a time in history that also holds the potential for loss and suffering. Each day write beautiful things into your story. Small and simple things that feel better than fear. 

Also - it’s a great time for families to hop on Amazon and buy my book - LIFE - Living Intentional and Fearless Everyday - the 21 LIFE Connection challenges. I’ve gotten lots of reports of families who are doing the challenges together and making the most of their social distancing time while practicing fun life skills together.

See you in two weeks on the next episode of the LYS podcast.