Lunchtime in Rome

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 240 is entitled “Destructive Patterns”.  Sometimes we have patterns of communication that hurt our relationships. Tonight we will be looking at Polarizing Patterns.  

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Polarizing

* Simple Descriptions

* Only one way to do something

* Everything is right or wrong

* Seeing the world in absolutes

* Description

* Life is viewed as all or nothing, good or bad, black or white. 

* Rigid rules held for evaluating life. 

* Little satisfaction felt in modest performance or genuine effort.

* Experience little joy when successful, since it was expected all along

* Background

* Often brought up in legalistic, critical, or performance-orientated families where there were many insecurities and fears.

* Perhaps whatever the child did was never good enough.

* Perhaps others around them were consistently criticized and evaluated.

* Truth

* Some issues are black or white but many are shades of gray.

* The scriptures encourage discernment, but deciding to hold something against another or myself is “judging” and is warned against - Matt. 7:1-5

* The middle ground can often be acceptable and enjoyed - Eph. 5:20

* Effect Upon a Relationship

* Polarizers have a perfectionist thinking pattern and can be more than a little difficult to live with.

* They may judge the spouse’s performance on the basis of their own impossible standards.

* Overcoming Polarizing

* Take note of your reactions and analyze what prompted your responses. “Take those thoughts captive-cast them down” ( 2 Cor. 10: 3-5) “Think on those things that are true.” ( Phil. 4:8)

* Example: 

Your project is criticized.

Your reaction : “I knew I’d fail.”

Consequence of that reaction: is anger at the critic and at yourself.

Renewed response: If “I knew I’d fail” is replaced with “the project wasn’t perfect but there was a lot of good in it. I can improve it” then, you become free to evaluate criticism, consider changes, and move on.

* How to work to NOT be this way

* Take Thoughts Captive - 2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ

* Ask yourself “Is this 100 percent accurate?”

* Or could my past hurts be clouding my judgment

* Allow your loved one to have input and perspective

* Think about what is true - Phil 4: 8 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

* Overcome your past hurts and judgment

* Allow your loved one to say nice things and consider what they say

* Note to loved one: don’t lie or distort lest you lose credibility

* Example

* Instead of saying “If it’s not done this way, it won’t work.”

* Say “My way is not the only way; others ways may work O.K., too.”

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 239 is entitled “Appreciate and Request”. We all want better relationships. We introduced a level up challenge a few weeks ago. Maybe there’s a simpler way. That’s what we’re talking about tonight!

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Level Up Challenge…an alternative

* Spending time appreciating

* List 6 areas where you appreciate the other person

* Be specific. looking particularly for things you may have come to take for granted

* Examples

* I’m grateful for your diligence as a provider for our family.

* I’m thankful for your faithfulness and loyalty as a wife.

* I’m thankful for the way you show you care with words and touch.

* I appreciate your sensitivity to others feelings

* Request your needs to be met

* Things you might like to see concerning improvements and changes in this relationship

* Be specific and positive as you look for major items of importance to you

* Examples

* I’m hoping you can become more comfortable initiating affection.

* I’d like to see all cursing and abusive language stop.

* I wish we would not criticize one another in front of others—particularly our children.

* I’d hope that you might speak respectfully to those in authority.

* Share your lists with one another

* Be genuine, showing interest, emotion, and good eye contact, dedicated, private, and unrushed time alone

* Be positive, encouraging, and looking to the future with hope.

* Examples

* It would be important to me if

* It would mean a lot to me if.

* I’m looking forward to the time when

* Benefits

* Sharing your requests helps avoid the destructive cycle of:

* Having expectations and anticipations (i.e. requests) of another person.

* Not communicating these requests.

* But, becoming hurt or angry when these expectations aren’t met! This isn’t fair to either of the parties.

* Exchange lists if it will help you remember some of your partner’s “Requests”

* Practice Appreciation

* Make no further mention of the “Requests” during the next month. (To do so would be to approach “nagging” and actually hinder progress.)

* Make consistent effort to share praise for your “Appreciation” List plus other appreciation that come to mind.

* Look for opportunities to share praise and appreciation

* Privately with one another during daily conversations and private times

* Publicly when in the company of others. like family members, children, or friends

*  In writing with special notes, cards, or gifts

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 238 is entitled “Marriage Check Ins”.  It’s important to work on our relationships OUTSIDE of conflict.  It’s important to check in with one another on a regular basis.  What should that look like?  What should you go over?  That’s what we’re talking about tonight! 

