Mental Health Training

Many of the best insights I have gained over the years have often been counter-intuitive.

For example, as I have been developing muscular strength with a rigorous weight training program, I have found that I can push more weight and complete more sets when I relax and calm myself mentally before and during each group. The calmness helps me push through the pain.

In this example, the more obvious approach (for me at least) would be to pump myself up with a bunch of deep breaths and yell out loud in aggression before my set. The calm approach is a far more effective and counter-intuitive solution.

In the title of this article, I am suggesting another counter-intuitive method when I say “embrace the anxiety” of problem-solving.

You might be thinking, “why would I ever want to embrace anxiety?

I mean anxiety causes stress and stress cause health problems.”

Here’s the deal:

Have you ever sat down to write an article on a new topic that you were not comfortable with (or maybe an essay in school), read a complicated instructional manual for a new piece of furniture or attempted to learn a new piece of software on your computer that was out of your technical capacity?

If so, do you recall the sensations of frustration and anxiety that swept over you, especially in the earliest phases of the task?

How did you react to the uncomfortable feelings associated with that frustration/anxiety?

If you’re anything like most people, you quickly sought relief by checking Facebook, watching

Youtube, checking email, sending a text, turning the TV on, eating a snack or doing any other “comfort” activity that helped you escape the horrible feeling you had been experiencing.

What you probably did not realize at the time, was that this phase of anxiety is the most natural experience in the world. As your brain is working to solve the problem and perform the work in front of you, this anxious feeling is simply a by-product of the experience.

Instead of running away from the anxiety and the unpleasant feelings that come along with it, I am going to suggest you embrace it instead.

Celebrate the fact that you have given yourself a challenging problem, and your incredible brain is busy working away. Much like the bodybuilder learns to enjoy the physical pain of a brutal weight lifting set, you change your perception of this process from a negative experience to something positive and exciting.

And here’s the best part.

Do you recall any times in your past where you faced a deadline, and you were forced to work through the anxiety because you had no choice?

What likely happened was after a certain period had elapsed, you moved from a frustrating state to a flow state, and the work started pouring out of you. You went from anxiousness to excitement. All because you were patient and persistent enough to allow your brain to work the problem and give you the answers you needed for your situation.

So, the next time you sit down to build that next “whatever’, keep this lesson in mind and refuse to allow yourself to indulge in temporary relief. You are only prolonging the pain anyways. Put that iPhone away and stick with your problem until you get in the zone.

Then you can let go and let your best ideas pour out of you.

I talk to a lot of professionals and salespeople and even entrepreneurs, people starting their own businesses, and they want to learn how can I develop more confidence or even just get myself a bit of faith so that I can be more successful in what I do.

You have to realise what confidence comes from and what confidence means.

Confidence is your ability to take action and feel good about yourself. Feel like whatever it is you're about to endeavour into, that you can do a good job and that you can come out of the other end of it looking good.

Now, this doesn't happen by accident.

When you look at the way confidence appears in our lives, it appears as a result of doing things over and over again and developing a proficiency from it.

Confidence, in and of itself, is not something that you're born with or not born with. It's something that's developed over time through practice and repetition.

When you first learn how to walk, when you were, let's say 12 months old or 13 months old or whatever it may be for you, you were not very confident at walking. You couldn't walk. But you were determined to try.

You stood on the side of the sofa, and you pushed yourself off, and you would fall. You would try it again, and you would lose, and you would do it over and over again.  

Your level of confidence, in the beginning, was tiny. There probably was no confidence. But you were so determined to do it, that you kept going. 

Eventually, you took a step, you followed that with another step, and soon enough you were walking, and now you're an adult, and you can walk from one side to the other of a room or a hallway or whatever, and not even think about the act of walking.

It's just something that comes to you naturally.

If someone were to ask you your level of confidence on a scale of 0 to 10, how confident you are that you could walk across the room, you'd probably say 11. It doesn't even occur to you. You just do it.

