“Bitter rivals”—better titled “Indifferent Acquaintances”—make for strange bedfellows this week when Liz’s childhood friend Amy returns to Sweet Valley, throwing a wrench in Liz and Enid’s well-documented best friendship.

…IS the paraphrasable content of this book. The real story can be found in the unarticulated yet palpable sexual tension underlying the interactions between the most boring girls in Sweet Valley, culminating in a climax involving Liz showing up at a costume party in a SKI SUIT to send Enid a private message that she’s still her number 1 girl (no homo).

Send help. And join us as we talk adolescent friendship dynamics, plagiarism, harems, and more, in “Manufactured Lesbian Rivalry for Elizabeth’s Sexual Titillation” (Sweet Valley High #29, Bitter Rivals)