Midnight Wisdom

27th January 2021

I almost uploaded my cv instead of the episode.

The equinox of Zenith.

Never forgets.

24th of January 2021

Covid +, quarantining till the 28th of Jan and then moving out into the new place then. 

Glad I came back to Germany from Dubai, was a tough flight actually. Because I was actually sick. Took my measures not to infect anybody but who knows. As much as learning from mistakes is nice it's a lot better not to make them. 

What secret key am I looking for to hit a truth of life I seem to know but forgot. Idk.

Things coming together alright. Job interviews still happening, trying to learn and grow and love myself. Missing the possibility of friends and people. Seeing the stupidity in images like always. Having to exist in the balance of that.

Missing seeing myself write. 

It's good that I do this. 

Trying to do and distance myself from doing at the same time. I think I'd rather do and be more involved, but it's easy to see how not doing anything is also a valid choice.

Ate three clementines during the recording of this episode.

Keeping track of my life by week is interesting. Makes for perspective. Week 115 is when my brother is getting married. Good stuff.

Putting things together and packing my bag. Looking forward to a new scene and family and loved ones.

I had the pleasure of recording with Marvin on the 3rd of January 2021, again after almost exactly 2 years since the first one. 

It was nice to catch up, a short but intense conversation. 

You can really see how he's developed internally in a beautiful way. 

I'm looking forward to see more growth and self love from the both of us.

I wrote a lot this week. 

1 hour in my personal pattern recognizing notebook. 

And hours of transcribing, and writing.  Vernon.

And I got a podcast episode out of it. Nice.

It's coming together. Nicely. 

This was nice, this last hour and a half. 

Reading a little out loud, recording, and writing. 

Writing a lot and quickly. 

I even did a few 5 minute writings and saved them in my weekly journalings, this one is one of them. But not 5 minutes, just what I feel like writing. 

I heard myself say "This is sick" a few times. I was actually pleasantly surprised, and I do enjoy my own writing, when it's good. I have to say.

I transcribed some stuff today I really didn't like so much, but it's alright, it's nice to see, and feel, that I don't like it, I even told myself to focus on that feeling that I was feeling and see it. It's nice that I told myself that, how present I was with the feeling is questionable actually. 

It's 6:31 am. And I could have closed everything and slept, but I'm writing this right now. 

You could always be writing. And it's a shame to replace these tiny moments that save and keep so much, with a continuance. idk.

I'm glad that I took that time when I so easily could have gone and done something else. it's so easy to keep moving between things. Let's stay in our mind. This state. It's nice.

I'll meditate I think.

So first I was with Tare2 doing you know what. Then we walked back, he said bye. I got on my phone, got my headphones in and bam.

Love.

Oh it's a new year. Right.

03.01.2021

Good stuff.