The same thing goes for confidence in all areas of life, including your professional life.

Let's say your success right now requires your ability to sell. To sell a product, to sell an idea, to sell a service, sell a training program. I don't know what it is for you.

Well, you might not be confident right now in your ability to communicate the value and close a deal, AKA sell. However, how are you going to get that confidence? 

You weren't born with it. Right now you think about yourself going into a situation where you might have to sell somebody, and you're nervous. How do you get to a point where you're confident in doing it?

Well, you go through the nerves, you go through those comfort zones, you put yourself in situations where you're probably not all that comfortable, you're a little bit nervous, and you do it.

You learn from it, and you make mistakes, and you fall on your face, just like you fell on the ground when you were learning how to walk.

But you do this once, and you get a little bit of feedback, you get a little bit of insight. Maybe your manager was with you on that sales call and saw a couple of things that you could have improved on and gives you that feedback.

Understand this process. Nobody is born with natural confidence at any level of their life.

If you see somebody who's confident right now, it's because they've developed that confidence by repetitive learning and trying and failing and getting the feedback and doing it again—having the courage to continue.

Do you have the courage to continue? I think you do. Continue with what you're doing right now, develop that confidence, and you'll only continue to grow.

I talk to a lot of professionals and salespeople and even entrepreneurs, people starting their own businesses, and they want to learn how can I develop more confidence or even just get myself a bit of faith so that I can be more successful in what I do.

You have to realise what confidence comes from and what confidence means.

Confidence is your ability to take action and feel good about yourself. Feel like whatever it is you're about to endeavour into, that you can do a good job and that you can come out of the other end of it looking good.

Now, this doesn't happen by accident.

When you look at the way confidence appears in our lives, it appears as a result of doing things over and over again and developing a proficiency from it.

Confidence, in and of itself, is not something that you're born with or not born with. It's something that's developed over time through practice and repetition.

When you first learn how to walk, when you were, let's say 12 months old or 13 months old or whatever it may be for you, you were not very confident at walking. You couldn't walk. But you were determined to try.

You stood on the side of the sofa, and you pushed yourself off, and you would fall. You would try it again, and you would lose, and you would do it over and over again.  

Your level of confidence, in the beginning, was tiny. There probably was no confidence. But you were so determined to do it, that you kept going. 

Eventually, you took a step, you followed that with another step, and soon enough you were walking, and now you're an adult, and you can walk from one side to the other of a room or a hallway or whatever, and not even think about the act of walking.

It's just something that comes to you naturally.

If someone were to ask you your level of confidence on a scale of 0 to 10, how confident you are that you could walk across the room, you'd probably say 11. It doesn't even occur to you. You just do it.

The same thing goes for confidence in all areas of life, including your professional life.

Let's say your success right now requires your ability to sell. To sell a product, to sell an idea, to sell a service, sell a training program. I don't know what it is for you.

Well, you might not be confident right now in your ability to communicate the value and close a deal, AKA sell. However, how are you going to get that confidence?

You weren't born with it. Right now you think about yourself going into a situation where you might have to sell somebody, and you're nervous. How do you get to a point where you're confident in doing it?

Well, you go through the nerves, you go through those comfort zones, you put yourself in situations where you're probably not all that comfortable, you're a little bit nervous, and you do it.

You learn from it, and you make mistakes, and you fall on your face, just like you fell on the ground when you were learning how to walk.

But you do this once, and you get a little bit of feedback, you get a little bit of insight. Maybe your manager was with you on that sales call and saw a couple of things that you could have improved on and gives you that feedback.

Do you have the courage to continue? I think you do. Continue with what you're doing right now, develop that confidence, and you'll only continue to grow.

One aspect of achieving success in life that many people never think about or discuss is the idea of social intelligence.

In his book, Mastery, Robert Greene defines social intelligence as “the ability to see people in the most realistic light possible”.

