Listen as my wonderful wife asks questions and I do my best to answer them.

Love you all.

Enjoy the day I almost became a body...

This episode (lucky 13) concludes season 2 of Misbehaving In Maine.

Tune in next week for an interview with the author.

Remember your third-grade desk, the little station you owned every day, a ship with a crew of one, and every member of that crew was captain?

You didn’t care that the desk belonged to others before you, some of whom scarred its body with messages:

• their names, of course,
• their most belovèd profanities, of course,
• and peace signs, pentagrams, and that famous S-shape thing, the “Cool S,” symbols which are the beginning of the end of adventurous doodling; they’re prefab forms that yawn before the imagination; it pours itself into them, the wee molds. Graves. Once doodlers dig these graves, they’re in danger of never leaving them. They Cool S their way to the big mold where the mortal doodle that is the body unwinds into all the little lines that make up a drawing, but in this case, (I beg your pardon) we’re talking (what else?) worms.

My desk was the best kind: the flip top. It had four legs and a wooden lid, which opened like a trap door, God bless it. Beneath the door, a metal basin, one big enough to bathe five gremlins or to drown one big rat...

I had a bad best friend in 4th grade. Enjoy the destruction of our friendship.

And if you're into these stories, you can now preorder my book: Misbehaving In Maine: 30 Half-Learned Lessons.

fallscitypress.com/misbehaving

Enjoy!

the day I met the lady who owns the ocean

Then, as they say, something happened.

A bumblebee flew into my vision.

And not just any old bumble; this one was my very first memory.

He was the beginning of a new kind of life for me, a life that had grown so far away from the womb and so big, it could now store and transport my past, which meant I could look at my past whenever I liked.

From then on, for better or worse, I would be accompanied by all the Dans I’d been before.

There’s a deep river in Maine with cliffs on either side. Woods crowd the edges of the cliffs, and one hundred million rope swings hang from the trees.

These swings send you flying so high that when you land wrong, you get your very own deep river enema.

This is my story...

Meet the kid who didn’t mind blood, my blood...

My great grandmother scared me.

And the day I did what I did in her bathroom and waited for her to find out, she scared me more than ever before...

My friend Timothy and I were on the school playground doing daring things:

• jumping from the swings and flying
• sliding down the slide sideways, upside down, and backwards
• balancing on top of the monkey bars, the pull-up bars, and the railings of the bouncy bridge.

It was here, at the bouncy bridge, that I wronged my friend...