Modern Financial Wellness

Hi everyone, Jim Grace here, host of Modern Financial Wellness. In today’s episode, I sit down with a familiar voice for long-time listeners John Donlon of Gold Coast Mortgage in Beverly, Massachusetts. If you’ve been thinking about buying your first home, debating whether to keep renting, or just curious about how today’s housing market is evolving, this episode is packed with practical wisdom.

The big question we're exploring today is one that’s increasingly top-of-mind for many: Is homeownership still attainable and affordable, or is it drifting out of reach? The idea of owning a home has long been central to the American Dream, but with rising prices and higher interest rates, people are rethinking what’s possible. We dig into how market dynamics including the role of private equity are impacting both buying and renting, the personal decision-making process around homeownership, and strategies for making the financial side of buying work.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Homeownership Has Always Been Scary But the Challenges Aren’t Entirely New: The financial commitment of a mortgage is daunting and relentless, but history shows that previous generations faced similar pressures, even if the numbers were smaller. The “scariness” isn’t new it’s just that the specifics have changed.
2. Private Equity Is Changing the Housing Game: Companies like BlackRock and other investment groups have become major players in the rental market, driving up rents and introducing sophisticated pricing algorithms. As a result, both renting and buying are becoming more competitive and expensive.
3. The Aha Moment Matters More Than the Math: Most people move from renting to owning not just because of financial logic, but due to a psychological or lifestyle “aha” moment. Whether it’s wanting more space, escaping a noisy neighbor, or seeking a better environment for a family, the emotional reasons often outweigh the pure financial calculations.
4. Don’t Anchor Your Decision Solely to Interest Rates: Waiting for rates to drop or home prices to cool isn’t a foolproof strategy. Both John and I emphasize that timing the market is impossible and even the experts get it wrong. If you’re ready for homeownership for the right reasons, focus on affordability—not speculation.
5. Affordability Is Personal—and Requires Planning and Sacrifice: What a bank says you can afford and what feels comfortable may differ. Homeownership typically requires sacrifices, whether it’s a tighter budget in the early years or asking loved ones for help with a down payment. Locking in a fixed mortgage shields you from inflation, and building equity makes your home the cornerstone of financial net worth for many.

Homeownership is a journey, not a transaction. It’s about making the right decision for you, at the right time, for the right reasons—and accepting that it will never be perfect. There’s value in getting on the “homeownership train” when your personal clock says it’s time, not just when market conditions might look ideal.

If you want to dig deeper, check out Gold Coast’s Tenants Lounge for more nerdy details on the rent-to-own journey, and be sure to listen to our previous episodes, especially if you want to explore the emotional side of buying a home.

Thanks for joining us for another episode of Modern Financial Wellness. Don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter at modernfinancialwellness.com, and stay tuned for more insights on making your money work for you!

Hey everyone, it’s Jim Grace, your host, and I’m excited to welcome you back to the Modern Financial Wellness podcast. In today’s episode, we’re doing something a little different—instead of our usual deep dive into a specific financial topic or professional’s life story, we’re making a big announcement: Modern Financial Wellness is officially not just a podcast anymore, but now a flat-fee financial planning firm! It’s a milestone for both me personally and for all of you who want approachable, comprehensive, and emotionally intelligent financial guidance.

Joining me is my friend and longtime collaborator, Ashley Quamme. If you’ve listened to past episodes, you may have heard me introduce Ashley as a financial therapist. Today, I’m thrilled to share that Ashley is stepping into the role of our outsourced Chief Behavioral Officer—an integral new resource in our practice, bringing decades of experience in marriage and family therapy and helping connect emotional and behavioral insights with financial planning.

We started with the exciting news about the firm and transitioned into Ashley’s journey from practicing marriage and family therapy to focusing primarily on financial therapy—an emerging field that's still relatively unknown but critically important. Ashley broke down what financial therapy actually is, how it differs from traditional mental health therapy, and what it means to have a behavioral specialist on your financial team. We also got practical, talking through how couples (including both Ashley and myself) do annual planning “life meetings,” reflecting not just on finances but overall values, family stages, and priorities. We closed out with a discussion about how to approach New Year’s resolutions, or better yet, use temporal landmarks (like the start of the year, birthdays, or school semesters) to set meaningful, realistic goals and intentions for the year ahead.

