There may be big changes coming for one of us over Valentine's Day. Stay tuned.  Listener feedback takes a dump on Andrew and weaves a tale of panties and bushes.  We guarantee we're the only podcast that will go from anal to the Constitution. #blessed  "Fuck those immigrants, amirite?!" -Native Americans and/or Donald Trump  We discuss Betsy DeVos (Note: This episode was recorded before she was confirmed as Education Secretary). One gay, two gay, three gays, four. Five gays, six gays, seven homos more. A new survey reveals Americans greatly overestimate the size of the LGBTQ community.  Adam Sandler, or a gay club? Matt gives us the name. We guess (badly).  And in this week's After Dark: #NeverForget the Bowling Green Massacre. We each share our stories of where we were on that fateful day.  How, and why, does the Trump administration get away with such outrageous lies? What's their strategy here?

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In Good News, the Boy Scouts are now cool with transgendered youth joining their organization. Hollywood no longer hates Mel Gibson, which is SAD! Will Facebook's latest News Feed changes have a positive effect on curbing fake news? Our $10 Patron offer a few discussion topics, including feeling useless when you're in a Democratic state like California, and long distance relationships. And this week in After Dark: How do you stay sane during these difficult times? We offer a few solutions, including major social media breaks and escaping to other worlds.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With Andrew missing in action, we decide to display some of our own #alternatefacts. Tourists. Good for the economy. Bad for literally everything else.  Listener Feedback asks for our advice on how to handle Trump-loving relatives and traveling alone. We provide zero insight.  News kicks off with the Women's Marches: a movement, or just a moment? And why liberals can sometimes be their own worst enemy. President Insecurity is determined to make Americans believe he won the popular vote... by upending confidence in our democratic system! Why not! #FuckIt Snapchat is let off the hook after one of its stupid features inspires a stupid woman to drive 100 MPH and cause a major stupid traffic accident.  Devil's Advocate asks us to argue in favor of some of Trump's first Executive Orders. Our souls wither.  And in After Dark: A quick look at how the cabinet is shaping up, but really, not really. This gets weird fast as we decide to take a break from serious news and just shoot the shit. We accept Andrew's firing of us all.  The perfect penis? Pre-sex hygiene habits? Pegging? This After Dark has it all.  Except class.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Note: This episode was recorded before the Presidential Inauguration.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We reminisce on our favorite Obama qualities and the changes he's enacted over the past 8 years. Surprise, bitch! goes terribly awry because of fucking course it does. We welcome Kid Rock to the show. In this week's After Dark: We planned a real conversation, we promise. But some of us just need a dick in the ass first. What's our plan for inauguration day? What do we see going down? The Women's March on Washington next week is expected to have even greater turnout. We sense the mass alignment of menstrual cycles already.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to 2017. Welcome to season 3. Please manage your expectations for both.  Happy New Year, sycophants. Two truths, one lie reveals which of us is the loser that stayed home and got drunk with her dad. Wikishits announces their descent into the 6th Circle of Hell as they plan to release the private information of Twitter users.  U.S. intelligence agencies have definitively concluded that Vladimir Putin ordered an "influence campaign" to sway the U.S. presidential election. "U.S. intelligence agencies clearly part of liberal propaganda wheel," reports Breitbart.  Sucks to suck: Fox News loses Megyn Kelly to MSNBC. "After our deliberate coverup of Roger Aisles' sexual harassment, we are shocked," said no one anywhere.  Hidden from the Headlines ponders what holy angel has gotten into China lately.  The Number reveals none of us know what we're talking about.  Surprise, Bitch! welcomes a traitor to the show. Thanks for nothing, Jim.    In season 3's first installment of After Dark (available to $2+ Patrons!): What constitutes a "hate crime"? A case out of Chicago, wherein four black teenagers live streamed the torture of a white classmate, has the country asking.  New year, new laws: we take a look at the laws going into effect around the country this year, including a tax on sugar and a change in online shopping.  Help us, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. You're our only hope. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In our last show of the year, we streamed LIVE for Patrons and welcomed back a long-lost host. Happy birthday, Laura. We hope this embarrasses you, Laura. News jumps off with a report from Aleppo, Syria, where thousands of unarmed civilians have been slaughtered. Know what it is now, Gary? Biden/Obama 2020: Because Obama's departure feels too real after his last-ever press conference of the year. Get into the holiday spirit with our annual GIFT EXCHANGE!!! Who the fuck got Andrew that?! Farm girls have great calves. #FYI Goodbye, 2016. What will 2017 hold? We guess the new year's upcoming headlines. In this episode's After Dark: We bring Devil's Advocate back and challenge ourselves to argue: why was 2016 the best year? (Lol) World peace. Or world destruction. Our individual hopes for the new year vary. Andrew relives a tragic New Years Eve story.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In our penultimate “fuck this year” episode, all of our hosts return!  Except the other chick “Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games - we got volcanoes exploding.. right in your face.”  The Hamilton Mixtape is now available on Spotify! (Or for purchase if you’re 1000 years old).  The Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) has been struck down for now, but what will happen under a Trump Presidency?  Amazon Go is here to scan your phone for all those dick pics. “Put the Magnums down, Jonathan, the Lifestyles are right in front of you.”  Afraid President Pussy Grabber Elect might lose access to his Twitter? Never fear - technology is being expanded so POTUS can use the cellular emergency alert system to let us know what else he thinks is overrated, sad, or bad.  Trump the Distractor: Laura explains why the GOP has warmed to Trump, and why all of his gaffes and faux pas are intended to distract us.  Meanwhile, Senator Turtle McTurtleton of the Galapagos is threatening to scrap the filibuster if Democrats try to obstruct GOP SCOTUS nominations.  Texas is now legally allowed to force aborted fetus burials.  Foreign diplomats are staying at Trump hotels in droves because that’s not a conflict of interest.  Andrew does another check in on the savings habits of millennials and we still don’t have any. Are you gonna eat that ramen? Surprise, Bitch! brings us to the UK, where Phoebe commiserates with three yanks about the bucket of suck that is watching an alt-reich takeover.  Dictionary.com chooses an actual word for this year’s “Word of the Year,” and it’s more evidence that the US needs to take some time to be alone and try to find itself.  And this week’s After Dark is available to all $2 Patrons, so don’t miss out on our discussion of Uncle Joe’s remarks about running for President in 2020!  Would Joe Biden have won against Trump this year?  We invent a series of mostly stupid, somewhat fucked up campaign slogans for Joe.  Asking the important questions: Can he beat Kanye? 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the Andrew and Matt show on this week's #Millennial, so we're doing things a little differently!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Buckle up, minions: we’re so deep in the Dumpster Fire the theme music is no longer audible.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices