Midlife Repurposed

In this issue:

Are you working 9 to 5 and not feeling fulfilled in the work you do? Do you long for more than just a paycheck? What if you could start over and pursue what you really want to do? Discover how pursuing a new dream doesn't have to equal becoming a starving artist.

 

 

Podcast

Inspired Life: Career Change

When I was in high school, I wasn't sure what I wanted to pursue in college. I shadowed my mom at her job as a nurse and thought maybe that was the thing for me too. A guidance counselor confirmed that this would be a good choice for me in a market that was full of incentives for people coming out of college in that field.

I had thought about something more creative, as I loved arts and crafts, music, writing, reading, and all sorts of artistic pursuits. But I was good at science too, so I went for the career that pays the bills.

Imagine if you had this conversation with a 3-year-old:

Adult: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Child: "An artist who paints clouds."

Adult: "You won't be able to buy insurance or a house with that job. You will live with your parents and eat macaroni and cheese forever."

Child: "This is perfect."

Adult: "You'll need to do something responsible."

Child: "What's a-spon-sible?"

We would not have this sort of conversation with a child. We nurture the dream and entertain the idea that anything is possible. So why do we kill our own dreams and talk ourselves into doing something responsible. Why do we give up on the idea that we could be both responsible AND have fulfilling work?

Can you relate? Have you made a smart career choice, but you have long passed the point of expecting to be fulfilled in that work? A paycheck isn't always enough to make us want to get up and go to work every day. What if you could love your job AND get paid for it?

I'm 50 years old. My career is just taking off! It isn't too late to discover how to do what you always wanted to do.

 

 

Life, Repurposed: New Purpose 

Stepping into a new career has been hard work. Anything that is worthwhile is work!

It was a leap to trust God to be able to provide for us financially if I left the stability of a job that pays the bills. When I chose to leave my career as a registered nurse to stay home with our children, we said goodbye to 2/3 of our income. Gulp.

I had a little time where I received maternity leave paychecks, which provided the illusion that all would be well. But then those ended. And there we were in the scary place of uncertainty.

Many years later, I would be back in that place again. I worked various self-employment, including teaching piano lessons, until I went to work at a 9-5 job at an agency when our boys were in college. Two years ago, I left my stable, full-time job to be a full-time freelancer. That just means I have to find my own customers and clients and my income is dependent on having enough projects every month.

Guess what? It works! It can work for you too.

I want to see others pursue a new purpose if they want to. Here's some self talk for you to practice: "I can do it."

 

Recommended Resources 

In the podcast, I read some excerpts from this book:

In this issue:

Cancer came unexpectedly and Joanie put life on hold, paused her career as a nurse, and in days was headed for surgery. In the aftermath of chemo and cancer, Joanie is a survivor. She now supports others going through the journey, and has published a book, In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer to encourage women and equip them with Scripture, hope and resources.

 

 

Podcast

Inspired Life: Unexpected Health Crisis

Joanie Shawhan was working as a registered nurse when she discovered a lump in her abdomen. She'd worked as an oncology nurse in the past. She knew the warning signs. It even crossed her mind a few times. But it was when she felt that mass that she sought medical attention right away. After watching many others go through chemotherapy, she said she'd never do it if her turn came. But facing cancer made her rethink it, and within days she had the surgery to remove the tumor, and shortly after started chemo.

Faced with more questions than answers, suddenly Joanie was on the other side of the bed. She has been cancer-free for thirteen years, but she still has vivid memories of her diagnosis, the treatments, the hard days. One of her hardest was when she was in pain and feeling as if the treatments were never going to come to an end.

Joanie says she reached out to God in the midst of her darkest days and found encouragement there. She also had the support of friends and family who surrounded her with prayer and love.

In her book, she includes twelve steps to spiritual wellness even in the midst of illness. These include ideas for journaling, prayer, laughter and nine more.

 

 

Life, Repurposed: Joy in the Trial 

In our interview for the podcast, Joanie explained her journey of going through chemo and recovery from cancer. She has turned this into an opportunity to help others, and to also find joy.

First, she is part of a social group for ovarian cancer survivors that the members named The Fried Eggs - Sunny-Side Up. Clearly, they have found a way of laughing in the face of cancer, as well as dancing in the shadow of it.

