Make Your Damn Bed

One way to feel less bogged down by cleaning - is to integrate it into your process. Instead of viewing the “clean up” as it’s own chore, or a separate activity, begin integrating it into the last stage of whatever activity you’ve just completed. 

Often, we don’t feel up to confronting our clutter because the idea of “tidying” is a distinct, intense, dreaded process that can be put off. The thing is, clutter and dust compound, so I don’t advocate for letting it pile up - since that will create even more resistance to the idea of tackling it. 

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next time you find yourself in need of validation and would like to receive that sense of deep connection within your own headspace, try getting out of yours and into someone else’s. When we share, share, share, we naturally hesitate as we await a response of some type. Depending on that response, we feel more or less connected to the people we were aiming to connect with. Which ultimately means we’re putting our well-being and value in the hands of others who are ill-equipped to handle it. This is why I encourage you to find ways to connect with them in a way to make them feel understood and seen; instead of solely depending on others to do all the understanding for you. Basically, it’s easier to see than to be seen. Plus, by taking the time to really see and hear others, we model how we’d like to be seen and heard in return. 

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I know for me, when I fall in love, it’s so easy to want to share every little aspect of my day with my person, to let them see me experience fully, and keep me company throughout every second of it. 

That said, no matter how well I share my experience, it doesn’t guarantee the other person will understand fully - as it’s not their own. So, when I am craving a deeper connection with my partner, instead of offering the same information as a way to let them in, I put offers out to them to encourage letting me in, instead. I ask questions, I listen, and I allow myself the space to join them where they are. 

This practice not only helps me understand my partner more clearly, but it also puts the ball in my court - when it comes to feeling more deeply connected. When they show me them, it’s my choice to volley back with interest + respect. By making the choice to lean in and return the ball - it encourages them to continue sharing with me AND it makes me feel more aligned with them. Surprisingly, this fulfills that deep desire for connection in a way that doesn’t feel as challenging as asking others to fully understand every aspect of you in your current space. We are able to take control of the connection by digging deeper where it feels right and aiming to understand and love more fully - which is the whole damned point of connection in the first place. 

By letting people show you their worlds - we are able to see them more clearly, as three dimensional, well-rounded human beings - rather than trapped in whatever boxes we created for them. By choosing to join them in their world, we connect more deeply with their values. This makes it easier to show up for them. It makes it easier to see them. And it makes it easier for them to feel seen by us. 

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Understanding that movement is a tool meant to help us feel at home in our bodies can alleviate stress on our minds. By using a form of intentional movement, you let your intuition guide you towards what you need. If you need to get your blood flowing with a little cathartic high energy movement, follow your heart and see how the perception of the situation that got you there changes as you finish. If you just need to lie down and stretch, slowly integrating deeper breathing into your body, that works too. Every day, every situation, every nuance in our mental state may demand slightly different reactions. Start small, change it up if you need to, and don’t put pressure on how you do it, how much you do it, or how well you do it. 

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Dr. Andrew Huberman from Stanford University on his podcast, Huberman Lab, coined a breath work exercise a “physiological sigh”. These Physiological sighs are two quick inhalations followed by a slower exhalation and we can do it voluntarily to trigger the physiological response of regulated, calm, and balanced in a very efficient way. By using this technique, we offload more carbon dioxide which triggers the brain to bring alertness and stress down quickly and provide a state of calm almost immediately. 

RESOURCE: https://www.lifehack.org/928179/what-is-breathwork

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This one is something we have access to all the time, and with it, we can quickly elicit various desired physiological responses based on how we choose to focus our attention. Today we’re talking about the magic of our breath. According to lifehack.org - “Breathwork is an umbrella term that relates to the practice of consciously manipulating the depth and rate of breathing to achieve a specific outcome.[1][2]

RESOURCE: https://www.lifehack.org/928179/what-is-breathwork

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There are some pretty dope ways we can hack our minds that can help us avoid some of that pain and suffering - if we learn how to do it. Our brains are like computers and some rewiring will take a long time, while sometimes all you needed was a quick program update. 

One of those is through cold water therapy. Whether you completely immerse yourself in a cold shower/bath/lake, or you dip your face into an ice bath for a few seconds, cold water can activate your parasympathetic nervous system - that default mode network that kind of puts us on auto-pilot and moves us into a more conscious, calm, and regulated state. Research suggests that a program of short cold showers, two times per day, decreased participants (who were diagnoses with depression) depressive symptoms. I’ve heard cold water plunges work for hangovers, as well. 

RESOURCES:  https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/the-science-behind-cold-water-plunges + https://menprovement.com/benefits-of-cold-showers/

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Being able to condense intimidating things that I’ve been dreading to a post-it note has reinstated a sense of control over these tasks. Plus, it made me realize I was trying to overlap some things that were meant to be two different sticky notes all along.

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When you need to go into a more low power mode, let yourself. Let yourself. Nobody gives a shit if your bed stays unmade, there’s no consequence if you didn’t hydrate enough yesterday. Life doesn’t suddenly stop being unpredictable (and sometimes terrible) when we perfectly optimize our routine. Nobody is gonna cuss you out for not cleaning the toilet. 

So many of us believe that we’ll be happy once we _____. Once we do that thing, once we lose that weight, once we find that person, once we buy that house, once we control every little thing that happens - but even if we do succeed at every single dream, life will always be a curveball throwing bitch. 

If you need to take a break, it’s better to take it now before your body demands one. Low power modes are better than needing a full on reboot. Let yourself do the bare minimum and focus only on the critical until you’re able to recharge and return to a more sustainable place. 

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Remember you can restart your life at any time, which means you don’t have to do it on anyone else’s schedule. If the idea of reflecting or doing shit to better your life sounds like an impossible task at the moment, don’t sweat it. We don’t need a new year to tell us to start flossing our teeth or putting our book down before bed.

We can do that on any given day at any given time. So if you need, save these episodes for a future you when you’re in a more reflective mood and remember you can’t grow if you don’t give yourself time to rest.

Some years I am a beast on January first but most I am hungover and filled with a very brutal internal dialogue. It’s not like you can’t start shit in the middle of the year and still see results the same results.

It's more about starting, less about when.

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