Marriage Theraoke

Welcome to Theory Class 104 where Celeste breaks down the four different types of boundary issues discussed in the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud. Meanwhile, Rich writes a song about it to help us all remember.

This is our second half of the great interview with therapist Kirk Voss (EmotionAlly podcast) on the topic of boundaries. Check out part one in episode 40!

Celeste and Rich have been explaining boundaries this month a lot like how they *make* boundaries in real life: doing their best, but could definitely use the help of an expert! Therapist Kirk Voss (of the EmotionAlly podcast) is on hand to talk more about boundaries. There is a discussion of the theory behind boundary setting, the emotion that can (but not necessarily should!) drive the way we make them, and practical applications of when and how boundaries should play a part in expressing your needs. This is part one of two of our interview with Kirk - don't miss the second half coming soon!

Setting boundaries. Not only a good idea, but a GREAT idea for staying true to yourself, for helping navigate negative actions from your spouse. The problem: we tend to set boundaries as a reaction, out of anger, or to lay down an ultimatum. So how can boundaries help your relationship and how can they come from a place of personal integrity? We talk about Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It," Rich fixes it up and does some falsetto, all to address this first episode discussing the idea of setting boundaries.

Ah the blame game. So unproductive and yet so common. So much time wasted stuck in resentment. Yet, how do we get out of this trap? How to avoid the blame game all together? Well, that takes some inner work my friends! Getting to that magical mixture of acceptance AND boundaries. In this episode, we give some therapy to the song, "Your Fault" from the musical "Into the Woods. And Rich's re-write is seriously his best work yet!

Oh the issues we take with the song "Issues" ;) by Julia Michaels. "I've got issues, but you've got em too. Give yours all to me and I'll give mine to you." Uh-oh. Someone forgot to study relationship truth 101: it is not your partner's job to solve your personal issues and it is not your job to solve your partner's. This lesson is only forgotten every day in most relationships, so our friend Julia is in good company. Thankfully, Rich is here to make some much needed improvements to this song! Join us as we discuss the inner work necessary to forge a strong relationship.

Introducing our theme for the next 4 podcasts: Inner work! Celeste's favorite topic! This episode is another installment of our "good ones" series where instead of poo-pooing on love songs, we celebrate ones that give good advice and postulate on why. "I Love Me" by Meghan Trainor (Celeste's pick) and "Symphony" by Clean Bandit (Rich's pick) are given the honors today, and come to think of it, compliment each other very well.

Wrapping up our month-long theme on fun, we are talking about how to systemize fun in our individual lives, in our marriages and with our families. Celeste theorizes while Rich creates music and then performs his masterpiece at the end of the episode. And bonus! The Davis children each have a part in this episode talking about their favorite family fun activities!

How do we have fun as a couple when we don't agree on what is fun?? Enter learning to speak each other's fun language. What is a fun language? It's like love languages, but it's all about fun. We all have fun in different ways in different stages, the key is to keep the conversation with our spouse open and frequent. In this episode, we offer some therapy to the song "Santa Baby" (it could kinda use some, amiright?) and Rich makes a version that is MUCH improved!

Often when marriage problems rear their head, we think we have to be very serious about them. But much of the time, what we need is not more seriousness in our relationship, what we need is MORE FUN! Fun provides some BIG deposits in the emotional bank account of our relationships. In this episode, we talk about how fun looks different in every stage of marriage as we give therapy to the song, "We Are Young."