Middle Fingers Up

In this episode, I sit down with  psychologist and writer Patty for a powerful conversation about the inner worlds of children of immigrants and how childhood conditioning continues to shape adult identity, relationships, and wellbeing.

Patty brings both clinical expertise and lived experience as an Indian psychologist, a mother raising two biracial daughters, and someone navigating life and partnership across race and culture. Together, we  explore how obedience, guilt, silence, and sacrifice are often normalized in immigrant households and how those patterns quietly follow people into adulthood.

This episode examines why so many children of immigrants grow up lacking language for their emotional experiences, how unprocessed conflict and missing repair shape anxiety and shame, and why saying “I turned out fine” often masks deeper burnout, disconnection, or physical symptoms. Rather than staying stuck in the past, the focus is on what healing can look like now and how doing this work impacts future generations.

From parenting differently, to redefining responsibility and gratitude, to understanding how the body holds stress and trauma, this conversation invites listeners to get curious, question inherited narratives, and reclaim authorship over their own lives.

If you grew up between cultures and have ever wondered “Where is this coming from?” or “Who am I outside of who I was taught to be?”, this episode offers language, validation, and a place to begin.

Instagram: pjtemple7

Website: pjtemple.com

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Wedding season is meant to be joyful, full of love, music, and celebration.
However in this EP, we are naming what happens when you’re walking into those spaces carrying something else.

A welcome back to guest to Mohini, who is here to share her experiences with  the in-between moments—the ones we don’t always name. The reality that you can be genuinely happy for someone you love… and still be grieving, questioning, or processing something in your own life at the same time.
We get into what that actually looks like in real time, how unprocessed emotions don’t just disappear, they show up in the way we move, react, and cope. We also talk about the subtle (and not so subtle) ways divorced South Asian women are labeled in these spaces—and how that shapes the experience of being there.
This isn’t about taking away from the celebration.
It’s about giving ourselves permission to be honest about what we’re carrying while we’re in it.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to be “fine” in a room where you weren’t… this one is for you. And if you know someone that maybe isn't as 'fine' as they say to be- check in on them. Like one of those "but how are you really doing" kind of check ins. Wedding season can be tough, divorce stigma is a real thing, and we all can bring a little extra compassion with us. 
You don’t have to be over it to show up. You just have to be honest about where you are.

Instagram:  iammohinigima

CTA - This conversation doesn’t end here.
If something landed for you, reach out to Mohini via IG—she’s open to hearing your story and continuing the dialogue.

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Featured in The New Yorker and The Guardian, Sarah is a Nigerian child of immigrants, raised in the UK and now based in Canada, whose work as a cartoonist captures the quiet, in-between moments we don’t always have the language for.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a room thinking, “why doesn’t this feel right anymore?”… this conversation will hit.

We talk about what it means to make sense of ourselves in a world that once taught us to suppress more than we expressed. From the question of “Do I belong, or am I just fitting in?” to navigating identity as children of immigrants, this conversation moves through the layers of growth, culture, and the subtle shifts that shape how we show up in our relationships.

Sarah shares how her art has become a mirror—especially for women of color—reflecting back the feelings so many of us carry but struggle to name. And I can say, she did exactly that for me.

This is for the woman who feels in-between... and is learning to trust what she feels, even when she can’t fully explain it yet.

Instagram: sarah_akinterinwa

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode, I sit down with artist, mother, and fellow Randhawa, Harleen, to explore what happens when we stop performing the lives expected of us and start expressing our truth.

Having immigrated to Canada as a baby, Harleen grew up in the in-between, navigating identity as a child of Indian immigrants while learning who she needed to be to belong. She shares her journey through body image struggles, fat shaming, and the pressure to be the “good girl, a version of herself shaped by family, culture, and the quiet weight of societal expectations.

From writing a letter to God at 12 asking why she didn’t look “right,” to navigating grief after the loss of her mother, to leaving corporate work life  to pursue her art. This conversation is about unlearning. Unlearning the belief that our bodies are the problem. Unlearning the idea that being “good” matters more than being whole.