5 Key Takeaways from This Conversation:

1. Financial Therapy Bridges the Emotional Gap
2. Most people aren’t aware that financial therapy exists, but it’s all about understanding why you think, feel, and behave around money the way you do. It’s less about “fixing the numbers,” and more about uncovering mindsets, beliefs, and patterns that shape financial decision-making.
3. Financial Planning Is NOT Financial Therapy
4. There is a clear line between what we offer as financial planners and what Ashley would do as a clinical therapist. Our work focuses on understanding and coaching financial behaviors, not treating diagnoses or healing past trauma. Sometimes, recognizing when someone would benefit from clinical support is vital—and Ashley helps triage and connect clients to those resources when needed.
5. Annual "Life Meetings" Make a Difference
6. Ashley and her husband, as well as my wife and I, both hold yearly planning sessions to look not just at finances, but at vacations, professional goals, time management, and even the developmental stages of our children. Pen-to-paper planning and revisiting these notes is a powerful tool in clarifying priorities and aligning as a couple or family.
7. Use Temporal Landmarks to Refresh Goals
8. New Year’s isn’t the only time for a “fresh start.” Consider using other meaningful dates—birthdays, anniversaries, the start of school, even quarterly reviews—to reflect and refocus on what’s important. This “fresh start psychology” is supported by research and can help create momentum.
9. Behavioral Support Adds Real Value for Everyday People
10. Most of our clients are busy, successful, and overwhelmed with life. Simply having a thoughtful, solutions-oriented behavioral resource on the financial team reduces stress, helps identify roadblocks, and increases alignment and progress—often in small but significant ways.

We’ll be welcoming Ashley Quamme back regularly for a new segment where we tackle real-life financial scenarios and explore ways to move forward, together. We haven’t settled on a segment name yet (maybe “Let’s Ask Ashley”?), but stay tuned! Thank you for listening, and remember—whether you’re starting fresh with a plan or just trying to do your best through life’s challenges, we’re here to help with both the technical and behavioral sides of money.

Don’t forget to subscribe wherever you’re listening, and if you’d like to learn more, check out ModernFinancialWellness.com. Happy New Year, and we’ll talk to you soon!

—Jim Grace

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! In this episode, we tackle one of the biggest pain points for couples everywhere: how to work as a team around money. Managing finances together isn’t just about budgeting and spreadsheets—it’s about trust, fairness, teamwork, and building a life that supports both partners’ dreams. Today’s conversation dives deep into the emotional and practical sides of money and relationships, with plenty of stories and actionable advice for anyone sharing their financial life with someone else.

I’m joined by the dynamic husband-wife team, Douglas Boneparth and Heather Boneparth of Bona Fide Wealth. Douglas, a nationally recognized financial advisor based in New York City, frequently shares his insights in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and CNBC. Heather, after a decade in law and insurance, now directs business and legal affairs at their firm and writes about money, relationships, and modern family life for outlets like CNBC and The Skimm. They’re also the co-authors of the fantastic new book Money Together, which offers couples a compassionate roadmap for building solid financial foundations as a team.

Episode Overview: In this episode, we talk about:

• Why so many couples have the wrong money conversations—and what to focus on instead
• The roles of fairness, trust, and teamwork in a healthy financial partnership
• Power dynamics, especially when one partner is more financially savvy or earns more
• Real stories from Douglas Boneparth and Heather Boneparth's marriage and experience working with couples (including some of my own as a financial planner!)
• Compromise, contribution, and redefining roles as careers and family life evolve
• Why time is just as valuable as money—and should be part of the financial conversation
• How to start better money conversations with your partner, with helpful questions to guide the way

