This episode felt special to me.

I sat down with Harvi — a soon-to-be high school graduate heading into psychology — for a conversation about growing up as children of immigrants, and honestly… it became so much bigger than I expected.

We talked about the invisible weight so many of us carry: the love, sacrifice, and survival behind our parents’ journeys, alongside the pressure to achieve, be grateful, stay “good,” and keep everything together.

And while preparing for this episode, I realized I didn’t want this to feel like a typical interview.

I kept thinking… what if Harvi and I approached this like we were writing a guidebook together? Not one with perfect answers, but one that tries to make sense of the complicated space between immigrant parents and their children.

And somewhere in the middle of preparing for this EP, the title became clear (LOL)
We Turned Out Fine… But Also, Did We?
A guide for immigrant parents, their children, and everything we’re still figuring out in between.

Throughout this conversation, we unpack:
-what our parents carried through migration, survival, and intergenerational trauma
-how pressure can sometimes be disguised as protection
-the “good daughter” role, how our mothers pass what they know down through their day to day,  and how it shapes identity
-the myth of balance and why busyness often replaces peace
-mental health stigma in South Asian and immigrant communities
-achievement-based self-worth, perfectionism, and emotional suppression
-what it means to unlearn survival patterns that were once praised
and the complicated space between empathizing with our parents while still being honest about the impact certain things had on us


What I loved most about this conversation is that it never became a blame game. It became about curiosity. About trying to understand what shaped our parents… while also being honest about what shaped us.
Harvi brought so much wisdom, honesty, and gentleness into this conversation, especially as someone still living these experiences in real time. Huge shout out to this young, wise soul!
So whether you’re a parent trying to do better, a child of immigrants trying to understand yourself, or someone somewhere in the middle of both — I hope this episode makes you feel seen.
And maybe even gives you language for things you’ve felt for a really long time.

Instagram: harvi.gilll

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If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

This episode is dedicated to our bodies.
The Brown ones. The bloated ones. The strong ones. The “why is my head filled with negativity about my body" ones.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we  were taught to fix our bodies  before fully living in them. How little we learned to trust our gut, to understand the connection between mind and body. And how hard it is now to tune in.

This week on Middle Fingers Up, I sit down with Andrea: a South Asian mental health professional and content creator based in Australia --to talk about body image, fitness culture, the flat belly myth, BMI, hormones, and the exhausting experience of trying to achieve a beauty standard many of us were literally never built for.

We talk about:

-striving for a whiter ideal(even when we think we aren't. )
-why generic health advice often fails Brown women
-and how our  body becomes something we monitor instead of something we build a relationship with. 

One of the biggest takeaways?

We may not be able to stop people from commenting on women’s bodies. Those aunties, guys and society...But we can stop turning those comments into our identity.

Also: maybe the goal isn’t a flat stomach.
Maybe the goal is finally taking up space without apologizing for it. The tummy is the new black.

Listen now if you’ve ever:
avoided the photo,
changed your outfit 14 times,
or believed your worth increased every time your body got smaller.

Middle Fingers Up to all of it.

Instagram: andreasamtani

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode, I sit down with  psychologist and writer Patty for a powerful conversation about the inner worlds of children of immigrants and how childhood conditioning continues to shape adult identity, relationships, and wellbeing.

Patty brings both clinical expertise and lived experience as an Indian psychologist, a mother raising two biracial daughters, and someone navigating life and partnership across race and culture. Together, we  explore how obedience, guilt, silence, and sacrifice are often normalized in immigrant households and how those patterns quietly follow people into adulthood.

This episode examines why so many children of immigrants grow up lacking language for their emotional experiences, how unprocessed conflict and missing repair shape anxiety and shame, and why saying “I turned out fine” often masks deeper burnout, disconnection, or physical symptoms. Rather than staying stuck in the past, the focus is on what healing can look like now and how doing this work impacts future generations.

