MASH Minute

The Korean War is the top news story of 1951, there continue to be no consequences for the doctors, and Sean German is back for another episode! Maybe you didn’t think you needed head cannon for who decorated Colonel Merrill’s office or where these guys got their golf balls—but you did and you’re welcome. Move over Maslow, Trapper’s hierarchy of needs is in full swing this minute as Hawkeye explains how they’re going to get out of this latest jam while they practice their putting in the colonel’s office.

Hawkeye is having the BEST trip to Japan: he has an in in Kokura after running into Ezekiel “Me Lay” Marston. Trapper just wants to get out to the golf course, but they are waylaid by the MPs. After being corralled into Colonel Merrill’s office they surrender and surely learn an important lesson in courtesy. Guest Sean German is just kidding, of course. No, Hawkeye and Trapper now pretend to be part of a totally different type of movie and they even enlist the movie’s score in helping them.

It’s a small war after all: the gas passer for this operation in Japan is an old friend of Hawkeye’s. After a little more identity subterfuge between New Englanders, Trapper fills us in on “Me Lay” Marston’s unusual nickname and Marston fills us in on why he doesn’t have time to golf. Sean German joins us to help appreciate the genius of the New Era Hospital and Whore House—the NEHWH—a less problematic place than you might assume. We share strong opinions on what to do in a library, in the privacy of your own home, or outside, and Tierney shares the story of that time she watched MASH with Michael Murphy.

If you think this episode’s title is odd, just brace yourself. Today the tangents are flowing fast and furious between Megan, Tierney, and Jim O’Kane. This is an iconic minute of MASH where we see Captain Peterson bested, ask Trapper how he wants his steak cooked, start an operation on the congressman’s son, AND meet Colonel Merrill and his boss mustache. But if you think having that much to talk about will stop us from also discussing astronauts, Mr. and Mrs. Radar’s autumnal Ottumwa Iowa retirement, Groucho’s tv career, Jack Armstrong All American Boy and his progeny, townie license plates, the CBS Saturday night lineup and what it meant to American culture, and Jim’s massive crush on Jo Ann Pflug, well, then you don’t know MASH Minute. Make yourself comfortable because Grandpa has a lot to tell us about the ancient history of the early 1970s and you won’t want to miss his story of sneaking into the movie theater to see this for the first time.

We have an absolutely packed episode of MASH Minute today. Onscreen, the fight with Marion Peterson escalates to the point that she calls for backup: Captain Peterson. Played by Cathleen Cordell, she quickly becomes a favorite of Megan, Tierney, and guest Jim O’Kane. Jaunty hats, good posture, and a last minute movies-by-minutes miracle all help us move on from “thirtysomething syndrome” and the terrible dialogue Trapper was spouting in the hallway.

What do Jim O’Kane, Julie London, and Harold E. Stine all have in common? They’re all incredibly important to this minute of MASH. As the trip to Japan begins, we meet Bobby Troup and his boss ring before being whisked into the hospital to find the congressman’s son. In this vignette, the role of the loudspeaker will be performed by a gong. Side discussions: the sideburn wars of Emergency!, wedding rings on All in the Family and The X-Files, and the startling realization that they made a tv series out of Casablanca.

Adam Liebreich-Johnsen rejoins the gang to debate the appeal of golfing, because while Hawkeye and Trapper are very excited to hit some balls in Japan, we would rather be mini-golfing. Everyone agrees two Captain John McIntyres is a terrible idea and that Vollmer’s awkward exit is superb. This is also a great minute if you want to realize that Richard Hornberger totally used the “pro from Dover” ruse that he included in the novel. Take two golf balls and call Elliott Gould when you get to Kokura.

Today Megan and Tierney are joined by Adam Liebreich-Johnsen for an actually fun minute! Vollmer is confused, Trapper teases this lieutenant by acting as if he’s a patient, and Hawkeye sounds a bit like Doc Brown from Back to the Future. What are they gonna do next? They’re going to Tokyo Disneyland! Ok, not really, but Trapper is to proceed to Kokura, Japan.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, especially if you throw some of it at his back. The Korean doctor tells Hawkeye “Nice try” and takes Ho Jon with him. (Ho Jon Lives! should be spray painted on the subway walls.) We are all whisked back to the 4077th to move on via golfing. We get a fun anti-war announcement, learn about Sedalia and their VFW post, conduct some fashion analysis, and realize that Mike basically lived MASH one evening on a rooftop.

Chris Callaghan and Mike Logerfo join the ladies of MASH to talk about the results of Ho Jon’s medical exam. We’re all shocked at how bad a liar Hawkeye is… although no one is surprised that Tierney noticed the dogs in this minute. What do Burl Ives, Nova Scotian slang, and Sudafed have in common? Press “y” to find out! (Note from Tierney: I don’t know if that video game joke actually makes any sense.)