Love Your Story: Stories and discussions about personal growth, mindset and living with intention

Have you or someone you know struggled with infertility? Sara Dean – the creator and host of the popular podcast the Shameless Mom Academy, tells us her story of infertility, going through the emotional process of combating infertility, and the life changes that came as she successfully got pregnant with her son Vinny.  “I’m getting an F in making babies,” she bemoaned as she and her husband traveled this road of eager desperation. Tune in for the story of her journey, and our discussion on how we acquire life tools that help us stay healthy through these moments that bring you to your knees.

Sara Dean is the creator and host of the Shameless Mom Academy Podcast, a top-rated podcast rapidly approaching 1 million downloads.  Sara’s biggest passion is helping women own their space.  After enduring her own identity crises following the birth of her son, Sara took her background in psychology/health/ wellness and rebuilt her identity, one step at a time.  Sara motivates and inspires women to stop shrinking and start growing.  She is on a mission to inspire women and moms, in particular, to live bigger, bolder, braver #everydamnday. Let’s get into our interview and her rollercoaster story of pushing through those spaces a hero pushes through to get the rewards they seek.

Tune into the audio program for Sara Dean’s story.

Find Sara: https://shamelessmom.com/

We all have such different life stories, but they are tailor-made for each of us. The stories lines are diverse, but the similarities lie in the concept of challenge, overcoming, facing fear, rising when we are brought to our knees, or not. Loved the idea of reframing the story when it doesn’t turn out as we expect, and taking the power back for finding joy in our circumstances. As we each go through our lives we find the tricks and tricks – if we seek them – for living through the tough spaces and creating mindsets and self-care that buoy us up during the times we go to war with our challenges. If you don’t have your toolbox with the tried and true, go to www.loveyourstorypodcast.com and under tools, choose the 21 Challenges and sign up for that system of trying out 21 LIFE Connection tools that you can personalize for your own support and live creation. Live big people and I’ll see you next week as we tell the next story!

Welcome to the Love Your Story podcast. One of my favorite sayings is “Tomorrow Begins Today.”  I have the saying, torn from a magazine, stuck with one lone magnet to the front of my fridge. I look at it every day because it reminds me that what I am doing right now, in this moment, isn’t just about today, it’s about the law of the harvest. It’s about creating what I want in my life tomorrow, going forward. It’s about planting the seeds for the fruits I want to come forth. It’s about karma. It’s about active creation from a big picture perspective. It’s about planting and nurturing seeds in work, in relationships, in self-development, in learning. Tomorrow begins today and that means today is a powerful space to occupy.

If you could harvest anything you wanted in your life, what would it be? It’s November, it’s harvest time. Thanksgiving is giving thanks for what we’ve harvested over the summer. Let’s think about this for a minute.

When I was a child we lived in a small Idaho community and each summer my parents planted beans, potatoes, tomatoes, chard, onions, you name it.  We had a garden plot that ran down one whole side of our property and at the top of our alfalfa fields, we had another big garden- rows and rows of raspberry bushes. During the summer my dad would irrigate the garden, and my brothers and sister and I would splash in the water in our swimming suits as it flooded the lawn, but during the week, we’d pull weeds, every day. Before we could play we had to pull weeds, and at harvest time we carried our little buckets and made our way through the rows of the reaching, pickery, raspberry plants, plucking off plump maroon berries, and piling them in our buckets. My mom made jam and canned peaches and beans. She froze corn and berries. It was a busy time and I’ll be honest, I hated it. I hated weeding, I hated picking beans and raspberries, I just wanted to be out biking and roller skating down the street in front of our house. But what my parents knew and cared about, that I didn’t at the time, was that all that fresh fruit, all those delicious vegetables, had to be planted, then nurtured and watered, and then, of course, harvested so we could eat healthy, fresh, and self-sufficient. It was the law of the harvest at work. The tomorrow of healthy eating would start in the spring with the smallest of seeds and a plot of dirt.

From small and simple things we would reap a bounty of gorgeous fruits and vegetables, overflowing with colors and goodness. All it took was the willingness to act – to plant the seed, and nurture – weed and water, and then the harvest was a hundredfold.  Such is the law in our lives.

Today is a space you created with all your days that came before. The glorious and the ugly. If you’re sitting in a warm home surrounded by family and loved ones, it’s because you worked, you loved, you invested in yourself and others. If you’re loving yourself it’s because you plant thoughts and gentleness in your own heart and mind about who you are and what you do.  If you have friends it’s because you are a friend.

The opposite is also true. If you live in lack, in any of these spaces, it is so because of the seeds planted within your mindset and actions, as well. If your relationships are anemic it’s because of the way you do not invest in them, and the people you allow into your life. If you struggle with an addiction it is most likely because you chose to get involved with an addictive substance. If you live in fear it is because you allow thoughts of fear rather than faith to dominate your mind. If you are in debt chances are it is due to choices you made to spend. Let’s hop on the responsibility train.

