Mindful Sobriety

Step 2: Came to believe in a power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity.

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If I already knew I was powerless to alcohol, this relapse proved I am not capable of taking a single sip, as it takes hold of me and I have no control whatsoever.

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There are three phases before a relapse.

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"The man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, and the drink takes the man."

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Today we talk about time and how beautiful it is during sobriety.

The book I reference is from Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go

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I recently read a quote that said, “Wherever you are, be there.” This quote comes from Rick Bommelje’s book, Listening Pays, and although this is a reading I did in college, not to mention, Rick was also my professor for that course, I have to say that this is one of the most noticeable and profound quotes I found in his book. 

This is what the passage says: 

“There’s an old saying that goes ‘wherever you are, be there.’ This means that even if you’d rather be anywhere else, at home or a movie or the ballpark or the beach, it doesn’t matter; be where you are. You’re already there, right? So … why not physically and mentally be in that moment until the moment’s over? This habit alone can substantially increase your listening potential.

Something that really helps when my mind begins to wander or spiral is I focus on what is around me. I look for five things I can see, four things I can hear, three things I can touch, two things I can smell, and find one good thing about myself. This method helps with slowing down my thoughts and bringing me back to center. Using your senses, in whatever order you want to do it is very helpful, because you are now where you are supposed to be: here. 

It doesn’t matter where you are, the shower, driving or just being a passenger, doing house chores, talking with someone, or anything that may not be as exciting, focus on the ground beneath your feet and remember that wherever you are, be there.

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I work hard on letting the past stay where it belongs. I truly believe in: whatever is done is done and over, and it cannot be changed or undone. Words so easy to say, but hard to follow with action. I do believe I have a strong mindset, but I am still human. I still lose focus and fall back into destructive thinking. Especially with things that are more recent, and things I still haven’t resolved. I do believe there are silver linings in every situation, we just don’t see it at the moment, as they are only revealed with time if we are open to it. 

In today’s reflection it states: I can wish the past never was, but if I change my actions in regard to what I have done, my attitude will change. 

My dilemma right now is, how do I change my action(s) in regards to what I have done? The only concept I can think of is stepping away for a while and allowing time to pass. I have asked for forgiveness, I have tried to mend what was broken, and I have taken accountability for my part in the matter. All I see now is an image of trying to put back a million broken pieces by myself, while the second party stands or walks nearby as if they had no involvement in it. Leaving me struggling and frustrated. Recently I began to take breaks from the broken pieces, and as each day goes by I take more breaks. It leaves me feeling like a failure, but it also reveals to me that there is nothing more I can do but walk away. I am starting to believe I can’t put it back together ever again. 

Sometimes we don't realize how much we've grown until we take time to sit in silence and look back at how far we've come.

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A reflection on intimacy and how we do need people in our lives.

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A good day does not have to be the “calm before the storm”. -The Language of Letting Go

A good day isn’t the rainbow after the storm either. Sometimes a good day is simply a good day. Although, with that said, the days following my last drink have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Most of my life I’ve worked on controlling anything I felt to the point I did not feel most of the time; alcohol allowed me to feel something, whether it was happiness, sadness, anger, anything. Now I understand that I was only feeling lies, because whatever alcohol brought out was not me or who I wanted to be. 

Sobriety has allowed me to start feeling again, feeling the truth, and even on the days where I am confused, or emotionally drained, I take it as it is and allow myself to sit with that. Everyday without a drink is a good day.

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