5 Key Takeaways:

1. Healthy Money Conversations Start With Self-Awareness and Empathy.
2. Heather and Douglas emphasize that it's crucial to understand your own background and beliefs about money before you can communicate effectively with your partner. Knowing each other’s stories—the “why” behind the numbers—builds empathy and prevents misunderstandings.
3. Power Dynamics and Confidence Matter.
4. Often, one partner feels less confident handling finances, especially when the other is a financial expert or higher earner. Heather shares how easy it is for the less-involved partner to lose confidence and why each person still needs ownership and awareness of the family’s finances, regardless of who does the technical work.
5. Contributions Aren’t Just About Income.
6. Douglas admits falling into the trap of measuring his household contribution by money earned, but both learned—and model for clients—that taking on the invisible load (managing schedules, carpool, emotional labor, etc.) is equally valuable. Healthy partnerships recognize time and effort as key currencies.
7. Your Money System Must Evolve With Your Life.
8. What worked for you as a couple at one stage may not work later. Heather shares her story of shifting from a stable corporate job to joining the family firm and how openly renegotiating roles and responsibilities can save a relationship from resentment as circumstances change.
9. Regular, Compassionate Conversations Are a Game-Changer.
10. The value of Money Together is in the questions it prompts, not a one-size-fits-all solution. Start small: discuss values, dreams, and contributions. The book’s questions at the end of each chapter provide a jumping-off point for honest discussions, opening the door to greater fairness, trust, and progress together.

Resources & Where to Find More:

• Pick up a copy of Money Together—print, digital, or Audible!
• Subscribe to their newsletter at thejointaccount.com
• Learn more about their advisory work at bonafidewealth.com
• Follow
• Heather Boneparth
• on social media @AverageJoelle

Thanks again for joining us—if today’s episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with a friend. Here’s to more open, compassionate money conversations with your partner!

Hey everyone, welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! I’m Jim Grace, your host, and I’m excited for this week’s episode, where we’re diving deep into the human side of retirement. Retirement is a huge milestone, but as many are beginning to realize, it’s about so much more than just making the numbers work. Today, we’ll unpack the emotional, psychological, and deeply personal challenges—and opportunities—that this major transition brings.

My guest this episode is Dan Haylett, retirement coach, financial planner, keynote speaker, creator of the “Humans vs Retirement” platform, and now an author! Dan’s work stands out for exploring not just the math behind retirement, but the untold human journey at its core. His new book, The Retirement You Didn’t See Coming: A Guide to the Human Side of Retirement Nobody Warns You About, inspired this conversation—and I can’t recommend it enough.

In our discussion, Dan shares what inspired him to write his book, why the traditional “retirement is the goal” narrative misses the point, and how true fulfillment comes from addressing five essential pillars beyond the financial. We debunk common retirement myths, highlight the complexity of the emotional transition, and talk practical strategies so you (or your loved ones) can truly thrive in this next chapter—not just survive.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Retirement is a Human Issue, Not Just a Math Problem
2. Numbers and financial security are important, but they don’t guarantee happiness, safety, or meaning in retirement. Most real challenges—and opportunities—are personal, emotional, and deeply human.
3. The Big Myths Need Busting
4. Most of us carry ingrained narratives that “retirement is the goal” or that “the numbers will make us feel safe.” In reality, many arrive with enough money but feel lost, anxious, or directionless.
5. Expect an Emotional Rollercoaster
6. Retirement is not a straight line. There’s a reinvention curve, including excitement, shock, doubt, and ultimately, flourishing—if you’re open to doing the human work. Everyone will experience ups and downs, and that’s normal.
7. The Five Pillars to Thriving: Purpose, Identity, Relationships, Structure, Well-being
8. Don’t wait until you retire to think about these. Start now! Reflect, do the exercises, talk with loved ones, and intentionally reinvent these pillars to create a meaningful and joyful life.
9. Retirement is a Team Sport—Communication Matters
10. Especially for couples, talk early and openly about your individual and shared visions for this chapter. Expectations, purpose, timelines, and how you’ll spend your days may differ—address these before you leap.

If you want to move beyond the spreadsheets and bulletproof your sense of meaning in retirement, I highly recommend Dan Haylett’s new book, The Retirement You Didn’t See Coming. It’s practical, readable, and packed with exercises to help you design the life you want.

Thanks so much for tuning in! If you enjoyed the episode, please subscribe and check out Dan’s book, podcast, and newsletter—the links are in the show description.

