Mom Founder Imagination Hub

Welcome to episode 224. Tired of sounding like everyone else at networking events i.e. boring? Wish you could stand out and really put yourself and your business out there in a way that will make an impact? This episode equips you with the tools to transform your elevator pitch and turn those events into meaningful connections, even if finding and sharing the essence of who you are and why your business is unique has been harder in the past! This is a special episode especially for my fellow mom business owners who are making the trek to in-person networking events like Mom 2.o in Nashville or the like! You are spending time, money, and changing up your family's logistics so tune in to ensure you make these big networking moments worth your time! Elevator pitch prep here we go!!!!!!!!

In this podcast, you will learn:

The 3 Powerful Ideas to revolutionize your elevator pitch - the slides for this can be grabbed here for FREE: https://bit.ly/hypernetworking

Be Brief & Tailor Your Pitch: Consider the person, their company, and your goals for the interaction. Differentiate Yourself: What makes you unique? Highlight your niche and competitive advantage. Make it Memorable: Use clear, concise language, metaphors, or anecdotes to stand out.

Plus, a Free Playbook Alert! Download my "From Contact to Connection" playbook for mompreneurs – go here to grab this book! https://bit.ly/hypernetworking

Get my exact follow-up timeline, proven email templates, and strategies to master the art of following up without feeling like a bother.

Stop feeling like you're missing out!

Listen to this episode and grab the free playbook to craft a magnetic elevator pitch and build connections that matter at your next networking event!

P.S. Don't miss the free playbook with valuable templates and follow-up strategies!

P.P.S. Attending Mom 2.0? Look for me in the beige wide-brim hat! I'd love to connect with you in person and yes I'd love to hear your elevator pitch! Below is mine….. but don't forget to grab the template right here: https://bit.ly/hypernetworking

SAMPLE ELEVATOR PITCH – grab your template: https://bit.ly/hypernetworking

For 12 years, I've coached women leaders to rediscover and resell at a profit their skills. My signature approach has been to equip them with the art of initiating strategic networking, streamlining the process and accelerating their success.

Fueled by my #1 Amazon bestseller, Fertile Imagination, I pivoted my own journey to empower mom founders, entrepreneurs, and creators. Today I'm most psyched about bringing the same coaching to embolden unconventional leaders (i.e. the ones who struggle with impostor syndrome or feel more like introverts) to unlock their unique identities including that of a mom and reignite their creative thinking, transforming these into powerful competitive advantages.

What sets me apart? I skip gatekeepers and show you how to connect with high-level contacts, just like the CMO of GE I interviewed on my podcast Beth Comstock or GaryVee who has millions of people knocking at his digital door. Together, we equip you with the crowbars to shatter the padlocks guarding the right doors, unlocking the connections that can catapult your business.

Love this episode? Let's connect: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

This episode is brought to you by "From Contact to Connection: A Step-by-Step Strategic Networking Playbook for Mom Founders and Entrepreneurs"

Not sure how to go first in networking, or perhaps what to say in a follow-up?

Answers to these strategic networking questions are addressed in a free resource that has helped me and my clients talk to the right people in way less time than it would take using traditional networking methods!

Download my FREE playbook, "From Contact to Connection," and learn: • Easy steps to find the right contacts and reach out confidently. • Unconventional follow-up tips to stand out and build relationships. • Templates to personalize your outreach for maximum impact.

Stop feeling lost and reignite your spark! Download your free playbook now and watch your business thrive.

Click here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/

Limited time offer!

TRANSCRIPT

So I wanted to share this because this week in my nine week group coaching program, we were going through.

Picking the right stories to tell. And one way that you will want to share a story is by wrapping it around your elevator pitch. There are several for reasons. There are several reasons for that. But right now we're going to focus on a simple elevator pitch, and we're going to focus on the things that are critical to your success.

So there will be three key ideas. Grab a notebook, grab a pen, and let's get to it. Alrighty, so here's the baseline. When it comes to an elevator pitch, it is important for you to be brief. And to tailor the content of your pitch based on the person in front of you, based on the company that they work for, or that they own.

And also in light of what you want out of that conversation. Now This is just point one out of the three ideas that are critical to writing and then rehearsing and then articulating the right elevator pitch. Here's why these thin...after you grab the playbook. That is what I want you to really do. Cause I want to be sure that if I'm engaging with you at mom2. org, Oh, or a virtual summit, or I hear someone's pitch.

I want to be sure that I've done my best job to get the word out on the street, that there's a way to do it. And there's things that have to be considered. Okay. Alrighty. So. Grab the playbook. That is the biggest thing. And good luck on your elevator pitch. What I would say is really, really right before you tell your elevator pitch, just get yourself in that mindset, right?

Get ready. Make sure that you're warming up your imagination so that this way you can play with it a little bit. And trust me, if I see someone playing with new ideas or with the way that they express what they do, like that lights me up because I think. Think that they're more comfortable in, in their skin.

And who doesn't want to do business with someone that's more comfortable in their skin? Alrighty. Until next Tuesday.

Welcome to episode 223. Do you rush to fix your child's mistakes, shielding them from failure? Many moms do! Maybe it's a forgotten homework assignment or a missed deadline. This episode is your guide! New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey shares a relatable story of when she had to decide: intervene and save her daughter, or let her face the consequences of forgetting homework.

In this episode, you'll learn: • How Jessica handled the homework situation (and the surprising lesson her daughter took away!) • The #1 thing moms can do to avoid over-parenting or under-parenting • How to create situations where your child feels empowered to solve their own problems • Techniques to raise a confident, capable child who embraces challenges • Empower your child, not enable them! Listen to this episode now!

This podcast is perfect for you if: • You want your child to learn from mistakes and build resilience. • You're worried you might be preventing your child from developing independence. • You crave tips on raising a strong, capable adult. • Don't miss out on these valuable strategies! Tune in today!

Love this episode? Let's connect: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

This episode is brought to you by Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact

Feeling Lost and Uninspired as a Mom? Reignite Your Spark Today!

Do you long to rediscover the things that truly light you up as a mom? Feeling stuck in the daily grind can leave even the most passionate moms feeling drained and uninspired.

But what if you could recapture that spark, that creative energy that makes you, you?

Fertile Imagination is your guide to unlocking your inner powerhouse.

This #1 Amazon bestseller, written by a mom who's been there, will help you: • Uncover your hidden passions and talents. • Develop a clear vision for your future as a mom and an individual. • Learn powerful strategies to overcome overwhelm and rediscover your joy.

Stop feeling like you're just going through the motions. Light a fire under your dreams and become the best version of yourself for your family!

Visit Melissa Llarena: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/ right now and grab a FREE chapter of Fertile Imagination!

Don't wait!

Your most inspired and fulfilling life as a mom is waiting to be discovered. On the same website, we also have a limited-time offer for mom entrepreneurs who want to speak to the right people and catapult their business success in 30 days or less!

Not sure how to go first in networking, or perhaps what to say in a follow-up?

Answers to these strategic networking questions are addressed in a free resource that has helped me and my clients talk to the right people in way less time than it would take using traditional networking methods!

Download my FREE playbook, "From Contact to Connection," and learn: • Easy steps to find the right contacts and reach out confidently. • Unconventional follow-up tips to stand out and build relationships. • Templates to personalize your outreach for maximum impact.

Stop feeling lost and reignite your spark! Download your free playbook now and watch your business thrive.

Click here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/

Limited time offer!

Official bio for Jessica Lahey

Jessica Lahey is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed and The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. Jess was awarded the Research Society on Alcohol's Media Award for "outstanding journalistic efforts of writers who cover empirical research on alcohol" […] "for her book The Addiction Inoculation and advocacy for the recovery community." Over twenty years, Jess has taught every grade from sixth to twelfth in both public and private schools, and spent five years teaching in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents in Vermont. She has written about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Washington Post, The Atlantic, and her biweekly column "The Parent Teacher Conference" ran for three years at the New York Times. She designed and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids' award-winning animated series The Stinky and Dirty Show, and was a 2019 Pushcart Prize nominee. Jess holds the dubious honor of having written an article that was later adapted as a writing prompt for the 2018 SAT. She co-hosts the #AmWriting podcast from her empty nest in Vermont.

Links to connect with Jessica Lahey

• https://jessicalahey.com

• https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/

• https://www.facebook.com/jessicapottslahey/

TRANSCRIPT

Enjoy the conversation. Jessica Lahey. Thank you so much. And welcome to unimaginable wellness. I am thrilled to have you here. How are you?

I am great looking out on a snowy Vermont woods through my office windows.

Oh, New England. I remember, New Hampshire and I got a big, thick coat that was for the Arctic weather.

Sounds about right. Yeah, that's about right. And that started at the end of October. So that's, that was always interesting, but yeah. Thank you so much for being here. And why don't you share with listeners a little bit about you, your book, your wisdom, and then we will jump into something that listeners definitely need help with, which is our mental bandwidth.

So take it away, Jessica.

Thank you. So I was a teacher for 20 years. I've taught every grade from sixth to 12th grade, but my heart, I have to admit, lies in middle school. I love, love, love teaching middle school. I also taught for five years in a drug and alcohol rehab for adolescents. So I've sort of taught in hoity toity private schools and in public schools and all across the, the range.

And about the same time that I was teaching middle school, I had kids in middle school and I was Finding that a lot. And I was also at the, at the same time writing, I was a education journalist. So I, as a teacher and as a parent, I was really interested in how kids learn, how to create a situation, a home, a home life that sort of got kids excited about.

Inquiry and curiosity and all that sort of stuff. And at the same time, sort of battling my demons of how much do I step in and help with my kids? And how much do I step back and encourage them to be independent? And then saw my students, a lot of my students parents were doing things that were sort of doing an end run around a lot of learning opportunities.

And that was getting frustrating to me. And so I was on kind of a high horse about that and, and sort of, Just irritated with some of the parents of my students, which is really bad, like the better the homeschool relationship is the better kids learn. We know that. But then the journalist side of me, I was writing for the Atlantic and the New York Times and eventually started writing a column for the New York Times called the Parent Teacher Conference, which was a biweekly column sort of for the Parents wanting to ask questions about education and teachers wanting to ask questions about sort of the, it was at the intersection of education and parenting.

And so my brain was constantly thinking of what is the impact of this learning environment or this parenting thing. And, you know, what I was sort of seeing was that some aspects of over parenting, whether it's highly directive parenting or controlling parenting, were undermining. Learning in many respects, but I wasn't really clear on how that was happening or even if that was happening.

And so the journalist in me got to go out and research that for like two years, and then write a book about what I found in terms of how parenting styles affect learning, motivation, engagement, all that kind of stuff. And, and then I had to get real about my own parenting. Cause it turns out I was doing the same thing.

To my own kids that I was irritated for the parents of my students were doing. So it became something I had to look at both as a parent and a teacher. And it became personal for me, which was where I had to be quite humbled to take a deep breath and look at my own, my own, my own habits and what I was doing to my own kids.

I love how you brought both sides of the same coin together, just like being part of the experiment and then also like trying to figure out what's going on in this experiment, like, are we too involved? Are we not? Well, no, we are definitely not not involved. But it's it's just interesting how then you had to almost take your own medicine in a way.

Yeah, I appreciate it. Like I said, Humbling, especially since, well, so much of what I write about, I mean, the gift of failure was my first book and it was very much about the impact of parenting styles over parenting, directive parenting and autonomy, the alternate, the alternative autonomy, supportive parenting and what that does to kids ability to learn and their motivation and stuff like that.

And that's based on research that's out there in the field. And then my second book. Was about my coming to terms of the fact that I am an alcoholic and getting control of my own drinking, not really getting control of it, but not drinking anymore, and then having to think about, okay, well, what has the impact been on my children and what will the intact impact continue to be on my children in terms of their own risks?