One of the opportunities Joanie had nine years after her diagnosis was to participate in Camp Mak-A-Dream in the Rocky Mountains in Missoula, Montana. This is offered free of charge for cancer survivors. Here she made new friends and had a lot of fun. She also connected with others who are active in the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance. Joanie is now part of a group that speaks to medical students about ovarian cancer in the Survivors Teaching Students program. This allows her help make the journey better for others in the future. Along with what they teach the students, they talk about warning signs and encourage medical students to probe further when someone presents with vague symptoms that could be signs of cancer.

One of the biggest blessings to come out of her cancer experience was that Joanie started writing. Before cancer, she hadn't even thought of being a writer. Within a few years of chemo, she attended her first writers conference and started working on her book.

The book,

In this issue: Cancer came unexpectedly and Joanie put life on hold, paused her career as a nurse, and in days was headed for surgery. In the aftermath of chemo and cancer, Joanie is a survivor. She now supports others going through the journey, and has published a book, In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer to encourage women and equip them with Scripture, hope and resources.

 

Show notes and resources

 

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit michellerayburn.substack.com

In this issue:

Sometimes friends pile a lot of shoulds on each other. Have you caught yourself telling someone what they ought to do, rather than listening? Are you tired of being the one that others heap their shoulds on? Learn tips for how to learn to be a friend rather than a fixer, and how to reply when someone tries to fix you. Also discover a small group resource that you and your friends might want to consider.

 

 

Podcast

Inspired Life: Burdened by Should

Have you ever noticed that when someone starts to tell you about something that happened to them, you start to think of responses and solutions?

Many times, those start with should.

I have caught myself doing this so often. I say things such as:

* You should try….

* You should tell him…

* You should be happy that…

Sometimes we have a genuine solution, but that isn’t what the friend is looking for right then. They just want a listening ear.

I was working on a writing project recently when I noticed that should is two letters away from the word shoulder. When we tell someone what we think they should do, we ask them to shoulder a burden. It might be that we pile guilt on. Or we pile on responsibility, when someone is already feeling a heavy load.

What can we do when we want to tell someone what they should do? I’m not saying you SHOULD do this, but here are five tips:

1) Instead of telling them what they should do, ask a question.

What solutions have you tried?

What do you think your next step will be?

How do you feel about that?

Do you see a possible resolution?

2)  Clarify and reflect what you heard them say.

So what I hear you saying is that you’re frustrated because…

I think I understand that you’re saying…

3) Stop the story in your head that starts to think of a one-up story. “You think that’s bad…let me tell you about MY situation.”

This includes not giving advice that says, “When that happened to me I….You should try that too.”

4) Avoid the cousin to should – shouldn’t.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

5) Ask for permission before sharing advice.

“Would you like my input with advice, or do you prefer a listening ear?”

Our Goal Is Listening

Sometimes we like to fix other people. We want to provide perfect, happy solutions that make their life better. But instead, we pile on guilt or a feeling of inadequacy. Instead, we can practice listening to others.

I have caught myself offering “should” several times this week. It might not always look the same, but here are some words that imply the same thing:

* Here’s what I would do…

* Why haven’t you….?

* Just tell them…

Instead of telling a friend “you should pray about this,” ask if they would like you to pray with them right there. “May I pray with you about this right now?”

With a little practice, we can learn how to be a wonderful listening friend.

 

Life, Repurposed: When Others Heap on Shoulds 

Years ago on my blog, I used to have a What Would You Do With This Wednesday feature where I put up a vintage item and asked people what they would do with it.

Not too long ago on my Trash to Treasure Decorating Facebook page, I asked what my followers would do with an old bike tire rim. I had some fun answers and even some photos. 

I turned it into a wreath by putting flowers around the side, and I hung it above the bed. It was a simple project that I was able to do all with supplies I had around the house...

In this episode: Sometimes friends pile a lot of shoulds on each other. Have you caught yourself telling someone what they ought to do, rather than listening? Are you tired of being the one that others heap their shoulds on? Learn tips for how to learn to be a friend rather than a fixer, and how to reply when someone tries to fix you. Also discover a small group resource that you and your friends might want to consider. 

 

Show notes and resources

 

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit michellerayburn.substack.com

In this issue:

Your physical, emotional, and spiritual health have everything to do with your wellbeing. The before-and-after story of health should include more than a drop of the number on the scale. It's really about experiencing life in a whole new way. In this episode, Susan Neal chats with Michelle about healthy living.

