Making Love Today

Anne and Patrick discuss how Drea and Nate demonstrate the relationship skill of Commitment.  Healthy commitment in a relationship is about much more than just technically being together as a couple; it involves making conscientious choices on a daily basis to choose your partner and to choose to improve the relationship one day at a time. Unlocking the power of commitment involves focusing on the relationship process of improvement, rather than just the results. 

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Sometimes you need to leave home to find something that was close to you all along. Drea and Nate grew up in the same small town, and even were in the same grade in high school, but did not truly "find" each other until they went off to college. They overcame attending rival colleges and Drea's commitment phobia to eventually get married after a few bumps along the way. 

After marriage, while their commitment to each other is now not in doubt, it hasn't always been easy! They've overcome being dirt poor, career stresses, and more to finally find a place to settle down together close to their hometown. They are living proof that life does not always turn out as you plan! 

Anne and Patrick discuss how Earl and Meagan demonstrate the relationship skill of Translating Understanding and support.  All of us have collected useful tools over the years that we have been promised will help our relationship.  However, if we want to take these tools and turn them into relationship power tools we need to be able to understand enough about our partner's experiences, preferences, and personality in order to apply these tools at the right times and in the right ways.  

Relationship Challenge of the Week: Take the time (at least a 15-minute block) for you and your partner just to get to know each other a little better. What you learn can be deep and personal, or just small and silly. It can be about childhood experiences, or just how their day went. The better we understand our partner the better we'll be able to support them at the appropriate times and in the appropriate ways. 

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In this bonus episode, we hear from Elaine and Abe, a real-life couple in a "commuter marriage" (one lives in Texas, the other California) who also co-host the relationship podcast, Love is in the Air. Elaine and Abe share some great insights into what it means to be in a long-distance relationship, as well as answer some relationship questions of their own.  

Be sure to check out their podcast, Love is in the Air, available through most major podcast hosting sites. 

When Earl transferred law schools he wasn't necessarily expecting to find his future wife, but it didn't take long after meeting for Earl and Meagan to go from classmates to soulmates. Despite their immediate connection, the two of them came from very different worlds... well, at least from very distant states. With Meagan returning to California after graduation, and Earl taking a job in his hometown of Chicago, the two faced a relationship test perhaps more difficult than any of their law school exams. 

Separated by thousands of miles geographically, Earl and Meagan faced down how to make a long-distance relationship work. Perhaps even more challenging in some ways, when they finally did get married Meagan had to learn how to find her place in Chicago, where Earl already had a lifetime of experiences and connections. Listen in to hear about how they faced these challenges and more as they learn how to write their own relationship manual, one page at a time. 

Anne and Patrick discuss how Mike and Vauna demonstrate the relationship skill of Courage throughout their 38+ years of marriage. While many of us consider relationship courage only to really apply at the beginning of our relationship, it's actually a skill that needs to be applied all throughout the course of our relationship. It's important to show courage in the decisions we make, in allowing ourselves to open up to our partner, and in doing all the daily little things which draw us closer together as a couple. 

Relationship Challenge of the Week: Identify what things you would like to be courageous about. Think about how you have shown courage in the past, how you can be courageous today, and in what ways you'd like to be courageous in the future.  

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A chance meeting at a movie theater while at college has turned into going on four decades of marriage. Now married for 38 years, Mike and Vauna will readily admit that things were not always easy for the two of them. 

With Mike an extrovert, and Vauna an introvert the two of them have had to learn from the very beginning how to blend and mix their different communication styles. They've had to overcome such challenges as job instability and personality clashes, all while maintaining a loving relationship. Almost 40 years into marriage, have they "arrived" as a couple, or is there more left to uncover together?

Anne and Patrick discuss how Brian and Farina use the relationship skill of Choosing Family to build their own family culture.  All of us come from a different culture than our partner. While some relationship differences are more obvious than others, even small ones can lead to relationship conflict. It's important for us to recognize the culture that our partner came from and learn to use pieces from both family cultures to build a new unique culture all of your own. For a more in-depth explanation of this skill and more suggestions of how to incorporate it into your relationship check out makinglovetoday.com or our course on listenable.io. 

Relationship Challenge of the Week: Identify an action by your partner and try to understand why your partner did this. Give them the benefit of the doubt, believing that they had good reasons behind what they did, and try and figure out what that reason might have been. If you can't figure it out, go ahead and ask them in a non-confrontational way. 

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While Brian and Farina both grew up within 20 miles of each other in Maryland, in many ways they came from very different worlds.  Brian, the grandson of a congressman, comes from a traditional suburban background. Farina, a Native American and member of the Navajo Nation grew up witnessing extreme poverty.  

Despite coming from such diverse backgrounds, the two of them have learned to appreciate and embrace each other's cultures and heritage.  With Farina a university professor and Brian a stay-at-home dad they've learned to build a culture of their own which both embraces their pasts and provides them what they need as a couple.  

Anne and Patrick discuss how Andres and Phillip use the relationship skill of deepening to increase their intimacy. Increased relationship intimacy is not something that just "happens," but is developed through a process that we need to conscientiously decide to move through. As we move through the (often messy) steps of conflict, vulnerability, and repair, we can gain a deeper appreciation and understanding of our partner and a more intimate and fulfilling relationship. For a more in-depth explanation of this skill and more suggestions of how to incorporate it into your relationship check out makinglovetoday.com.

Relationship Challenge of the Week: Identify a positive or happy thing in your life and unpack a good thing. Go underneath the surface level feels and really unpack what makes this experience so fun, happy, peaceful, exciting, interesting, satisfying, etc.? Why is that underlying aspect important to you? How can you bring this same sort of underlying positive aspect to other areas of your life?
Bonus: Bring awareness to the repackaging process. Take what you discovered and integrate it into the story of what it means to be you.

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Know a couple that you want to see featured on the podcast? Let us know at [email protected].