So I have really what I consider to be one of the coolest jobs in the world, which is to get curious about a topic and then. Go in my hidey hole in the woods of Vermont and research the heck out of it for a couple of years and then translate that research for people who don't necessarily want to go around reading studies and, and having to learn the statistics and all that other stuff in order to translate it to real life and how that actually translates to parenting and education and what we do in the classroom and all of that sort of stuff.

It's, it's a really, it's perfect for me as a job. Yeah, I mean, it's so interesting, too, that you have this like, or had this fascination for middle school. May I ask, before we move on, why? Because I have kids in middle school and I'm like, who would be fascinated with middle school? Well, I actually, uh, my very first teaching gig was with kids, was at the Duke Talent Identification Program.

And it, there were, they were sort of gifted or really advanced middle school kids, but they weren't, they were so mature for their age in many ways that it, so I moved directly into teaching. And I thought that's where I would stay. And I had applied for a new teaching job in a high school that I really admired.

And I got a note from the head of a middle school saying, is there any way you would come and interview for this job? Would really love to talk to you about it. And I'm like, Middle school. I, I, I don't know. They, they freak me out. I didn't like middle school myself. I can't imagine that I would want to teach kids that young.

And she said, look, just come meet them, which was the kiss of death. I went and I met them and I fell in love with them immediately. And it was, there's something about the fact that they are still. Children, in the sense that their guard isn't completely up, they still need hugs, they still, there's, there's something really magical about this, this age, and I think the more you understand about the adolescent brain and cognitive development during adolescence, the more You can understand why middle school is so magical.

They, we give them far more than they can handle from the perspective of where their brain development is. And so the expectation is if you're a middle school teacher who absolutely loves this age group, and I don't know why you would teach middle school if you didn't, because it would be maddening. The expectation is, is that we will watch them screw up all day long over and over and over again, and find those learning moments because Kids aren't always teachable on our schedule.

Sometimes it requires us to sort of step back and say, okay, in the back of my mind, I know I'm going to have to talk to this kid about his total lack of organization, but I can't do it right now because he hasn't had lunch yet or his Guinea pig died last night or whatever is happening at home. His parents are getting divorced and now isn't the best time to be talking.

It's more than he can handle. So you wait for just that right moment. And over. I was really lucky. I got to teach sixth grade and seventh grade and eighth grade. So I had these kids for three full years, something that education is, is really starting to realize is important, which is sort of tracking teachers along with kids for more than one year.

You really get the opportunity to get to know them. And so if anyone's ever parented a middle school kid, sixth grade and eighth grade are like two different planets. So getting to watch them grow from sixth grade to the end of eighth grade and heading off to high school. It just, it's amazing. It's incredible.

I love it so much. I have a seventh grader, so I'm smack in the middle. I'm seeing a little metamorphosis. It's kind of like, oh my goodness, what's coming out on the other side. But, but I'll say this, I'll say this. I think as far as this idea of how much a kid can handle, depending on their age. Is it, oh, of course.

It's an idea that even it involves us moms too, and how much we can handle. And on that note, I thought we would totally talk about one of your viral videos. I'm going to say Instagram with regards to a topic that I think a lot of us. might not be able to handle. Like if we have kids and, and we're kind of focused on grades and we want to be sure that they get to like the right high school, the right college and all of that, the topic that you shared your perspective on was my kid left her homework at home.

Should I take it to school for her? And the reason why that topic resonated with me is because here's my theory. My theory is. The reason why a lot of moms are challenged in terms of their mental bandwidth, like, why does it feel so stretched? My hypothesis is because they're also taking ownership of our kids burdens and challenges and problems to solve.

And along the lines of how much they can handle and how much we can handle, I would love your thoughts. thoughts on this idea of, of homework. It's like, I feel like there's got to be a lot more to it than just a piece of like paper giving to school. There's got to be a lot behind that. So say more. Yeah.

So this story actually is in the book, the gift of failure and is It's a cool story because since gift to failure came out, there has been a long period of time in which I've seen how the choices I made that day have played out over a long period of time. So you have to understand the backstory, which I explained in gift to failure, which is that my daughter had real issues with organization.

I mean, again, this was for her, this was fourth grade, but this is something that could come up any, at any period in time. And what. We understood was that she just at first was that her homework just wasn't getting done. That's what I heard from the teacher like homework is not happening. Well, it turns out that wasn't exactly true.

What we did was we talked to her about the homework issue. And what we found out was that actually the homework was getting done. It was just that she was either not handing it in. It was getting lost. It was stuck in the bottom of her backpack. So what was fascinating about that to me is that my assumption was that she was just not doing it.

That's Turns out wasn't true. It was a whole different piece of this. So we had to lay out really clear expectations for homework and then really clear consequences for if she didn't hand it in. So our really clear expectations were you'll do it, you'll do it to the best of your ability. You'll put it in your backpack, you'll take it back out of your backpack and you will hand it in to your teacher so that your teacher can give you feedback because homework is all about feedback.

And So by the time this homework was left on this coffee table and my daughter was already out at the bus stop. And we knew that her major problem was putting the homework in the backpack, taking it out of the backpack, handing it to the teacher. And we'd had a whole conversation about this and we'd been working on this specific thing.

And so I went back and forth and back and forth. Do I take it? Do I not take it? In fact, I had to go to the school for something later that day anyway, so it would have been super easy for me to take it. And I actually even went to Facebook and put up on Facebook that this was a challenge for me. I was right in the middle of writing the gift of failure.

What I do, blah, blah, blah. And a friend of mine who helps run this website called Grown and Flown and wrote the book Grown and Flown about helping your older kids sort of out of, out of the nest, she said, Jess, I really respect you and I love your work, but I disagree if, if. If this were your husband and he forgot his, his charging cord at home, then you'd take it to him.

Right? Because family, if no one else has your back, right? We show each other, we have their backs and we love each other. And if no one else in the world supports us, our family supports us. And I'm like, Oh crud, what do I do now? Because my instinct is I can't take the homework and not just because my entire very small community knew I was writing a book called the gift of failure about this exact thing.

And so I didn't take the homework that day because I realized no, yes, I would take the, the charging cord to my husband, but my husband, always remembers his charging cord. Like that's not an issue we're working on with him. He's an incredibly careful and meticulous person. And so it would be an oddity, an outlier for him to forget something like that.

But with my daughter, this is a very specific thing we've been working on. So I didn't take it. I'm also, by the way, not raising my husband. I was raising my daughter with this very specific blind spot in her, in her executive function skills. And so I didn't take it. And what ended up happening was her teacher got fed up.

Wonderful Mr. Dano. I love him so much. I talk about him all the time. Mr. Dano kept her in from lunch, which plus a minus I'm not in agreement with that. We, Kids need exercise, but kept her in from recess and said, this is something that's been going on for too long. It's time that you just, you have to come up with a strategy, like how is tomorrow going to be different from today?

And that day, the day I didn't take the homework and did not rescue her, she was forced to sit down and come up with a strategy that would work for her. And that strategy won PS, I had been recommending for ages that she didn't. Listen to came up with her own strategy, which again was the one I had been recommending you forever, but it was the one that she thought she came up with all on her own, which is what matters, which was a checklist, like having a checklist at home so that she remembers everything.

And what was so cool about that was. She's very proud of herself when she told me all about this checklist thing. She had come up with clearly all on her own, but it's the, the tool she used, the strategy she used all the way through middle school, all the way through high school. I kept all of them. She would remake them from time to time, depending on what she needed.

And she's in college now, and it continues to be the way she thinks about it. What she needs to leave house with or the dorm room with or whatever And it stuck because it was her Strategy and if I had taken the homework that day She wouldn't have had this moment where she had to talk to an adult about how She needed to be supported in coming up with a solution to this ongoing problem that she wasn't hearing from me and I'm forever indebted to Mr.

Dano for, for being that person that really pushed her to come up with something. So it was really hard to stay home that day, especially since it was for a subject that. She was having trouble with, it was kids who were starting to tease her about being the kid that forgets everything. I could have saved her from that if I had just taken the homework that day, but, and it would have made me feel great, but I had to put off my own, Need to feel good about here's how much I love you.

Here's visible evidence of how much I love you for what would benefit her long term, not necessarily that day. And I would have stolen that learning opportunity from her. And to your point, it's not great at there's another story that I tell in the book, which is that former. Student of mine, we were working on some stuff together about her anxiety and her anxiety around homework and all that stuff.

And it was because her parents were so, so invested in helping her with homework every single day, like literally on top of her. And it was causing major chaos, not just chaos, but anxiety in the home. When it came time for her to go off to college and I asked her what she was excited about, she's like, Oh yeah, I'm so excited for this, that, and the other thing.

She said, but I'm really, really worried about my parents because I don't know what they're going to do with their time because she had never seen her parents have a life outside of her needs and wants and schedule. And that's bad for kids. Like we shouldn't. They need to see that we have a life outside of their needs and wants and lives and that we are full people outside of our children.

That's how we teach our children to be their own parents who can have a life outside of their own kids and think about things like their relationships and their career and their whatever those other things are outside of kids. So I think it's, we really, really have to balance that stuff and be thinking about what's important for our kids in the long term and what's important for us in the long term.

Absolutely. And as I think about what you're sharing, I'm thinking to myself, okay, so this was like a, a little moment that became a huge learning opportunity, lifelong benefits for your daughter. And I'm curious about for yourself and just like, is this now something that you never had to think about again?

Like, how did it like. Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be nice if I never had to think about it again? No, it was fourth grade and you know, this, she continued to be the kind of kid who needed more supports, especially for executive function stuff. And for those people who don't know, executive function stuff is frontal lobe stuff.

It's adulting stuff. So the brain develops from the bottom up. We start with like the ability to breathe and the ability and reflexes and the ability to see our heart. But the higher up in our brain, we go, the more we're thinking about like time management, resource allocation, how we segue from one thing to another, starting a task, finishing a task, all that kind of like adulting stuff.

That's all frontal lobe stuff. And that is the very last part of the brain to come online. And many, many. Kids, fourth grade, middle school, high school, that part of the brain is not fully online yet. It's not fully online until the early to mid twenties, which if you read my other book about substance use, it's the reason that using addictive substances is so much more harmful to the adolescent brain than it is to an adult brain that's done forming.

So for me, I constantly had to think, okay, where is my kid along this continuum of developing executive function? And she's 20 now. Is she fully cooked yet? No, she, her brain won't be fully cooked until the early to mid twenties. My older kid happened to get there a little bit sooner and my younger kid is getting there a little later and that's totally normal.

But how I react to one kid might be a little different from how I react to my other kids simply because. I know, I have a pretty good sense of where they are in terms of what they need, and it's when we start assuming that they need help all the time, when we start assuming that they're not competent enough to do stuff themselves, that's when we start sort of stepping in, doing too much, being overly directive, and possibly fostering what's called learned helplessness, which is teaching our kids Oh, no, I don't think you can do that thing.

And then they start to believe it too. And so their immediate reaction becomes, Oh, I need help with this. I can't do it myself. There's no way I could do this on my own. And I see it from the classroom side as a teacher. And I see it at home from my own kids, it still pops up, but it still rears its ugly head sometimes, because is it easier to pretend you can't do it?

So mom will do it. Absolutely. And that goes from laundry to loading the dishwasher to pretending that you didn't know that if the dishwasher is already clean, then you can unload it before you drop your stuff in the sink and just walk away. There's that learned helplessness thing is a really tempting thing to fall into for kids until they're done developing and sometimes beyond.

