I had a wonderful beautiful childhood, and I feel really blessed and fortunate to be able to say that. I was an only child for most of my life. I was very close to my parents, and I felt very safe in my home. I know that's not the story for everyone. It's always bothered me and maybe even made me feel a little bit guilty. I want everyone's childhood to be perfect and rosy and without trauma. Now that I'm a parent, I know that we never get it all right. At this point, most of us are aware of our parents misgivings.

A few months ago, I attended a class on childhood trauma. I wasn't even sure if this class was going to be for me. A great communicator can draw you in whether the topic specifically pertains to you or not. That's what Carlos Martinez did that day. He was such a great teacher that I hung on every word. Carlos is here today to talk about childhood trauma, forgiveness, and more. Before listening to this episode, we recommend that you watch this TED Talk about adverse childhood experiences.

You can find Carlos here:

Carlos Martinez Website

[email protected]

Instagram:  @onsiteworkshops

Facebook:  @onsiteworkshops

Show Notes

[05:01] Carlos got his first Masters in Divinity. Then his second Masters is in counseling.

[06:17] Dream Big was held in a place nestled in Tennessee, and it's a life-changing place that Carlos now works at. They hold different intensive workshops.

[08:08] Melissa has been going over her journal that she started at the Dream Big Event. It's not about the rip, it's about the repair.  Melissa was so taken with what Carlos was saying that she couldn't even take notes.

[10:04] The TED Talk by Nadine Burke Harris talks about how childhood trauma can change the development of our brain.

[10:24] Carlos is a survivor of several kinds of trauma, so he is deeply immersed in it. He loves how the TED Talk makes the topic accessible.

[11:08] Carlos had to work through his anger and frustration about the things that weren't being talked about at church.

[11:56] God's grace allows us to do what we can with the information that we are given if we let ourselves step into it.

[12:04] Having survived trauma himself, Carlos realized that he could work with trauma survivors.

[13:05] In the video, she talks about ACES or Adverse Childhood Experiences.

[15:23] The Still Face Experiment video. It's traumatic for a child not to get a response from a parent.

[17:40] It's not pleasant to think about, but if we think back some of us might find some emotional abuse.

[18:20] The higher your ACE score the more it affects your health.

[19:02] Carlos is forever a work-in-progress working on his day-to-day recovery.

[19:28] He has always had an issue with breathing and catching his breath. He has to take steps to relax and breathe normally.

[20:40] Carlos is constantly working on the repair of himself and those around him and those under his stewardship.

[20:58] Having a relationship with Christ gives you grace for that day.

[21:52] Breathing is one of our primal urges and threats to our safety can be a primal threat.

[22:40] Our life comes from our breath, and it is our most basic drive.

[23:49] It's not about the rip, it's about to repair. This is about taking responsibility and stepping into the repair. This reminds Carlos of Romans 5 in the Bible. The power of Jesus brought dead people to life.

[25:55] Imagine what relationships could be repaired if we step into taking full ownership and repairing those relationships.

[27:04] Saying I'm sorry is being vulnerable, and it doesn't come easy for everyone.

[29:32] There's a physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional cost of not forgiving.

[30:21] Forgiveness isn't a moment it's a process.

[32:22] Carlos has a small inner circle, and those who he holds the closest, he also holds the most accountable.

[34:44] Relationships are special gifts limited by time and space and energy.

[36:35] Know that this message came across today, because it's the next step in your journey. This is part of God's timing, so take the next step and reach out or talk to someone or find counseling.

[38:02] We are all worth investing in and showing ourselves a little bit of mercy.

[39:35] Three Rapid Fire questions with Carlos...

[42:40] What you went through is real, and it's part of the story that makes you you. I hope you can get to a place of acceptance and learn from it and grow from it.

[43:40] Take a screenshot on your phone and let us know why this episode was important to you.

Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.

Links and Resources:

• Podcast Web Page
• Facebook Page
• @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram
• @msmelissaradke on Twitter
• This Sucks But God Is Good (online course)
• Eat Cake. Be Brave.
• Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club
• How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download
• Sign Up for Insider Access
• Dream Big Bob Goff
• ACES TED Talk How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris
• Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
• The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents
• Nadine Harris TED Talk About ACES