Today I’m talking about “Tomorrow Begins Today” so that TODAY we begin creating for tomorrow – for all the tomorrows that will bear the fruit of the seeds planted today. And because it’s amazing how small seeds – a tiny, tiny, seed that is so small it may get lost in the palm of your hand, once it is planted and nurtured, will create such glorious and intricate flowers, or a sprawling plant from which abundant fruits or vegetables continue to develop. The concept of our ability to create such harvests by planting simple seeds is glorious and powerful and not to be missed.

When I was 18 I started college. I packed up my car and drove to a college an hour or so away and moved into my first apartment. Two years later I finished my associate’s degree and with it moved to California to use that degree.

One thing leads to the next. I invested in my education which allowed me to travel to a different state to accept a job where I then met people, created memories and created friendships I’ve had for 20 years. When I went back to school for my bachelor’s degree, that lead me not only to a more educated mind and a deeper understanding of things but to friends, to rock climbing (a class I took), to backpacking, to people who would shape the rest of my life. I met my future husband while at college and that, of course, led to my children.  My education gave me the credentials I needed to get my first jobs, the skills to write work worth being published, and the foundation for getting my master’s degree further down the road. My investment in my master’s degree allowed me to teach at the university, which had always been a dream. It allowed me to study something that I love, and it eventually was key in creating the Love Your Story podcast and the incredible people I’ve met on this particular journey.

Of course, there are hundreds, even thousands of other things that were born from these choices, but the choice to seek education led me to knowledge, to people, to experiences, to purpose and to accomplishment. It brought forth abundantly.

The law of the harvest is a universal law. What you plant will determine what you reap. If you plant weeds you will not get fruit and vegetables. If you plant trees you will not get cacti. If you plant flowers you will get bouquets.

Choices, all of them, lead somewhere. What choices are you making right now and where are they leading?

Put the podcast on pause and think about that question. Where are they really leading? Are those choices taking you where you want to go? Are you becoming who you want to be? Are you creating the relationships you want to create? Are you planting the seeds for the experiences you want to have? If you want to travel to Europe, are you planting the seeds to make that happen eventually? If you want a good relationship with someone, are you spending the time and effort to create it? If you want a promotion are you actually planting the appropriate seeds to get it? If you want to be good at something are you practicing? If you want to live with less fear are you becoming aware of the stories you tell yourself that create fear or self-doubt?

As we discuss the harvest, we are focused on results, but I want to expand into the process as well. –You know, the journey.

I was reading in Oprah’s book, What I Know For Sure, the other day and she talks about the line from LeeAnn Womack’s song that says, When you get the choice to sit out or dance, I hope you dance.

She says, “What I know for sure is that every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and step out and dance –to live free of regret and filled with as much joy, fun, and laughter as you can stand. You can either waltz boldly onto the stage of life and live the way you know your spirit is nudging you to, or you can sit quietly by the wall, receding into the shadows of fear and self-doubt. You have the choice this very moment – the only moment you have for certain – I hope you aren’t so wrapped up in nonessential stuff that you forget to really enjoy yourself, because this moment is about to be over. I hope you’ll look back and remember today as the day you decided to make every one count, to relish each hour as if there would never be another. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”

As I read that last week I decided to accept a couple of invitations that included travel. I struggled with the scheduling and taking too much time away from home, but as I thought about that line – when you have the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance, I decided I was going to say yes to the dance. And I booked my trips and crossed out days on my calendar. As of the writing of this I have not make those trips yet, but on further reflection I know it was right to accept the dance. Sitting in my office doing things that feel important versus being out meeting people and creating connections and possibility,  the travel and the networking, the relationship building and the opportunities, these are going to plant seeds for more good fruit to come. There will be plenty of days to sit in my office doing important work on the computer.

This idea of actively engaging with life is just one way of planting seeds for tomorrow’s harvest. There is also the active creation of making choices to live within your moral and ethical codes to create your character, as you wish it to be. Planting the seeds of honesty today creates peace and trust tomorrow. Service today creates connection, the feel-goods of lightening someone’s burden, love, good karma, friendship.  The seeds of living according to your belief system bears the fruits of self-respect.  The seeds of love beget the fruits of more love – love begets love.

In high school, my oldest son dedicated himself to taking AP classes and getting good grades in school. He harvested good results on his AP exams and tested out of college-level classes. He harvested the fruits of scholarships.

My mother invested her life in caring for her children and grandchildren and her harvest has been 6 children and 20 grandchildren who love her.

I have attended a networking group faithfully and sought to help others forward their interests, the harvest for me is connection with some amazing ladies who also help and support my efforts with the Love Your Story podcast. They listen, they share, they buy t-shirts and make FB posts. Not to mention my opportunity to know them and bask in their goodness, energy, joy, and forward thinking.

There are also ill planted seeds:

I have seen friends and associates plant the following seeds –  Choosing to look at pornography and harvesting the fruits of addiction, twisted sexual expectation, a mindset of objectifying women, and much worse.