What's so what's so interesting, Jessica, in terms of just like my own experiences, is that. This dynamics of like an overly involved parent doing things for you is alien territory to me. I'm like, oh, that's so fascinating. I, I have a totally different life experience. So here's the challenge that I want to just share with you.

Like how, How would a listener who has the opposite experience where she had to grow up very quickly because she was raised by a mom with manic depression? Like, how does someone like me and you, Jessica, teach our kids without breaking them? Because I don't know what they're capable of, but I'm really trying to figure out what are the edges and like, how does one before?

For already, like what one kid could handle or not, how do you start like testing this just like, Oh, I think they got this or, Oh no, break them. If they do that. Yeah. So I love this question because I hardly ever get this question. I, I was raised in a home with an alcoholic parent. I was raised along with some other stuff that I choose to keep private that I had to grow up really fast and I was in charge of all my stuff.

But part of that was really wonderful because part of it was that my parents trusted me to make good decisions and they, and I, you know, Very much wanted to fulfill that expectation. And so from my perspective, some of that was really great. Like they trusted me to navigate the world and be able to speak up for myself.

And they expected that I would speak up for myself and that I would be able to navigate the world. But there is, as you mentioned, so there's, There's a really interesting divide between kids who have, there's this thing called self efficacy, which is the feeling that if you take action, that you can change things.

Like, let's say for example, I'm. I really don't like my college roommate. We're just not getting along and I really think we should switch roommates. And so I know that I could go speak to an advisor or go talk to the college or talk to the roommate and either resolve things or change things up. That's a feeling of self efficacy.

I know I can do that. So I tend to have a fairly high level of self efficacy, but there are two kinds of kids who have very low levels of self efficacy. And not only is that. which is terrible for them emotionally, but it's also a really big risk factor for substance use. Kids who grow up in the foster care system, group homes, homes where they're being neglected or abused, where you want to change the fact that you're getting hit or that you don't have anyone to turn to, but there isn't much you can do.

Do to change that situation, a kid in foster care may have no control whatsoever over where they're living next week. And that can cause some kids to have really low levels of self efficacy. Like no matter what I do, nothing will change kind of thing. But then there are also kids who grow up with every support and financial support and parents doing everything for them.

And even those kids can end up in a situation where they're like, well, I don't need to make decisions about things because all decisions are being made for me. Someone is going to figure that out for me. And that's also can foster a really low level of self efficacy. And these are the kids that I saw in my rehab classroom a lot, these two kinds of kids.

And so I think One of the best things we can do is really get to know the kid that we have really well. What are their needs? What are their wants? What are, what are the things they love? And let them know that we love them no matter what the outcome is That we're, that we're really interested in the process of becoming, learning, practicing that when we focus overly on the end product, the trophy, the score, the grade, the points, that what we're saying is we don't care how you get there.

We just want you to provide these results and. The way we react when they do or don't provide those results. Can make them can make a lot of kids feel like they are loved more when they get high grades and less when they Get low grades. And in fact, I poll kids on this when i'm in schools And it's really stunning how many kids say?

Yeah, I really do believe that i'm loved More when I get high grades and less when I get low grades so doing a lot of this sort of process talk will also get at the topic of Well, do you need support here? Do you want me to step back a lot of Parents don't think to ask those questions, especially when your come kids, your kid comes to you and they're really upset and like we go into that defensive mode and we just want to fix it for them because it's so horrible to hear about our kids being in distress.

But a lot of teens will tell you that they don't want the problem solved. They just want to talk about it. They just want to be heard. So. Making sure your kid feels heard is the number one thing that we can do to make sure that we're not under parenting or over parenting because they're going to tell us if they trust us and if they feel supported in the process of becoming and whoever it is, they're going to be, as opposed to just in the end product, then they hopefully will trust us enough to tell us when they need help and when they need support, and that's when you can get to know Are they asking for help because they're being helpless here, or are they asking for help because they really, really need help?

And it becomes fairly, it's different with each kid, but if I can learn it in a classroom of 30 students, I knew when my students needed real help or were just copping out for the day. And I knew when a student was in distress and not asking for help. That's a matter of looking and listening, listening, listening.

And paying attention to who the kid is. And there's one thing I say a lot when I'm talking in schools, talking to parents about gift to failure stuff, which is that we have to love the kid. We have not the kid we wish we had, because when we love the kid, we have not some imaginary version of our child.

We really do get a feel for their emotional state and their, their levers for what they want and need from us. And, and that's. Knowing the kid you have and, and not just the kid you wish you had is sort of the most important thing that I think we can do as a parent. Yeah, I would agree totally. I think some kids can handle more than other kids, which is an obvious point.

But I think as a parent, it's the onus is on us to really like understand, like maybe what are their limits and challenge them a little bit. I mean, I have several anecdotes, which I'll definitely share in the show notes a bit more, but. Yeah. Thank you, Jessica, for this. I think this is important. And so one final question before you share all your socials and where we could get your books and such, but here's the question.

So you personally, as a mom, as an author, a New York Times bestselling author, help us understand how you personally have bubble wrapped your sanity along your journey. Yeah, at the, my ability to say no to things has gotten better. When I first sold The Gift of Failure, I was working full time over more than full time as a middle school teacher.

I was teaching six, six class. So I was teaching six individual different classes out of seven periods a day. And I was also working part time as an education journalist. And then I sold my book and I did not want to stop teaching. But I also. I had to weigh sort of what I wanted from my career, and I had always wanted to be a writer, and this was my big chance to sort of do it or not do it right.

And I had to, I, the day I quit, I was just Weeping. It was awful. I luckily was able to find a part time job teaching so that I was able to juggle everything, but I couldn't do everything I wanted to do. And granted, this isn't from a perspective of, Oh my gosh, I have choice. That's a place of incredible privilege.

And I totally understand that. But being able to say no to some of the things that are shiny objects that I would love to like have on my CV, or that I think could sell a couple extra books, or that might give me, give me another opportunity. I've had to realize that I can't be all things to all people.

I can't do everything. In order to be the parent that my teenagers needed, I couldn't also. Teach full time. I just couldn't do it no matter how much I wanted to stay. And it was really sad, but it was a decision that was really, really good and allowed me, as I said, to find a part time job that did allow me to have a taste of this and a taste of that, and still be there for my kids when they needed me to be.

Thank you for that. I think that's helpful. I think saying no is ultimately saying yes to the thing that you really want. So it makes, it makes sense. And I know it's really, really hard, especially when those objects are extra super shiny. So Jessica, share with us where we can continue to follow along your journey and buy your books and support you and learn more about them.

Your gift of failure. So everything is at Jessica Lahey. com, including the daily videos. I was putting up for a while and I'm hoping to return to both on the addiction inoculation and the gift of failure. I do that on Instagram but they're all indexed in the little table of contents on there. You can find out about more about.

Possibly getting me to come to your kid's school or some nonprofit organization in your area to speak about either topic. But again, everything is at Jessica Lahey. com and I'm on all of the social places at, at Jess Lahey. Thank you so much. Or at Teacher Lahey, sorry, at Teacher Lahey. Someone over on Instagram took at Jess Lahey, so I couldn't have it.

So I'm at Teacher Lahey over on Instagram. Thank you so much, Jessica. I appreciate this. Thank you so much. This is such, such a fun conversation. Absolutely. Thanks again. What an amazing conversation with Jessica, and here's why I was so smitten to have a conversation with her. First of all, I think it's so interesting that the topic of over parenting is such a big deal these days because I see it, I'm a witness, I understand it visually.

But personally, and maybe you too, I wasn't over parented. I don't know if I would say I was under parented, but maybe right sized parented for my personality and my abilities. So, it's something for you to consider. I think there's two ends, two ways of approaching parenting, probably several. But ultimately, it's something important to understand as far as For each individual child.

So here's my quick recap. Number one, kids do need to see that we have lives outside of our kids. And I think that is even more important and possible with the internet, making it more accessible to us. Second point, we have to give kids more credit. We can't assume that they don't know how to do something.

I will even add this point. Not only can we not assume that they don't know how to do something. But dare I say, and I'm just saying this cause it's easier to say than to do. What if they actually can do something more simply and better? Right? So that's an opportunity that I think is really helpful.

Here's the third one, self efficacy. So for different kids, there's different quote unquote. Levels of abilities, right? And capabilities. So it's beyond just the age because you could have two 12 year olds that have totally different ways of handling the exact same stressful moment. And I think. You see that in one home where you have siblings who see certain situations favorably, potentially, and others, not as much.

So it's really important for us as moms, even at the helm of really growing businesses. To really pay attention to the different parenting style needs that our individual children have. And as someone with identical twins, that goes for me too, and maybe for you too. So hope you enjoyed the conversation.

I definitely want to invite you to learn more about Jessica. She shared how to reach out to her. And I also want to invite you to head on over to fertile ideas. com. When I say that I am beyond, beyond excited that I am sharing. You know, everything that I've learned over these four years on how to rediscover my own imagination so that this way I could actually have a business that thrives and something that I'm excited about and I feel fully aligned to, which is supporting mom entrepreneurs.

It is not an understatement. Your imagination is something that you might not even know has been paused for a decade. And once we hit that play button. And that is a little bit of a pun because that is part of my framework playing with your imagination. There's no telling at how many wonderful ideas you could activate and turn into reality and actually make an impact in the world and on your terms.

So head on over to www.fertileideas.com

Ever think to yourself, "Sure, I can network with strangers confidently... as long as they go first?" Do you ever wish you had the chutzpah and perfect words to break the ice as a mompreneur, even if you're introverted? Want access to my frameworks and easy-to-use follow-up insights – the exact ones I've used to land big-name podcast interviews with people like Suzy Batiz or GaryVee?

Welcome to episode 222. Bookmark this episode to learn exactly how to go first to strike a conversation with a contact and find your most authentic way to turn them into a real connection!

Free Resource: From Contact to Connection: The Go First Networking & Follow-Up Playbook for Mom Entrepreneurs

SIGN-UP for playbook: https://bit.ly/hypernetworking

• Easy to follow steps to craft your networking outreach goal • Research necessary to not ask silly questions or feel awkward • Unconventional follow-up ideas and timing that will not come across as thirsty/ pushy • Templates that you can tailor based on your business goals and personality • Worksheet to uncover ways to add value to contacts and make everyone feel good

The urgency stems from the fact that many of us, as I coach moms who are entrepreneurs, have been out of the market for a while. Some of us have taken a hiatus, perhaps due to a recent child or the pandemic keeping us home and away from others. But mompreneurs are back, and we need to catch up! This can naturally lead to a dip in confidence when re-entering the scene and engaging with people who haven't experienced a similar break. Right? That's why I wanted to equip you with some language that's practically copy-and-paste ready, like Mad Libs, allowing you to tailor it to your specific outreach goals.

So here is a real-life question that I got from a mom business owner. She said: I just got back into networking after a pause from having two kids. I don't have a problem talking to someone if they talk to me first? It's usually the opening, the conversation with a stranger, that isn't about the weather or something irrelevant. And then after the meeting, I want to know what to say afterwards to follow up with a give and not just "taking".

Tune in for my answer to her question, which I suspect is on your mind too, if you're reading this. And while you're here, grab this free resource I made specifically for my fellow mompreneurs, founders, and creators who need to be more strategic about their networking efforts. These skills can take your business to the next level, whether you're looking to find new partners, build corporate relationships with decision-makers, secure podcast guests, or find mentors who can open doors to the right rooms – where the real conversations happen and where, if mentioned, you could transform your vision.

TRANSCRIPT

Now before I answer that question, I just need to ask you, like, do you have outreach goals as a business owner? Because if you don't, I think we just need to like level set right there. Here's where I'm going with this right now in my nine week group coaching program, fertile imagination in access, which is what I'm going to rename it from action.