Until next time—here’s to your financial and human wellness!

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! In this episode, we dive into a topic that resonates with so many of us—how to navigate the overwhelming demands of the fall season and maintain productivity (and sanity!) as we approach the holidays and the end of the year. If you’ve ever felt a wave of anxiety triggered by the sight of Christmas decorations in October or the reminder that “Q4” is flying by, you’re not alone.

To help us work through these feelings and get practical strategies for this time of year, I was thrilled to welcome back Sarah Reiff-Hekking, founder of True Focus Coaching. Sarah’s expertise in time management, productivity, and coaching for busy professionals is a perfect fit for the “fall freakout” that so many of us experience.

We started the conversation with a real-life example—my own mini-panic at seeing Christmas decorations in a store before Halloween—and explored what triggers this seasonal overwhelm. Sarah broke down the unique pressures of fall, from shifting routines as kids go back to school, to the barrage of holidays and year-end work deadlines, and the added layer of economic and political uncertainty.

Together, we discussed how to bring ourselves back to the present moment, clarify what’s truly important, and create space for both productivity and meaningful connection. We touched on saying “no,” managing competing demands and external expectations, and setting up flexible routines so the holidays don’t just become one giant stress-fest.

Sarah shared actionable strategies—from mindful breathing to practical time blocking—to help listeners stay grounded, focused, and resilient. We wrapped up with advice on tuning out the social media “noise” and focusing on real, personal priorities.

1. Name the “Fall Freakout” and Normalize It
2. The sense of stress and overwhelm in October and November isn’t just you—it’s a confluence of shifting routines, holiday expectations, and mounting year-end pressure. Acknowledging this helps us respond intentionally rather than reactively.
3. Return to the Present Moment
4. When anxiety kicks in, the first step is to physically bring yourself back—to notice your breath, your feet on the ground, and where you are right now. Mindful grounding calms your nervous system and helps you regain focus.
5. Clarify What’s Meaningful and Important
6. Get clear on your most meaningful goals, both professionally and personally. If everything feels important, dig deeper and ask yourself: “Why do I care about this?” Prioritize your top 2-3 “big rocks” and let the rest go. Remember, not everything makes your cut.
7. Be Strategic About What You Say Yes (and No) To
8. You can’t (and shouldn’t!) do it all. Proactively decide how many commitments you’ll take on each week, leave room for spontaneity if you value it, and practice pausing before you say yes. Planning to delay a task isn’t procrastination if it’s intentional and fits your bigger plan.
9. Manage Your Environment and External Influences
10. Social media and retail environments can trigger “shoulds” and inject noisy expectations. Turn down the external pressure and lean into what’s genuinely important for you and your family. Don’t let comparison steal your joy—or your time.

If this episode resonated with you and you’re feeling ready for support, check out Sarah Reiff-Hekking at truefocuscoaching.com and connect with her on LinkedIn. She offers free strategy sessions designed to help you map your next steps and find clarity in your own life—no cost, just real advice.

Thanks for listening to Modern Financial Wellness. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe and share it with friends who might be experiencing their own ‘fall freakout’—let’s get through the holidays with more calm, connection, and clarity!

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! I’m your host, Jim Grace, and I’m excited to share today’s episode—a deep dive into one of the most complex and sometimes overlooked aspects of couples and money: financial infidelity. If you’ve ever wondered what counts as a financial secret, how keeping money habits under wraps can impact a relationship, or how big the gap is between you and your partner’s approach to hidden spending, you won’t want to miss this episode.

Our guest today is a returning favorite, Dr. Jenny Olson, marketing professor at Indiana University's Kelley School of Business. If you caught our last conversation, you’ll remember her research on the benefits of merging finances and the factors that help couples create financial harmony. This time, she’s back to unpack her latest study, “Financial Infidelity Asymmetry Predicts Couples’ Financial and Relationship Well-Being,” and the results might surprise you.

