Mental Health Training

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could turn a switch and you’d be fully motivated to do whatever you’re setting out to get accomplished?

While there isn’t an easy button, there is a simple little hack or strategy that works just as well.

The secret is to figure out your “why”. 

Pick something you would like to do, but you’re lacking motivation. Let’s say it’s heading out for a run every morning before work.

You have the best intentions, but then the alarm goes off, it’s still dark outside and all that motivation is out the door instead of you. 

This is when it’s time to dig deep.

Why do you want to go jogging?

Is it to clear your head and get ready for a busy day?

Is it to stay in shape so you can have a full and active life for years and years to come? Is it to get healthy so you can be around for your loved ones?

Or do you want to get in shape so you can play catch with your kids at the park.

Spend some time to find out what your why is. Once you have that figured out, it really is easy.

You just need to constantly remind yourself of your reason why to stay motivated. 

Stick a picture or a sticky note on your bathroom mirror to remind you first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

If you’re lying in bed contemplating hitting the snooze button a few time instead of going for that run, have a little chat with yourself about your “why”. 

Set those running shoes next to the front door before you go to bed and lay out your clothes the night before.

Not only are they visual reminders, they also make it a little easier to jump up, get dressed, lace up the shoes and head out the door for that jog. 

Here’s your assignment for the next few days: 

Come up with one thing you want to motivate yourself to do or accomplish. Don’t make it a huge goal like losing 100lb or changing your career.

Pick something you can get done in a few weeks. Going for a walk each day, losing 5 pounds or getting caught up on your email may be better goals for the purpose of this exercise. 

Figure out why you want to reach this goal. Write it down.

Tape it to your mirror, put a reminder on your desk. Make sure you’re constantly reminded about why you’re doing this. It’s a great way to get and stay motivated. 

It doesn't matter if you’re working your way through a large project at work or are finally tackling that kitchen remodel. Just about anything big you need to get done can be broken into smaller steps.

One step in the kitchen remodel might be to pick out a new sink, another would be to tear out the old kitchen floor. You get the idea. 

This also works really well when your goal is a little more elusive.

Maybe you want to lose 50 pounds, or get yourself into shape to go on a big hike this summer.

For those scenarios you may want to break things up into 5 pound weight loss steps, or set up a training schedule that will have you walk 15 miles each week. 

As you complete each baby step you’ll feel like you’re moving forward. Seeing progress is a powerful tool to help you continue and stick with it. . 

A big project or goal can seem pretty daunting when you look at it and think about it as a whole. Breaking it into smaller steps allows you to focus on just one small attainable goal at a time.

Have you heard of the saying “How do you eat an elephant - One bite at a time”?

That’s exactly what we’re doing when we’re breaking things down into baby steps.

We’re bringing it down to bite-size. Something we can sink our teeth in and not worry about choking on it. 

Quick Tip- It’s helpful to write the baby steps or mini-milestones down and keep them in plain view.

This helps you focus on the next step and being able to cross it off the list gives you a feeling of accomplishment. 

Discipline is something we are taught from an early age, but as we start to grow up, we we tend to fight it and eventually become pretty lax about it.

Then something interesting happens. We start to realize that there are a lot of benefits to being more disciplined.

The main one is that you just plain get more stuff done. You also get it done in a lot less time, leaving you more hours in your day to play. 

How do you become more disciplined? Try this simple lifestyle hack and see if it works for you. 

Make A Deal With Yourself 

Start by making a deal with yourself. Pick a project. This could be that home improvement project you’ve been thinking about for weeks, or something you really should be wrapping up at work. Pick something you’ve been putting off for a little while. It’ll be good practice to be more disciplined. 

Then make a deal with yourself. Promise yourself you will get it done by a certain date. Setting a time limit is important. Otherwise you keep pushing it further and further back each day you don’t want to do anything. 

Put it in writing. I find it helps make it seem more “official” and there won’t be any confusion about what exactly I promised myself I would get done and when it would be done by. Keep a notebook, write it on a piece of scrap paper and leave it in your desk or night table, or make a note on your phone. Just write it down and move on. 

Remove Temptation 

There are things and people that will tempt you away from finishing that project. Lock away those video games, and close the door to your craft room. Tell yourself that laying on the couch and watching a movie is off limits until you make some serious progress. 

If losing weight or eating better is your goal, get rid of the junk food. Get all those tempting cupcakes and cookies out of the house. The rest of your family can live without them for a while. 

Bribe Yourself With Rewards 

Last but not least, let’s not forget about a little positive reinforcement. As you start to make progress, reach milestones and definitely when you get a project finished, make sure you reward yourself. Think of them as little personal bribes. Make your “treat” something you enjoy. For example, if you go clean the gutters, you can spend an hour playing that new video game you picked up.

