Mindfulness Classes With Oli Doyle

How can we deal with pain mindfully? It seems so all consuming, so awful and so hard to cope with, so how can we stay present and peaceful in the midst of that? Last week, Muriel, one of our lovely listeners, asked this:

"I totally get that experiencing the present moment gives you the real chance to be happy and to live life. I am making progress into not getting caught up in stories that built up from my thinking. But how do you deal with pain?"

Today, I invite you to explore the worst physical situation possible, and to get curious about whether peace is possible in the middle of that.

The answer to this question might seem obvious... until someone questions your beliefs or actions. It might appear crystal clear that happines is what you want, until you find yourself angrily defending a mental position.

As it turns out, lots of us humans pick being right (or fighting for it anyway) much of the time, and it always costs us our happiness.

What would your life be like if you never needed to change anyone's mind or control how they see you, ever again?

The Integrated Mindful Relationship:

After yesterday's class on the end of approval seeking, a friend of mine emailed me a brilliant question:

"Im scared of the consequences of 'just listening' to someone, because it is not this 'seeking approval' that has allowed me to be well-liked and have a wide circle of friends? Isn't it my charm, humour, mannerisms, personality traits that have allowed me to nourish and create new relationships?

I fear that if I follow your instructions to just listen, without interacting as I have in the past, it is a negation of me and could compromise relationships. Am I just interpreting the podcast too literally, and ideally one should try and seek approval less but at the same time, not give up one's personality traits? Im a medical student and have many interactions with patients. I wholeheartedly agree that adopting an approach to just listen and be with the patient, and opposed to trying to 'gain' from patient is worthwhile and will actually lead to greater compassion and patient care. But what about relationships with family, friends, girls etc?/ what are your thoughts? Is there an ideal balance?" Today, I would like to answer these questions.

I remember a time when I thought that what you thought about me was VERY importent. In fact, it was life or death. I spent every moment checking on you, making you laugh, wondering what you thought about what I just said or did, and if I thought you liked it, I was excited, but if I thought you didn't, I felt depressed.

One day, when I sat still for long enough (I'm rather a slow learner), I realised that you don't exist, at least not in the way I thought. I also figured out that I can never know what you think, and I don't so much care anymore either.

Amazingly, when I stopped caring what you thought, I was free to care about you. And when I realised that I can never know your inner world, I turned my interest to mine.

And this is what led me to the happiness I thought I wanted YOU to provide. Delightful.

I had a big realisation a little while back, one that is taking some digesting. I was watching a talk by Eckhart Tolle, who said that, in essence, my whole life is happening inside my head. As he put it, "We believe there is something going on outside, but maybe that's just our imagination!"

Now, I had heard this idea before, but I never really grasped it as anything more than an intellectual concept. But this time it hit me right between the eyes; everything I call 'my life', every so called experience, every posession, even every person I only experience in my own head.

This is mind-blowing, and I wanted to spend some time on it today, I hope you enjoy...

Why are relationships so difficult?

Every ounce of pain in your life arises not because life is misbehaving, but because your mind is misbehaving! You see, minds love nothing more than putting conditions on our happiness, telling the world what it 'should' be doing and pointing out the flaws of those around us.

When it comes to our children, these expectations can be particularly strong, and if you're not careful, those thoughts will bring frustration, then trick you into believing that your children caused it!

Today, I want to introduce you to the wonderful world without expectations of anyone else.

If you want to really connect with your children, your parents or anybody close to you, you must do one important thing:

Leave the future alone!

Warning! Today's class may be controversial as I explore the question:

Is your child's behaviour any of your business?

If you're a parent, you have tantrums, (sorry but it's true)!

Here is a simple guide to dealing with them!

Welcome to week of mindful parenting this week at A Little Peace and Quiet!

If you don't have kids, this week is still for you, because our thoughts are our children too, right? They infuriate us, make us feel all warm and fuzzy, distract us and talk us into spending our money on things we shouldn't but. What's the difference really?

All this week we will explore how we deal with these children, and ourselves, with compassion, mindfulness and good humour. I hope you find these simple classes useful.

Today, I invite you to make a simple, radical attitude shift that brings instant relief from frustration at other people.