One of our hosts spent $20 on avocado toast, so we fired her and warned that she’ll never be able to afford a home.

Marc sits in, promoting Andrew to ask a barrage of personal questions as one does.

Who’s getting guaranteed salaries, health insurance, bonuses for wins, and subscription payments? Gamers. The panel experiences a sudden desire for a career shift.

JFK nOT DeAd CIA tOOK DoWn JFK jr. So hilLarY COulD RuN fOR SEnaTe tOM HAnKS iS A PedoPhiLe tRUMP kNoWs ExaCtlY hOW tO Be prEsiDEnt wE ArE Q

Electric scooters are the latest craze in major cities and we all clearly fucked up by ditching our razors.

We’re asked via the confessional what we think happens after death and we (probably) disappoint the asker.

Surprise, Bitch! 5th time’s the charm.

After last week’s complaining about fitness models on instagram, we can’t wait to talk about our mad gainz. 

Listener feedback comes with a reaction to listener Kris’s transition to living in her card and a warning to steer clear of a certain credit bureau’s subscription program.

Welcome to the end of 420 jokes - it’s episode 4x30 maaaaaaan. 

Welcome Roshni! This week, we kick off a new $10 Patron benefit where we’ll be bringing on listener guest hosts. 

This week marks the 53rd anniversary of the Voting Rights Act. The best way to celebrate is to check your voter registration status.

Listener Kris is moving out of her apartment, and into her car. We call her, and she fields a multitude of questions about her new life. 

Judeo-Christian ideals are deeply rooted in our culture and politics. Roshni brings this topic to the table, and asks a few very important questions. Namely, will the US ever move beyond these ideals? Should it? 

If Alex Jones screams into the void after being banned from Facebook and Youtube, does it make a sound? 

Recommendations: Chicago Architecture Tour, Sharp Objects, Eight Grade, and checking your credit report

Social media norms that need to die: humble brag gym selfies, expecting people to follow/friend you, vague booking, posting pictures of your perfect fucking relationship with your amazing boyfriend OKAY KAREN WE GET IT. 

What social media faux pas are we guilty of?

We chose avocado toast over paying the bills, but we still managed to return from our summer break as promised.

Where do we stand on Disney’s firing of James Gunn? How false equivalencies and absolutism have made this debate a frustrating one.

Andrew made Laura a song, our listeners fap to Andrew, and much more in this week’s confessional.

In altogether non-shocking news, then-candidate Trump was presented with evidence that Vladimir Putin sought to interfere in the 2016 election, and a best friendship was born.

If a drunk girl doesn’t vomit in an Uber, and the driver reports it, does it leave a mess?

Demi Lovato relapses after 6 years of sobriety: we share our take on the growing opioid epidemic.

The Trump administration is trying to cut key provisions of the Endangered Species Act, which will result in doom and destruction on planet earth (no, really). 

The MuggleSuck Tales continue with a modern twist.

AP choice brings questions from our $10 Patrons: favorite meals to cook, experiences taking anti-depressants, homeschooling, and more!

On this week’s episode, we take a walk on the conservative side. Listener Parker joins us to talk hot button topics like immigration, funding, healthcare, and abortion.

If con is the opposite of pro, isn’t congress the opposite of progress? Several members of congress get duped into publicly endorsing a program that would arm preschoolers.

Facebook wants to ensure you’re seeing more of the things you care about: baby pictures, cat videos, and Infowars conspiracy theories.

Another one bites the dust: another key pillar of the Affordable Care Act, risk adjustments, have been slashed from the budget.

Devil’s Advocate sees us truly crossing the aisle this week, as each host has to argue in favor of an opposing political ideology.

Don’t forget to check out our new album art. Kudos to Jon!

New stories from #Millennial: Andrew Sims and the Prisoner of Pet Policies, Laura Tee and the Rising Premium Rates.

How can companies ensure brand loyalty amongst millennials? What sorts of practices turn us off?

Google That Shit!

We’re joined this week by Andrew’s paramour, Pat!

Pat fills us in on that dairy farmer life: tariffs, and hormones, and nut juice, oh my!

Speaking of milk, the US delegation to the UN made waves this week when they went rogue and blocked a resolution that would have promoted breastfeeding. Our BFFs over in Russia saved the day though!

The “toxic fandom” phenomena continues to gain steam as stars are forced to delete social media accounts to avoid harassment. When does critique go too far?

In other fandom news, Game of Thrones has wrapped production on its final season, and Andrew still knows nothin’.

How well does Pat know Andrew? The NewlyWed game puts these lovebirds to the test!

Anyone in the Chicago area need a personal trainer? Hit up Pat: [email protected]

TruTV is launching a new show - Paid Off - in which the winners get…. their student loans paid off.