I watched one friend lose his driver’s license, go to jail, and pay over 10K in court costs as his choices to drink and drive harvested him some rough years.

I’ve seen the seeds of laziness and apathy harvest stagnation and a life stalled out. Lots of time lost.

The seeds of self-loathing and condemnation have brought about the fruits of small and fearful lives when not tackled with serious efforts of breaking through that storm of darkness.  I have spoken with many people, as they sought to reframe their self-perceptions, who had lived small and afraid because they saw themselves as unworthy and so didn’t dare go for big things. Ben didn’t dare ask women out that he found attractive because he couldn’t bear the possible rejection he was certain he would get. So he lived lonely. He resorted to using pornography and living a small, fearful life, all because he was certain he was too nerdy to try and build a real life that included a real relationship. Karen was certain she was a bad mother because she did not love being home with little kids all the time. She knew how often she yelled and she constantly told herself she was not cut out for this. Her enjoyment of mothering curtailed by her self-loathing and certainty that everyone else was doing it so much better.  It was the inner critic that planted seeds of self-doubt and failure, and so she harvested a negative and depleting parenting experience.

But, of course, those are not the type of seeds we want to plant or nurture. We want to pull out those weeds and allow for the purposeful placement of seeds that will bare joy and peace, goodness and abundance. Again, it’s all within our power. Decide the harvest you want. Identify the seeds you need to plant. Plant those babies and then nurture them every day. You’ll start to see the bud pop from the metaphorical dirt, then you’ll see the stalks grow stronger and fuller as you continue to nurture them. And before long you’ll start to see more fruit than you could have imagined. The fruits of our labors are often far broader than we expected.

In the episode where I interviewed Heidi Totten, in October, the creator of 100 Humanitarians, we talked about how her original trip to Kenya, years ago, planted the seeds for a vision of greater impact that turned into a non-profit that she created that has provided underwear for the women in Kenya, as well as bringing gardening and other ways of supporting and making life better for the people of Kenya. It was a simple trip that turned into something that has made a tremendous difference in the lives of women of Kenya. Seeds planted, work done. Harvest happening. And the harvest is so rich!

Let me mention another way of planting seeds – gratitude. In the book The Magic, by Rhonda Bryne, she talks about the way to create more abundance in your life – more health, more money, better relationships, the fruition of your dreams– you must first give gratitude. To receive you have to give. Her premise is that the magic formula for harvesting good things is to be grateful for what you already have.  You plant seeds of gratitude with the words Thank You, and you harvest more of the things you are grateful for. For example, since I have started doing the 28 days of gratitude suggested in her book, I have daily planted seeds of gratitude in my own heart and top-of-mind consciousness because each day I start out focusing on 10 things I’m grateful for and why I’m thankful for them. The WHY is interesting because it takes it to a deeper level and I get to evaluate what’s important to me on this deeper level. For example, today I was grateful for a big basket of grapes Valerie gave to me. When I looked at the “why” it was because it was abundance, and I love abundance. It was because it gave me a chance to create a fresh, healthy juice – and I love to eat and feel healthy. And, it was because it was a kindness and I appreciate the kindnesses of my friends. I was grateful because that one act was about abundance, health, and friendship.

As I do this exercise continuously, I have harvested a clarity about how much I am supported and blessed by God. I have harvested an awareness of all the people who bring abundance, kindness and blessings to me daily. I have harvested a space of deep appreciation and peace because of the deep realization and top-of-mind awareness of the abundance that flows to me every single day.  The repetition is what has cemented this deep sense of understanding, and it’s a beautiful harvest all its own.

So, I’ll end with a story shared by  Dieter F. Uchtdort of the LDS Church in a talk called God’s Harvest, 2014.

A woman named Christa once worked for a small seed company. She loved her job. It was a source of immense wonder that each tiny seed she sold had the capacity to transform itself into something quite miraculous—a carrot, a cabbage, or even a mighty oak tree.

Christa loved sitting at her computer taking orders and answering questions. But one day she received a complaint that puzzled her.

“The seeds don’t work,” the customer said. “I bought them two months ago and still nothing.”

“Did you plant them in good soil and give them enough water and sunlight?” Christa asked.

“No, but I did my part,” the customer replied. “I bought the seeds. After all, they are guaranteed to grow.”

“But you didn’t plant them?”

“Heavens no. That would mean getting my hands dirty.”

Christa thought about this and decided that planting guidelines would have to be written. She resolved what the first guideline would be: “You must follow planting instructions for the seeds to sprout. You can’t set them on the shelf and expect them to grow.”

It wasn’t long before another complaint puzzled her.

“The seeds aren’t producing,” a customer claimed.

“Did you plant them in good soil?” Christa responded. “Did you give them the appropriate amount of water and sunlight?”

“Oh, yes,” the customer insisted. “I did all that―exactly as it says on the package. But they don’t work.”

