Material Girls

Hey Witches!

It’s late and there’s a hippogriff baby in need of attention, so let’s get right to it: here for your listening pleasure is the first half of our discussion of Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince (see what I did there?).

Enjoy!

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Ho Ho Ho, Witches! We’re back in the expanded universe of the podcast with Episode Kappa in which we cackle at fraternity, get a lil’ tipsy on vegan egg nog, and VERY bravely sing some songs. We wrote the songs just for you, dear listeners, so scroll down to find the lyrics and sing along!

Word of caution: if this is your first time tuning in to Witch, Please, this episode is probably not the best introduction to the podcast itself (though it is most definitely the best intro to your podcast hosts and regular guest stars). Listen at your own risk of confusion!

We’ll be back to our regularly schedule fortnightly shenanigans in January, so blow the dust off your copy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince so you’ll be ready to follow along.

Sending you hugs, kisses, and shitty jingly bell sound effects,

Marcelle, Hannah, Neale, & Trevor.

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Witch This?

T. Chow-Fraser; D. Elfman.

What’s this? What’s this?

There’s elvish everywhere

What’s this?

A dragon in its lair

What’s this?

I can’t believe my eyes

I must be dreaming

Me oh my this isn’t fair!

What’s this?

What’s this? What’s this?

There’s something very wrong

What’s this?

That goblin’s singing songs

What’s this?

The hills are full with

Elves and dwarves and hobbits

Out for gold and secret treasure

Through the mountains on adventure

What is this?

What’s this?

There’s wizards singing folk songs

Instead of blasting spells

They seem to live forever

Unlike Nicholas Flammel

Can Gandalf really magic?

He’s really good with swords

Is history the real magic here?

I simply can’t decide…

Oh, look!

What’s this?

He’s forged an evil ring

One ring! To give to every king. Inspired!

One ring to rule them all and in the dark

To him he’ll bind them, oh my gods

What’s this?

What’s this?

It’s Sam, gaze deep in Frodo’s eyes. How queer

Get up that mountainside

Or die!

If Sau-ron gets the ring of power

Elves and humans all will cower

And war will come to everyone

So, now, correct me if I’m wrong

This looks like fun?

This looks like fun!

Oh, could it be? I got my wish?

What’s this?

Oh my, what now?

The dwarves are all kaput

And look, a balrog underfoot

Nazguls

Orcs and trolls and orientals

Oliphaunts and trees

Don’t start making coney stew

You’ll never get to eat… *sigh*

What’s this?

The ministry is missing

And no death eaters in sight

And in their place there seems to be

A big red flaming eye

Instead of He Who Can’t

Be Named, hear ringwraiths on the wing

If you want him come and claim him

What’s with this damn ring?!

The sights, the sounds they’re everywhere

And all around

I’ve never felt so good before

This empty place inside of me is filling up

I simply cannot get enough

I want it, oh, I want it, oh, I want it for my own

I’ve got to know

I’ve got to know

What is this place with so much mirth?

What is this?!

Middle Earth, hmm…

Poor Hacks

H. McGregor; D. Elfman.

What have we done?

What have we done?

How could we read so blind?

List’ners lost, where were we?

Spoiled all, spoiled all.

Everything’s gone all Tolkien…

What have we done?

What...

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Ahoy witches! Join us for another mat leave minisode as we travel back in time to learn about Quidditch IRL! This recording comes from the 2015 Edmonton Comics and Entertainment Expo and features the vocal talents of the Edmonton Aurors Quidditch team. We hope you enjoy!

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This week, as Marcelle and our erstwhile tech support selfishly abandon us to care for a newborn, Hannah and genuine guy-with-a-film degree Neale Barnholden go on magical tour of cinematic and material history, featuring dragons! It’s a Q&A minisode, minus the mini. Buckle in, dear listeners, because things are going to get shouty.

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Tonight is a magical night for citizens in the North Land called Canada. In addition to a Federal Election with a potentially record-breaking voter turnout, there’s also some kind of sports event starring some carnivorous birds that people are taking pretty seriously. Also, the latest episode of Witch, Please!

In tonight’s episode Hannah and Marcelle tackle the fifth movie without any actual film expertise from our favourite Actual-Guy-with-a-Film-Degree, Neale. But fear not, covenmates, Neale will be back. And on the topic of absenteeism, this might be Marcelle’s last episode for a little while because she’s gonna have a baby or something. Possibly tonight! Who knows! The important thing is that you can rely on Hannah to keep things going and something or other about when things get dark look to the light.

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**Just a wee correction to keep this episode in line with our outrageously complicated numbering system! The real number 10 will be uploaded as scheduled on Monday!**

Nothing gets your magical blood pumping quite like a room full of Harry Potter fans ready to talk about feminism! Witches, we are just over the moon on a Firebolt to bring you our first ever live episode, recorded at the Edmonton Comic & Entertainment Expo.

Special thanks to all you listners who made it out that afternoon! You sure know how to make an angry feminist team feel special.

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You know what, witches? Growing up is hard. In tonight’s episode your hosts Hannah and Marcelle relive their teenage years and cry a bunch.

Get your hankies and enjoy!

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Is it getting hot in here or is it just that cleansing fire? Either way, we are thrilled to bring you the long-awaited first half of our discussion of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

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Gird your loins, witches, because it’s time for ANOTHER #witchpleasetellme minisode. Thrill to the sounds of Hannah bravely confronting Trevor, the erstwhile robot troll of our hearts. Will she defeat this perilous foe? Only time will tell! (Spoiler: no.)

Don’t fret if your question wasn’t selected. Now that the episode is recorded, we’ll re-post your queries on Twitter so that everyone can see how brilliant our listeners are.

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Here it is. The episode that’s too hot to upload through a mere, smear mobile phone.

Game on, witches.

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