MASH Minute

Jen Deaderick brings the insight to this football game and how it stands in for war in this movie. The men are busy trying to prove their manliness via sports, which is why they’re so rude to the cheerleaders, and Houlihan is letting out her animal side watching them. We ruin The Wizard of Oz, try to make everything Blythe Danner, and appreciate Margaret’s DGAF attitude. On screen Judson gets into a fight and off screen Tierney is coming around on Robert Altman as a director!

You will never hear a more pure reaction than the moment when Gary Roby is told about the nicknames in this movie. Poor Gary was not expecting football, but luckily his grandpa was a Panthers fan AND a veteran of the Korean Conflict. Between bouts of nostalgia, we admire the cool camerawork as the football game starts getting out of control, discuss genre fiction (Y not try some YA today?), and learn the origin of the phrase “How do you like them apples”. Surprise: apples are not involved at all. Apparently. Maybe. How do you like them apples?

Guest Paul Francis Sullivan returns to bring it with trivia about the actors from MASH—and his analysis of why we feel bad for Radar in this scene prompts a deep dive into how this story was adapted for the tv show. But, really, how could we not feel sorry for Radar as EVAC Number 88 literally just spits water all over him? Hammond and Blake double the bets, Johnny Mandel’s “The Football Game” kicks in, and Jones dominates on the field (and earns a new nickname) as the second half begins.

After Super Bug takes out the cheerleaders (in a joke that has always and will always get a laugh), the teams retire to their locker rooms. Blake’s inspiring halftime speech is cut short when he has to go press the bets. Our pal Sully learns a heartbreaking fact about the MASH cheerleaders. But no one can be sad too long with MASH pajamas, Father Mulcahy sipping a beer, and the firm knowledge that MASH and Jaws are forever linked.

This is a confusing minute, and not just for EVAC football player Smith, who now believes he’s at a track meet after being drugged. Mike thought he was talking about Harold Ramis, Tierney never took physics, and Megan is swept away by her Norwegian Long Jump Lover. Also, the 220 and 440 are not track events, but the broad jump is. Also, this is the first f-bomb in movie history, but not really.

Radar gives a lot more than water to the players: he delivers a needle of… something that instantly messes up our dear Super Bug after he is (safely) injected with it. We debate whose plan this was, how football teams are assembled for movies, and spoil the ending of Varsity Blues. Really, I cannot emphasize enough how blatantly we give away every major plot point of Varsity Blues. You’ve been warned. Mike Logerfo is back and he is definitely NOT encouraging us to commit crimes to get a copy of S*P*Y*S.

A lineman is not supposed to have the ball. Dads love to give history lessons about Nixon. Coffee is good. These are the truths Megan and Tierney hold to be self-evident as they watch Judson fall down, Trapper get mad, and the center sending the ball way over Duke’s head.

This minute features all things football: old sports newsreels, actors pretending to be athletes, athletes pretending to be actors… There’s also plenty of fashion talk thanks to Houlihan (in a sporty look) and Jones (in the worst possible disguise!), and the popularity of Griffith Park for filming movies. We hear some of Fred Williamson’s thoughts on Dr. Ollie Jones. All that plus Ben Davidson and Super Gnat!

Blake has a great idea: maybe they should have some plays. Guest Mike Carlucci has a great idea: let’s introduce the idea of a movie about a mule that plays football. That will keep us on topic! We talk about Jones as an off-field team leader, The Washington Post March by John Phillips Souza, the classic film Little Giants, and Lindsay Lohan. (Yes, again, back off.) Come for the argument that everyone should play flag football instead of tackle, stay for us convinced that’s Colonel Flagg hiding in plain sight by disguising himself as Hammond’s aide.

Mike Carlucci joins us to watch football and cheerleading practice. Nobody looks very good, but the important thing is to have fun! Megan asks Tierney about her “vast football knowledge” which turns out to mostly be the names of dogs associated with the Cleveland Browns. From Everything You Know Is Wrong to My Favorite Spring, from pro athletes in the Korean War to M.D. football players now, we embrace a “very Altman-y” minute.