In other words, social intelligence is all about reading other people and figuring out the reasons why they behave the way they do. Think of it as your ability to think from another person’s perspective.

When you have a “run-in” with someone whether it is a heated argument or just a subtle confrontation, do you find yourself getting wrapped up in your own emotions and assuming a position of defensiveness?

Or do you separate yourself from the emotion of the situation and put yourself in the other person’s shoes trying to see the world as they see it?

Most people opt for option #1 not because they want to, but because they are unaware that there is a better, more rewarding option.

As you develop your social intelligence, you will find that you naturally become more persuasive and appealing to people of all kinds of personality types.

Instead of trying to force your ideas and opinions on someone who’s the view of the world doesn’t match yours, you alter your approach to appeal to their nature. It doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own beliefs and adopt theirs; it just means that you choose to suppress your opinion because you know it is a useless battle to enter.

For example, if someone is ranting and raving about a political or cultural issue, and you don’t agree at all, you let them sound off and hold your opinion to yourself. You can let them blow off some steam and reply with something like, “I can see why that would be frustrating.”

Again, you don’t have to agree with them and compromise your own beliefs, but you also are not required to share your opinion.

Something compelling happens when you choose this approach. You get to study and examine how this person thinks, what makes them tick, what makes them get emotional. You can use all of these triggers as ammo when you are dealing with them in the future.

Knowing this information, you can customize your approach when you deal with them in the future. If you need a favour or if you have to do a project with this person, you will be in a much stronger position to persuade them and speak/behave in ways that will win them over.

So the next time you come across someone who rubs you the wrong way or has a problematic personality, use it as an opportunity to enhance your social intelligence, and you will gain more personal power than you had before.

This power will only continue to grow the more you use it!

Many people go to college to do what they believe they have wanted to do all their lives.

The first several years are rewarding, and then they start to realize this is something they are going to do until they retire.

They are quickly disillusioned, and they get into a rut.

Many people continue doing what they do out of fear; there is nothing else, or they are getting a steady paycheck.

The lucky few, however, break away and find their true passion in life.

While starting up a new career may be exciting, it is not necessary to do so to do something you love.

You can start up a hobby in your spare time, or you can volunteer in your area of interest.

Many companies are encouraging their employees to take on more volunteer opportunities.

Even if the company’s motives are not altruistic, volunteering can open doors for employees.

They can learn new skills or discover ones they were not aware they possessed.

You may decide to escape the rat race and start up your venture. This will help transform your life in ways that you never imagined.

Choosing a business, you are passionate about gives you a purpose you may not have gained by staying in your current situation.

This is not to say that starting and running a business is easy. It takes a lot of work and quite a bit of discipline. You become your boss and have no one to answer to but yourself.

While many view this as a good situation to have, it is a double-edged sword. It would help if you had a good plan in place to help guide you towards success.

A significant benefit of having your own business is you are free to make as much money as you want.

Assuming you find the right formula for making money, the sky is the limit. You don’t have to beg stingy corporations to try and get a morsel out of them.

More people are discovering that having their own business is the only way to go. They love the challenge and find the work fulfilling, all things being equal.

The Internet serves as a great provider of advice and resources to help these businesses succeed.

Not everyone is suited to being an entrepreneur.

But for those who are, they are in it for the long haul with no intention of ever looking back.

You are different from everyone else. Celebrate that. You offer a unique perspective in this game called life. We should all be thanking you. If you are constantly comparing yourself, it means you aren’t happy with who you are. Why is that?

People are brought up to conform to society. If you don’t fit within society’s norms, you are looked upon disapprovingly. However, most people aren’t ordinary in the most real sense of the word. Everyone has quirks and idiosyncrasies. It’s these differences that allow us to find solutions to problems. It also keeps us from getting bored. Imagine if everyone were indeed the same. There would be nothing new to discover about one another.

