I think we all know who stole the show this week: Madge and Mabel! If you're rewatching along with us, you will no doubt agree that the characters of the week are the cantankerous old bags who think Billy has guts giving them a kick butt campaign.

What else happened? Alycia and Peter are scheming to bring down Bobby. It seems clear to us that Peter is working Alycia with the lie about his father, but the writers haven't made it clear. Is it possible that they just wrote that into the script? Amanda continues to play naive here.

Ghost Brooke is gone, and we must protest.

Jo, Jane, Jake, Richard, who cares?

But the special joy that is Sydney - she really is that good.

The reboot hasn't happened ... YET.

Instead, we ask our robot to help us imagine a scenario where the characters of Melrose Place are now running a small college.

Scandal.

Tomfoolery.

Betrayal.

Kimberly's ghost.

I'd enroll.

Well, the time has come for us to say goodbye to our first title-screened character since Rhonda walked out of Melrose Place and into her suburban catering empire.

Brooke, we hardly knew ye. Your scheming face, your every-day-gal persona, and your blackmail skills have left a lasting mark on the Melrose Place universe.

You'll actually be missed.

Julie is growing and maturing as a person, as evidenced by setting up her boyfriend with a date.

Sarah decides to have an abortion, but then avoids a car accident, apparently losing the baby.

Cynthia is hospitalized, and has a heart to heart moment with Sarah and she decides she wants to live.

As always, the real story is with Grayson, Adam, and Monique.  This is all about paternity, and who is the father.  Surprise, it's Adam.

This show is getting so good and we're bummed that we know it's going to end soon.

Well, Mary continues to be offended by the offensive and offending episode titles - this one about Brooke playing the role of satan in a dripping dress from her accidental drowning.

We get into it this week - more fan mail, this time involving a purple urn, ala Paul Bearer in 1996. We also discuss Matt, Allen, and the alleged lesbian involved in their relationship.

We discuss Amanda and Bobby, but only out of contractual necessity. But Peter and Alycia are at least interesting in this whole mess.

What else? I don't remember - but you will once you watch this great episode with us!

What a sad loss of potential it was for all of the Models, Inc. characters to be sent away when Hillary closed the business.

Imagine, if you will, a scenario where David comes to LA, not knowing Amanda is his sister, and then...

This is the end, it appears, for Brooke. Everything important to her has been taken - her marriage, her feud with Alison, her job, her Daddy, her fiance, her baby, her house, it's all gone, gone gone. She falls, hits her head on the pool, and floats in the water. So....?

Meanwhile, Jake manifests a garage, allowing us to have perhaps the best zinger of the series, "I'm sorry, did I park in the middle of your company?"

Bobby and Amanda ... dear god make it stop. They continue continuing to continue the storyline, but we really just don't get the point.

Kimberly finds her way back into Michael's arms through the same way she left: an explosive car crash.

Is that too soon?

Matt's love triangle storyline is picking up steam, and we are here for it.

Laugh all you want, but this show is getting better and better.  If they had a little more time, this would have had a run as long as Melrose Place.

Cynthia's bulimia continues to worsen, causing her boyfriend to yell at her about her sexual assault in a public place and then break up with her at work as she is feeling lightheaded.  So his male feminist card is gone.

Julie buys the movie rights to Skin Deep for "a buck and a blow job" (that's our term, not the term on the show) - and she meets a writer who turns out to have missed her long lost love when they were supposed to get married because he never showed up to gate 201, flight 11.  Of course, we aren't dumb so we know where this is going - Craig turns out to have missed HIS long lost love when they were supposed to get married because she never showed up to flight 21, gate 1.  Oh, voice to text in the early 90s caused so much trouble.

Sarah, who coined the phrase, "at least you didn't sleep with a priest!" is now pregnant by said priest who is a good guy, as evidenced by the fact that he is white, but plays basketball at night with black kids.  #tiredtrope  Anyway, Sarah can't decide what to do about this darn baby, especially since her career is about to take off and she feels like Cindy Crawford.  Except, with a baby.

The story continues with Grayson, who promises she has something on Adam that will make sure he can never be rid of her.  Hijinx ensue as they track each other down, but it turns out that when Grayson left because of drugs, she actually had a BABY - Adam's baby!  Dun dun dun.

Who didn't see that coming?

Mary, of course.

Apparently, this was a play on the phrase "booby trap" - and it took Mary's English degree to figure it out. Bobby and Amanda are in mortal danger, although the end is not in doubt.

Sydney is eating the most godawful bagel situation you could imagine. Even Michael is grossed out.

Michael drugs Kimberly, and then is shocked that she doesn't want to get back together.

Jane is recovering nicely, and drags Jake's dirty ass boots into the pool. Yuck.

After the bombing, Michael would have had every right to be turned away from women.

After the false murder accusation and arrest, Matt would have had every right to be turned away from men.

But look, fellas still have needs....