Matchmaker Matchmaker

In this episode, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath talk about a listener's question about the unique challenges of dating as a middle-aged Jew in the rural South. Rachel, a listener from Virginia, shares her experience of connecting with another Jewish divorcee from North Carolina and the complexities of their new relationship. 

Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss the pressures of long-distance relationships, the difficulty of finding Jewish partners in small communities, and the importance of giving potential relationships a fair chance despite geographical and social hurdles. They also invite Rachel and her match to share their journey on the podcast.

Key Points:
Long-Distance Relationship Dynamics: The hosts talk about the intensity and challenges that come with long-distance dating, including managing communication and expectations.
Scarcity of Jewish Partners in Small Towns: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explore the pressure of dating within a limited Jewish community and the fear of settling due to a lack of options.
Importance of Real Connections: They stress the need to tell the difference between feeling forced into a relationship due to limited options and recognizing a genuine connection.
Giving Relationships a Fair Chance: The hosts suggest a "five date challenge" to allow time for a real connection to develop before making a final decision and highlight the potential blessings in having fewer dating options.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom tackle a big question from a listener named Shoshana, who has been single for ten years and is struggling to understand why finding a life partner is so hard. The discussion looks at both the spiritual and practical sides of finding a match, exploring the balance between divine intervention and free will. 

Rabbi Yisroel Bernath emphasizes that the challenge of finding a soulmate is part of God's plan and talks about how time and effort in relationships are crucial for their longevity and success.

Key Points:
Divine Intervention and Free Will: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explains that while God is involved in matchmaking, humans also have free will, which means the process requires their active participation and decision-making.

The Importance of Effort: Both hosts agree that the difficulty in finding a partner is intentional, designed to make individuals value and work hard for their relationships, ensuring they are cherished and maintained.

Multiple Potential Soulmates: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath and Aleeza Ben Shalom discuss the idea that there isn't just one perfect soulmate for each person; several individuals could potentially fulfill that role, which can alleviate some pressure and open more possibilities.

Practical Advice and Hope: The episode concludes with practical advice, such as Aleeza Ben Shalom's "Mystery in Your History" course, which helps individuals re-evaluate past connections, and a hopeful message encouraging patience and perseverance in the journey to find a life partner.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

In this episode, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath answer a question from Judith, a widow in her 50s. Judith notices that many divorced men she meets blame their failed marriages on their ex-wives' emotional issues, which they say come from being raised by Holocaust survivors. The episode looks into whether this is a real pattern or just an excuse. 

Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath also talk about how the Holocaust affects later generations. They give Judith and others advice on dating.

Key Points:
Recurring Theme in Divorce Reasons: Judith sees that many divorced men say their ex-wives are emotionally unavailable because of their Holocaust survivor parents.
Holocaust's Lingering Impact: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explains how the trauma from the Holocaust can affect the children of survivors, shaping their emotional and relationship issues.
Pattern Recognition and Self-Reflection: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath suggest that Judith think about why she sees this pattern and how her own background might play a role.
Advice for Change: They recommend that Judith try dating outside her usual community to find someone who is emotionally available and a good match.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

Join us for another episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker where your hosts, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath dive into a heartfelt query from Yosef, who is facing the challenge of unrequited love with a friend. The episode explores the delicate balance of maintaining a friendship while dealing with romantic feelings that aren't reciprocated.

Key Points:
Respecting the Friend's Decision: Aleeza Ben Shalom stresses the importance of respecting the friend's feelings and decision to remain just friends, highlighting how essential it is to honor these boundaries.

Timing for Reapproaching: Aleeza Ben Shalom advises waiting at least six months before considering to express feelings again, suggesting a gentle approach to see if the dynamics might have changed, without applying pressure.

The Importance of Moving On: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath emphasizes the necessity for Yosef to focus on moving forward, recommending that he explore other romantic possibilities instead of waiting for his friend’s feelings to change.

Taking Time for Self-Reflection: Both hosts agree on the benefits of Yosef taking some time away from the friendship if needed, to mitigate emotional pain and to make space for new, reciprocative relationships.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath respond to a listener who is struggling with self-criticism after a past relationship. They discuss the importance of forgiving oneself and using mistakes as learning opportunities for better future relationships. The conversation offers practical advice on personal growth and emotional recovery post-breakup.

Key Points:
Normalizing Mistakes: Aleeza points out that making mistakes is a common part of all human interactions. She likens it to how children stumble when learning to walk, illustrating that errors are essential for personal development.
Timing of Conversations: Aleeza Ben Shalom shares a personal tip about managing emotions during conflicts. She advises waiting until you're calm to discuss sensitive topics to ensure the conversation is constructive.
Shared Responsibility: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath highlights that problems in relationships are usually not one-sided. Recognizing that both partners may contribute to issues can alleviate unnecessary self-blame.
Constructive Reflection: They offer advice on how to reflect on past errors effectively, which includes stopping negative behaviors, expressing regret, clearly stating intentions for change, and making plans for improvement.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

In this episode of Matchmaker Matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss the challenges people face when dating after a divorce. They offer advice on dealing with public perception, the best time to share your divorce history, and learning from past relationships to improve future ones. This conversation provides practical tips for those looking to find love again.

