Austin is a brokie, Michael hates cabinets, Brandon is a brat, Derek stays strapped, and Mallory is ready to beat Zach to death.

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Mindy is fed up, Meka is unmoved, Derek's bucket list is endless, Jessica and Austin dine in, and Brandon is a whiny bitch.

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Jessica and Austin are quiet for an hour, Michael plays dumb, Katie is horny, Zach is confusing, and Brandon is a brat.

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Jessica and Austin are delirious, Brandon is bizarre, Katie is horny, Zach is disgusted, and Michael is a liar.

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Michael is stiff, Jessica is energized, Zach knows exactly what he's doing, Mindy can't calm down, and Drunk Kaitlyn™ puts Derek on the spot.

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Love Island, Mayor of Mayhem, Next Gen NYC, Surviving Ohio State, The Valley

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Taylor has The World's Longest Veil™, Katie can fit in a snack bag, Jessica and Austin are a pair of corny dorks, and Meka and Michael make an incredibly brief cameo.

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What do you MEAN he was using a commercial ceramics kiln?!

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We're kicking off a new old season of MAFS in Washington, DC. Katie is a teenager, Meka is way more responsible than your average 25-year-old, Jessica is a catch and nobody knows why, Zach is allergic to shirts, and Taylor has a billion jobs.

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I volunteer to appear as a character witness against Jax Taylor in whatever trial he winds up in down the line.

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