Or if you’ve been good all week sticking to your diet, go out and buy your favorite tea, or get your nails done. 

The more you practice self-discipline, the easier it gets. Think of it as a muscle. The more you work out, the better you perform and the longer you can run. It works the same with discipline.

The more your hold yourself to the deals you make with yourself, the easier it will be to stick to it and get it done. 

Here’s your assignment for the next few days: 

Pick a project you need to get done. Write down your deal, remove as many temptations as you can and don’t forget to work in a reward at the end as well.

See if you can get done in time (or even sooner). 

I used to be a very shy and insecure person. I didn’t have a lot of self-worth and it showed. Not only that, it hurt me both in my professional and personal life.

People are attracted to those that are confident.

Who would you hire if you had two candidates for a job?

The one that convinces you they can do what you need done, or the one that shyly hides behind their resume and “thinks” they may be qualified. You’d pick the confident one, as would I. That’s why it’s so important to work on confidence. 

I have a simple little hack for you that can turn you from a hesitant and apprehensive person into someone who’s collected, composed and at ease in any situation. Are you ready? Here it is:

Fake it Till You Make It

It's not a joke. It's a life hack that works over and over again. Think about confident people in your life. How do they act?

How do they walk and talk?

Pay attention to the confident people around you and study them. 

Start acting more confident, especially when you're not feeling it. Walk up to a person, shake their hand and look them straight in the eye as you introduce yourself. In other words, start faking it when you’re not feeling particularly confident. 

Watch your confident friends, acquaintances, colleagues, or even your boss and then emulate what they do that makes them seem confident.

Get in the habit of acting confident, even if you don’t feel it. If you catch yourself slouching, casting your eyes down or thinking that you aren’t good enough, stop in your tracks and start acting confident in front of others and yourself. 

Before you know it something interesting happens. You’re doing things you never thought you could, you’re striking up conversations, you’re asking to be put on big projects and things are going well. Each little success will build up your confidence and before you know it you don’t have to fake it anymore. You are becoming a more and more confident person. 

Here’s your assignment for the next few days: 

Act like a confident person at least once per day. It helps to think about your day ahead of time and the types of situations you may find yourself in.

Go over them in your head and visualize how “confident you” would react.

This will help you play your part when the time comes. Over time you’ll be able to do this more spontaneously.

Keep working on it and start acting confident more often. 

No matter how many things we do well, the brain always seems to focus on the one that doesn't, go to plan.

With a little encouragement, however, it's possible to persuade yourself to see a more rounded picture.

Why does the vulgar name somebody once called you, some time ago, to, seem to stick in your brain, far longer than the nice things people say about you?

Why do your teachers always seem to emphasise, on what you can't do, rather than congratulating you for what you've done well?

If you experience this tendency to remember negatives events more readily than positives, you're not the only one. It's a common human trait.

Perhaps some of the following sound familiar?

Your teacher marks a piece of work, and you dwell on the one mistake corrected, rather than the many positive comments.

You argue with a friend.

You find yourself ruminating over their attitude, you then start to look deeper at other imperfections they may have.

But, you then forget the many positive characteristics that usually make them such a decent person.

When asked how your day was, you immediately recall the one negative offhand event, despite everything having gone brilliantly well otherwise.

You vividly remember embarrassing yourself at the swimming pool years ago, and now try to avoid the activity, even though everybody else has undoubtedly forgotten that, unpleasant incident entirely.

What sticks in mind?

Research suggests humans do, unfortunately, remember those unpleasant or negative events more than the positive ones, and recall slurs more clearly than praise.

Overall, people might have had a great experience - such as a fun and relaxing Summer holiday -However, when talking about it, they often recall, only, the one small negative memory, of the trip, initially, because the train was delayed by a few hours.

Annoyingly, it does seem to be that bad things stick in the memory, while the good stuff becomes harder to remember.

Why does this happen?

Psychologists call this a negative cognitive bias, - humans, tend to notice the things that aren't so good.

It's thought to be a result of evolution.

For thousands of years, our ancestors needed to pay close attention to threats and hazards.

Missing clues about nearby wild animals or imminent adverse weather, for example, would have been a matter of life and death, for them

Hence, the brain developed the ability to recall previous signs of danger quickly.

So, it's merely trying to help us to stay safe by keeping in mind, events from the past that proved to be in some way negative.

Is that a good thing or not?

This section is going to take a look at the ten different self-defeating behaviors listed in the introduction. As you saw in the last chapter, there could be other items which are also self-defeating behaviors as well, so don't think by any means what follows is a definitive list.

These are only a few of the most common, looked at in more detail to help train you in what to look for.

How can you tell if something you're doing is self-defeating?