We talk about how beauty standards are constructed and reinforced, why fatness is so often villainized, and how language, family dynamics, and systems like patriarchy and white supremacy quietly shape what women believe they’re allowed to be.

We also explore what it means to mother yourself while raising daughters, to break cycles in real time, and to create a life where  'we' and the next generation don’t feel like we  have to disappear to be loved.

At its core, this is a conversation about honoring your younger self, questioning the rules you were handed, and choosing joy, expression, and authenticity.


 

Join the conversation:
What’s one thing you’re ready to stop performing?

Follow Harleen’s work:

Instagram: harleen.illustrates

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

A song comes on… and I’m not here anymore. I’m  in a neural time machine and 15 again. And I don’t just remember it—I feel it.

In this episode, I sit down with Nikki—a therapist with a Master’s in Arts and Counselling, and who I like to refer to as the voice behind The Mental Health Stylist. She blends fashion, music, and therapeutic insight in a way that makes nostalgia feel… deeper.

We talk about neural nostalgia—why music hits our body before our mind can catch up, and why the same songs can feel comforting… and heavier at the same time.

Nikki also shares her story—from growing up in a small Alberta town to building a life and practice in BC—and the identity shifts that shaped her along the way.

We get into:

how identity lives in the body, not just our thoughts
what women are really working through when it comes to identity and unlearning
why we were taught to disconnect from our bodies
what it means to outgrow versions of ourselves—but still feel attached to them

And we don’t avoid the harder conversations—like what it means for white people, especially therapists, to show up with awareness, accountability, and a willingness to be uncomfortable.

It’s reflective, honest, and one of those conversations that might make you pause the next time a song takes you back.

If that’s ever happened to you—this one’s for you.

What song takes you back in a neural time machine?

Instagram: nikkiroy.collection

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

We say it all the time: “I’m just here for the music.”
But… are we?

In this episode, I sit down with Ali from @itsrealitywithali  to unpack something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately — how pop culture stopped being “just entertainment” and became a reflection of power, politics, and the systems shaping our everyday lives.

This conversation actually started in my own home. My kids have been asking questions like, “What’s this celebrity’s controversy?” — and it made me realize how different things are from how we grew up.

Now I find myself asking:
Am I helping improve things… or just participating without thinking about it?
Ali and I talk about what it really means to engage with the content we love — and how hard it can be to admit that “just entertainment” might not exist in the way we think it does. We get into the tension of separating the art from the artist, what it means to financially and socially support celebrities, and how influence, platforms, and power are all deeply connected.

We also explore how identity and privilege shape that experience — why some people can disconnect more easily, while others are already navigating what it means to not be centered in those spaces.

This isn’t about getting it perfect.
It’s about asking:
What am I engaging with?                      What am I supporting?
And am I willing to look at it through a more critical lens?

Instagram: itsrealitywithali (you can find Ali on Tik Tok and YouTube)

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

This episode is about shifting the way we think about our bodies — even as our day-to-day bumps up against old rules, comparisons, and messages (or should we say misogynies) we’ve inherited. 

We are here to challenge  the pressure to look a certain way, diet culture, celebrity trends, or "finishing the plate". It’s about noticing what our bodies are actually carrying and listening without shame.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “How did my body get here?” Life happens: stress, grief, motherhood, getting older, carrying more than you used to. And yet the advice so many women hear is the same: eat less, move more.

In this MFU gup shup, I sit down with returning guest Shuraya to talk about what our bodies really carry. Shuraya shares how losing her father showed up physically — from unexpected weight changes to a hypertension diagnosis — and how therapy helped her finally listen to her body and respond with care instead of guilt.

We also discuss the ACEs tool (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and why early life stress and trauma can show up physically years later, shaping health in ways we rarely talk about.

At the heart of this episode is one simple, radical idea: sometimes the better question isn’t what’s wrong with my body?

