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Hi, this is Muhammad. This is my first video at my first podcasts, but my first video podcast, that's really my first eight, the one before when they it's. Okay. So.
Today, I'm going to talk about
being traumatized and still being grateful.
I have been blessed with living with my wife for 21 years.
Clearly she's the best thing that ever happened to me probably after my kids. I have three amazing boys.
I don't want to get into why I am traumatized. Not yet. I don't feel comfortable sharing it yet, but it happened. It happened when I was still a young boy. Um, I still remember vividly,
I know it happened to some of you or listening or what.
So how, how can you have, if a feeling deeply fulfilling relationship of someone in a trusting relationship with someone
while just being damaged?
This is a question I haven't been, I have been searching for a very long time. How, how do you come back from being
from believing that you are the worst? Of what humanity has to offer and believing, and the same time that you can give love to someone and you are worthy of receiving that same love from someone else. And especially from yours. Are there from your kids.
Let's set things straight through, right from the beginning. I don't have the answer and believe me, I looked, I look everywhere for the answer I have. Small bits of answers, not more than that. And I'm happy to share. So
here is where I struggled for very, very long time.
I knew. It wasn't my fault. I knew I had nothing to do with it. Just a little boy, scared. Wasn't my fault. I have nothing. No one can ever blame me for what happened.
So Y Y knowing, knowing that. Is not enough.
It didn't prevent me from being angry all the time, feeling ashamed afterwards, guilty.
Why Y knowing is not enough
thing is the rational brain and the emotional brain don't communicate well together.
Knowing is not enough. Knowing is not enough to put, to make you stop doing what is harmful to yourself to your relationship
doing is what starts the engine.
These days I'm reading Bessel van der Kolk. The body keeps the score,
made me rethink a lot of what I previously. Fought. And it made me understand that
I am not damaged. You are not damaged.
We had to do things in order to survive.
We don't have to be ashamed of it. We just did what we had to do
Those coping mechanisms. That we needed.
They just became problematic. They became the real problem.
Unfortunately, those what we call problems these days are just symptoms. They just cover for our shame and our guilt. We are just afraid. We're just afraid of being discovered. We are ashamed of
what the person we trust. We love could say about this. If she really discovered.
I am working a lot to these days,
If you want to read the book, just read book, the body keeps the score.
It can be a dry read. However, it is extremely, it is packed with information maybe too much else.
Before acting, we need to
why we do the things that we do.
how can I prevent the trauma? Of being the only experience in my life. How can I prevent the trauma of fucking up my relationship?
First of all, talk therapy? Yes, it is important because it needs to be acknowledged at cloud what you went through. You need to listen. You need to listen to other people telling their stories. You need to tell your story, your traumatic story.
It's not gonna be easy for everyone, but still we need to go through this.
What helped me a lot is just tell it like it is.
I told my wife what happened pretty early on, and I told her what I, what was experienced. And that's all to her about my shame,
which in help, which helps me a lot to apologize, recognizing that
I was wrong. I was not taking things. Quote, unquote, normal. And then you need to apologize.
I believe in repair attempts and the couple, I believe in recognizing those repair attempts, I believe in accepting those repair at them.
If someone comes to you with a genuine heart saying that he's sorry, or she's sorry.
And he finds someone already to, I apologize, can go a long way. A very, very, very long. And the relationship
I'm not speaking about those big , um, I mean, even if being angry, being angry all the time, didn't make me beat my wife. For example,
that's a line I wouldn't cross and.
So here, I'm just saying, if
I'm not speaking about those big, big, big things that, I mean, if you're,
if your body is in danger, if your life is in danger, there is no apologizing. There just run. If it's not the case.
and maybe you want to accept the apologies.
Some good days are coming some bad days are coming, but it is. That's how it is. It's going to be good. Sometimes it's going to be bad.
Thing is when you start the work, you will be able to feel the, the grip that it has on you loosen a little bit, you will feel it. You will feel you, you will observe yourself not having the same reactions actually yesterday, someone threw water, water up to my face just for laughing. I mean,
I would, I would, oh God.
I would bring hell on earth for this kind of behavior before. And you know what? I kept calm,
showed that I didn't like it and moved on.
Didn't didn't make the , uh, didn't make a scene. Didn't make. The the evening awkward, like I used to do and God,
I hope it helped a little bit
and grateful if you have any questions, guys. It's in the comment down below you just click the link. You go through the form and , uh, you can ask any questions you want and that's meat moving on and take care of yourself, guys.