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Growing outside of conflict to avoid conflict

*  Time

* Schedule a time -- don't leave it to chance!

* Prioritize the time -- make it "inviolate," as much as possible.

*  Protect the time -- from interruptions and distractions.

* Agenda

* Coordinate Calendars - for the coming week.

* Kid care/schedule

* Work schedule

* Social calendar

* Next date night

* Next family outing

* Plan for intimacy (if necessary)

* Discuss Goals - monitoring progress and working together

* You should have these:

* Annual goals

* Sub goals broken down by time category

* Budget needs/concerns

* Household major budget plans/expenditure check in

* Extended family plans/issues/progress

* Friend maintenance

* Personal goals (diet, exercise, project/hobbies)

* Discuss Parenting Issues - plan and become united or the kids will "divide and conquer!"

* Discipline issues

* Time with the family together

* Time for kid(s) with each parent individually

* Next week parenting adjustments (who needs to step up/needs a break)?

* What do the parents need to do to help each kid and THEIR goals?

* Listen - give each person a time to vent/share.

* Express needs and desires lovingly

* What is your greatest emotional need and how to meet them

* Where are you hurting and how to comfort you

* Express Appreciation - for "who" your spouse is and "what" your spouse has done

Episode Summary

In Episode 238 of "Lunchtime in Rome," the discussion focuses on the importance of investing time and effort into maintaining and improving relationships, whether they be marital, familial, or otherwise. The episode touches upon the financial and emotional costs of not addressing relationship issues, using an anecdote from a training session at the Center for Relational Care to highlight the high costs of marriage counseling compared to the even higher costs—both financial and emotional—of divorce. This serves as a prelude to a broader discussion on the value of proactively working on relationships.

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 237 is entitled “Red Flag Statements”.   Many times we hear statements that not only don’t make sense but, in fact, aren’t productive at all.  They actually are indicative of emotional immaturity.  We’re talking about it at The Table this evening! 

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 236 is entitled “Gratitude vs Anxiety”.   Anxiety is more prevalent than ever and for many good reasons.  Rather than just talking about it, we're offering a way to help round off the edges of it a bit.  We’re talking about it at The Table this evening! 

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In this episode of Lunchtime in Rome, Brian introduces the topic of "Gratitude vs Anxiety" for their 236th episode. The podcast focuses on the increasing prevalence of anxiety and offers practical ways to alleviate it. Jay highlights the importance of Romans 12:15, emphasizing the need for companionship and support during both good and bad times.

The guys discuss the concept of gratitude and how it can counteract anxiety by focusing on positive aspects of life, producing happiness and reducing depressive symptoms. They reference scientific research, which demonstrates a 10% increase in happiness and a 35% reduction in depressive symptoms following an act of gratitude.

The episode concludes with a reference to Philippians 4:6-8, which encourages the audience to be anxious about nothing, practice gratitude, and experience peace. The guys emphasize the connection between science and scripture, as modern research supports the benefits of gratitude.

Throughout the episode, the guys remind listeners to engage with them on social media, visit their website, and take their Relational Needs Questionnaire. They also express gratitude to their guests and remind the audience that the podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling.

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 235 is entitled “Growth Spurt”.   What causes us to grow emotionally?  When do we tend to mature throughout our lifetime?  Are there standard markers for us to hit or is it truly a unique experience for everyone?  We’ll be talking about that tonight at The Table.

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Image by eko pramono from Pixabay

The main discussion revolves around the levels and signs of emotional maturity, referencing works by experts like Kathy Eckles and Roger K. Allen. The hosts explore various life experiences shared by listeners that have contributed to their emotional growth, including relationships, career challenges, health crises, and loss.

Listeners' anecdotes reflect on pivotal moments such as parental responsibilities, career transitions, health crises, and personal relationships, all contributing to their emotional evolution. From experiencing loss to finding resilience through adversity, each story adds layers to the understanding of emotional maturity.

In conclusion, emotional maturity benchmarks are tied to diverse experiences, including facing life's challenges, surviving hardships, serving others, and undergoing personal transformations. The podcast encapsulates the diverse narratives of growth and resilience shared by listeners, reaffirming the multifaceted nature of emotional development.

The episode ends with a reflection on the profound impact of life's trials and transitions on individual growth, highlighting the importance of resilience, empathy, and self-awareness in navigating the journey towards emotional maturity.