Maybe the real question is: what has my body been carrying?

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

Safe space. You’ve heard the term everywhere lately — but what does it actually mean? Who is responsible for the 'safety' part of the space?

In this gup shup, we sit with a phrase that shows up everywhere lately: safe space.

From social media to wellness circles to community conversations, the language is everywhere — but the experience doesn’t always match the label.

Looking at the roots of safe spaces in Black civil rights organizing, feminist consciousness-raising groups, and queer and trans communities, alongside trauma-informed practice and psychological safety research, we explore what it really means to hold space for one another.

Historically, these spaces weren’t created to remove discomfort. They were created so people could speak honestly, question power, and sit with difficult truths without fear of punishment or harm.

Because at the end of the day, safety comes before connection.

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode of Middle Fingers Up, we sit down with Rama Swamy, a pelvic floor practitioner and physiotherapist who immigrated from India, for a necessary and overdue conversation about women’s health — the parts we were never taught to understand, name, or advocate for.

Drawing from her lived experience with pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery, Rama shares how cultural taboos, education gaps, and the normalization of women’s pain led her to specialize in pelvic health. Together, we unpack how silence — at home, in culture, in schools, and in healthcare systems — teaches women to endure rather than investigate what’s happening in their bodies.

From the isolating period stories many South Asian women grew up with, to the ongoing fear around teaching children about bodies, hormones, and autonomy, this conversation challenges the idea that symptoms like chronic stress, mood swings, poor sleep, pain, or recurring infections are “just normal.”

A key part of this episode focuses on teaching body literacy early — long before puberty or “the talk.” We explore how everyday moments, starting as young as diaper changes, can lay the foundation for consent, confidence, and body awareness, and how early education helps reduce shame, stigma, and delayed care later in life.

This episode reframes women’s health as head-to-toe and deeply interconnected — where hormones affect sleep, mood, brain function, stress, and pelvic health — and why ignoring early signs doesn’t make them disappear, it simply pushes them further into the body.

 CTA:
If you grew up in the dark about your body — or you’re trying to raise children with more honesty, language, and confidence than you were given — this episode is for you. Listen, share it with someone who needs it, and help us break the cycle of silence around women’s health, one conversation at a time.

Instagram: _rama.swami_

www.lakeviewphysio.ca

www.healwithgrit.com

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.

In this episode of Middle Fingers Up, I’m in conversation with Farida D, author of The Shit That Made Me a Feminist — a body of work that names the lived realities many women are taught to swallow quietly.

Out of respect for her safety, this episode is audio-only.  Farida’s work — which centers women of color, power, rage, and structural inequality — does not allow her the privilege of visibility without risk. And yet, she has chosen not to stop. She continues to speak, write, and show up for women, even when doing so requires navigating the cost of being seen.

This conversation moves through the “shit” that made feminism unavoidable — the moments where being grateful was expected instead of being honest, where motherhood shocked the system, where rage became information, and where the bar for men ended exactly where it began for women.

We talk about:

Why we are all born feminist, long before we have language for it

How boys are given credit before they’re even born

Why we do not choose our privileges or our oppressions

The difference between having access to education but not access to safety

Why this work is about structures, not individual people

And why naming what’s happening is the first step to understanding it

This episode is a reminder to trust your rage, "to feel the fire already inside you"

There is space for all of us — but not without truth.

IG: @farida.d.author

🎧 Audio-only episode

Support the show

If you like what you hear please click on "subscribe" or "follow" -  It's free and you will get notified when the newest episodes are posted!  Check us out on Instagram, X, and YouTube @mfupodcast. Give feedback, middle finger recommendations as well as random thoughts to [email protected]. Thank you for listening!

In the spirit of reconciliation, we acknowledge that we live, work and play on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot Confederacy (Siksika, Kainai, Piikani), the Tsuut’ina, the Îyâxe Nakoda Nations, the Métis Nation (Region 3), and all people who make their homes in the Treaty 7 region of Southern Alberta.