We play a mock version of this game show with listener Sara. We can’t pay off her student loans, but we can give her a free month of Patreon!

Happy 4th of July! The US still has over 2,000 children in cages.

This week in more ‘America is fucked’ news, justice Anthony Kennedy resigns from the Supreme Court, leaving a second vacancy for Trump to fill.

Disney and Universal Studios are banking on millennial nostalgia in their upcoming theme park ventures. We’re sure there will be an avocado toast stand on every corner!

A Hillary Clinton Theme Park? We brainstorm ideas.

BREAKING NEWS: North Korea never had any intention of denuclearizing. How could we have predicted this would happen?!?!

Sarah Huckabee Sanders joins us again to burn some more truth. 

Andrew’s gonna stick it to the (HOA) man!

He also comes up with a homeless outreach program idea that makes the girls grimace.

WTF News makes its return: running over pedestrians to get out of work, Texans using rattlesnakes as weapons, shitting diamonds, and much more!

Andrew and Pam kick off the show with a spoiler free review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

Speaking of fallen kingdoms, we provide this week’s update on the US border detention situation. Tl;dr: 2,300 children are still separated from their parents, and border patrol will re-vive the Obama-era “catch and release” policy.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders and the Hypocrite’s Podium: as progressives, are we really doing ourselves any favors by taking the low road?

Canada? More like Cannibisda! Do we think marijuana should be legal?

We’ve discovered by 53% of millennials think they’ll be millionaires: they don’t tip for services!

SCOTUS actually made a good call: authorities will need a warrant to access cellular tower location data.

Recommendations: MoviePass and “Echo” Liquid Lipstick by Kat Von D

Google that shit: the Supreme Court is…, Millennials are the worst…, and Marijuana helps…. 

The Confessional raises questions about familial etiquette: 8 extended family members crashing a listener’s small apartment and a parental invasion of privacy, oh my!

Welcome back, sycophants.

Marc rejoins us this week to tell us what nerds should be excited for after E3. (The answer is ALWAYS Pokémon, duh.)

Just in case you missed it…

THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES

THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES

THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES

Got it? Jeff Sessions joins us to share some of his favorite fascist-inspired scriptural quotations.

According to a new study 53% of millennials expect to become millionaires. This is not the economy you are looking for.

We discuss the recent allegations against Chris Hardwick. Are we too fast to crucify based on allegations?

Who said it: Donald Trump or another infamous dictator?

Recommendations: booze edition

Vacation shaming: why are Americans so afraid to use their paid time off? How can we counter our culture of working ourselves to death for bragging rights?

A new After Dark perk, MuggleSuck, makes it debut. On a monthly basis, we’ll share insider stories about our previous “employer.”

Who did it better? IHOP marketing their “name change” to “IHOB,” or Agent Orange marketing his summit with Little Rocket Man? All this in this week’s #Millennial and much more!

We call Kate, a Canadian listener who schools us in provincial politics and explains the election of min-Trump, Doug Ford.

President Trump tells our allies to suck a dick and leaves the G7 summit early to snuggle up with a murderous dictator instead.

The University of Pennsylvania has released a new study that shows social change can be brought around by convincing just 25% of your social circle to support it. Time to take Laura’s advice and be the annoying person at parties asking if people are registered to vote.

Hidden from the Headlines: the EPA laughs in the face of accurate, straight-forward, and historically proven science… again.

The Confessional: Relationship Edition.

Surprise Bitch! leaves us sad when THREE PEOPLE don’t answer their phones. You’re telling us you have something better to do than waiting to hear from us?!

Listener Julia saves the day and answers her phone. We talk LA and asbestos.

In somber news, we discuss the recent tragic deaths of designer Kate Spade and chef Anthony Bourdain. Why is suicide only ever discussed after we lose someone to it?

Happy June, Happy Pride!

We welcome Dr. Sarah Steelman to the show to discuss her research on same-gender pairings and degrees of “outness.”

Sarah informs us on a number of topics, including queer theory, the Matrix of Intelligibility, and the impacts of heteronormativity, politics, and history on LGB persons.

In the news: Apple’s iOS 12 aims to decrease notifications stress, SCOTUS rules in favor of an anti-gay baker, Facebook proves yet again why they suck at data privacy, and a US Senator attempts to tour a detention center where unaccompanied immigrant children are being held.

Dr. Steelman talks about her doctoral experience and provides some sage advice for anyone thinking of pursuing a PhD.

Samantha Bee and “the c-word.” We dive into whether or not we were ok with the joke, and if we agreed with Sam’s apology to Ivanka Trump. Mixed opinions abound!