Mistress Matisse's Podcast

Another podcast, and another riff from Monk about how I’m playing with my nipple. Even though I’m not.

Then letters: a letter from a listener asking about jealousy and a three-way. Threesomes are fraught with peril, in my opinion. The best threesome experiences I have had were in situations where no one was in a couple. Three single people, in other words. An established couple plus one? That’s a very tricky situation. Monk and I step through some of the ways it could happen.

Next, a question from a BDSM person who’s wondering about how to answer a friend’s question, “Am I cut out to be a slave?”

The last letters asks, “Is it fair for a people in a polyamory group to veto the partners of other partners?” Monk and I both have some opinions about the term “veto” and making rules that create the illusion of control over other people.

About twenty minutes.

A new podcast!

First of all, I was not playing with my nipple while we were recording, all right? Let the record show. The bomb shelter we’re doing these things in is freezing cold, so I was actually wearing a leather jacket. A motorcycle-style jacket, so that’s two layers of leather over my chest. You could not have found my nipple with a sonogram. That’s just Monk being silly.

Our first question is a letter from someone who asks what to do when you’re caught in a sexy, kinky situation and you want to do bondage, but you have no rope? Monk and I free associate about improvised bondage equipment. (We did not use the microphone cables for bondage though. The sound guys frown on that.)

Then a BDSM newcomer asks: explain to me why I should get involved with the BDSM community? The short answer is: they’ll teach you things you might not otherwise know, and they’ll be support for you when things are tough.

Lastly, a sex worker asks a question about emotional relationships with clients. It’s a nuanced issue, and it underlines the fact one really cannot generalize about how sex workers feel about what they do. All the experiences are equally valid, but we’re different. I get sort of uncharacteristically woo-woo about my feeeeeeeeelings in this one, but the take-away quote is: “If you hate your clients, you’ll hate yourself.”

A new podcast! Monk and I answer your questions about primary/secondary partners in polyamory – can one person in a relationship in a “primary” and the other person be a “secondary”?

The seconds question is about dealing with unexpected interruptions during a scene.

The last question: how do you introduce yourself to a celebrity (like me, but definitely not limited to me), and general social tips for BDSM culture.

By popular request, we’ve gone to a slightly longer format for this one, it’s about eighteen minutes. Not at all safe for work!

A new podcast! We answer a letter from someone who is new at being the top in a scene, and who is struggling with playing with people who don't disclose important medical/emotional before the scene. Short answer: it's not perfect, but people do that. Roll with it.

Then we hear from someone who wants to know how to cover bruises, so we talk about that some. I talk about my stripper days of putting make-up on my ass… And mention some other kinky activities that leave marks on socially-visible areas of the body.

Enjoy listening!

This one's a lulu. Now, let me say that Monk and I are practitioners of safer safe, and we want to help people learn how to do safer sex. We are sympathetic to people who are nervous about STDs. That said, there is a right way and a wrong way to handle this conversation with a new partner, and in this show, we read a letter from someone who did it the wrong way!

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Monk starts off with a letter from a sex worker asking about how to handle curious phone calls. I'm embarrassed to say that the word "motorboat" is mentioned. I also mention my oft-repeated bit of sex work advice, "Don't say anything you wouldn't want read out loud in court."

Then we hear from a reader who thinks that only male dominants (not female ones) get teased, or harshly critiqued. I laugh for a while, and then I explain how that's not true. Although I do offer some harsh critique about people who say "dom-may". About 12 minutes, not work safe.

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A fresh podcast! And I think this one gets to a new high in completely non-serious silly riffing.

First, there's a whole bunch of insane nonsense about doing an all-musical-version of the podcast. (Which makes no sense, don't try to figure it out.)

Then a reader asks us about making kink toys out of everyday thing – so we riff about pervertables, always a fun topic. And Monk offers us all the reasons why rope is so wonderful.

Then we read a letter from a kinky reader asking us why BDSM people don't like to kiss. (We kid the guy a bit, but then, we do that to everyone.)

In this podcast, Monk and I read and answer a letter about how to meet kinky romantic partners, and then a letter from a woman who is struggling with her feelings about humiliation in BDSM porn and erotica, and who is wondering if being African-American is part of that. Take-home quote: "It's only porn if you make money from it. If you're not going to make any money from it, it's not porn, it's erotica." (Ten minutes, definitely not work safe.)

I wasn't going to upload this last podcast. But Monk says I'm being silly. And lord knows, I need the blog-content, I've been way too busy to write much lately.So, I am ignoring a voice in the back of my head that says it's slightly undignified. Unladylike, in fact.Yes, I know – I don't feel the slightest qualm about posting photos of myself sticking needles in people. That's perfectly dignified. It's kinky, but it's not undignified.But I do feel that it is slightly undignified to post slightly-tipsy rants about one of my pet topics: Crazy People And Sex Work.Just to be clear – thank you, President Obama – I am not disclaiming the basic opinions I express here. I just wish I had voiced them a trifle less profanely and a trifle less… stridently. Whoops.There's also a whole side conversation about fisting, in which I make an ill-advised personal disclosure.Thus, I bring to a close the era of cocktails while podcasting. Enjoy us in all our ranty glory, the next round will be far more calm, sober and public-radio-esque. (Well, I will be, at least. I cannot speak for Monk.)

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First letter: when to disclose to a potential new partner that you are poly, if they don't know already.And then: dealing with weirdness from your partner's other partners. (AKA "metamours".)