From parenting differently, to redefining responsibility and gratitude, to understanding how the body holds stress and trauma, this conversation invites listeners to get curious, question inherited narratives, and reclaim authorship over their own lives.

If you grew up between cultures and have ever wondered “Where is this coming from?” or “Who am I outside of who I was taught to be?”, this episode offers language, validation, and a place to begin.

Instagram: pjtemple7

Website: pjtemple.com

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Wedding season is meant to be joyful, full of love, music, and celebration.
However in this EP, we are naming what happens when you’re walking into those spaces carrying something else.

A welcome back to guest to Mohini, who is here to share her experiences with  the in-between moments—the ones we don’t always name. The reality that you can be genuinely happy for someone you love… and still be grieving, questioning, or processing something in your own life at the same time.
We get into what that actually looks like in real time, how unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear, they show up in the way we move, react, and cope. We also talk about the subtle (and not so subtle) ways divorced South Asian women are labeled in these spaces—and how that shapes the experience of being there.
This isn’t about taking away from the celebration.
It’s about giving ourselves permission to be honest about what we’re carrying while we’re in it.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to be “fine” in a room where you weren’t… this one is for you. And if you know someone that maybe isn't as 'fine' as they say to be- check in on them. Like one of those "but how are you really doing" kind of check ins. Wedding season can be tough, divorce stigma is a real thing, and we all can bring a little extra compassion with us. 
You don’t have to be over it to show up. You just have to be honest about where you are.

Instagram:  iammohinigima

CTA - This conversation doesn’t end here.
If something landed for you, reach out to Mohini via IG—she’s open to hearing your story and continuing the dialogue.

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Featured in The New Yorker and The Guardian, Sarah is a Nigerian child of immigrants, raised in the UK and now based in Canada, whose work as a cartoonist captures the quiet, in-between moments we don’t always have the language for.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a room thinking, “why doesn’t this feel right anymore?”… this conversation will hit.

We talk about what it means to make sense of ourselves in a world that once taught us to suppress more than we expressed. From the question of “Do I belong, or am I just fitting in?” to navigating identity as children of immigrants, this conversation moves through the layers of growth, culture, and the subtle shifts that shape how we show up in our relationships.

Sarah shares how her art has become a mirror—especially for women of color—reflecting back the feelings so many of us carry but struggle to name. And I can say, she did exactly that for me.

This is for the woman who feels in-between... and is learning to trust what she feels, even when she can’t fully explain it yet.

Instagram: sarah_akinterinwa

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode, I sit down with artist, mother, and fellow Randhawa, Harleen, to explore what happens when we stop performing the lives expected of us and start expressing our truth.

Having immigrated to Canada as a baby, Harleen grew up in the in-between, navigating identity as a child of Indian immigrants while learning who she needed to be to belong. She shares her journey through body image struggles, fat shaming, and the pressure to be the “good girl, a version of herself shaped by family, culture, and the quiet weight of societal expectations.

From writing a letter to God at 12 asking why she didn’t look “right,” to navigating grief after the loss of her mother, to leaving corporate work life  to pursue her art. This conversation is about unlearning. Unlearning the belief that our bodies are the problem. Unlearning the idea that being “good” matters more than being whole.

We talk about how beauty standards are constructed and reinforced, why fatness is so often villainized, and how language, family dynamics, and systems like patriarchy and white supremacy quietly shape what women believe they’re allowed to be.

We also explore what it means to mother yourself while raising daughters, to break cycles in real time, and to create a life where  'we' and the next generation don’t feel like we  have to disappear to be loved.

At its core, this is a conversation about honoring your younger self, questioning the rules you were handed, and choosing joy, expression, and authenticity.


 

Join the conversation:
What’s one thing you’re ready to stop performing?

Follow Harleen’s work:

Instagram: harleen.illustrates

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

A song comes on… and I’m not here anymore. I’m  in a neural time machine and 15 again. And I don’t just remember it—I feel it.