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 234 is entitled “Real Ones”.   What makes up a great friend?  What is it that sets them apart from all of the others?  Why does it matter?  We’ll be talking about that at The Table this evening.

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Photo by William Fortunato

What is a Real One?

* 3am friends

* Joey Diaz

What do we value in a “Real One?” 

What real ones are from friends of the show.  We discuss each one with the emotional need that corresponds with it.

* Faith Milazzo

* Someone who is there for you when you need it the most, whether it’s via text, a phone call, or in person. But in person is best. 

* Christina Madden

* She is the only one on earth who knows every single thing about me. (Aside from God, of course.) Even the not so pretty parts. And loves me anyway. We are like the same person in 2 bodies. She instinctively knows, somehow, when I need her most. We always laugh and say we have psycho connection.  

* Dawn Marie Himes-Pinner

* So hard to put into words.

* I always thought *it* to be the qualities such as honesty or showing up or compassion or laughter. These are important and valuable and stellar qualities that are truly important and appreciated… But…

* Then you have a dark moment or a dark day or a dark season. Then you feel *it* and see *it* in a way that you never understood before or knew even existed within the best of your friend(s). There is a strength and grace and commitment that shows up and just takes hold.

* Dan Leppold

* I think it's less about what qualities a person has but what part of your life journey were they a part of. That's why childhood and college friends tend to hold special places in our hearts. Even if their friendship qualities have a list of flaws.

* Patricia O'Donnell Lutz

* They know where everything in your life is buried because they were right by your side, helping to dig the hole.

* Sally

* Someone who really listens.

* Someone you KNOW you and count on.

* Someone who lets you be yourself and still loves you, no matter the situation.

* Shirer 

* One of my closest friends from college flew from PA to Mississippi to make the drive to PA when I was moving back. Hard to beat that level of a real one. 

* Laurie Ann

* My bestie and I have been friends for 55 years. We love each other for who we are and her family is my family and vice-versa. She knows my heart and I know hers!!!

* Denny F

* Available in a personal crisis.

* And being able to connect after years and talk as if no time has passed. Just pure genuine friendship.

What emotional needs seem to show up most?  What other emotional needs pertain to this?  Do they all?  Is it directly attached to what they value/need?  

* How can this help us to be a better friend?

* How can this help us to not be a worse friend? 

Episode Summary

In Episode 234 of "Lunchtime in Rome," titled "Real Ones," Jay, Brian, and Eric delve into the essence of true friendship. They explore what characteristics distinguish a great friend from others and why these qualities are significant. The hosts share personal anecdotes and insights, offering a rich discussion on the nature of support, acceptance, comfort, belonging, and consistency in friendships. They also consider how one's emotional needs influence the perception of a real friend. The episode includes contributions from listeners, who share their definitions of a "real one" through stories and examples, further enriching the conversation. These contributions lead to a deeper understanding of the various emotional needs met by true friends, such as support in times of need, unconditional acceptance, and the importance of being present. The episode concludes with a touching "Can't Do Better" segment, highlighting a Marine's honor guard for a young child battling cancer, illustrating the profound impact of dedication and honor. Overall, Episode 234 is a heartfelt exploration of the values that define true friendship and how these relationships shape our lives.

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 233 is entitled “Brian is Back!!!”.   You all remember me right?  I used to be on this podcast all of the time.  Well, I’ve been gone for a while and a lot has been going on.  I can’t wait to share it all with you tonight at The Table.

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In Episode 233 of "Lunchtime in Rome," titled "Brian's Back," Brian makes his much-anticipated return to the podcast, sharing his experiences and insights after a prolonged absence. He discusses the significance of not facing life's challenges alone, highlighting the podcast's focus on Romans 12:15, which emphasizes the importance of sharing joys and sorrows with others to prevent loneliness. The episode unfolds with personal anecdotes and discussions about emotional needs, demonstrating these concepts through their interactions and stories. The hosts delve into the complexities of meeting emotional needs, especially in children, and share personal updates, including Valentine's Day celebrations and challenges faced in their lives. Brian recounts his intense work experience in New York, involving a critical project with high stakes for his friend's business, emphasizing the emotional and professional challenges he navigated. The conversation also touches on the importance of relational needs, support from colleagues, and the impact of sobriety on facing demanding situations. The episode concludes with Brian's appreciation for certain "bests" during his time in New York, including a memorable shower, authentic Indian food, and the benefits of complete sobriety.

