LUMP

Pen's in a reflective mood, mulling over her response to cancer in her writing...

"As human beings we’re better at expressing the difficult, chewy stuff perhaps, than we are at emoting about how great life is and how happy we are. 

But all those songs aren’t about love, they’re about lost love, they’re like a reverse print of the thing you should actually be looking at.  Flip the heartache on its head and of course the root of it all is the amazing thing that love is.  I feel the same way about writing about my cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery.  It’s all a reverse image."

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

Pen discovers a good friend has been diagnosed with cancer and it flings her back to when she learned of her own diagnosis...

"What did I want when I found out?  Who did I turn to? What did I need in those first desperate days and weeks? So when he calls and stutters out his shock and fear and sheer disbelief at the path he’s being pushed down, I don’t tell him it will all be alright and I don’t say he’s strong enough to beat this, because who am I to know what he’s up against or what strength is required.  And I don’t lecture him about the power of positivity, god forbid I ever dole out the think positive bullshit, no, I listen to his story and I listen to his pain..."  

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

Pen's daughter asks her one of the toughest of questions and the mental journey it takes us on is both profound and profoundly moving...

"‘Where do you want to be scattered when you die?’ B asks out of the blue.  It trips me up in more ways than one and I’m rendered speechless.  I don’t know why I should be so surprised at the idea of B considering my death – after all there isn’t a day that passes without my testing the thought against the back of my teeth – and the parent in me feels duty bound to mine into why she’s asking the question, but I’m not sure I can go there without crying..."

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

Romance is on the cards this ep when Pen suddenly becomes what David calls his 'FW', Future Wife. Pen turns into a veritable bridezilla and starts a whirlwind of planning, that bit's easy, the struggle comes when she has to find a suitable dress...

"so one Thursday morning shortly after, we find ourselves in a land so utterly feminine and sparkly and girlie that I’m struck dumb.  Never in my 50 years on the planet have I dropped into somewhere quite so completely and overwhelmingly alien.  Mine is a world of jeans and fleeces, hoodies and lycra cycling bibs – lots of lycra cycling bibs.  I can’t remember the last time I wore a pair of heels and find any occasion which requires me to dress up excruciating.  Because I’ve got a strong and muscular body, solid, somehow when I’m dressed up I always have the slight suspicion I look like a bloke in drag but as I cast around at the rows of sequins and sparkles a small, tucked away part of me lets out a squeal of delight.  And I can’t help smiling because I know for sure that the me before cancer wouldn’t have come into this wedding dress shop, not a chance..."

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

The easing of lockdown brings a rush of visitors which finds Pen collapsed in a heap only days before the inevitable return to work but the transition from recovery to the real world isn't smooth... 

"Work. But not the work I was used to 6 months earlier before my operation.  My return to work means I sit in the spare room and stare at an endless series of other people’s spare rooms in an endless sequence of zoom meetings, none of which seem to mean much to me.  I feel utterly disconnected.  Strategy meetings centring around pandemic health and safety regulations replace creativity. 

I feel slight panic at how little any of it means.  I hadn’t expected to feel so removed.  Floating between the spare room and the kettle then back to the spare room I wonder how I’ll ever feel enough energy to start making programmes again let alone managing my team members and supporting them through all this crap.  It’s like constantly wading through treacle."

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

With lockdown loosening Pen gets a visit from one of her oldest and closest friends. Its emotional, magical and medicinal all at the same time - a bit like a dram but in human form, the form of Ali!

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

This week Pen's ruminating on what to say when people keep on insisting on asking her how she is.

"David’s niece came to visit the other week and instead of asking me how I was she told me how she’d passed David as she came up the track.  They’d stopped and wound down their respective car windows, ‘how’s Pen?’ she’d asked, ‘hard to kill’ came David’s reply.   It was perfect and I snatched at it like a long sought, odd-shaped jigsaw piece.    If you reply ‘hard to kill’ each time someone asks how you are you provide them with just the right dose of dark humour, light touch and get out of jail free card..."

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Pen becomes concerned about the impact her own moodiness is starting to have on those around her, particularly her daughter, B, but how does Pen bottle and hide all the anger and frustration she's feeling. How does she find a way back to feeling more like her old self or is that impossible?

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

"What are you most looking forward to?", the question stumps me.  I pause midway through de-seeding a pepper, rooting around for an answer but every time I cast ahead into the future I draw a blank.  Even trying to slot events and possibilities into my mental calendar makes me flinch and I’m puzzled by it.  Later that evening, driving with David to a favourite fishing spot on the loch shore, I guiltily fess up.   Tears pouring down my face I tell him I can’t cast ahead because I can’t get past the idea that I’m going to die soon...

Pen realises she need to turn and face the future but how and what should it hold?

Searingly honest, heart-breaking, often sweary and laugh out loud funny, LUMP is one woman’s rollercoaster ride through the mind meltdown which comes with learning you have breast cancer. 

Utterly human and compelling, it’s a unique story which will resonate with anyone and everyone who’s ever had a battle with a life changing event in their lives.

Read more here

Written and narrated by Pennie Latin-Stuart

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.

Time to talk about what it's like to live with someone living with cancer.

This episode, Pen chats to her good friend, the chef, food writer and brilliant baker, Kirsten 'KJ' Gilmour from KJ's Bothy Bakery in Grantown on Spey.

Telling the LUMP story has made Pen reflect that so much of her focus, when she was diagnosed, was about her and how she felt about having cancer. But what about the people around her who had to watch from the sidelines, who's lives were also being impacted? How difficult is it when you don't have cancer but it still robs you of the things you love doing and the people you love doing it with?

6 year's ago KJ's husband, Al, was suddenly diagnosed with myeloma, overnight their entire life and relationship changed. In this ep Kirsten opens up about the ups and downs of being married to someone with life-limiting diagnosis.

Lump is produced in Scotland by Adventurous Audio and sponsored by The Head Gardener

It was recorded by the legends who are Dave and Johnny at The Music Shed Recording Studios

Special thanks to Incredible Feet for their inspiration and belief in the importance of LUMP and for constantly reminding us that while every cancer journey is unique, we never need to run it alone.

You'll find the written version of this episode here.