Key Points:
Stigma Around Divorce: Aleeza Ben Shalom explains that being divorced is more accepted today than before. She suggests that having been married shows you're serious about relationships, which can be a plus when dating again.
When to Share About Divorce: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath talk about the right time to tell someone you're dating that you've been divorced. They emphasize being honest and confident about your past.L

earning from the Past: It's important to reflect on previous relationships and understand what you can do better. Knowing what went wrong helps you prepare for a better relationship next time.

Owning Your Story: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath encourage taking responsibility for your part in a past relationship ending. They say this shows maturity and can make you more attractive to potential partners.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

This week, your hosts tackle the listener's question about the meaning and implications of requesting a "phone break" in a relationship. Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss various scenarios and motives behind such a request, providing insights into communication dynamics in modern relationships. 

In this episode, they cover:
Understanding the Request: Exploring what a "phone break" could signify, whether it's a need for space, a sign of feeling overwhelmed, or a desire to shift the mode of communication.

Assessing Relationship Intensity: How frequent and intense communication can lead to one partner feeling smothered, prompting the need for a break.

Positive vs. Negative Implications: Discussing when a phone break might be healthy and necessary for personal processing, versus when it might signal deeper issues within the relationship.

Navigating the Break: Strategies for effectively communicating about the break, setting clear expectations and timelines, and ensuring both partners are on the same page to maintain relationship health.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

Welcome to another episode of the Matchmaker Matchmaker podcast where your hosts, Jewish dating experts Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath, discuss this week's listeners' question: 'What do you do when a girl doesn't want you But you know, she loves you?'

 They break down emotional dilemmas, historical perspectives on marriage, and the practical aspects needed beyond love to build a sustainable relationship.

Key Points Discussed:
Discussion on why love might not be sufficient for marriage, emphasizing compatibility and shared life paths.
Exploring how the concept of marrying solely for love is a relatively modern development, contrasting with historical reasons such as financial or social advantages.
The importance of aligning on life goals, values, and personal habits is discussed as essential alongside love for a healthy marriage.
Evaluating whether love itself can sustain a marriage and what other elements are crucial for a lasting partnership.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

Welcome back to another episode of the Matchmaker Matchmaker Podcast. On this week's episode, Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss the complexities of physical attraction in dating and relationships. They go into the question of what to do when someone attempts to set you up with a person who is considered a great match, but you don't find them physically attractive. 

Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath explore the nuances of this situation and provide insights on how to approach it.

Key Points:
The Importance of Physical Attraction: Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the significance of physical attraction in relationships, acknowledging its role while also exploring its limitations.
Handling "Hard No" Situations: The hosts provide advice on how to navigate situations where there is an immediate lack of physical attraction and when it's appropriate to decline a potential match outright.
Giving It a Chance: Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath share anecdotes and examples of instances where initial lack of physical attraction evolved after giving the relationship a chance, emphasizing the value of getting to know someone beyond their appearance.
Patience and Decision-Making: The episode concludes with a blessing for patience and wisdom, underscoring the importance of taking time to make the right decision after a few dates and allowing both the heart and mind to align.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/

Join us this week on "Matchmaker Matchmaker" as Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath discuss trust in relationships. They explore the time it takes to establish trust, the link between commitment and the growth of trust, and the impact of personal insecurities and past traumas on trust-building. Throughout the episode, they share practical perspectives, stressing the importance of open communication to navigate challenges related to trust. Tune in to unravel the layers of trust and its pivotal role in the journey of love and commitment.

Key Points:
Aleeza Ben Shalom and Rabbi Yisroel Bernath emphasize the time it takes to develop trust, highlighting that true trust often takes years to develop, as supported by research findings.
Aleeza and Rabbi discuss the correlation between commitment and the growth of trust, emphasizing that trust evolves with the level of commitment within the relationship.
The impact of personal insecurities and past traumas on the timeline for establishing trust is addressed, with the hosts stressing the importance of open communication to navigate these challenges.
Throughout the episode, practical perspectives are shared, shedding light on the significance of consistency, reliability, vulnerability, and personal integrity in building trust within relationships.

Support the show

Contact Aleeza Ben Shalom https://marriagemindedmentor.com/
Contact Rabbi Yisroel Bernath https://www.theloverabbi.com/

Submit a Question for the Matchmaker, Matchmaker Podcast https://marriagemindedmentor.com/podcast/