“Did anything happen at all? Did they sprout?”

“Nothing happened,” the customer said. “I planted them just as directed. I was hoping to have tomatoes for dinner. Now I am very disappointed.”

“Wait,” Christa replied. “Are you saying you planted the seeds today?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the customer replied. “I planted them a week ago. I was not expecting to see tomatoes on the first day; I was patient. Let me tell you, there has been a lot of watering and waiting between then and now.”

Christa knew she would have to add another guideline: “These seeds conform to the laws of biology. If you plant the seeds in the morning and expect to eat tomatoes later that week, you will be disappointed. You must be patient and wait for the work of nature to unfold before you.”

All went well until Christa received another complaint.

“I’m very disappointed in your seeds,” the customer began. “I planted them just as the package recommended. I gave them water, made sure they had sunshine, and waited until finally they produced their harvest.”

“Sounds like you did everything right,” Christa said.

“That’s all very fine,” the customer replied. “But what I got was zucchini!”

“My records show that those were the seeds you ordered,” Christa said.

“But I don’t want zucchini; I want pumpkins!”

“I’m not following.”

“I planted the seeds in my pumpkin patch—the very same soil that produced pumpkins last year. I praised the plants every day, telling them what beautiful pumpkins they would become. But instead of large, round, orange pumpkins, I got long, green zucchini. Tons of them!”

Christa knew then that guidelines might not be enough and that it was necessary to state a principle: “The seed you plant and the time of the planting determine the harvest.”

May you actively decide on what you want to harvest, and then plant the right seeds. May you want the harvest bad enough that daily you will water, weed, and pay some attention to the seed. And, may you garner a harvest that exceeds your expectations – something wonderful, colorful, peaceful, joyful, filled with love and any other thing you hope to create!

Tomorrow begins today, and that’s a powerful place to be.

Welcome to another episode of the Love Your Story podcast, where I get to delve into people’s amazing stories to learn from their experiences and share that with you. Today I have two guests with me – this is a new approach for Love Your Story, but this story, the death of Kylee Bruce is one of surviving and thriving for those she left behind, and the two people who loved and lost in this story are Kylee’s mother Gaylene and her fiancée, Brandon Forseth. Together they will tell the story of her tragic loss and the ways they have found to survive.

Joining me today are Gaylene and Brandon from Oregon.

When Gaylene was young her father shot her mother and then committed suicide. From a young age, Gaylene had the opportunity to figure out how to process loss, but she says that one of the things that is most important about her story is the way she has learned, from others, how to do this and that it CAN be done. Her life has included the loss of her parents, a marriage through divorce and then the loss of her daughter Kylee when she was killed in an automobile accident, and her process of seeking for tools and processing pain has been an important part of her journey.

When Kylee died in a car accident in December of 2016, she was carrying Brandon, her fiancee’s child.

Brandon said, “I’m not an expert on love, I was just really good at loving Kylee. My story is one of true love, grief, and how I found a way to keep my Kylee’s legacy alive. I haven’t yet been able to “overcome” grief completely, and I doubt I ever will but I have found a way to keep waking up every morning with purpose.”  So, today we’re going to talk about Kylee’s story and how to process grief. How to survive and thrive despite loss.

Tune into the audio program for my interview with Gaylene and Brandon.

You can find them on the Facebook Group: #lovehardproject

Washington Irving said, “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

The pains of loss can leave us stripped of hope, of a desire to go on, and rack us with the worst pains we can experience in this life. But as we’ve discussed today, there is a way to survive. There is a tomorrow and even though you perhaps can’t see it in the dark places, others have gone before you and found the way. Follow in their footsteps, even if you are crawling. One step at a time allow for grieving and loving and celebrating those beautiful souls you have walked with.

Thanks for being with us today for Kylee’s story and for Gaylene and Brandon’s stories and journey’s through grief. Your challenge this week is to love hard on the people who are important to you. We don’t ever know when loss will knock on our door, so today, in this moment, right now, love with all your heart. No regrets.

Share this episode with someone who could use it and check out the Love Your Story podcast website for all the past episodes, classes and life story challenges

In 2009 Darlene Schultz’s 18-year-old son went to his doctor to get something for the pain for his degenerative back disease. He had just gotten a job at Home Depot and needed to control his pain so he could work. He came home with oxi-cotton. After 4 years of trying to beat the addiction, going through jail time and immense struggles, in 2013 this same young man overdosed in his parent’s bed and despite all work by paramedics he did not recover.

This mom, along with many others, has felt the shame associated with addiction, the horrible loss of a child and the travail of watching them walk the road of self-loathing and a struggle against a substance that controls their lives.

Stay tuned today for stories from moms who have lost children, for comments from Utah’s Attorney General, Sean Reyes; thoughts from John Huber, the U.S. Attorney for the District of Utah, and his take on prosecuting drug offenders, and thoughts by Brian Besser, the agent in charge of the Drug Enforcement Administration of Utah and the Metro Narcotics Task Force. I also get some interview time with Dr. Jennifer Plumb, a medical professional and tireless fighter in the opioid crisis.