There are some reasons to conform to. For instance, you need to follow the rules and laws of your country and community. Otherwise, you will suffer consequences for not doing so. Also, you want to treat others with respect so that they will hopefully return that respect. However, if you try to act in ways in which others believe you should, you aren’t going to live your life to the fullest.

That’s why you should get out of the habit of comparing yourself to others. When you do this, you are likely setting unrealistic expectations and will lead you to be disappointed. Comparing yourself to others will result in you resenting those people. They have their reasons for being the way they are, and it has nothing to do with you.

There are qualities you admire in others. There is nothing wrong with trying to adopt some of those admirable qualities for yourself. However, it shouldn’t get to the point where you are trying to redefine who you are to be like those people you admire. You aren’t them, and you never will be.

You have but a short time on this planet. If you spend most of that time trying to be like someone else, you are in for a rough ride. If you stick to who you are and find others willing to accept you for that, you are going to be more satisfied for most of that time you live.

Others will be happier with the real you as well. You won’t be a pretender. People see right through that kind of behaviour. Just think about others who are not true to themselves. How long does it take you to see through that mask?

Creating a Better Mood

Is it possible to create a better mood for yourself?

Can you do it for others?

If it is possible, why isn’t everyone always happy?

It seems being happy is preferable to being in a bad mood.

Studies have shown it is possible to improve your mood. It can be as simple as thinking you’re in a good mood. If you believe it, your attitude will change. Even when you aren’t in a good mood, the simple act of smiling can perk you up.

One reason why people don’t improve their mood more often is that they don’t know they can.

From early childhood, we understand that we have different feelings. Sometimes we will be in a good mood and other times we won’t. Parents and teachers told us it’s just the way it is.

If you want to better your mood, start hanging out with upbeat people. There’s nothing like a sourpuss to bring down a group.

These cranky people seem to go out of their way to make sure everyone is miserable.

By avoiding these people, you have less chance of being in a bad mood at the start.

Next, create an environment for yourself that lifts your spirits. If a specific type of music gets you pumped, play that music more often.

Some people like to burn incense as they feel it can positively alter their moods.

You should reflect on your life and be grateful for what you have. You have a lot to be thankful for if you’re in good health. If your family is in good health, you should also be grateful.

Your mood will naturally increase towards the positive when you appreciate such things.

Try not to worry about the mundane issues in your life. They are going to happen whether you worry or not. Just take care of them so that they aren’t hanging over your head.

Don’t let things build to the point that they become a significant matter.

It may seem obvious, but do more things that make you happy and less that don’t. It’s not always possible to avoid adverse situations, but you do have control over most of the activities in your life.

Sometimes, all that is needed is to change up your routine. If you are doing the same activities day in and day out, this can make anyone feel in a bad mood.

Try stepping up your game and do something out of the ordinary. In fact, make it a point to do this once every month. 

Better Listening Through Questions

Did you ever notice that people don’t like to ask questions?

It’s understandable when those questions are personal. You don’t want to offend anyone.

But, most people willingly give answers to questions asked of them. So why are we so afraid to ask?

When you ask questions, you have the tools you need to be a better listener. It’s indirect and subtle, but it works. When you ask questions, you listen for the answer. You aren’t spending your energy trying to think of what to say after the other person is finished speaking.

Before you fire up your question engine, be sure to keep a few tips in mind. The first is to be relevant.

If you are all over the place on your topics, the other person is going to suggest you switch to decaf, because you are too wound up. Keep your questions relevant to the topic of discussion. You can transition into other issues, but try to keep them related.

Another tip is, don’t try to ask questions to trick someone into an answer or try to show how smart you are compared to him or her.

The idea is to connect with people by listening to their stories. A better approach is to ask questions that you know they will be able to answer.

Sometimes, you may already know the answer. But it’s the process you are after as well as the answers.

It’s okay to ask questions that relate to you somehow, but try to keep the focus on the other person.

People love to talk about themselves, and when they find people who are good listeners, they will open up to you.