5 Key Takeaways from the Episode

1. Financial Infidelity Is More Than Just Hiding Purchases
2. Dr. Jenny Olson defines financial infidelity as intentionally doing something with money you know your partner wouldn’t approve of, and hiding it. It’s not about every little purchase, but the concealment of actions you expect would cause conflict.
3. Asymmetry Predicts Relationship Health
4. The greater the gap between partners’ tendencies toward financial infidelity, the worse off the couple is—leading to less money, lower financial well-being, and decreased relationship satisfaction. Aligning values and habits is more important than just being thrifty.
5. Differences Aren’t Always Destructive—Unless They’re Secretive
6. Partners can have very different approaches to money (tightwad vs. spendthrift, saver vs. spender), but when these differences are out in the open, couples can thrive. The problem comes when one or both partners start hiding financial behavior.
7. Transparency and Planned Conversations Are Crucial
8. Touch base with your partner regularly about money—don’t just spring it on them when tensions are high. Scheduling money talks and setting clear parameters for what needs to be discussed helps keep communication healthy and nonjudgmental.
9. Joint Mindset Beats Scorekeeping
10. Healthy couples focus on “how can we work together?” instead of “who spent more?” Moving away from tit-for-tat or exchange norms toward a communal approach—“we’re on the same team”—makes it easier to address challenges and prevent financial secrets.

Resources Mentioned

• Dr.Jenny Olson’s website: http://www.jennyginolson.com/
• “Tightwads and Spendthrifts” by Scott Rick
• “Money Together” by the Boneparths

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this episode or you’re navigating finance in your own relationship, share it with your partner or anyone who might benefit. And remember, nothing you hear on the podcast is a substitute for personal financial advice—always consult your own advisors!

Catch us next time for more on financial wellness, or check out Dr. Jenny Olson’s research for more insights.

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness, the podcast dedicated to helping you cultivate a healthier, more empowered relationship with your money. I’m Jim Grace, your host, and today’s episode is an essential listen for anyone interested in understanding how our minds – specifically, our executive functioning skills and neurodiverse traits like ADHD – affect our day-to-day financial behaviors and overall financial well-being.

If you’ve ever struggled with procrastination, felt overwhelmed managing your finances, or found it hard to translate long-term goals into short-term action, you’re in the right place. Whether or not you have a formal ADHD diagnosis, today’s discussion is full of insights and practical tips you can apply immediately to your financial life.

1. Executive Functioning Skills Are Essential for Financial Health Even if you don’t have ADHD, understanding executive functions like organizing, prioritizing, working memory, cognitive flexibility, and goal setting is crucial. These skills help us clarify our financial goals, adapt to challenges, and make thoughtful decisions amidst life's distractions.

2. Procrastination Is Emotional, Not Just Logistical Laurel highlighted that procrastination is often rooted in emotional management rather than pure time management. By pausing to identify what's holding you back emotionally – fear, anxiety, perfectionism – you can better address procrastination in your financial life.

3. The ERAS Framework Provides a Practical Path Forward Laurel introduced the ERAS model (Expectation, Reality, Adjust, Start), which helps you process emotional reactions and create actionable steps. Whether you’re feeling stuck by financial comparisons or overwhelmed by vague goals, working through ERAS builds clarity and momentum.

4. Social Value and Emotional Responses Influence Financial Choices ADHD and executive functioning challenges can make us especially sensitive to social dynamics, like people-pleasing and comparison. Recognizing how social acceptance or rejection influences your financial habits can help you redirect your energy towards more meaningful, self-affirming goals.

5. Start Small, Focus on Behavior, and Build Agency Big changes begin with small steps. Focusing on one concrete behavior at a time – and understanding why it matters to you – lays a foundation for lasting financial wellness. Agency and clarity, not just freedom or abundance, are at the heart of true financial well-being.

Throughout the show, Laurel and I referenced a host of fantastic resources for further learning, including:

• Books:
• Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett
• How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett
• Emotional Agility by Susan David
• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Experts:
• Tim Pichel (procrastination research)
• Mark Brackett (Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence)
• Daniel Pink (decision-making and behavior change)
• Ethan Kross (Chatter, Shift)

You can find links to all these resources (and more) on modernfinancialwellness.com, both on the episode post and the dedicated resources tab.

Welcome to another episode of Modern Financial Wellness! I’m your host, Jim Grace, and I couldn’t be more excited about this conversation. In this episode, I sat down with Matt Morizio, founder of Reconstructing Wealth—a financial advisor with a distinctive focus not just on dollars and cents, but on truly reconstructing our relationships with money.

5 Key Takeaways from This Episode:

1. Your Relationship with Money Is Inherited—But Not Irrevocable: Matt’s story highlights how our earliest experiences shape how we think, feel, and act around money. But with awareness and intention, we can “break the chains” and start a new narrative for future generations.
2. Scarcity Versus Abundance Mindset: Growing up with financial fear can drive lifelong habits of hoarding and scarcity. Learning to see money as a tool, rather than an object of fear or idolization, is crucial—and sometimes, that transformation comes from acts of generosity, not just earning more.
3. Giving Is a Game Changer: Matt’s practice of disciplined, intentional giving—even when finances were tight—was the catalyst that rewired his emotional relationship with money. Through giving, he moved out of fear and into a more abundant, peaceful mindset.
4. Emotional Intelligence Is as Important as Technical Knowledge in Financial Planning: Clients rarely come to an advisor for “money mindset work.” Yet, guiding clients to reflect on their values, money stories, and priorities often has a bigger impact than any stock pick or tax strategy. Sometimes, permission and empathetic guidance are what people need most.
5. Live Your Values, Not Just Your Numbers: The best financial plan is one that supports a meaningful life—not just a big bank account. Matt’s approach is about marrying technical planning with what matters most to each individual: family, purpose, generosity, or unique life goals.

Mentioned Resources & How to Connect:

• Matt’s Free Video Course: DM Matt on Instagram @mattmorizio for a free link.
• Books:
• Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
• Happy Pocket Full of Money by David Cameron Gikandi
• Website: reconstructingwealth.com (check out the unique generosity tracker!)
• Follow the Podcast: ModernFinancialWellness.com

This episode is perfect for anyone curious about the deep-rooted stories we all carry about money and how to break out of default patterns to live a life of purpose, impact, and freedom.

If you enjoyed this conversation or want to dig deeper, don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and check out our growing library of resources. Thank you for listening—and remember, financial wellness is about so much more than the numbers!

Welcome back to another episode of Modern Financial Wellness. I’m your host, Jim Grace, and today, we’re exploring an incredibly important, nuanced topic—how grief and loss, particularly widowhood, impact financial well-being. This is a subject that’s both deeply personal and highly relevant to anyone supporting loved ones through life’s most challenging transitions.

Joining me for this powerful conversation is Paula Harris, co-founder of WH Cornerstone Investments. Paula brings a remarkable, holistic approach to financial planning, blending her human resources background, four decades of experience in the industry, and an unwavering commitment to guiding midlife widowed women. Paula describes herself as a “dream architect,” an accomplished cheese maker and yogi, a TEDx speaker, and the author of Rise Up: A Widow’s Journal and Rise Up: Grief Journal. Her practice, deeply rooted in “curveball life planning,” is all about helping clients—especially widows—find financial peace and personal strength after loss.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Grief is a Transition, Not a Transaction: Widowhood is not a box to check or a list to complete. It radically alters a person’s life, and society’s urge to “move on” too quickly can be hurtful. Recognize that your client, friend, or family member is fundamentally changed and needs time, space, and support.
2. Meet People Where They Are—Emotionally and Financially: Paula emphasizes the importance of tuning into where someone is on their grief journey, whether they’re overwhelmed and can’t face paperwork, or eager to take action to feel in control. There’s no “right” way to grieve—advisors and supporters need to be flexible and compassionate.
3. Immediate Financial Needs Come First (“Financial Triage”): In the initial aftermath of loss, focus on what’s urgent—paying for funerals, accessing cash, stopping predatory sales pitches. Delay major financial decisions when possible and give people time before making permanent changes.
4. Support, Community, and Connection Are Essential: Isolation worsens grief. Paula highlights organizations like Modern Widows Club and Wings for Widows that offer connection and resources. Even simple community events, handwritten notes, or encouragement to join widow support groups can have a profound impact.
5. Review and Update Financial Documents and Beneficiaries Quickly: Getting estate plans, insurance beneficiaries, and account titles updated is critical after a loss. Outdated or incorrect paperwork can have devastating, irreversible effects. Be proactive and encourage widows (and widowers) to seek trustworthy, fiduciary advice—especially as some financial “professionals” may have hidden agendas.