In 2017 49,068 Americans died from opioid-related overdoses. 115 Americans die from opioids every day. From 2010-2016 heroin-related overdose deaths have increased by 500%. And, more than 80% of heroin users started their cycle of addiction with prescription opioids.  In October of 2018 the Utah Solutions Summit took place. This was a coming together of law enforcement, doctors, parents, students, recovery groups and many others for an open conversation of stemming the tide of opioid addiction and death. These interviews and stories were collected from this summit to give you, the listener, a well-rounded look at the opioid stories and things being done in our communities – in this case, specifically the state of Utah, who has made tremendous progress because of the willingness of all these parties to work together. Have you wondered about the opioid crisis and the billboards you see along the freeway telling you to get aware? Today’s episode will give you some insight. Some of these comments are coming from panel discussions, some from interviews. You may hear some background noise, but here we go.

Tune into the audio program for stories, interviews, and discussion.

Support Groups for those dealing with addiction or supporting addicts include:

USARA – Utah Support Advocates for Recovery Awareness

180 E. 2100 S. Suite 100 Salt Lake City, UT 84115; 801.599.1667

Overdose Awareness Utah

1021 N. 540 W. American Fork, UT 84003; 801.234.9963; FB: Overdose Awareness Utah

Utah stands as an example as a state who has excellent collaboration between families, politicians, law enforcement and medical professionals who care and are banding together to take on this crisis of addiction that so often begins with prescription pills. Our death toll has decreased this year, due to these efforts, and all are hoping to keep up this trend. If you or someone you love is caught in this crisis, I will have the recommended organizations and contact information in the show notes on the website at www.loveyourstorypodcast.com, and I thank the moms who were willing to share their stories, hearts and advice on the show today. Thanks for being here today, and if you liked the show, please leave a review on iTunes/Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. See you next week on the LYS podcast.

Welcome back to the Love Your Story podcast. Today is Halloween and so it’s appropriate I bring to you a story steeped in the bizarre and spooky. Today we speak of zombies. Not in theory, but it reality. Join me for a trip to Haiti and a dive into voodoo, magic, and the bizarre reality of real life (the word is used lightly) zombies.

In February of 1974, Wade Davis, the future Harvard Scientist who would journey into the secret societies of Haitian Voodoo, zombies and magic, had his first meeting with the man who would send him on this quest to discover the plants used in creating the drugs that turned people into Zombies.

Today’s podcast includes part of Wade’s story from his book The Serpent and the Rainbow and his astonishing journey into the secret societies of Haitian voodoo, as well as an interview with Lynne McNeill, Associate Folklore professor at Utah State University,  who went to Haiti with a film crew to delve into the Zombie stories, and the experiences she had there is past year.  Happy Halloween, you won’t want to miss this bizarre look into the realm of zombies, possession, and first-hand experiences and discussions Lynne had with priest and priestess of the Voodoo religion.

Let’s jump right into Wade Davis’s story that starts in 1974….At this point in his life, he was just a student, anxious and restless to explore. The Amazon was his first choice and so he approached the venerable professor Richard Evans Schultes in the Department of Anthropology for his advice. As he slipped onto the 4th floor of Harvard’s Botanical Museum and the office of Professor Schultes, he was met with herbarium cases and photos of professor Schultes in exotic locales. The advice Schultes gave was sparse, so without plans and just enough money to support himself for a year, Davis headed to Colombia. Schultes turned out to be a catalyst of adventure, but Davis was on his own to find his way. This student of anthropology embarked onto what would be only his first adventure in exotic places where his life was often at risk due to jungles and rainforests, foreign and wild cultures, lack of supplies and uncharted territory as he sought to collect plants. He had advised himself before embarking on this journey to “risk discomfort and solitude for understanding.”  This first expedition became but an episode in an ethnobotanical apprenticeship that took him throughout much of western South American. He earned his degree in anthropology in 1977. Following a two-year hiatus from the tropics, Davis returned to Harvard as one of Professor Schultes’s graduate students. Ethnobotany meant searching for plants with medicinal properties, and collecting the plants was only part of the exploration. Learning from the Indians and natives of the areas they explored were key to understanding how the plants were used.  Schultes had spent 13 years in the Amazon because he believed that the Indian knowledge of medicinal plants could offer vital new drugs for the entire world. He identified over 1800 plants of medical potential in the northwest Amazon alone and he knew that thousands more remained. These were the plants he sent his students out to find.

Late on a Monday afternoon early in 1982 Schultes’s secretary called Davis and asked him to come into the office. “I’ve got something for you,” Schultes said. “It could be intriguing.” He handed him the New York address of Dr. Nathan Kline, psychiatrist, and pioneer in the field of psychopharmacology – the study of the actions of drugs on the mind. Kline was not a small player in the field of mental disorders and chemical imbalances rectified by drugs. His research lowered the number of patients at American psychiatric institutions from over half a million in the 50’s to 120,000 in the 80’s. He was no small player and this was not a trip to be taken lightly.

It turned out that Davis was being sent to the Caribbean. Haiti. The “Frontier of Death” was the next mystery to be unraveled. As he met with Kline and Professor Lehman it was presented this way, “ We hear you are attracted to unusual places. If what we are about to tell you is true, as we believe it is, it means that there are men and women dwelling in the continuous present, where the past is dead and the future consists of fear and impossible desires.”  He spoke of zombies.

“The first problem,” said Lehman, “is to know when the dead are truly dead.”  After this topic was discussed at length Lehman concluded that there were only two means of ascertaining death and the first was not infallible – it involved a brain scan and cardiogram. The second was putrefaction, which required time. Kline pulled out a death certificate for Clairvius Narcisse, dated 1962. “Our problem,” Kline explained, “is that this Narcisse is now very much alive and resettled in his village in Artibonite Valley in central Haiti. He and his family claim he was the victim of a voodoo cult and that immediately following his burial he was taken from the grave as a zombie.”

“Yes,” he said, “the living dead.” Voodooists believe that their sorcerers have the power to raise innocent individuals from their graves to sell them as slaves. Some families will kill the dead a second time to prevent this fate from happening to family members.  The Narcisse case was not the first to come to light, but one that was most public.

The two explained that since 1961 they had been systematically investigating all accounts of zombification.  The latest was a woman, Natagette Joseph, aged about sixty, who was supposedly killed in 1966. In 1980 she was recognized by a police officer as she wandered around her home village.

But, back to Clairvius Narcisse – In the spring of 1962, a Haitian peasant aged about 40 approached an emergency entrance of the hospital where he was admitted under the name Clairvius Narcisse complaining of fever, body aches, and general malaise. He had also begun to spit blood. He was pronounced dead a few hours later by two attendant physicians, one of them American. The body was identified and placed in cold storage for 20 hours and then taken for burial. In 1980, 18 years after, he returned, claimed he had been made a zombie by his brother because of a land dispute when he refused to sell off his inheritance. Immediately following his resurrection from the grave he was beaten, bound and led away by a team of men to the north country where he worked as a slave with other zombies. Eventually, the zombie master was killed and whatever force kept them bound to him, dispersed. It was then that Narcisse returned to his village.

After a clinical discussion by Kline and Lehman about the reduced metabolic rate, dying brain cells, and the likelihood of a hoax, Kline noted that the precise definition of a zombie was a body without character and without will. They explained to Davis that they felt it was a drug that allowed the dead to be resurrected. A zombie poison. They wanted to know what drug it was that could lower the metabolic rate of a victim to such a level that they would be considered dead but in fact be alive. Think of the difference this could make in surgeries!

“What we want from you is the formula of the poison,” Lehman said to Davis. They gave him a few contact names, a small fund that had been put aside, and sent him to find the voodoo sorcerers responsible and to obtain samples of the poison and antidote, with as much observation as possible.

Mind awhirl with questions, foreboding, and ideas, the phrase “The frontier of death” was the phrase that haunted Davis most of all. What lay ahead?

The mystery of Haiti existed in the very air as he arrived. The thump of the city, the flow of the people, there was something electric in the air – a raw elemental energy.  Port-au-Prince lies prostrate across a low, hot tropical plain at the head of a bay flanked on both sides by soaring mountains. Haiti’s multitude  – 6 million people – sat on only 10 thousand square miles and they harbored a history of slavery, revolt, and farming.

Davis met his contact and before long found himself experienced the rites of Rada– Voodoun possession. The spirits arrived and mounted the bodies they would possess and the drums and the dancing and fire eating left him in ah.  His contact introduced him to the man he would offer to buy the poison from, and after a charade of grocery lists of ingredients, collecting and creating he walked away with a fraudulent product. As he searched for the plants himself, those he suspected to be ingredients, he found that they were difficult to find.  At one point Davis meets up with Lamarque Douyon, Haiti’s leading psychiatrist and the director of its only psychiatric institute. Douyon’s scientific interest in the zombie phenomenon dates to a series of experiments he conducted in the late 1950’s while completing his psychiatric residency at McGill University. What he observed during the experiments reminded him of the stories he’d heard when he was younger about accounts of zombies. He recalled as well the prevalent belief among Haitians that zombies were created by a poison that brought on a semblance of death from which the victim would eventually recover. By the time he returned to take his position in Haiti he was convinced the poison existed.

In the meeting with Douyon he was passed a document, Article 249 of the Haitian penal code, that referred specifically to zombie poison and prohibiting the use of any substance that could induce a lethargic coma indistinguishable from death. The Haitian government recognized the existence of the poison.

Douyon also introduced him to Clairvius Narcisse, the man who had recovered from his zombification. When he shared his account he showed a scar he bore on his right cheek, just to the edge of his mouth where a nail was driven through his coffin. He recalled remaining conscious throughout this ordeal and though completely immobilized he heard is sister crying, he remembered the doctor pronouncing him dead, the arrival of the Bokor and his assistants, drums pounding, the bokor singing. They beat him with a whip, tied him with a rope and wrapped his body in black cloth. Bound and gagged he was led away on foot by two men. He was passed from party to party along the road traveling by night and hiding by day until they reached a sugar plantation in which he would be put to work.

In his book, The Serpent and the Rainbow, Wade Davis shares his discoveries and adventures in this Haitian realm of Voodoo, and today I’m adding in a modern voice. My interview with Lynne McNeill, assistant professor of folklore at Utah State University and her first-hand experiences in Haiti with a film crew in search of rites, rituals, zombies, possession, and Voodoun culture just this past year.  Here’s our interview.

For the interview with Lynne McNeill that picks up and shares her story in Haiti, tune in to the audio program.

By the end of the book, The Serpent and the Rainbow, Wade Davis has crossed far beyond simply finding plants and poisons. Oh, yes, a poison had been found and identified, but now he found himself swept into a worldview, a cultural view that was far beyond his as a Western Scientist. Straddling the cultural understandings,  his research here in Haiti suggested that there was a logical purpose for zombification consistent with the heritage of the people and culture here. Invited into inner realms for which there would be no return things looked very different than they did through his skeptical eyes upon landing in Haiti.

He said, “To be sure, I had failed to document a zombie as it was taken from the cemetery, but this was no longer something I deliberately sought out. In the last weeks, I had in fact, been offered two promising opportunities to do so, provided, of course, that the cash payment to the bokor be sufficient. I had gone as far as making the preliminary contacts before I realized that the whole concept had changed. A year or two before I would have gone ahead, emboldened by the deep skepticism I had brought with me to Haiti; now that I had completely overcome my doubts, I found myself forced by that very certainty to turn aside an opportunity that might have offered final proof to those who still share my early skepticism.”   The money that the party in question demanded was considerable. Ethically he could never be sure that his payment might not have been responsible for the victim’s fate, and that was an ethical  Rubicon he was not willing to cross. So he did not pay to see the zombie rise.  But like Lynne, he records seeing first hand the ritual possessions. The young man moving like a reptile past the legs of naked women coated in clay. The sacrificial bull, for animal sacrifices are key in the rituals to the spirits they allow to ride their own live bodies. The machete cuts the throat of the bull and Davis finishes the book, “I turned to a man pressed close beside me and saw his arm, riddled with needles and small blades, and the blood running copiously over the scars of past years, staining some leaves bound to his elbow before dripping from his skin to mine. The man was smiling. He too was possessed, like the youth straddling the dying bull, or the dancers and the women wallowing in the mud.”

As folklorists, we observe, with as little bias as possible, the rituals and ways of folk groups and cultures. We are there to record not to pass judgment; to learn and try to understand as best we can from an emic or outside perspective. Sometimes we tell their stories, when appropriate, but most often we tell our stories of observation. Zombies have been a rampant part of popular culture in the United States;  influenced by media portrayals. Chances are your impressions of a zombie are contrived from media portrayals, but here today we tell stories of a long-held religion brought from Africa on the slave ships and clung to as a form of worship that helped the slaves of Haiti retain their cultural ties despite their removal from their country of origin. If you thought zombies were just another made up monster, maybe now you have more pieces of the truth; more background behind the stories.

Happy Halloween. May you fight past all forms of zombification in your life, no matter where you are, no matter what you believe.  Create your story on purpose, with your own will, conviction, and agency. May death find you alive. Truly alive.

Welcome back to the Love Your Story podcast. Have you ever been in a position where you felt judged? Where you wished people would just allow you to live the life you wanted and that they’d live their life without imposing their expectations on you?

Have you ever been on the other side of that coin?

In this life we have agency and responsibility to create whatever beautiful storyline we deem best for us, but so often we feel we need to direct someone else’s direction, or we receive resistance from others who want us to move in different ways than we deem right for us.

Today we are talking about the Art of Allowing. In my interview today with Jamie Lerner, co-author of the book The Ever-Loving Essence of You, and a past well-being-therapist, we will be discussing the joys and freedom to move about the world without having judgment about what anyone else is saying or doing.

She believes that everyone is allowed to choose what is best for themselves and when we tend to what is best for our own selves and have clarity for ourselves, we care not what others have chosen for themselves. The entire point of allowing is to feel good as we flow from one loving moment to the next creating unconditional relationships along the way.

I invited Jamie Lerner on the show today because she has a couple areas of expertise that I feel are key to creating our best life story. The first is that I want her to share her thoughts and insights on the Art of Allowing.