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 232 is entitled “The Best”.   It’s been a long year so far.  It’s easy to be negative.  We’re going to be positive tonight.  What are THE BEST things?  What is not only good but better than most anything else?  We’ll be talking about that at The Table this evening!

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Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Chris, Jay, and Eric, engaged in a wide-ranging discussion covering topics such as the importance of not feeling alone, the significance of rejoicing and mourning with others as a way to provide support, and the joy found in simple pleasures and accomplishments.They shared personal anecdotes about missing their friend Brian, who is away on assignment in New York, and discussed their anticipation for his return. Conversations also touched on reliving childhood memories, the excitement of planning surprises for loved ones, and finding joy in parenting and family activities.The episode emphasized the value of focusing on positive experiences, like the joy of companionship, the beauty of nature, and the fulfillment found in achieving personal goals or making a difference in others' lives. Listener contributions added to the theme, highlighting moments considered "the best," such as spending time with family, enjoying nature, and the satisfaction of simple comforts like fresh sheets or a well-cooked meal.Overall, this episode serves as a reminder to cherish and seek out the best moments in life, fostering an attitude of gratitude and positivity.

The Best From You!

Kelly Sens Shiring

Hearing the laughter of my children

Becky Kress Fenoglietto

Honestly it’s the first mug of coffee in a quiet house.

Kelly E. Anker Bethani

Sunshine

Phyllis Feeney Johnston

Being retired

Monique Wright

Reconciliation

Jeffrey Kearney

Something I haven’t had in years: restful sleep.

Terry Colabrese

Knowing God is speaking to my heart

Dawn Marie Himes-Pinner

A walk alone on an empty beach in the off season

Faith Milazzo

Water—waves, a river, a creek, and a lake

Chesney Ostrosky

Fresh sheets are amazing!!!

Jessica L. Calve

The feeling of sitting in a spotless room in your home after you gutted it out and reorganized. It’s like heaven to me.

Beth Hoffman Ruzanic

Best thing in life, my 4 amazing kids.

Best moment of the day, laying down in bed each night.

Ann DeVito

Dogs. Any breed, any size. They love you know matter what you look like, smell like. They’re the most loyal & loving creatures. And ALWAYS happy to see you!!!!!

Bob Chaney

Having a cup of coffee and cake in a cafe with a good friend on a sunny day surrounded by the Alps!

Sally Feeney Herr

1. Being a parent

2. Then a grandparent

3. Being with the whole family

4. Sitting on the beach enjoying the sounds of the beach.

Mary Lynn Pleczkowski

The BEACH!!!

And - my family of course!!

Bella Mitlo

Putting on clothes fresh out of the dryer

And a good caramel iced latte with almond milk

Deanna Lateef

Laughing with my best friends

A good hair and makeup day

Hannah Elizabeth

So much I consider to be “ the best” the simple things in life for sure like..sunsets and sunrises, yoga, nature, animals, making others smile, laughing, fresh sheets heck yes! Glimmers are everywhere

Anthony DeMarco

The first time I kissed a charcoal steak under clean sheets after a day in the shower on Christmas morning on the beach.

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 231 is entitled “Level Up Challenge”. This week we're going to introduce an idea that we have that will take your relationship (with whoever) to a much better place.  Help us to put it all together and join us in the Level Up Challenge!

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Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Level Up Challenge

This podcast episode from "Lunchtime in Rome" focused on the "Level Up Challenge," a concept designed to improve relationships by addressing and meeting emotional needs. The challenge encourages listeners to intentionally fulfill a specific emotional need of a significant person in their life, like a spouse, friend, or coworker, for a sustained period.

In Level 1, participants identify one significant emotional need of the other person (e.g., affection, security, respect) and commit to meeting this need consistently for at least five days out of a week, over a two-week period. They can choose either a need suggested by the person or guess based on their understanding.

Level 2 involves either addressing a second emotional need or finding another way to meet the first need. Additionally, participants are encouraged to identify and avoid a recurring action or behavior that hurts the other person.

By Level 3, the challenge becomes more intensive, requiring participants to continue meeting emotional needs while also focusing on avoiding actions that harm the relationship. The goal is to balance positive actions (meeting needs) with the cessation of negative behaviors (avoiding hurts).

The podcast discussion also touches on the importance of understanding emotional needs, the complexity of relationships, and the value of communication and intentional actions in improving interpersonal connections. The hosts also encourage listeners to provide feedback on the "Level Up Challenge" concept.

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe