Making Polyamory Work

How do you make a mixed-orientation relationship work? There are SO many ways. In this episode, Libby talks with Fernanda of the Polycurious Podcast about how she does it with her partner, who is monogamous.

You can find Fernanda’s work here:

https://www.polycurious.com/

https://www.instagram.com/polycuriouspodcast/

https://www.youtube.com/@polycuriouspodcast

https://www.tiktok.com/@polycurious

Here’s the interview I did with Fer a few months back: https://youtu.be/-PGn9T1PbO8?si=-kWJ1fiqJKIWpg0T

(Oh and according to the ONE YouTube commenter I’m a “nightmare” so that’s my first hate comment! Achievement unlocked!)

Link to get on my email list: https://www.libbysinback.com/email

Workbook: https://www.libbysinback.com/workbook

Learning to hold space for people you love is an essential relationship skill. In this episode, Libby breaks down what holding space is, why it's important, and how to practice it.

Join my email list to learn about the new membership offering coming soon! https://www.libbysinback.com/email

What it Means to Hold Space for Someone by Heather Plett: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/11-things-that-will-help-you-hold-space-for-someone-0523175

11 Ways to Hold Space for Someone by Reaca Pearl: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/11-things-that-will-help-you-hold-space-for-someone-0523175

Morgan Burch: https://www.instagram.com/goodmorgantherapy/

Meet John and Jamie, a made-up couple with a very real story. What do you think? Should they open their marriage?

SHOW LINKS

Emily Nagoski on Making Polyamory Work: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/Maintenance-Sx-with-Emily-Nagoski-e2kpe5p/a-abbns15

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9780525541943

All About Love by bell hooks: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9780060959470

(I also recommend The Will to Change by the same author)

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy.

Sometimes in polyamorous relationships, our attachment system gets activated, something Jessica Fern calls "primal panic" in her book Polysecure. In this episode, Libby discusses primal panic, what can trigger it, and some tools to navigate it.

SHOW LINKS:

Join Libby for an Open Community Call: https://go.libbysinback.com/community-calls

Polysecure by Jessica Fern: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781944934989

Leaning In Episode: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/Leaning-In-e3c7lgc/a-acbv8i2

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy.

Libby is joined by Mel Cassidy, author of the new book, Radical Relating, A Queer and Polyamory-Informed Guide to Love Beyond the Myth of Monogamy to answer a listener question: how do I handle things if I'm having dating success and my partner isn't? I'm having a joyful, expansive experience, and my partner is sitting on the bench feeling unwanted and envious? This experience is so common and Libby and Mel dive into some tools that can help including some somatic practices for both people.

Mel Cassidy's website: https://radicalrelating.ca/

Mel's book: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9798889842453

Mel's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/radicalrelating/?

Links

Join an Open Community Call

https://go.libbysinback.com/community-calls

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy.

Most advice about polyamory focuses on established couples, often overlooking the unique challenges faced by "incoming partners" aka those entering a relationship with someone who already has a long-established relationship. In this episode, Libby offers support and advice for those incoming partners so that they can feel empowered in a situation that can feel really tricky to navigate.

Episodes referenced in the episode

Veto Happens https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/When-is-it-Okay-to-Have-a-One-Pnis-Policy-e1ddpq3

Is Hierarchy Bad? https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/Is-Hierarchy-bad-e2hu61d

A Rule is just a Bad Agreement https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/A-Rule-is-just-a-Bad-Agreement-e1alt5u

One P*nis Policy https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/When-is-it-Okay-to-Have-a-One-Pnis-Policy-e1ddpq3

How to Date a Couple https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/Dating-as-a-Couple-e2b7u8a

This May be a Bitter Pill https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/makingpolywork/episodes/This-May-Be-a-Bitter-Pill-e1e1eoe

Current offerings from Libby

Join an Open Community Call

https://go.libbysinback.com/community-calls

What Actually Makes Polyamory Work - the Workshop

https://libbysinback.com/workshop

Libby invites Laura Boyle of Ready for Polyamory to join her on the show to talk about living together, chores, finances, coparenting, and more - all things having to do with cohabiting and polyamory.

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Show Links:

Laura's website: https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/

Laura's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/readyforpolyamory/

Monogamy? In this Economy? (The Book):

https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781805011187

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to https://libbysinback.com/workbook to get your copy.

Libby talks about feeling grief and letting it move through you rather than being in a state of constant fixing as a way of avoiding it.

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My episode on holding space: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/no-advice-please

What it Means to Hold Space for Someone by Heather Plett

11 Ways to Hold Space for Someone by Reaca Pearl

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to ⁠⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠⁠ to get your copy.

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Visit ⁠⁠https://makingpolyamorywork.com⁠⁠ to search back episodes

Libby's coaching website: ⁠⁠https://libbysinback.com

Libby invites Mia Schacter of Consent Wizardry to join her to answer two listener questions. The first one asks, what if I don't feel intense NRE with a new partner? Does that mean something or is it okay? The second asks, Is it okay for me to not want my partner to date monogamous people or is that something I need to learn to be okay with?

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Find Consent Wizardry

on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/consent.wizardry/

on Substack: https://consentwizardry.substack.com/

on the web: https://consentwizardry.com/

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy.

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Visit ⁠https://makingpolyamorywork.com⁠ to search back episodes

Libby's coaching website: ⁠https://libbysinback.com

Libby invites her spouse, Drew to talk the established partner's side of the experience LIbby described in Gamechanger.

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Also! Libby has created a workbook based on the most popular episodes of the podcast — with simple practices and reflection questions so that you can apply this stuff to your life.

Go to ⁠https://libbysinback.com/workbook⁠ to get your copy.

---------------

Visit ⁠https://makingpolyamorywork.com⁠ to search back episodes

Libby's coaching website: ⁠https://libbysinback.com