Make Your Damn Bed

This is the final part of a three part series. Please listen to yesterday's episode before this one!

Feel free to use genuine, earnest real life first hand stories to show and demonstrate your perspective. Just like you should have been attempting to really understand their perspective on that position - it’s your turn to share yours, so don’t be afraid to get real, vulnerable, and honest. This doesn’t mean you have to wreck them with a Shonda rhymes level soap opera diatribe. Be you. Keep it real. But go in with the intention of helping them understand why you truly do feel so differently about the topic. 

Some other general tips include: 

Try not to use the word but. It negates people and ideas, so to be more inclusive replace it with the word AND instead. 

Also, don’t feel like you ever apologize for disagreeing with someone. Unless you’ve made a mistake and actually do something wrong or hurt someone in real time. You don’t need to apologize for having and voicing an opinion - unless that opinion is inherently dangerous or negative to another human’s well being - in which case - your opinions can be wrong. 

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This is the second part of a three part series. Please listen to yesterday's episode before this one!

People are nuanced. They can be wrong and right at the same time. Find what’s right before delving into what’s wrong. Connect before you correct. 

A good way to diffuse and connect- especially if you’re starting to get a lil defensive is by finding a common ground. If you really are struggling to do this - call out your intention directly - I’d really love to refocus on some of the things we do agree on.

Hearing people out doesn’t change your internal beliefs, so listen. Hear them out, connect on SOMETHING and have empathy towards the emotions that they are feeling in any moment. This is the best way to diffuse situations without standing beneath your own morals or sense of alignment. 

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Build the connection before you reach for the correction.

a lot of communication does happen non verbally - so offer kindness and listening and empathy through your expressions. If you’re standing, face the person directly but don’t tower or “muscle up”, show you’re receptive by sitting up straight and actively listening to the speaker. 

People who roll their eyes and shake their head and keep attempting to speak over others are far less likely to actually get any points across because it only serves to escalate emotions and trigger people’s fear of feeling unheard and disrespected.

But obviously verbal communication is VERY important to manage and streamline as well. If you can continuously approach people with a respectful tone regardless of how angry, frustrated, or petty you feel; you’re ahead of the game. 

Maybe it comes in the form of being more passive, or sarcastic, or some of us are more direct - but tone and expression can change the entire conversation - even if the words you say are identical. Saying - “I’m feeling like you didn’t understand me” can come off very different than “I’m feeling like you didn’t understand me” 

When a conversation is getting tense, it can be good to reassure the other person, that you’re on their team and you’re acting in good faith and not attempting to pull the rug out from under them. This will allow them to let their guard down and trust you so they aren’t coming from as much of a defensive and shut down place. Remember, if someone has their defenses up, those shields block EVERYTHING from entering - including logic and reasoning. So the key is deescalate so they know that they are safe with you. 

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The detour today is brought to you by ADHD.

Today I share the true meaning of "staying present" and how to do so without becoming hyper self critical.

I also share tips on how to stay confident by bringing your real self to the table. And there's a few other nugs of wisdom you'll have to tune in to find out, please and thanks.

if you haven't already, please rate Make Your Damn Bed Podcast FIVE glorious stars on apple so I can spread this info and make it accessible to more and more people.

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Sometimes people will get heated and things may escalate quickly and get tense out of nowhere and we may not even know what or why things are happening this way, but if we create a tool belt of things we can return to, we can remember that we do have some power in whether we choose to defuse or further escalate a potentially tense situation.

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 The conversational awareness series summary:

Stay present, don’t prep responses. Read the room. Take your time. Not every convo needs to be gossipy and ruthless and petty. Steer conversations more positively if they become too negative. Keep shit neutral for the most part. If sharing is the vibe great but don’t pry and probe if people wanna share they will - and people are more comfortable sharing with those who share and listen also but it can be really awkward to keep pressing and prying. Take responsibility if you say inappropriate shit, in the moment.

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How to tell a better story: Be present, stay confident, get curious and honest.

Then ask yourself: Why this story? Why now?

Is the audience and timing appropriate? Don't derail the energy. Read the room.

Is this story worth telling? Keep your central message in mind throughout the story.

Am I building a through-line? Drop breadcrumbs so your listeners can relate and pick up on clues that help keep them on board throughout the story. Give yourself a thread to follow from the beginning of your story to the end.

Am I sharing too much? Avoid TMI. Keep your backstory relevant and don't over-do details that don't actually build the story.

Change your inflection and pacing to build tension. Punch up, don't be petty. Take your time and have fun.

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If you wanna have a good conversation with someone, you'll be present, stay confident, get curious, treat everyone like a friend, and focus more on being interested than interesting.

Find common interests and passions and get real! Bein' vulnerable helps people open up in return.

Hope today is as magic as you are. Love you, cutie!

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once you practice aligning your external actions with your internal self-awareness, you will get better and better at creating natural connections, but it can be helpful to know when and how to gracefully excuse yourself from a conversation that is no longer serving you.

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BEING INTERESTED IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING INTERESTING.

If you're more concerned with "proving" yourself than "staying present" - you're wasting valuable time and energy.

Competence is proven through actions, behaviors, choices, and taking responsibility for mistakes in real time. We're not typically impressed with braggarts and show-offs. We see right through the inauthenticity that comes from people attempting to be "interesting".

Being someone who offers genuine interest in others and themselves from a place of earnest curiosity, is far more interesting than those who are forcing it.

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