Pay Attention

Self-awareness is truly the first step to understanding self-defeating behaviors. If you feel like you're not achieving in the way you ought to, or think somehow you might be holding back; it's time to stop and think about what's going on.

What are the thoughts which preceded this action? What do you think should have happened instead?

Recognize the Traits Involved

What can get confusing is how sometimes self-defeating behaviors cluster in groups. For example, you might be avoiding risk by procrastinating. Ask yourself, in what ways are you holding back?

Look for the Root Cause

Where behavior is concerned, there is always a reason for every action. Think about this. What's going on here? What are you afraid of?

What do you think will happen?

These questions will come up again and again as you explore each of the self-defeating behaviors. Don't let these things overwhelm you.

This is all part of better understanding yourself as you walk this journey's path.

Procrastination

What does it mean to Procrastinate?

Put simply; procrastination deals with putting something off until later what you should be doing right now. But is procrastination a time management issue, or is there something else going on entirely?

The problem with procrastination is it might be a signal for a deeper issue. For example, if you're worried about a project because you are unsure how to proceed, you might put it off, hoping you'll figure it out later.

Also, if you're afraid something is going to turn out badly, you will likewise put it off.

How Does Procrastination Hold Us Back?

The cost of procrastination can be very high. Missed deadlines hurt reputations both personally and professionally. When we procrastinate, we are seen as not being very reliable, especially if we make a habit of procrastinating.

Also, even if we do get the work done on time, is it going to be our best quality when we're rushing to do it at the last minute?

Because of all these factors, those around us tend to stop counting on us. We are given fewer opportunities. In the workspace, this might mean having less responsibility and a reduced chance of promotion.

How do I Spot When I'm Procrastinating?

Procrastination is pretty easy to spot. Just ask yourself, "What am I putting off?" Also, if you're rushing around at the last minute to get things done, you probably were procrastinating at some point. Habitual procrastination can be spotted through a series of missed deadlines, a habit of being late, and statements from others regarding your untrustworthiness. 

Understanding self-defeating behavior means first understanding yourself. A standard definition of the term "self-defeating" describes it this way:

"Unable to achieve the end it is designed to bring about."

Put in terms which are easier to understand, self-defeating simply means we are keeping ourselves from the goals we are setting. The problem with self-defeating behaviors is they keep us from living our life in the ways we are meant to. At an extreme level, they hold us back ultimately.

Just about anything can be a self-defeating behavior if it keeps you from your goals. We commonly consider things such as procrastination, perfectionism, and other similar traits as being self-defeating without realizing even a preoccupation with a hobby or something so simple as not being able to disconnect from work when you're at home can be just as damaging. It might help to think of a self-defeating behavior as a kind of distraction.

If these behaviors are so bad, why do we do them?

The route to most self-defeating behaviors lies in the past. They come out of our upbringing and from the people who mattered most to us who might not have always modeled the best behavior. The most common reason of all, however, can be found in our fears. Anytime we think we're not good enough, smart enough, or ready to face the change which will come about from realizing our goals, we will subconsciously hold ourselves back.

Let's look at a few of these behaviors in more detail to get a better idea of how they work.

Often in life, we end up being our own worst enemies. Whether we procrastinate too much, engage in negative self-talk, or don't take care of ourselves – we make achieving our goals monumentally difficult.

The world is complicated enough without us making things harder on ourselves. Let's identify our self-defeating behaviors and then overcome them.

You are going to discover a lot about self-defeating behaviors. Of course, we first want to discover what a self-defeating behavior looks like. From there, we will talk about some particular self-defeating behaviors which may seem quite familiar to you.

Things such as:

·       Procrastination

·       Perfectionism

·       People Pleasing

·       Stubbornness

·       Refusing to Ask for Help

·       Negative Self-Talk

·       Avoiding Risk

·       Avoiding Confrontation

·       Unable to Disconnect from Work

·       Refusing to Learn from Mistakes

Quite a list, isn't it?

For each of these, we're going to dig a little deeper to help you understand more about how each of these items holds you back. More importantly, we'll talk about how to defeat these behaviors once and for all.

Ready to stop holding yourself back? Let's get started

Changing your life doesn't have to be a huge gesture. Many people avoid changing their life for the better because they are overwhelmed by what it will take. The reality is, changing your life doesn't need to include some seismic shift.

Focusing and committing to a few small changes can be just as effective over the long term. Here are nine little things that can make a big difference in your life.

1.   Try to Stay Positive

I know, I know - Easier said than done. The keyword is "try," though. While you can't just turn yourself into a positive thinker overnight, merely being aware and trying to think positively as much as possible will help. At the very least, it is a start that could blossom into something bigger.