What we're going through is how to actually knock your business goals out of the ballpark, right? So let's just imagine that you want to bring in an extra 50 K and you're figuring out how to engage with the right stakeholders, be in the right rooms, have the right conversations. That is what needs to happen.

You need to really be specific. Like who do you want to talk to? And to be very honest, you could absolutely use AI and get some ideas, but coming from someone who tried that pertaining to just pitching podcasts, for example. AI wasn't as helpful as I had hoped. It really is something that requires your own personal touch because you're going to have the wisdom necessary to understand how can I look through LinkedIn, for example, for precisely the person I need on my team or I need to speak to.

So have an outreach goal. That's like step number one. And that is where I come in and I support mom entrepreneurs who may have never approached their business in this way, through the use of hyper networking, which I'll get into in this episode. Now let's go back to the language that this person might use in order to strike up a conversation with a complete and total stranger.

So let's imagine that you are, On LinkedIn, right? So that's one way that you're conducting this outreach efforts in order to build strategic partnerships or find mentors who are light years ahead of you, not individuals where you feel like you both are in the same boat. And just kind of feeding each other information that you've gotten online.

So here's one way that you might want to approach this. So as this person is sharing, she wants to get back out there. It's been some time. Step one is you need to know who you are. Like you need to realize and rebuild your confidence, right? Like, who are you to talk to person A, B, or C? So as an example, let's imagine that you wanted to get in touch with Sarah Blakely.

Now, I'm not saying you have to talk to someone that is a billionaire or someone that might feel so out of reach at first. There is a way to build up your confidence to get to that level, but here's the reality of it. Someone like Sarah is getting all these inbound LinkedIn messages that are totally ridiculous.

A lot of them are like copy and paste pitches, invest in my business, or, Oh, I admire you so much. Can I work for you for free? Like these are the sort of messages someone like Sarah is getting. So if you are genuine, sincere, and you honestly approach someone like Sarah, and then of course, there's other things that need to happen to get her attention.

Then you will stand out. That's just like the first step there, right? So step one, what's your intention? I think intention really matters. So before you put pen to paper or fingertip to keyboard, definitely, what is your intention, right? Are you looking for a relationship with someone like a Sarah or whoever, Whereby you really want to not just take from them, but you want to give them a sense of like either admiration, appreciation, or just like a real conversation.

I know this might sound like not of value, but do you know how valuable it is to have a real conversation with someone who gets pitched all the time and you're there being yourself and you're there being your mom self? Like. I tell my clients all the time, let's imagine you wanted to engage with Warren Buffett, right?

You're not a billionaire. Okay, fine. You're not Warren's cousin or nephew or son, but imagine that there was like a baby in a room. Tell me that that baby is not going to make someone like Warren Buffett giggle and tell me that just providing an opportunity for Warren to giggle is not a value. Like really, really take that in.

Like someone who is pitched all the time by disingenuous people. Is actually having a real chat with someone that's like a mom who gets the struggle, who gets how hard it is to pursue her outreach goals or her business goals. So really figuring out like who you are and the value that you bring to the table upfront before typing anything is step one.

And it's really hard for moms because a lot of the value that we might bring to a conversation with someone who has these financial markers of success, a lot of the value that we bring is not quantifiable. It really isn't. And so it's really on us to reimagine what actually matters in terms of like authentic human engagement.

So that's the first piece of the puzzle. The second one is the following. So if you're reaching out to someone, what's really, really important, and I'm thinking LinkedIn, because that is how I helped a client just yesterday. But if you're reaching out to someone, you need to understand, like, why exactly are you reaching out to them?

And we've got to cut through the bullshit, like for real, for real, for real. Why are you reaching out to that person? Okay, because if there's any sort of like hint or tint of I just want to reach out to you because I want you to give me money, like someone's going to smell that on you, even though you can't technically smell LinkedIn, but they're just going to tell like certain phrases that you might use will feel kind of like icky or weird or whatever.

So you got to be really like clear on what, like why are you reaching out to this person? So let me give you an example, let's imagine that like legit, you want someone to be on your board of advisors, like strategically, that is something that you can bring to the table. If you're having a conversation with one of these very amazing human beings.

It might not even be someone that's like billionaire light years ahead of you. It might be someone who just has visibility into a new sector that might help you achieve your outreach goals, i. e. your business goals. So in the case of my client just the other day, for her, she really wants to reach out to people that are in the health insurance space, right?

And what was really interesting is that she has a board of advisors. She has a board of advisors and she knows that she needs someone who is a medical professional. So what is it that she did or I guided her to do? I said, okay, great. So name a health insurance company, whatever it might have been in her case, it was Kaiser Permanente.

And now tell me the actual job title of the person who's a medical professional that you feel would be like the perfect bulls eye pick to serve on your board. Now, I didn't connect those dots up front, but after the fact, that's where I said we were going. Here's the thing. People like to feel special.

Everybody has an ego. And if you have an opportunity to really cater to someone's ego, like let's say you have a podcast, let's say you have a blog, let's say you have a vlog, a YouTube channel, or A board of advisors, or you could like literally make it up and say, and now I have a board of advisors and a spot that's enough of a reason for someone and you to engage.

Right? So that's what we did. We're like, okay, great. So let's be real specific here. So you want to have a relationship with someone at Kaiser Permanente and you want it to be a, and it's so hard for me to say this, a neonatologist person. Right? Right. So that's what we did. He was like, all right, let's find exactly the bullseye target that we would like to engage with.

And the invitation would be to serve on the board. That's not what you say out of the gate. Instead, what you might say out of the gate is the following. So you're looking at someone's LinkedIn profile and you're saying to yourself, okay, this person, I don't want them to ignore my connection requests, right?

So that means that you have to write an actual note. And that's probably obvious, but what do you put in that note? So you got to lead with something that is like about them. If you start with the, thank you for your time, happy to connect. Saw you the other day. That is so boring. I want you to connect with someone and say, Hey, I saw that you are a Neo blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Cause it's hard for me to say. And I noticed that you have spent some time in the ex care unit, right? So this is all based on. What someone writes in LinkedIn, or I noticed that you are a, and you could name the job function if you want to make it really easy on yourself. And I noticed that you went to Berkeley, which is definitely a place where women's rights was really like.

Top of mind, right? So you got to make it specific. It's like, no, this person isn't like making a mistake and reaching out to me. They actually want to talk to me because I very specifically have a certain experience or I wrote something in my LinkedIn profile that this person read. So if you up front in your LinkedIn outbound first connection, say that, that's going to automatically get someone's attention, right?

And then when you could say, as an example, so you're saying like, Hey, essentially you're saying I am reaching out because you are this based on your experiences in that it leads me to believe that you might be interested in a conversation pertaining to this other topic, whatever that topic is pertaining to your outreach goal.

And your company vision next sentence would be something like, I felt encouraged to reach out to you because that's another way that you might want to lead. Right? And again, you're saying exactly what you're reading on LinkedIn, right? Or maybe you heard a podcast where they were on, or maybe you saw them in the media.

So that's actual language you could use to strike up a conversation that has zilch to do with the weather. All right, great. So now you have this like first point of connection. And so someone accepts the connection. Then what? Here's the reality of it. Chances are, although you wrote that information in LinkedIn, that person didn't read it like with any sort of level of depth.

So they might not respond to that initial like three sentences outbound. But if they connected, what I suggest you do is go on to LinkedIn, go into their contact info and specifically email them. Okay. Here's why, why do people go on LinkedIn? They're looking for business relationships. They're looking for a job right now.

We're all mom entrepreneurs. So what's important is that you reach them somewhere that they're actually checking all the time, which is email. So you are going to email them. Follow up. So then the follow up might be as simple as, thank you for the connection, and you might wanna like say a little bit of what you said in that original note.

The reason why I reached out to you was A, B, or CI would love to have a conversation with you. Here's my calendar. And then of course, if you wanted to, you could say, having been at the helm of my business, we've been able to do this, whatever that is, bring millions of dollars in donation or sell all these different charge keys.

But what we're looking for right now is a thought leader who can add. Some sort of fresh insights in the medical community who would be interested in learning more about organization and potentially serving on our board, which has a minimal, minimal, minimal level of time requirements, right? So you might literally go ahead and start painting the picture, nothing about the weather there, right?

So that might be the next step. And here's the thing you're putting your link. To your calendar what I noticed if you're not confident in making the first step from a networking perspective you tend to put extra steps in front of you and that irritates me beyond belief like I would only put extra steps in front of me if I'm nervous like Sean was saying you're not going to Crazy, right?

So if I'm talking to someone and like, I don't really, really, really want them to email me back because I'm scared, then yeah, I won't put my calendar link. I'll be like, maybe you'd like to connect with me, let me know. But if I really, really, really, really am clear on. My outreach goals, my company vision and who I really am and how I could add value irrespective of the human being I'm talking to, then I'm just going to cut to the chase because that's what you really, really want.

And what I have noticed is the higher you go up in job titles and levels of seniority, the faster those individuals are to just jump on the phone and get to the point. Right? It's not about being too direct or being presumptuous. You could absolutely in that second note say, I understand you're busy and you are under no obligation to respond, but I wanted to just ask you because I felt like I had to.

My mission is that important and I know that There must be alignments or synergies. You could literally say this, like, it is okay to wear your heart on your sleeve. Again, all of this is assuming that you really want to talk to this person and you have a very specific ask in your mind. If you don't have a specific ask in your mind, this is what I suggested my client do the other day.

She brainstorms a bunch of reasons, a bunch of ways that. The person she connected with, this was her follow up strategy, could actually work with her, how she could help that person, how that person can help her, and how together they're better off, let's imagine, right? Not necessarily in those words, but she had to brainstorm this, so do yourself the favor of preparing, brainstorming.

On that note, I want to help you. With a great deal of specificity, I want to be sure that you have the actual language you need to have conversations with people that might intimidate you, right? And so what you will find, and you could absolutely see in the show notes, is Is a link, it is bit. ly, so bit.

ly forward slash hyper networking, you can actually go to that link and you can download for free a playbook in this playbook. What I have done. Is really tried to make this like plug and play pertaining to those like first outbound connections. It is called from contact to connection. It's the mompreneurs followup playbook.

And I give you my exact networking language in terms of the emails that you could send out the DMS that you could put in and even openers for cocktail parties. So you know how you're like in a cocktail party. And then people are like in these circles that seem Impenetrable. Well, you can absolutely like join in those circles.

Okay. Unless you're noticing that like people are like super, super tight and like blocking you from every direction. There are ways for you to insert yourself into existing conversations. And so I've included in my playbook, a couple of ideas as well, but I don't want to overwhelm a mom entrepreneur. I just want to be sure that you have some language.

That will get you from feeling intimidated to totally excited about talking to strangers because the generosity of strangers is a real thing. So go ahead and pick up the playbook. It is again called From Contact to Connection, The Mompreneur's Follow Up Playbook. You can pick it up on the link that is in the show notes, wherever it is that you're listening to this episode.

Bitly, so bit. ly forward slash hyper networking. It will be in the show notes and you can pick it up for free today and absolutely have some language that you can use and edit pertaining to your outreach goals, pertaining to your company vision for this very year so that this way you don't have to feel like people have to talk to you first.

Because here's what happens. If you're the one to initiate a conversation, it puts you in a position of power. It's been said the person that actually like creates the agenda in like a networking meeting or any meeting, that's the person that's controlling where this conversation gets to go. So if you have the chutzpah, the confidence to actually go first during networking, engagements, then it is a hundred percent better for you because then you get to lead where the conversation goes.

