Make Your Damn Bed

Sometimes, in the moment, we aren’t able see the bigger picture. We don’t understand why we’re met with resistance or bad luck or rejection - and years later, if we’re lucky, when we find out that it was actually a good thing all along, we will thank the people who rejected us because if not for that no, we may never have made it to where we are today. 

Sometimes we have to trust that the universe has our back just like we have the backs of our loved ones. Sometimes we have to trust that even though we don’t understand why the fuck this shit is happening to us - it’s in our best interest in the long run. 

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Take the leash off for a while. Play. Make messes. Get loud and don’t be afraid to look silly or stupid while doing so.  

Follow the fun without fear. You are wiser and more in control now, so you can safely do so in a way that feels good. Don’t forget to throw caution to the wind every once in a while in search of your inner desire to feel joy in it’s rawest form. 

Channel the inner child that wasn’t yet afraid of everything before they were taught to be terrified of joy itself. That kid wants to come out and play without fear of being reprimanded - and only you can remind them it’s safe to do so. 

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When you embody your own best parent, you become someone who knows what is best for you, wants what is best for you, does what is best for you, and helps you prepare for what is best for you. We all need that in our lives, and even the luckiest of us can’t rely on our parents for everything forever. We all have to get comfortable making the decisions for ourselves that best serves us in our best interest rather than what feels the best now - and that is what reparenting should do. 

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When I say float downstream, this is not a mindless or passive task. This is simply being mindful with the way your life is moving, making small choices to make it easier, and not resisting the path but rerouting it when you need to. 

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If you don’t choose to uproot your own toxicity once in a while you will get sick. You will keep that toxicity inside which means it will eat you alive. Even if you don’t know it’s growing. Because if you ignore how bad your behavior can make you feel. And make others feel. You will never want to fix that behavior and it will continue to make you and others feel bad. Be willing to uproot your toxicity so you can become less toxic. Don’t be afraid of the fact that you have made mistakes that you have regrets and that you have done incorrectly by others in the past but make sure you are rectifying that shit in the future by addressing that shit now. 

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We’ve all made snap judgments and it takes a long time to unlearn a lifetime of habit - especially one as natural as this - but trust me when I say, your preconceived notions about people are typically incorrect, and it may be a good idea to avoid making those judgments altogether. We all cast judgements without knowing any better, but it’s our responsibility to learn so we can know better, and when we know better we do better. When we do better, the world gets better. When the world gets better, everyone wins. 

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Genuine connection only comes from our ability to fully connect with our own desires and needs. We do this by getting clear before trying to communicate with others and then getting clear on how we choose to communicate with others. I have said this many times before: The temporary discomfort of openly communicating will save years of discomfort in the future. So be brave, be vulnerable, and be honest. If everything falls apart because of it, that shit wasn’t stable to begin with. 

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You are a person, not a test subject. Life is a journey not some race to enlightenment. You are welcome to just be. Stop using intellectualism to avoid feeling your feelings. Stop overanalyzing to avoid your emotions. And have the grace to do the same for your loved ones. 

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My parents made a lot of rules that didn’t feel like support at the time, that I absolutely consider supportive now. Support from my bra is uncomfortable but essential in some situations. Support looks and feels differently at different times - and that can be the angle you take with the people you love too. 

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The amount of attention you’re receiving or not receiving is not a reflection of your character. Life is a dance. We are moving all over the place and going around and around but not actually going anywhere notable in distance, because the where we start and where we end is not the point of dancing. The point of dancing is in the art itself. Sometimes we will lead and sometimes we will follow, but the dance is meant to be enjoyed and nothing else. 

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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