Marriage Talk

Sheldon and Valerie talk about realizing we don’t have to manage our spouses emotions. It was so freeing once they realized this and they share reasons that made it difficult for them, but they also share how understanding they don't have o manage each others emotions has been so helpful in their marriage.

Sheldon and Valerie talk about mental load and what has helped them in this area of their marriage. In short, mental load are the things we need to remember in life to keep things going. Mental load is one of those elements of marriage that once again Sheldon and Valerie have had to work on in their marriage, and are still working and learning about this. Mental load was a pain point for many years for them until they had honest conversations, increased awareness in this area, made lists together which also involved fairly dividing things up, and approaching mental load with a teammate perspective.

Processing questions from this episode:

1. How do we currently deal with the mental load in our family?
2. What would help us in dealing with the mental load? 
   • An honest conversation, increased awareness, making lists together and fairly dividing them, or having a teammate perspective?

Sheldon and Valerie have a conversation with Stacy Bellward from Connected Families about 6 Practical Tips To Tame Your Temper. Though the focus of this episode is on parenting, the tips that are talked about in this episode will help us in our marriages and even at work too. 

Stacy has worked with Connected Families for over 8 years in many roles, including hosting the Connected Families Podcast, which recently reached 2 million listens. She has been married to her husband, Paul, for  24 years and has 2 young adult daughters. Stacy enjoys Ethiopian coffee, spontaneous mission trips, and supporting missionaries around the world. 

Connected Families was founded in 2002 by Jim and Lynne Jackson, and is dedicated to providing content and support to empower thoughtful and confident parenting. Their focus is on fostering Christ-centered transformation through a global community of parents, parent coaches, and ministry partners equipped with a biblical parenting framework.

This interview is part of a parenting resource called “The Confident Parent Series.” If you would like to receive the videos and other resources that are part of the Confident Parent Series you can sign up for the FamilyLife Canada newsletter at www.familylifecanada.com. And you can watch the first Confident Parent Series video workshop here: "How Can I Keep My Cool When Correcting My Child?"

Here are a few other helpful links from Connected Families:

Discipline That Connects With Your Child's Heart Course 

Connected Families Podcast

Weekly Parenting Tips Newsletter

Free Resource: Helping Kids With Anger

Free Resource: 20 Empathy Statements to Show Kids You Really See Them

Sheldon and Valerie talk about what to do when life goes from zero to sixty and it feels like you and your spouse are drifting from the frantic pace. They will share a few things they do that helps them as well as share a little formula to use in your relationship.

Sheldon and Valerie talk about 6 ways we can build trust in our relationship. Intentionality; Consistency; Follow Through; Allowing For Conflict; Admit When We Make A Mistake, and Care For People. 

Sheldon and Valerie talk about the tendency to underestimate the difficulty of things and overestimate our abilities at times and how it's good to be realistic and honest with ourselves. The solution to this is to gain understanding and tools so that we can overcome these difficulties. 

Processing Questions:
What are areas where you have underestimated the difficulty of things?

What are areas where you have overestimated your abilities?

How would being realistic and honest with yourself help in these situations?

How can you gain some understanding and tools to help in difficult situations?

Sheldon and Valerie chat with Scott and Joanne Williams. Scott and Joanne Williams live in Fredericton, NB where they work together in their business, raised their children and enjoy church ministry and a life full of rich friendships. They are the proud parents of 3 incredible children – Taylor (27), Micah (23) and Tori (21). Their story is one of redemption, forgiveness, healing and God’s faithfulness. They have the honor of leading marriage ministries at their home church, HopeCity. They are believers in inviting people into their story - mentors in their life have been an integral part of their healing journey. They love serving marriages, families, God’s house and ultimately, their God who has done so much for them. Be encouraged that no story is beyond redemption. God is faithful to do His most amazing work in the lives of those completely surrendered. It is their desire that marriages would find hope and healing through their story of brokenness and God’s goodness.

Processing Questions:
What points you back to truth when the lies want to take over?
Which stigmas about marriage issues have been part of your thinking?
What are you holding onto that needs to be surrendered to the Lord?

Sheldon and Valerie talk about lessons they learnt while paddling the Churchill River for 5 days with a group of 20 friends and family. They share some of their highlights and life lessons which include: When you tip you can still smile; It’s ok to lighten the load; Steer towards your destination; Share life with family and friends; Life is an adventure - live it!; Attitude Matters; Soul Care; Learn from others; Heed warnings.

FamilyLife Canada Marriage Mentoring
FamilyLife Canada Weekend Getaways
Group Rates for Weekend Getaways

Sheldon and Valerie continue their conversation on building culture focusing on building block #4, “write down your core value statements”. The three steps are:  Step 1: Think of what you want your values to embody; Step 2: Isolate the unique principles; Step 3: Create memorable language that’s prescriptive and descriptive.

Processing Questions:

1. What would creating value statements do in your family?
2. What is one value you would love to cultivate or keep growing in your family?
3. What is one step you could take today towards creating value statements for your family?

Carey Nieuwhof Blog 

3 Steps to Create Church Core Value Statements (With Examples)

Sheldon and Valerie talk about creating culture in our marriages and families. They chat about a blog by Carey Nieuwhof titled 5 Essential Building Blocks of a Healthy Church Culture and the principles he uses in building church culture.

Processing Questions:

1. What is the current culture of your family?
2. What do you want the culture to be?
3. How do you achieve the culture that you want?

Carey Nieuwhof Blog 

5 Essential Building Blocks of a Healthy Church Culture