And notice, I didn't say anything here about the weather at all. Like, let's, let's go to this other topic. So let's say that you want a little bit of help pertaining to Having a conversation in a live setting, a live setting. Again, I will have some language for you, for a mom business owner specifically, because I'm a mom.

I'm an entrepreneur and I a hundred percent know what it is to be. What is, is, what is the word? I don't know why it's escaping me. Not undervalued, but like people just don't expect me. And I'm little too. People don't expect me to have the audacity to go up to like the people that are on panels or the speakers at the end of an event.

So people just don't assume that I'm going to go and just like go in for the, for, for the quote unquote kill. Right. In a very positive way. So that is why I wanted to have this playbook for, for us, for mom entrepreneurs, because I'm going to tell you If you have decided to nurture a human being, Through any method, be it adoption, birth, be it as this loving and doting like auntie, like you've got, you've got guts beyond, beyond other people, like to take in like another human being and to like help them grow is one of the most courageous things.

I mean, it's the most courageous things. I've ever done personally, and let me be honest, I've got to ask for that courage every single morning, right? So, for us to be held out of these right rooms, right conversations, and right contacts, I'm gonna call bullshit on that, and I want Us as mom entrepreneurs who have had to like start, stop, pause businesses to catch up and exceed outpace anyone who didn't have to step out, pause, or iterate based on growing or having a family.

So that's why I want you to pick up that playbook today. Go to bit. ly forward slash hyper networking. Okay. So then now you're in a live networking event. And here's the thing, I was having this conversation with a mom who has a product. And I asked her, I was like, right now you and I are on a 15 minute zoom conversation.

So you just said that you are not so into networking, which I don't know. I had to ask, I was like, well, what do we call this? Like I had reached out to her. I didn't know her. She didn't know me. And we're on zoom in my mind. I'm networking in her mind. It's connecting. And I don't see it as so different when you're in a happy hour setting or you're in a venue with a lot of people.

So let's just get to that place, right? One to many networking. You're at an event. I'm thinking to myself when I went to Podfest actually in Orlando, Florida. So. For me, I get off the plane, I'm a mom, I have three kids who are at home, I gotta make this count. Like, my husband is on call for childcare, I spent a lot of money to get to Florida, and it's time away from my kids.

So how can I make this count? The moment I stepped into Florida, or landed, I just started networking. I will be networking on a plane if that is okay. I have an opportunity for me and I have, I've actually gotten a podcast guest on a plane. So beyond that, let's imagine that now you're going to an event, you're there and it's like a bunch of people, it's buzzing and people have already established their like circles, right?

Impenetrable circles. So what is it that I did that has nothing to do with the weather? Well, I approached a group of individuals who I thought were part of a meetup for authors. That's just what was on the schedule, so I was like, oh, maybe they're the meetup for authors. Here's where the really big point of differentiation is.

I approached that group of total and complete strangers already having conversations. And I said, hi, my name is Melissa. You guys look like you're having a really interesting conversation. Is this the author meetup group? Now that was like an honest question, but thinking back, maybe I could have made that up as an excuse to start.

Engaging with these humans turns out this was not the author meetup group. I could have been like bright red tail between my legs. Oh my God. Oops. I'm sorry. Bye. But I said, you know what? No, there is value in conversations with every single human being. This happened to be the group of neurodivergent podcasters.

And so for me, I was like, Oh, this is really cool because I strongly believe that I can learn brand new things and apply them to my business from people who have done things differently, especially if you think differently than me, as an example. So I was like, Oh, I'm sticking around. And then of course, I started talking to the different individuals who bring a completely fresh way of looking at the operations of business, of making marketing simple.

And as I was having conversations, the group kind of like fizzled out and so it was just me and one other person who happens to be neurodivergent. And so I was just asking her questions. Be curious. It is okay. This person was also a mom. So that's a shared experience for us. But what was not shared was that she had an approach to marketing that was super, super linear.

And I was like, Oh my God, this is like mana from the heavens or mana from the heavens. So I just asked for more information around that. What's the point? Here's the point. The excuse that I had was not something that was inauthentic or a lie or anything that was like, Oh, I'm here to just take information from you.

The excuse was like legitimate. It was like, no, no, no. I'm literally here to talk to the author meetup group. And that's okay. And I want you to feel so confident and bold in who you are and the value you bring to the table by way of your personality, your life experiences, to have the audacity to be real.

I think that is how you build the confidence to go first in a networking conversation. Again, you will want this playbook. It is in the show notes. Absolutely. Grab it immediately. So you have a better sense of the openers that you can use, whether you are online or whether you are offline, right? In this universe, it is so important to gather as much power as humanly possible.

And one way is by actually Going first, you want to set the agenda. You want to establish who gets to go in your room. You want to establish where the conversation goes and how you would like to follow up. There's so much that's not within our control that as a mom entrepreneur, you have got, you have got, and I feel like repeating this a thousand times.

You have got to find ways to set up. This game in a way that you're going to win, right? And this is one way, this is one way. Has this ever gone wrong? Hell yeah, it's gone wrong. Let me give you an example. I was in Australia pre pandemic. We were living there for three and a half years. And I remember. I was at an event where there was this leader of an organization that is for authors, right?

I'm not going to name the organization because someone from Australia might be listening, but the CEO of this organization, I wanted to talk to her. And so I was part of the crowd and I went up to her, and I don't know if she was like on her way to the bathroom, but Who cares, right? Like as a mom, we have all held our pee.

So I went up to her and she was surrounded by some other people, but who cares? Because again, I know that I have value to contribute. As an example, I have a podcast. I could have her as a guest. That's an example. And so she was trying to escape, not just me, but like the whole crowd. But then I was like, Hey, my name is Melissa.

I really love what you do. And I would love to have a conversation with you. And what she went and attempted to do was pawn me off to her assistant. So, how is this going first gone wrong? Well, because if I were to say, oh, okay, I'll talk to your assistant, then that puts me at the same level as everyone else who's trying to reach out to her.

Like this person who's the actual decision maker and actual human bullseye target I wanted to talk to. To actually just suggest that I talk to her gatekeeper. You see how that takes me away from my outreach goal. Okay. So what did I do? I said, Oh no, no, that's okay. I wanted to speak to you. See, I know that takes guts.

That takes, that takes confidence. And like I said, I think she was off to the bathroom, but for me, it just establishes the idea that no, if you want to talk to some, some, some person that might feel out of reach, like be clear on why you want to talk to them and why you deserve to talk to them and how it can be a positive outcome for the two of you.

Okay. Be clear on those things so that you have the guts to just step through the BS that might be thrown at you. If you're trying to talk to a specific person. So, did it go wrong? It did! Like, the pandemic happened afterwards anyways, so we were all distracted, but ultimately, if I really wanted her on my podcast, I certainly would have made the ask, but once I noticed that she was also, like, more soundproofed, How can I say this?

An employee, as opposed to an entrepreneur or founder. I realized that her incentives and her, her motivations might not be in alignment with my own, right? So if someone's the employee of an organization, they might not be as open to being a podcast guest on someone that they don't know, right? Cause there's a lot at stake in terms of.

Stakeholders and blah, blah, blah. That's what I've noticed. But if they're a founder, if they're an entrepreneur, if they're someone that own the business, then they get the hustle. They get it. They get it and they're all for it. Okay, let me stop. Can you tell I'm like crazy excited about this? I really, really am.

But what I want more than anything else is for you, mom, entrepreneur, mom, founder, mom, creator to go to my link and get the actual playbook, right? It'll include, like I said, some language that you can use and also some followup strategies as well. B I T dot L Y forward slash hyper networking. Can I just say something to be super, super honest?

I suspect that some moms who have businesses already, I really suspect that, and it would be so amazing if you shared this with one mom friend who has a business, one mom friend who you believe in so much, who you think has so much to offer that might just not be comfortable making the first move in a networking conversation.

So please share this episode specifically with that mom. I would be so, so, so appreciative. And thank you for listening to Unimaginable Wellness. I really do appreciate you. And damn, I believe in you so, so, so, so, so, so much. So grab the playbook. It's my free gift for being a beautiful listener and for being a mom.

You're freaking courageous as heck. So absolutely enjoy the playbook.

What if you don't want to be a solopreneur forever? What if one day you want to exit from your business or you want to run a fully functioning business that can operate without you in it? Welcome to Episode 221. This conversation is perfect for you if these are the questions on your mind as a business owner, especially one who is a mom (or mum). Meet today's guest Angela Middleton, MBE. Angela is the chairman of The Limitless Group, comprising several companies in the workforce and careers development space. A detailed bio is below.

This Episode Covers:

• · Unexpected strategies for achieving peak business success: Learn unconventional approaches to reach your full potential as an entrepreneur.
• · The connection between health and business: Discover how prioritizing your well-being fuels your entrepreneurial journey.
• Delegation mastery: Explore effective strategies for delegating tasks and hiring the right people to support your business growth.
• Risk-averse hiring: Learn how to build a strong team even if you're cautious about taking on big risks.
• · The importance of a flexible vision: Gain insights into why adapting your business vision is crucial for long-term success in a dynamic market.

Key Takeaways:

• · Prioritizing your health is crucial for long-term business success. This episode emphasizes taking care of yourself as the foundation for building a sustainable and thriving business.
• · Delegation is essential for scaling your business. Even if your product or service directly stems from your unique skills, you can achieve greater success by strategically delegating tasks.
• · Adaptability is key. Your initial business vision may need to adjust over time due to market shifts or evolving client needs.

Excited to hear about these topics? Start listening…as my personal thank you please grab any of the free resources below and of course learn more about today's guest.

Resources:

Is your business stuck? Take this quiz for moms to maximize your potential - https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/64fb50ebd9dce900148cdff8

Grab your seat for my free webinar focused on your 2024 ultimate business success Mom Mogul Makeover - https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/7e884a0f0a

Download the 3 questions every visionary mom entrepreneur, founder, or creator must answer for yourself before daring to build new relationships with the moguls, market makers, and/or powerful players who can take her business to the next level.

Grab the 3 questions sign-up HERE - https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/21e52edb87

This episode is brought to you by my 9-week group coaching course: Fertile Imagination in Action.

This is a high-touch coaching immersion program designed exclusively for visionary mom founders, entrepreneurs, and creators.

Do you crave a simple, straightforward, and laser-focused approach to expanding your professional network? This program equips you with the tools to connect with individuals who offer:

· Access to better opportunities: Gain exposure to ventures that can build your credibility, push your boundaries, and enable you to forge connections with influential figures (moguls, market makers, mentors) who can guide your professional journey.

This episode exemplifies my own successful networking strategy, saving me significant resources and yielding substantial benefits.

As a busy mom of three, I understand the value of time. This program eliminates the guesswork from your path to success. You won't waste time connecting solely with individuals at your current level.

Since launching my coaching practice, I've prioritized connecting and learning from accomplished individuals like Angela. I can teach you this same non-traditional networking approach too!

My book, this podcast, and the success of my own mom-life are testaments to the effectiveness of the principles I teach in my program.

Want to learn more? Email me Melissa [at] melissallarena.com and I'll send you my calendar link. These spots are very limited. Email me your business website along with why you want to extend your networking community to express your interest in this opportunity and so I can send you free resources that can help you today.

Official Bio For Angela Middleton

Angela is chairman of The Limitless Group, comprising several companies in the workforce and careers development space.

She is host of the 'IWant2BA' podcast and the author of the 1st Job Book Series.

Dubbed 'The Careers Queen', and a regular commentator in national media, Angela teaches a holistic approach to careers for all ages, combined with physical fitness and mental health.

After completing her own fitness transformation at the age of 55, Angela created the 'Your Body Means Business' programme that reveals how you can start your career, optimise your health and grow a successful business.