2.   Get up A Little Earlier

A good night's sleep is essential, but most of us could get up a bit earlier and be fine. Getting up a little earlier gives you more time to get things done. It's also the perfect time to reflect, journal, or bask in quiet contemplation.

3.   Write a Paragraph

No matter what your career is, the ability to communicate via the written word can be helpful. Writing can also be a powerful self-help tool. When you commit to writing a paragraph each day, you sharpen your skills and tap into the therapeutic effects of journaling. Just watch how fast that paragraph turns into pages.

4.   Read a Paragraph

Reading isn't only an excellent past time; it is a great way to learn. When you commit to reading more often, you open yourself up to all sorts of learning opportunities. An easy way to build a reading habit is to start a little bit at a time. A single paragraph today could blossom into a lifelong reading habit.

5.   Do One Thing You Have Been Avoiding

We all have a set of tasks we know we should be doing, but are putting it off for some reason. If you focus on finishing just one of these tasks, you will feel so much better. You will get something done that needs to be taken care of, plus you will be boosting your esteem and self-worth.

6.   Explore Your Neighborhood

How often do you get out and walk around your neighbourhood? If you are like most people, not as often as you should. It might not seem like a big deal, but getting out and about in your neighbourhood can boost your mood and health. On top of that, you might meet some new and exciting people.

7.   Lend a Hand

It doesn't take much effort or time to help another person. Besides boosting the moods of everyone involved, it is an excellent way to feel more personally fulfilled. You never know what you'll learn or where an offer of help will lead either.

8.   Say "No" More Often

It should be easy to say "no"; after all, it's only two letters. Even so, we struggle to say it when we know we should. By simply saying no more often, you will set expectations, free up your time, and keep yourself open for any new opportunities that might pop up out of the blue.

9.   Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

If we all took more time to focus on our own goals and stopped worrying about where others were, we would be better off. It might not be easy at first, but the effort is worth it if you want a happier life.

A lot of the time, it’s all too easy not to be aware of them or to know and understand what you’re feeling. 

However, your thoughts and emotions will come and go throughout the day.

 Are you aware of your feelings, and then suddenly overreacted, over a silly little incident at work or home?

Do you need to have more control over your emotions and how to understand them better?

Here are some suggestions that may help you stay in control.

See your emotions as information.

It’s easy to think of emotions as being positive or negative, but it can be helpful to see them merely as information - whether they be good, bad or indifferent.

A feeling is just your body’s way of telling you that something around you needs your attention.

For example, when you hear a sudden loud noise, you feel scared.

You become more alert so you can investigate what’s happening and take action if necessary.

It can be fascinating to think about emotions this way.

Instead of getting wrapped up in what you are feeling, see if you can ask:

‘What information is my body sending me?

What needs my attention right now?’

Listen to your body

You usually view emotions as being in your head, but almost all of them can be felt somewhere in your body.

Just think about the expression, ‘having a heavy heart’, for when someone is sad, or ‘butterflies in the stomach,” for when a person is nervous.

Practise tuning into your body to see if you can work out where you feel different emotions.

For example, you can see if you notice sensations like tightness, heaviness, lightness, tingling or movement.

See if you do things like clenching your jaw, sighing or fidgeting a lot when you have certain feelings.

This can be tricky at first, because you may not be used to thinking about emotions in this way.

But you might start to realise, for example, that when your shoulders become tight or hunched, it’s a sign that you’re worried.

That means, you are becoming more aware of your emotions.

Give your emotion a name,

Neuroscientists, whose area of study includes the brain and emotions, say that when you can label a feeling - be it happy, sad or angry.

 - it loses some of its charges, and you don’t feel so overwhelmed by it.

The next time you notice you’re reacting to something, try to name your emotion.

Don’t worry about getting the perfect word for what you’re feeling - see if you can label what’s happening.

Watch your emotions

Did you know those emotions only last about 90 seconds?

Just like thoughts, they will eventually fade and go away.

If you can, try watching the emotion - noticing what it feels like, what thoughts pop up in your mind, if there are any impulses to do something, how fast or slow the emotion is, and how it fades away.

Identify any triggers or buttons that send you into a frenzy without any further provocation.

When you start to become more aware of your feelings, you create space for yourself to process them.

You can then respond to situations in better ways (instead of overreacting or doing something you might regret later).

It’s an essential skill that helps in all walks of life.

Body language,

Body language is a basic form of non-verbal communication, consider the following emotions, how does it affect your posture.

For example, if they make you frown – consider how you might react to the following emotions.

1.        Happy

2.        Worried

3.        Restless

4.        Disappointed

5.        Excited

6.        Sad

7.        Jealous

8.        Peaceful

9.        Scared

Did you notice how your posture change with each emotion?

Go on, give it another try.

Compare Excitement with sadness.