Resources and Further Reading

• WH Cornerstone Investments – Widow’s Resource Page
• Modern Widows Club
• Wings for Widows (pro bono financial mentorship)
• Rise Up: A Widow’s Journal and Rise Up: Grief Journal by Paula Harris
• TEDx Talk: “Low Tech Love – The Power of the Handwritten Note” by Paula Harris

Financial well-being, especially after loss, isn’t just about having enough money. It’s about creating the freedom, support, and opportunities to rebuild your life—and knowing you’re not alone on that path. I hope these insights and resources help you support your clients, friends, or loved ones with even more compassion and actionable guidance.

If you found this conversation helpful, please share, subscribe, and check out our full archive at modernfinancialwellness.com—and remember to take care of yourself and those around you.

Until next time,

Jim Grace

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! I’m your host, Jim Grace. In today’s episode, I’m joined by a returning favorite: Dr. Christine Hargrove (she/her). If you’ve listened before, you might remember her as Christine Hargrove during our previous conversation on couples, money, and ADHD. I’m thrilled to welcome her back as Dr. Hargrove, and even more excited that, to this day, her previous appearance is our most-downloaded and most-shared episode ever.

Today, we're tapping into her latest research about a topic that comes up in so many of our households, relationships, and financial lives: division of financial responsibilities between partners and the stress it brings. Specifically, we’re discussing her new study, “Breadwinning and Bean Counting: Exploring Perceived Couple Financial Stress Allocation in a Clinical Sample.” If you live with a partner, you’ll want to hear this.

5 Key Takeaways

1. “Bean Counting” Carries the Heaviest Stress Load. In couples, the partner who manages the day-to-day finances of the “bean counter” typically feels a larger share of the couple’s overall financial stress. Unlike the breadwinner role, which is less associated with this shared stress, the bean counter’s close, constant engagement with the household money leads to a stronger sense of responsibility and, often, anxiety.
2. Perceptions of Financial Stress Matter as Much as Reality. Whether or not the numbers reflect a perfect 50/50 split, financial stress is based largely on what each partner perceives. If the bean counter feels like the split is 70/30 in their direction but the breadwinner thinks it’s 50/50, that disconnect is fertile ground for resentment, poor communication, or conflict.
3. Clarity and Communication Are Essential and Often Missing. Many couples default into roles without ever truly defining them. Sitting down to intentionally name who does what, what each role entails, and what could go wrong if things slip up is a critical first step to ensuring satisfaction and avoiding feelings of being taken for granted.
4. Transparency is a Powerful Antidote to Stress and Resentment. One of the quickest routes to reducing couple financial stress is simple: shared transparency over the numbers, roles, and goals. Many clients immediately feel relief when they can see the whole picture sometimes even before making any “fixes.” Avoid judgment, start with awareness, and let solutions flow from honest data.
5. Gender Roles and Power Dynamics Can Compound Stress Especially for Women. Christine’s research and clinical experience repeatedly show that women who are the primary “bean counters” often feel especially stuck, stressed, and underappreciated, particularly when they don’t have equal power over big decisions. Couples need to acknowledge these dynamics, avoid defaulting into traditional patterns, and have real conversations about fairness, workload, and what everyone actually wants.

Resources Mentioned

• The Love and Money Center at the University of Georgia (outreach, clinical services, and research on couples and money)
• Financial Therapy Association (directory for professionals and resources)
• Ramit Sethi’s “Money for Couples” (practical frameworks for couples with joint, separate, or hybrid finances)
• Monarch Money app, and other budgeting tools for transparency and shared financial visibility

I want to give a big thank you to Dr. Christine Hargrove for sharing her insights, research, and wisdom with us once again. If this conversation resonated with you or you want to learn more, check out modernfinancialwellness.com for resources, links, and info on how to reach Christine and the Love and Money Center.

If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe. Thanks for tuning in and as always, here’s to making money a healthier, happier part of your life and relationships.