In 2019, she was awarded an MBE for services to business, employment and apprenticeships, and regularly works with other leading entrepreneurs such as Richard Branson, Tony Robbins and Gary Vaynerchuck.

Angela is a sought after public speaker, regularly appearing at large scale careers and life strategy events.

She is currently the subject of the Limitless Weekly Vlog on Youtube – an online documentary series highlighting behind the scenes of running a business and also hosts #AskAng a business and life Q&A show on Instagram.

Links for more information

https://angelamiddleton.com/

https://www.instagram.com/angelamiddleton/

TRANSCRIPT

Okay, so today's guest is Angela Middleton. Angela is the chairman of the limitless group comprising of several companies in the workforce and careers development space.

She's the host of I want to be a podcast. You could check out the spelling in the show notes for her podcast, and she's the author of the first job book series. Dubbed the careers queen and a regular commentator in national media, Angela teaches a holistic approach to careers for all ages, combined with physical fitness and mental health.

After completing her own fitness transformation at the age of 55, Angela created the your body means business program that reveals how you can start your career. Optimize your health and grow a successful business. She has worked with other leading entrepreneurs, such as Richard Branson, Tony Robbins, and Gary Vaynerchuk, who was my 10th guest on this very podcast.

She is also the subject of the limitless weekly vlog on YouTube. You could check out all her information in the show notes, but for now, if you want to get the guts to talk to people like. Angela Middleton or Tony Robbins or Richard Branson for the, for that matter. I highly suggest that you reach out to me, Melissa at Melissa Llarena, and I will give to you my three questions.

So this way you get the guts to talk to anyone and you network effectively so that you can actually take your business to the next level as fast as humanly possible, because that's what we need as moms time matters for sure. Enjoy the conversation. Gillette Middleton, welcome to the podcast. I am delighted to have you all the way from London on this episode.

Hi, Melissa. And lovely to be here. Thanks for inviting me. It's been years. I think we met at the Tony Robbins Business Mastery in Florida. And so this is, I know it's been a long time. It's I feel like you've lived several lives since then.

Well, that I've been in 20. I went to a lot of Tony's things from about 2015 up till about 2018 or 19, the live things anyway.

About 2018 it was, I believe. Oh right, yeah, yeah. Although I started going to these events, I think the first one I ever went to was in about 2006. Wow. Yeah, I remember being, thinking it was a business event, having heard of Tony Robbins. turning up in a suit and high shoes and then being flabbergasted that everybody was standing on chairs.

He'd not even come on stage by then. So yeah, it was a whole new world for me, I must say.

Absolutely. It's high energy, high enthusiasm and all actions. So I mean very much so inspiring.

Very inspiring, very inspiring. And so Angela, let me, let me just ask you, Like a number of questions in terms of business, in terms of business growth and scaling.

And the reason why these questions I feel are so appropriate, given your experiences and everything that you've kind of accomplished is you bring so many different perspectives, right? Having worked in a corporate setting, also having had at minimum two businesses, maybe you have even more than two and I just don't know.

So I thought we could just get started in terms of a little bit about. The businesses that you currently have, and in terms of the sort of questions you get pertaining to business growth and starting a business, and then we could dig into delegation because that's top of mind for mom entrepreneurs. I did.

I worked in the corporate setting and I worked in lots of different departments, everything from HR to it, to sales. marketing. I was very much a sort of business hybrid. And then after that 20 years in two different companies, an oil company and a bank, I set up my first business, which was in recruitment.

And after that I had lots of different businesses, but I was always transitioning businesses, bringing them together in groups, selling businesses, acquiring businesses and, and bringing them into sort of the overall group. So I was very interested in building things as opposed to just being in the business.

And I guess I did learn that from going to events such as Tony's business mastery very much was it was in creation mode. And, and then, I think through, uh, the, the financial crisis, when we, we obviously were impacted by it, like many others. And my philosophy there was very much while we have some great clients, they really like us, but they're not hiring staff at the moment.

So what else do they want? And that took me in all sorts of different directions, training their existing staff, helping them restructure. I had finance company that I acquired to help them with their financial planning and events company. Which we started from scratch and was really successful. And it meant that we really created great networks of clients for when things improved.

So, and then I got very interested in the link between health and fitness and how that would actually influence business. Cause I sort of went through a bit of a fitness transition myself in 2018, actually, when we met. And I was really astounded that some of the things that I I'd found difficult in business to sort of get to that next level, because I think you get to a level in business where you're sort of comfortable and you plateau a bit. And I, I'd found it quite difficult to go beyond a plateau and it seemed like all of a sudden the fitness and the mindset work that I'd been doing really sort of, it wasn't a coincidence that at the same time that that was happening. We sort of exploded through that plateau and went on to achieve a lot more things.

And I was just so prolific as well. I was doing loads of other things. I felt like I was less busy at work. It was funny. And so then after that, I started to coach performance. I became qualified personal trainer. I was, uh, I became qualified as a life coach, a relationship coach. I then did some work in with neuroscience with Joe Dispenza and qualified as a consultant, teaching some of his staff.

So there's been many things that I've sort of brought together and now I do. Individuals business owners and do coaching with them but my main focus is going into corporates and working with their management team and approaching business from a way that there may be is very new to them so I coach their management teams in a body then mindset and then we go back to business and we introduce all sorts of other things as well like manifestation and energy and longevity and just basically try to help them create a team of super beings that's what they tend to want.

Sounds like it. And so it's interesting in terms of the body first and then mindset, was that intentional or is that something that I guess they asked for because they want to see visible results right away?

No, I think it really came from my own experience. Because I think there's a lot that we can do with our mind alone and we sort of can succeed and mum, mothers will obviously relate to this and we're really busy and we're sleep deprived and we're putting everybody else first.

And still we managed to do great things, especially in business and we sort of, but we end up because of the power of the mind. Even if we're not treating our bodies as well as we could and nutrition and everything, we still end up achieving, but it's almost despite our body, not because of. And once we add in the physical side and we start to feel, I always call the body a taxi.

Once we, a taxi for the brain. Once we start fueling it properly, looking after it properly, maintaining it, it's amazing because now we've got this taxi, which will ferry the brain about so much more effectively. And of course the brain is just as much as part of our body as a bicep. So you may be able to see the impact of training and so on in your body.

But you can feel it in your mind. So that's why I always approach body first. Excuse me. Although these days, sort of simultaneously, I try to do, do them hand in hand is a bit like chicken and egg. I'm not quite sure if you can do one without the other. But for me, yeah, the body, we get started on the body because people start to feel better.

And so then they're more inclined to want to start to think a different way naturally. Hmm.

I love that. That's kind of like the baseline. Just once, once the temple is tended to, then it's like, okay, now we could move up to the brain. I mean, it's, it requires so many calories, so much energy. So absolutely.

Yeah. And so of course, if we're feeling. I mean, I had many, many staff in about 2018 when that was a time when I had a big sort of bricks and 14 offices and about 130 staff. And I used to definitely see a pattern, a link between business performance and individuals that were interested in sport, wouldn't move their body, had like a clear routine.

And yeah. So I knew that there was something in it. I always used to, I started looking when I was interviewing people, I started particularly looking out for individuals, had those other dimensions to them and it wasn't all about just career credentials. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, we are, we are a machine.

I mean, why do we expect to perform using only one aspect of ourselves, the, our sort of academic capability or our skills? Why not use all the other pillars of performance?

I think, I think for a lot of people, it's almost like, It feels like it requires so much just to think clearly and I know that we're forcing it if we're not tending to our body.

I know that if you start lifting weights, like for me at least, there's a lot more clarity when I'm at the gym and I'm lifting weights. It's almost like the clouds in my head just kind of like clear up when I'm lifting weights, which is fascinating.

It really is. And there's all sorts of biological explanations for it.

I, because If we are constantly feeling that we're stressed, then we don't have the energy to do anything else. We do get brain fog. We do, we are switching off or about anything mentally about anything other than what we perceive is the threat. We're, we're not, our body isn't at rest, it's not renewing, it's not performing all the vital, all the non vital functions.

And ultimately Our health starts to deteriorate. So coming out of stress mode, and there's lots of ways to do that, but meditation is another way or going into a gym and just focusing on the present moment and just counting the reps or just sort of doing something on a treadmill or whatever it is, whatever the chosen modality is, will definitely take.

Increase our ability to sort of de stress. A hundred percent. And so I wanted to ask you this question from the perspective of someone that wants to add, for example, going to the gym, self care rituals, other ways of, of releasing that cortisol, right? Healthy ways of doing it. But her calendar is currently.

Packed for now, right? I know about prioritization, but I want listeners to just hear this and really make changes. But right now her calendar is packed. And as a lot of moms, she has all these to do's and for some reason, she wants to get it all done and she's operating or launching a services based business.

Like how would you approach that, that idea of getting it all done and adding a workout?

Yeah, I mean, well, I'd sort of start to question some of those philosophies in the first place, the whole concept of getting it all done. It is never all done. So I think we just have to be a bit, step back for a bit, encourage them to, and everyone's the same, we're all the same whether we're new mums or not, we have that tendency to, to, to, to want to be like this, but just questioning, do we have to get everything done? What's the priority? And then that whole concept of putting our own mask on first is very helpful. Because if we push ourselves to the brink and end up literally not being able to do anything one day through illness, or we just, we stop, then that's not going to be good for anybody around us.

It's not going to be good for our children or our partner or our colleagues or our clients or anybody. So it's almost like a responsibility to them that we have to do something about our timetable because we've all got examples of busy days. But if you look at the heads of state, they've still only got a certain number of hours.

So there has to be some form of discipline over when work stops. and creating some sort of boundaries around, well, I've done the priority task that I've had to do. But now I have to do some things for myself that doesn't have to be an hour to the gym, an hour in the gym and an hour back. We don't have to spend all of this time.

People think that they have to, but you can do very short workouts from home. During lockdown. I ended up training people all over the world over zoom and we would do it in half an hour slots and people would have their pajama bottoms on. They would be. The using, if they'd never, they didn't have any equipment, they'd be using two bottles of water as weights to start with, or a rucksack or something like that.

And eventually they would start to equip themselves as the months went by. But so many people got into weight training and they'd never, ever done it before. And they did that from home and I still do home workouts now. And we sell online courses where people can follow those workouts. But we used to do it face to face.

I used to train people even up until the end of last year. I still have some private clients that I trained online. You can, once you know the basics, you can work out from home. So you can basically start to look at the structure of your day and get up half an hour earlier and do this half an hour workout.

But obviously that that's going to require you to try to get to bed. Earlier in the evening, so consciously trying to shift your timetable, but just prioritizing it in the same way that we prioritize our children and we prioritize our clients. If we are not at our best, then we're not going to be able to look after them in this, in the way that we really want.

So ultimately we're not going to make ourselves happy either. So it can be done. It can be done at home. Also incorporating movement, sort of standing up when we, when we're on the phone, making sure we always walk wherever we can, taking the stairs whenever we can. That's a very underrated way of, of getting, utilising energy.

If we want to lose body fat, then using up calories. If we just want to feel better, just keeping the mind active. But yeah, so there are things that we can incorporate. And then of course there's the nutrition, there's the other side of the nutrition, that's We can time how frequently we eat, being strict with ourselves about we must eat a breakfast, we must eat lunch, and we must, must have something reasonable for dinner and make it high protein based and being organized about when we shop so that we've always got something there so we don't reach for the refined carbs and things that are going to fuel us just in the moment, but are not going to be long term fuel to make us feel good.

So there's, that's the things normally I would recommend to. to people who are just starting their fitness journey and are in this situation where they think they don't have time because they do, but there are clever ways of amalgamating it.