In this episode, I sit down with Nikki—a therapist with a Master’s in Arts and Counselling, and who I like to refer to as the voice behind The Mental Health Stylist. She blends fashion, music, and therapeutic insight in a way that makes nostalgia feel… deeper.

We talk about neural nostalgia—why music hits our body before our mind can catch up, and why the same songs can feel comforting… and heavier at the same time.

Nikki also shares her story—from growing up in a small Alberta town to building a life and practice in BC—and the identity shifts that shaped her along the way.

We get into:

how identity lives in the body, not just our thoughts
what women are really working through when it comes to identity and unlearning
why we were taught to disconnect from our bodies
what it means to outgrow versions of ourselves—but still feel attached to them

And we don’t avoid the harder conversations—like what it means for white people, especially therapists, to show up with awareness, accountability, and a willingness to be uncomfortable.

It’s reflective, honest, and one of those conversations that might make you pause the next time a song takes you back.

If that’s ever happened to you—this one’s for you.

What song takes you back in a neural time machine?

Instagram: nikkiroy.collection

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

We say it all the time: “I’m just here for the music.”
But… are we?

In this episode, I sit down with Ali from @itsrealitywithali  to unpack something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately — how pop culture stopped being “just entertainment” and became a reflection of power, politics, and the systems shaping our everyday lives.

This conversation actually started in my own home. My kids have been asking questions like, “What’s this celebrity’s controversy?” — and it made me realize how different things are from how we grew up.

Now I find myself asking:
Am I helping improve things… or just participating without thinking about it?
Ali and I talk about what it really means to engage with the content we love — and how hard it can be to admit that “just entertainment” might not exist in the way we think it does. We get into the tension of separating the art from the artist, what it means to financially and socially support celebrities, and how influence, platforms, and power are all deeply connected.

We also explore how identity and privilege shape that experience — why some people can disconnect more easily, while others are already navigating what it means to not be centered in those spaces.

This isn’t about getting it perfect.
It’s about asking:
What am I engaging with?                      What am I supporting?
And am I willing to look at it through a more critical lens?

Instagram: itsrealitywithali (you can find Ali on Tik Tok and YouTube)

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

This episode is about shifting the way we think about our bodies — even as our day-to-day bumps up against old rules, comparisons, and messages (or should we say misogynies) we’ve inherited. 

We are here to challenge  the pressure to look a certain way, diet culture, celebrity trends, or "finishing the plate". It’s about noticing what our bodies are actually carrying and listening without shame.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “How did my body get here?” Life happens: stress, grief, motherhood, getting older, carrying more than you used to. And yet the advice so many women hear is the same: eat less, move more.

In this MFU gup shup, I sit down with returning guest Shuraya to talk about what our bodies really carry. Shuraya shares how losing her father showed up physically — from unexpected weight changes to a hypertension diagnosis — and how therapy helped her finally listen to her body and respond with care instead of guilt.

We also discuss the ACEs tool (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and why early life stress and trauma can show up physically years later, shaping health in ways we rarely talk about.

At the heart of this episode is one simple, radical idea: sometimes the better question isn’t what’s wrong with my body?

Maybe the real question is: what has my body been carrying?

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Safe space. You’ve heard the term everywhere lately — but what does it actually mean? Who is responsible for the 'safety' part of the space?

In this gup shup, we sit with a phrase that shows up everywhere lately: safe space.

From social media to wellness circles to community conversations, the language is everywhere — but the experience doesn’t always match the label.

Looking at the roots of safe spaces in Black civil rights organizing, feminist consciousness-raising groups, and queer and trans communities, alongside trauma-informed practice and psychological safety research, we explore what it really means to hold space for one another.

Historically, these spaces weren’t created to remove discomfort. They were created so people could speak honestly, question power, and sit with difficult truths without fear of punishment or harm.

Because at the end of the day, safety comes before connection.

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.