 

 

Podcast

Inspired Life: Changing Food Changed Her Health

My guest this week is Susan Neal. Susan is a Registered Nurse, and a certified health and wellness coach who coaches people to overcome health challenges. She is the award-winning author of seven books as well as numerous DVDs, and yoga card decks. She is a Christian yoga instructor who teaches Scripture yoga (she also has a book on this  topic).

I met Susan through Twitter. She reached out to me about my podcast, and then we discovered that we have many common connections through other writers, and we're both part of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA). We also are both nurses. I asked Susan to join me for this issue, because I have been on my own health and wellness journey for a while now, and I have been gluten free for two years. I have also worked on reducing the amount of sugar I eat. As I looked through Susan's website and materials, I realized that some of the topics Susan teaches on are part of my own health plan, and I wanted to learn more about her story.

It Started with an Abscessed Tooth

Susan's health had significantly declined after having an abscessed tooth, but it took a while to diagnose. She ended up with ten medical diagnoses, including depression and adrenal fatigue, and had two surgeries before she used her nursing background and God's wisdom to reclaim her health. She was fifty years old when she realized the abscessed tooth was poisoning her body. The treatment for that infection included antibiotics and steroids, which left her body depleted, anemic, low of vitamin D and more.

One of the things Susan discovered that was causing some of her sugar cravings was an overgrowth of yeast in the gastrointestinal tract, called a candida infection. In her book 7 Steps to Get Off Sugar and Carbohydrates, (part of the 3-in-1 Healthy Living Series) there is an assessment to find out if you might have an overgrowth of Candida albicans. Susan's plan included eight months of a strict anti-candida diet.

Susan's plan of eating really boils down to the question, "Did God create this, or did the food manufacturer?" This question helps to eliminate processed foods, chemicals and more. She also includes a biblically based perspective in the book where the reader learns to seek God's help for overcoming a food addiction. The reader is also asked to find an accountability and prayer partner, to memorize strategic bible verses, to pray, and to use a five-step freedom from addiction plan.

Do You Have Food Cravings?

Susan mentioned three reasons for why we might have food cravings and an inappropriate relationship with food:

* Overgrowth of candida. It craves the sugar, carbs, and alcoholic beverages.

* A food addiction. This is connected to how the sugar or wheat can trigger dopamine receptors. She explained how we can find other habits that make us feel good to replace food - for example, petting a dog or going for a walk - to release those endorphins.

* Emotional issues. To work on this, Susan teaches how a spiritual connection can heal emotions.

Ultimately,

Your physical, emotional, and spiritual health have everything to do with your wellbeing. The before-and-after story of health should include more than a drop of the number on the scale. It's really about experiencing life in a whole new way. In this episode, Susan Neal chats with Michelle about healthy living.

In this issue:

Do you think you need one more class, one more seminar, one more book or another tutoring session before you get started on your goals? Will that be enough? You already have everything you need! Let’s get moving!

 

 

Podcast

Inspired Life: Are You a Learning Junkie?

In this issue, we’re wrapping up a series on productivity, procrastination and simplifying. In the next issue. I’m going to feature a guest on the podcast. So be sure to check issue 13!

Sometimes we think we need more information. Another tool. Another webinar. We spend money on conferences and courses, and books, and memberships. We purchase apps and templates. But the real question is, do we eventually get to our goals? If not, could it be possible that we’re more addicted to learning than to taking action?

You Don't Need Another Course or Workshop

Maybe it’s that there is some fear standing in the way, and perpetual learning feels safe.

What if we took action in order to figure out where the gaps in our learning are, rather than wasting time re-learning something we already know?

For example. If I decided I wanted to write fiction, but I already have a lot of mechanics when it comes to writing, it doesn’t make sense for me to continue going to conferences to take the same fiction writing course over and over. What if I go ahead and start writing, and then evaluate what isn’t strong enough? I might discover that I am weak on dialogue and I just need to find a resource that helps me to write more realistic conversations between characters. Or maybe I’ll find out I need to learn how to write more descriptively.

You Have Enough to Start

Moving ahead is the only way I’m going to know if I have enough information. I wonder why I still think I have to know everything before doing something.