And there's always time for like that last minute report that's due to a client always somehow, right?

We make the time, don't we? We make the time and if you, if you really think about it, I mean, this is the only vehicle that we're ever going to have is like, I sort of turn up with a car on your doorstep and say, okay, there, there we go. That's yours for life. Now you need to look after it because you're not going to get another one.

And yet people, people won't. I mean, it is crazy, but until they start looking at it like this and think, actually, it is worth me spending a bit of time and money and effort on this vehicle, because this is what's going to carry me all the way through the whole journey. Every client. Every interaction with another person, every relationship, I need to have this vehicle working fit and strong.

And in terms of just getting to the next level in your business, as I think about a mom entrepreneur, so let's say year one, she was able to make some profit in her services based business. And now she has to make a decision like, okay, should I continue to outsource? Should I hire a new employee? All these things like.

What are some considerations a mom might want to think about or anyone that does want to get to the next level and maybe now she started incorporating some fitness so she has the endurance. Add this to her to do list of find the right hire. Like how do you think about what to what to delegate and what not to.

Well, there is that mindset piece to do, which is trying to think about the new version of her, the version that she's creating. And what does that person look like? And what's that life look like that she's creating? I mean, is it continuing as a, as a solo? Entrepreneur, or does she see herself ultimately running a business where she is actually, she's built the thing and she's running it in terms of she's leading it, but she's not actually in it doing it because that is a big transition to make, but it's a big difference.

And sometimes people end up with staff, but it's never really where they want it to be, or they end up doing everything because they've just, they Never thought about hiring others. So being clear at what you're trying to build is so important. And then if you are, if you've decided, yes, I do want to build a business that's scalable and that I'm leading and I'm the face of it and that sort of thing, well, then drawing out what that business ultimately is going to look like, what are the growth goals is things, a lot of the things that we picked up when we were on business mastery, if you think about it, it talks about growth goals and there's considerations there as well is the thing that she's doing. actually capable of achieving those growth goals that she has. So if she's doing something, are there enough clients? Is the, is the price per service or the price per product high enough? Is it going to, what volume is that going to dictate? So getting really clear on some of those metrics of what she's trying to achieve.

And then, like I say, if she decided that she wants to achieve something, which is an entity on its own, which has people, then she has got to start thinking about hiring. And so then what do you do? What do you hire? Who do you hire? Well, You've got the typical cornerstones of any business. You've got the sales and marketing, you've got the operations and you've got the finance.

So there's a combination of what's the thing that she really loves doing. She can keep that for a bit, but what's the thing that she really doesn't like doing or that she doesn't feel she's very good at, or that always gets left behind and deprioritized. Well, maybe hire someone to, to do that because it is, it may not be Quite so urgent, but it is important.

So maybe she outsources for that until it becomes a full time job. And then she can start to gradually transition to employing someone full time, but I would try to minimize overheads at the beginning and do things like outsource on a price per hour or a price per day or a price per job. And, or even on sales, you can do commission only base.

I don't know if you can in the U S but we can in the UK, we can do contracts like that. So I would sort of just. That's the steps I think. Be clear on what you're trying to build, then identify the area you need to help with right now, and then try to do it softly. Freelancing to start off with, minimum cost, testing the waters really, making sure it works, and then eventually moving to either a team of freelancers, Or one person who's like a full time employee and then on to the next one.

It's hard when you are the face of the business to start off with and all of your clients want you. I mean, I definitely was like that in my recruitment business where I went from a one man band to 130 staff and I used it. very, you know, sometimes turn around and think, how did this happen? How is it that I now have people working for me that I don't even know them?

They bump, I bump into them in the street and they work, they work for me. It's really very strange transition, but that took a good few years, but it does happen. But it being clear on where you want to get to makes it easier to get there. I think.

Yeah. And I could see where the mindset work is gigantic there.

I was having a conversation with someone that co founded a mom magazine that has like 40 million views every single month. And her vision of what she wants to do now with her lifestyle business is totally something I didn't even consider. Like she wants, she does not want to be the only coach in a group coaching experiencing community based sort of solution.

And for me. I just, I was like, wow, what an idea.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, well, that's the other thing we have to leave room for ideas popping up as we go along because we can never really see the ultimate, the ultimate goal does change. I mean, for me in the end, it started off as a recruitment business, but.

When I exited, it was a very much more, there was a huge training arm to it, so much more. And that was never the intention, but you, you go with what you're interested in with the opportunities that come up, the skills that you start to acquire as you go along. And there are moments in business where you can often only see when you look back, where there was a moment where you went to a meeting or you met someone, or you took a, you won a contract, or you took a particular step.

That sends you in a different direction to the one you expected. So you have to have a little bit of an open mind. It can't all be, well, in my experience anyway, totally planned. You, you, you get to, there's many ways to get to where you want to get to, and it needn't be exactly the way you think. So you have to give a little bit of leeway there.

We don't know, do we? We had lockdown, we've had financial crisis, there's things looming now. So we can only make decisions based on the information available to us right now and then continue to go in the right direction. It is a marathon. Not a sprint.

That is, that is definitely true. And, and to add on to that, also, our kids are going to have completely different needs.

My kids are little kids. They're 10, 10 and 12, and you have two adults. So totally different life experiences right now.

But they were, when I started, they were something like eight and 10, I remember. And yeah, I mean, I remember thinking sometimes they were sick. And so then it's, We didn't do working from home then, because my children are 30 and 31 now.

So. Yeah, I mean, it was just trying to find child care and your weighing it. Is he sick enough that really he needs to stay home? Or can I sort of dose him up and bundle him off to school? Do I need to be there? Or can I get some child care for him? It's stressful because obviously we love our kids dearly and they are our priority.

But you've got that client who you're supposed to have a meeting with and you've really worked hard to get that meeting. So we just have to do our best. There's never going to be a perfect scenario, but I do think the mindset and the body stuff really helps because it keeps us clear. We don't waste energy.

We shouldn't waste energy on beating ourselves up that we're doing it all wrong, but equally feeling sorry for ourself as well that poor me, it's so difficult. I can't do it. But it is what it is. And you've got to have a little bit of that mentality of just getting on with it and dealing with the circumstances.

I always used to have a bit of an attitude that there was always going to be something going wrong in the day. And I didn't used to think like that in terms of being a pessimist, but it was almost like to help me manage my expectations so that if it did, I could sort of say, Oh, well, I thought I knew there'd be something and this is it today.

And sometimes nothing would go wrong. It'd all go right. And then I'd be really super happy. I mean, I was lucky. My, my husband has got his own business as well. So he had, there was a bit of flexibility with him. However, in the same way that I have my business, he had his, and so he also sometimes couldn't help out and was not there when I wanted him to be.

We just have to deal with things and, but it is worth it in the end, if you are that way inclined and you want to build something and create an impact and feel all the benefits that we, that we feel when we run businesses.

Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you so much, Angela. So where can listeners find you and follow your journey?

Yeah. Well, I'm at Angela Middleton on LinkedIn. If they're interested more on the business side and if they're interested in seeing my daily routines in, in the gym and hyperbaric all that stuff, more lifestyle stuff and Instagram, but both at Angela Middleton.

Thank you so much, Angela. This was amazing.

And this is going to help a lot of business owners.

Oh, well, so, so lovely to share and, uh, yeah, I hope it does any, any questions delighted to answer.

Here are the three things that really stood out for me from the conversation with Angela. Point number one, your body can absolutely play a huge role in your business strategy.

So I highly suggest you consider Angela's wisdom and really think through it. through how you might be potentially a better decision maker after a workout, or how you might feel a little bit more level headed and focus after a workout. So really think about how you might add a physical practice to your busy life.

The second point is this, when it comes to building out your business, going from a forever solopreneur to someone that has a fully functioning business, it is important to first be very clear. Is that what you want? If the answer is yes, proceed forward and really think through what you might need in the immediate time.

The third point is this. I want you to feel encouraged by this conversation between me and Angela. Angela is so amazing. She's had so much business success. And yet as a mom with three little children. Who has been in a 12 year entrepreneurial career. Yes, I have gotten the guts and the courage to speak to someone like Angela, who right now taught us both how to actually think about bringing our business and scaling it.

This wisdom is the kind of wisdom that I want you to have access to in your own sector. In your own business, in your own life. And I want to really teach you how to get the confidence, the guts, how to ask the right questions to people just like Angela Middleton. So go ahead and email me, Melissa at Melissa Llarena.

com. And I will give you a link to the three questions that. Every mom entrepreneur has to ask herself before approaching anyone that might feel a little intimidating. I don't want you to feel intimidated by conversations like this. And I want you to realize, think about the value that Angela gave in this conversation on this podcast.

Wouldn't you want access to people in your world just like that? Wouldn't you want to know how to confidently? Network with people that are in these circles that have better opportunities and just a lot more insights that you can take and act upon immediately. I want that for you. So what I'll do is I will email you the link to the three questions you need to build your confidence.

So here's the last point. I promise. So what Angela said pertaining to really putting the mask on first is something that we have heard so often. Um, But I want you to really, really consider this idea today, this very week, in the most actionable way humanly possible. I want you, when you're presented with an opportunity to not put on your own mask versus putting on your mask, I want you to choose yourself.

And those were actually the words of another podcast guest, someone else that I networked with, James Altucher. He was my guest number five, put the mask on yourself, put the mask on yourself. Reach out to me for the worksheet. Also in the actual show notes, I'll even put in a free link there. So you could just reach out and download the link yourself

It's starts with a vision and if yours lacks any of these criterium then it will be HARD to stay up as a chronically exhausted mom or leader of any sort! It's also important that you articulate your vision in a way that generates goosebumps, inspired actions, or plants an audacious visual in the mind of someone else....THIS transaction of language is what will mobilize your network. It's WAY easier if your vision is true to you. It's impossible if you don't buy-into a vision....this stuff is hard to fake people....hence I love serving mom entrepreneurs. We are not out here pretending to love our businesses....there's more than meets the eyes behind every single mom LLC....way more! Any who, so excited to bring to the world my Fertile Imagination in Action Group Coaching program! SO SO SO thrilled because now what I learned from you (my podcast guests, every boss I've ever had, my angels, clients, mom, Abuela) I'm teaching to my fellow moms in business. Let's talk if you want to learn more this program. My sons have spring break soon and that is why I will be taking only 4 mom visionary moms this round....will one be you?

Sign-up for a FREE 15-minute:

Welcome to Episode 219. As a mom, have you ever asked yourself? Am I doing it right? Am I ruining them? Am I going to be responsible for them needing therapy when they grow up? As moms, especially in the early days, we need so much reassurance and being able to rely on our intuition is tough. Yet, that is exactly what today's guest shares with us and helps us to learn to trust! Meet Kanika Chadda Gupta. She is a seasoned CNN television journalist podcaster and mom of three. And in that three, they're twins. Her goal is to give credit where it's often overlooked which is the lasting impact of living your purpose and modeling that for the next generation. She hosts the popular podcast That's Total Mom Sense.

This episode is brought to you by:

A Mental Health Break for Mom Business Leaders, a FREE 30-minute webinar, for mom business owners who want to be both present moms and focused business owners.

Sign-up today: https://bit.ly/mindmom

Key takeaways:

Listen to your intuition (it's not just for moms!)

Kids are your mirrors (their behavior reflects yours)

Taming toddler meltdowns (practical tips!)

The unique journey of raising twins

This episode covers:

Ditching the self-doubt: Stop asking "am I doing it right?" and start trusting your instincts!

The power of intuition: It's not just a "mom thing" - everyone has it!

Understanding your kids: Learn how their behavior is a reflection of you.