The second, and reason she originally caught my attention is that as she works with her clients one of her favorite questions to ask is “Is your storyline working well for you?” she believes that the story we are incessantly telling is directly reflected in the life that we are living and if you change your story you will change your life. You know this is a space we live in here on the Love Your Story podcast, so I’m excited to hear her thoughts today.

For our interview tune into the audio podcast.

For more information on Jamie:

http://www.jamie-lerner.com/

Instagram: Jamie_lerner

twitter.com/eleoy

Her book: The Ever Loving Essence of You

Welcome to the Love Your Story Podcast. Today we get real with Megan Bourquin, a 21-year-old woman who attempted suicide, and her open, authentic discussion about why, mindset, her life experiences and some thoughts on how we can help stem the tide of suicide in America.

Megan was born and raised in Michigan. Her upbringing was far from typical. She grew up with a father in prison and a family with enough trauma to last a lifetime. She battled with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. When she was 16 she started self-harming, self-medicating, and actively trying to take her own life. After a few failed suicide attempts she landed in extensive and long-term treatment facilities that ultimately saved her life.

Tune into the audio program for our discussion.

To follow Megan –

Instagram: lovemeganbourquin

Welcome to the Love Your Story podcast. Today’s story is about a woman’s heartbreaking beautiful journey. At first blush, it’s hard to see how someone could reframe a non-operable brain tumor wrapped around the brain stem, the paralysis of the right side of her face, and on-going headaches, pain, and pressure as holding any beauty, but today we’ll find out how Jodi Orgill Brown does just that. Stay tuned for our discussion.

Jodi Orgill Brown is a certified nonprofit consultant, as well as a professional speaker, a best-selling author, and a brain tumor survivor. Jodi’s professional clients and partners include: The U.S. Department of Defense, The Christopher Reeve Foundation, Intermountain Health Care, The Weber State Goddard School of Business, The National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome, America First Credit Union, United Way (Salt Lake and Northern Utah chapters), the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation, the NOVA Principles Foundation, and One Refugee.

Her memoir, The Sun Still Shines, won the 2016 Gold Quill and is an Amazon Bestseller. Her second book, Rise Above Depression, was released in November 2017 and hit the #1 spot on Amazon in February 2018.

Jodi has lived in the Middle East, and on both U.S. coasts, but believes home is where you make it. She is the wife of Tolan Brown and they are parents to four amazing children.

To hear the interview with Jodi, tune into the audio recording.

You can also access and share all the other 100+ episodes of the podcast from this website. If you like the show, please leave us a review on iTunes/Apple podcasts and join us on our FB page. Have a great week out there creating your best life story on purpose. And don’t forget to find the beauty in the hard spaces.

Email: [email protected]     

Welcome to the Love Your Story podcast.

Today we are talking about how awesome it is that we get to take underwear for granted, and how one woman is at the hub of creating underwear for women in Kenya who may have never had underwear – and most certainly do NOT take it for granted.  But it’s a lot more than just a talk about skivvies. We’re talking about 100 humanitarians international and what that means. But the question you’ll want to ask yourself when this is over is WHAT IS YOUR KENYA?

Heidi Totten is a business strategist that creates programs and mentoring opportunities to help people transform their lives. We hear a lot of taglines like that on this podcast, but Heidi does this through a unique way of meditating and writing that helps create miracles in people’s lives; she calls it Manifesting Miracles. She is also the creator of 100 Humanitarians International, a non-profit focused on economic development in Kenya which includes teaching self-reliance and a whole lotta underwear. Let’s get the real story from Heidi –

To hear the interview with Heidi, listen to the audio program.

We’ve had tremendous stories of people who are creating abundance and relief for people with less in different parts of the world. Their stories are inspiring and interesting, but I love the question Heidi comes back to for our own lives which is WHAT IS YOUR KENYA? In our lives there are things we are drawn to do, and what if we just had 100 people that we influenced, touched, helped, worked with, orchestrated their talents and gifts for the forward movement of the good you feel compelled to do. It’s an interesting idea. I want to leave you with the challenge, not that you have to find 100 people for your Kenya, but to simply think about what YOUR Kenya might be. Where do you feel inclined to create something meaningful in your life?

Thanks for being here today. Go out there and live your best life story.  Keep up the great work!

www.100humanitarians.com

Wendy Yellen was named one of the international top 3 transformation experts in her field. She works in the field of Eidetic Imagery where she supports people of heart and integrity around the world to live a full, passionate, successful and unshackled life of love, awareness and compassion. I bring her to the Love Your Story podcast to provide another possible tool for getting to the bottom of any of your stories that may be holding you back.

Today we do a little Eidetic work on the show so you can get an idea of what it is, and she shares her stories and ideas for living bigger.

Listen to the audio program for our interview.

If you’d like more information or to contact Wendy Yellen:

www.myspiritualmanifesto.com

There are many types of people and thus many types of tools that appeal to different people. Eidetic Imagery is an option. I hope you enjoyed our interview, got something out of it, and if it is of interest to you, you can learn more by contacting Wendy.