Right questions can also steer the conversation. This can be an asset when you converse with someone who is overly chatty.

If they are going on and on about a topic, use questions to reel them in. It’s a focused approach that gives you control while moving the conversation forward.

If you aren’t one who typically uses questions, it can take a bit of practice to learn what to ask.

But, you have plenty of opportunity for that practice in your day to day interactions with people. If you commute via public transportation, for instance, try to strike up a conversation with someone next to you.

This isn’t as easy as it used to be with people self-absorbed with their smart devices. But, if you try, you will find many people are responsive.

Helping Others Overcome Grief

If you have ever gone through the grieving process, you would think that when you do it again, you will handle it better the next time around.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. You will feel just as bad each subsequent time. It’s a necessary process in life, however. Where experiencing it in the past can come in handy, is helping others who are going through the grieving process.

If you are faced with trying to help someone who is grieving, make sure that you are not trying to force your experience on them.

People suffer in different ways. What worked for you will not work for everyone. Try to hone in on how the person you are trying to help is dealing with the situation and go from there.

The most crucial aspect of helping is to be there for the person. This is especially true after the dust settles and there is no one left but the grieving person.

Shortly after death, there are ceremonies and gatherings. These are good for the people grieving and helps to get their mind off of the situation. But, eventually, the crowds die down, and a feeling of loneliness can overtake those who are grieving.

By sticking around for a bit longer, you can take away those lonely feelings, at least temporarily.

Sometimes staying silent and just listening can be the best advice when helping others to grieve.

They are trying to come to grips with what is going on, and the last thing they want to hear is, “it’ll get better,” or something along those lines. Just let them do most of the talking.

Be ready to help when they ask for it. Offer to run errands for them if that is what is needed. People who are grieving don’t think much about eating, so make sure that they get food and watch them eat.

At first, they don’t believe they are hungry, but once they start eating, they find that they are much hungrier than they realised.

Try to keep alcohol use down to a minimum, if at all. It’s easy for people who are grieving to use their situation as an excuse to go overboard with alcohol.

This can turn into a long term problem if it is not kept in check. When the crowds are there for the ceremonies and gatherings, there will likely be alcohol served.

It’s okay for the people grieving to have some as long as it is moderate.

10 Habits That Promote Emotional Wellness

Guard your self-esteem. Learning to feel confident and comfortable with yourself is an important habit for protecting your emotional wellness and safeguarding Honour well-being.

Improve your attitude. Your outlook is one part of your emotional health that you can control each day. When negative things happen or you start to feel negative emotions creeping in, turn those into positive thoughts. This will help you become more resilient, too.

Be realistic. When you keep your expectations for yourself as well as other people more realistic, you are more likely to be happier, enjoy better outcomes, and learn more from your experiences. Unrealistic expectations set you up for failure and lower your self-esteem.

Lower your stress level. Stress makes it difficult to manage your emotions well, and the hormones that are released when you are under stress can harm your health. Find enjoyable activities that help you cope with your stress and, where possible, eliminate sources of stress from your life.

Get enough quality sleep. Sleep is crucial for your physical as well as your mental health, and when you do not get enough, your emotional well-being will suffer.

Cultivate strong connections to others. Having strong and healthy relationships can improve your emotional and physical health. Having a wide circle of friends and people you can rely on will keep you healthier and happier throughout your life.

Do not stew. When bad things happen in your life, it is essential to process those emotions and then move on from them. Brooding over things that have already happened affects your mood and motivation.

Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential for your emotional health. This includes eating a healthy diet, engaging in activities you enjoy, taking a break when you need it, checking in with yourself regularly to make sure your needs are met, and finding work and leisure activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.

Honour your boundaries. When you have strong emotional health, you know when to set boundaries that honour your wellness as well as how to keep others from disregarding those boundaries.

Value personal development. Emotionally influential people understand the value of personal growth and development. They seek advice from others, search for new opportunities to learn, and focus on ways to better themselves and their lives.