It’s this way with diets, too. I know exactly what I need to do sometimes, but I simply don’t do it. Yet, I think reading another book or starting a new plan is the solution. Eventually, I’m going to be broke, but still overweight and flabby! Unless...

I get moving.

Are you in with me?

 

Life, Repurposed: Live Without Any Regrets 

I have a feeling you have what you need to get 90% of the way finished with your next big step. Or 50%. Or 25%. Imagine how it would feel to get 25% of the way to your goal and then pause for more learning, rather than getting 0% of the way but with all of the resources to do it!

I have collected bins full of notes from writers conferences. See just one of the many in the image here on this post. I had every intention of reviewing them again, making a plan, etc. Most of them I have never reviewed again. But I have taken some action steps and have continued with my goals. I did stop collecting more notes, and I started taking action based on some of what I already know. Along the way, I have gained more knowledge and grown in my skills. But imagine if I was still attending conferences every year and taking notes on the same things over and over.

Don't Just Listen; Do Something

James 1:22-25 says, “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.”

Whether it’s learning how to love people,

Do you think you need one more class, one more seminar, one more book or another tutoring session before you get started on your goals? Will that be enough? You already have everything you need! Let’s get moving!

 

Show notes and resources

 

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit michellerayburn.substack.com

In this issue:

Do you find yourself apologizing for things that are out of your control? Do you see yourself as less-than? Develop and awareness of how often you apologize, break the lies that keep you from seeing your God-given value, and learn how you can take steps to live in the light of truth.

 

 

Podcast

Inspired Life: Are You an Over-Apologizer?

How often do you say you’re sorry? Not because you really owe someone an apology, but because you take responsibility for everything – even things that are not your fault.

We sometimes thing of people who do this as super nice. But have you ever wondered what is really behind it?

I live in the Midwest, where people are notorious for apologizing. It's called a Midwest apology, something also connected with "Midwest nice." Not that we're really nicer than other people. Maybe were just less honest about our real feelings!

It isn't unusual at all for someone to bump into me at Target when we're both trying to squeeze through to the best bargain rack, but then I respond with, "Ope. Sorry."

Yes. I say ope. But moving on...

I have accidentally cut someone off in traffic, but then I try to exaggerate a mouthed "SORRY," as I wave my hand. Their honk makes me feel even worse. But my gesture isn't always received as an apology. Sometimes, it's misinterpreted as another gesture in their limited vision of my apologetic intent through the glare on my windshield.

Ways We Apologize

Here are some of the expressions you may have caught yourself using.

* Please excuse the mess. I haven't cleaned.

* I didn’t even do my hair and makeup today (when you run into someone while doing errands)

* I hate to bother you, but...

* I’m sorry for talking so much...

* Sorry, could I ask you a question? (You just did)

* Sorry, is this the way to the conference room?

* Oh, this old thing? It’s such a ratty shirt.

Perhaps you also apologize when you set boundaries and say no.

* I'm sorry, I can't help you out with that.

* Or the apology that projects false hope: I'm sorry, I can't help you out with that, right now.

* I wish I could help you. (No you don't! Just be honest)

* I can't afford to come to you kitchen gadget party. Sorry!

Or how about when you are asked for your opinion and you don't love the thing about which you are asked. Do you apologize for feeling a certain way?

* I'm sorry. I don't love it.

* It's not my favorite. Sorry.

What if you just simply acknowledge someone else's feelings without apologizing for your own? Example: "I don't love it. I know it's discouraging for you to hear that."

Sorry Syndrome

Apologizing or “sorry syndrome” can make us likeable to some people. Studies have even shown this. But when does it go too far? Can false humility start to become unhealthy?

Are you an apologizer? Have you ever noticed that when you apologize about everything – even things that are not your responsibility – that you start to feel small?

I have also heard of something called hedging. It’s a precursor to apologetic language. Examples of common hedges include:

* Excuse me, can I ask you for advice?

* I might be wrong, but …

* I don’t know, but…

Have you ever felt this way?

* I’m a bother to people. I really shouldn’t get in their way.

* My house is way messier than everyone else’s. Who would want to come over here?

* I’m taking up too much space in this seat on the airplane. I haven’t lost the 50 pounds that I should have by now, and I’m probably bothering someone this person next to me.