Conquering meltdowns: Practical tips to help your little one (and yourself!) through tough moments.

The joys (and challenges) of raising twins: Gain insights from a mom who's been there!

Head to the transcript for more information and resources!

This episode is brought to you by:

A Mental Health Break for Mom Business Leaders, a FREE 30-minute webinar, for mom business owners who want to be both present moms and focused business owners.

Sign-up today: https://bit.ly/mindmom

Learn the exact process that meditation practitioner, bestselling author, business coach, and mom to three young boys, Melissa Llarena, follows to have a consistent meditation practice despite no longer having privacy, time, nor a meditation closet. You will walk away with a step-by-step approach for designing your own ritual and you will get a mental break to THINK more strategically about your business and mom life too.

Live Webinar

March 1, 2024

10:00am Central Time

Includes:

Instantly receive upon sign-up Free meditation prompts (get centered in two minutes or fewer)

Mindfulness i.e. meditation ritual ideas to become a more present mom and business leader

30 minute Q&A with Melissa

Join LIVE to enter a drawing for a guest spot on Unimaginable Wellness the podcast for mom founders, entrepreneurs, and creators

Led by Melissa Llarena

Top ForbesWomen contributor with 4M+ views. Author of a the #1 Amazon Bestseller entitled: Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact. Mom to a singleton son who is 12 and a set of identical twin boys who are ten. A Psychology degree from NYU, and an MBA from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth, she holds a Transformational Coaching Academy certificate and is a student in the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program Class of 2025.

Sign-up today: https://bit.ly/mindmom

Connect with Melissa the host:

https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Official bio for guest

There's no hood like parenthood! Kanika Chadda Gupta, a seasoned CNN television journalist, podcaster, and mother of three (including twins), aims to give credit where it's often overlooked - the lasting impact of living your purpose and modeling that for the next generation. She hosts the popular podcast That's Total Mom Sense, where she interviews public figures on their life lessons, parenting journey, and legacy. Guests include Chelsea Clinton, Kelly Rowland, Bobbi Brown, America Ferrera, Sarah Harden, Rebecca Minkoff, Reshma Saujani, Shannon Lee. She has worked in partnership with the March of Dimes, Mom 2.0, Mother Honestly, and the White House. Her show has been ranked #1 on Goodpods for Motherhood and Kanika has been featured in Forbes and on ABC, NBC, Fox, Cheddar, and CBS.

Guest links:

https://www.thatstotalmomsense.com

https://www.instagram.com/kanikachaddagupta/

https://twitter.com/kanikachadda

https://www.facebook.com/kanikachaddagupta

Transcript

Kanika, I am so thrilled to have a fellow mom of multiple who has three kids in total. And as a podcaster. Like me, on this episode, I'm so thrilled to have you here. Kanika. Thank you, Melissa. It's my pleasure. I was doing my homework, because that's what we do. And I was so curious about your thoughts on mom sense, as it relates to a lot of us that at one time felt like we were on top of the world, maybe we're in powerful positions, and then all of a sudden, we have this like, baby, and we're like,

Kanika 10:53

I don't know what to do, and what to do with them all day. And will I survive? And will they survive? So like, help us feel powerful? Help us feel like we could handle anything, even this child? Yes, yes, I would love to, I think we all need to recognize the strengths and gifts we have. And we all have the power of intuition. It's our North star. It's something that directs us in the right direction. And, and we should just listen to that inner voice because it just it can do no wrong. And I feel when we first become parents, we second guess ourselves because there's so much noise. There are in laws and your own parents and friends and teachers and child caregivers that are all like you have to do it this way, you got to do it this like, and I just I feel like if this is your child only you know how to raise it best, him or her best. So just trust that. And I say this from experience, because I had my three kids in one fell swoop, I had twins. And when they were just nine months old, like just think of baby boy, baby girl, nine months can't even sit up, still swaddled all of that, I got pregnant with my third. And so I was just thrown into the deep end, I was not expecting. And it was really by the grace of God that I had the kids. So I just thought, Okay, God gives you what you can handle. And I am up for this challenge. And as much as I tapped into my kind of skill set as a journalist, I would ask everybody I knew questions, including the Amazon rep. I would be like, Do you have kids? Which bottle did you use? Which one Dr. Brown Ma'am, you tell me. And so I just was like I'm doing all this data gathering, I read a ton of books. And then I started listening, listening to podcasts. And in the end, as much as I learned so much from everyone's stories and experiences. I knew that only I can chart my path for what I want to do for my family and I can glean from everyone else. But I know what's up, and I'm just gonna do it my way. And I want everyone to feel that. Agreed totally. And I think the novelty at least for me and my family of having twins almost made it like a requirement. It's like, hey, we don't know how to handle it. So you definitely need to figure this out on your own right? Like, is that something that maybe was common for you? Were there a lot of like, oh, I have twins too. And I have triplets too and or did you have to like chart your own path? Because he were like one of the first? Yeah, yeah. So I do have friends who had twins before me and I leaned on them. But even that I feel like we all had our very different journeys. And there's something so beautiful in that like there's certain things that I was I learned where I had boy girl twins and I didn't want to buy pink and blue of everything. And brides were telling me you don't need to buy two of everything. It's just as much as you can obviously double stroller, car seats and high chairs. But other than that the toys that they play with like their swaddles their whatever it was, it was like just make sure it's gender neutral and like everybody we got to share. So I was just like, Okay, we're gonna go gray, gray and yellow. That's fine. So that's something that I did learn. I did end up nursing the kids for a year and then my youngest also. And so that was something that I kind of figured out on my own and everyone has their own like journey there. But I wanted to do it I was able to produce so I did it and I had a twin Z pillow that I used where they get to just kind of fit in each nuk and in a football hold. You can feed them Sam

Kanika 15:00

I'll take it slowly for the first three months, and then they get a little big, and then you just feed them one by one. But I did that, and then I found a lactation consultant to support me. And so there's certain things that I was like, I'm going to do this differently. I don't have to just take a cue from everyone who's had twins or multiples before me. Yeah, I think yeah, tandem nursing, for me was definitely a unique adventure that distinguished my entire mommyhood experience, I will say, amongst others. And I would say, you're right, everyone out there that's listening right now you you get to choose, right, like how you nourish your babies. And that's a very viable use of your mom's sense, right? Your intuition. It's like, wait a minute, does this feel good for me? Like, is this possible, given my life goals and the realities of my support system, so there's so many uses for for mom sense. And your mom's sense, is starting to really remind me of a fertile imagination. So when I wrote my book, fertile imagination, it's being able to cast a vision for your life that you may have never seen ever before, in the history of time in the life of another mom. And so it's really interesting, because you have to, you need almost like an inner stillness, both in the case of accessing your imagination, and what I'm hearing from you, in the case of like listening to your intuition, your inner guide. So stillness, and mom have multiples or three kids like that seems like an oxymoron. Like, how do we do this? How do we achieve stillness in the most chaotic of homes and situations, especially those early days? So you can listen to your mom sense and be like, I know the answer. Right, right. Yeah, no, you're so right. I mean, there is so much action, entropy. Just know, it's everything. When you have multiples, and as a twin mom, you know, this. So I, I feel like it's in those moments, oftentimes, like, right before bed, when I am by myself, I keep a notebook by my bed. And it's like, a place where I can use as a gratitude journal and write what I'm grateful for, or things that I'm thinking about, or ideas that I have. And so that's like my brain dump. And that's what I do when I when I know I have the stillness, and that's like, literally, I'd say, around like, 838 30 to nine, the kids are fast asleep. And I have my time. And it's not like wee hours of the morning when you're still like groggy.

Kanika 17:44

Yeah, I get that. I mean, I personally have a really early bedtime. But I mean, priorities change. If we're up at dawn. You can't stay up late. It's just we need our sleep. And I rather actually get up at dawn, then stay up late. Like, I don't know, I feel weird that way. But like, that's just like my thing. So okay, so here we go. We figured out that we have this like inner guidance, this inner GPS, right. So mom's sense. And I know you've mentioned even dad sense, like, that's also a thing as well. Okay, we figured it out. But let's say we're like stubborn. And we're like, what? This one time I rather consult with an expert or this one time, I'm going to do the opposite. Have you ever found yourself in a situation like that? Is there like a story you could kind of share? Ooh, yeah. And I think it's still you're trusting your intuition to tell you to do that. So it's, it's stemming from somewhere. But yeah, I would say it's, I guess, something that I made a mistake on. And my mom's sense, tells me this, and that's why I changed things around for my third. So we did have childcare help with the twins. She was amazing. And so she taught me how to make pureed foods for for them. So we did pureed everything like it. And they started with rice cereal, and being from the same South Asian background, a lot of the foods were things that were kind of ancient and like, tried and tested for our cultural, like cultural background. So there was like a rice dish with turmeric and lentils like all that stuff. So my kids basically got used to that what Khichdi Khichdi, oatmeal pureed fruits and veggies for their from one to two and onwards. And when I saw other moms doing toddler led weaning where they're like giving their kids little pieces of carrots and cucumbers and snap peas and like everything to pick up on their own, it's like it's a straight up mess underneath

Kanika 20:00

That highchair I get and it just makes me shudder with because of my OCD. But the good side is that the children actually get a feel for different textures, different flavors, different, like fragrances to food, and they get to manipulate it. They love all things sensory. And they're actually using their fine motor skills, their pincers to be able to pick up like a small grain of rice or green B. So I didn't do that with the twins. I was like, No, we got up here everything. And with my third eye was like, No, we're flipping the script. I want him to be able to pick up his food. And even though not as much as gonna get in, we can supplement that with some spoon feeding after. But my mom said said to like, listen to the moms who are doing that, and the experts that I had on pediatricians and kind of culinary experts when it comes to toddlers and toddler led weaning, and I was like, I'm gonna do it this way. That's fascinating, because I'm thinking about it for me like, okay, so I'm Latina. And certainly I could have been like rice and beating up my kids when they were little, little little. Yeah, I did. Yeah, they'll do. nourishing, that's a no brainer. There's iron in there. Okay, I'll stop with that. I could do a whole episode on the value of lagoons. Anyway. Yeah, the whole point is like, culturally, it's really interesting. Because culturally, and I call it almost like a cultural glass ceiling, again, in my book and for imagination, but it's like a certain way of mothering, right, and a certain way of like translating tradition, heritage, culture, and all these things, and having the palate right for the different foods that exist in our cultures, I find is so fascinating. And like, these are like acts of bravery. When you opt to do something that is very different than then a culture like we're talking like DNA different. Did you get any commentary from anyone when you decided to change the script there? Of course, of course, I mean, I just I feel like everyone's so opinionated, and especially those from previous generations. So they're like, why would you do it this way? This, this doesn't seem right, you know, and like, I raised all my kids on this

Kanika 22:32

ad, so I know what's going on. But it's just again, it's like, you trusting your built in sixth sense to be like, yeah, I get that I see you. But I want to do it this different way. Because I see that there's a greater value in this. But yeah, you're gonna get the pushback, and you have to stand your ground, you know, because again, I always feel like, even though we're second guessing ourselves, and we're unsure, Am I doing it right? Am I ruining them?

Kanika 23:01

The fact that we care is like a testament in itself. Secondly, it's like, best you really, really do. Yeah, and there's this philosophy out there. And I don't know your thoughts on it. But like I was, I heard through the grapevine that our kids pick us to view their parents. I'm just wondering, like, I'm thinking to myself, Okay, my kids definitely are teaching me a lot of the things that I need to learn, right, like humility, patience, everything, keeping it in holding my tongue. All these things are being taught to me and I'm wondering, I'm like, did they pick me to like, teach me everything that I think get a chance to learn as a little girl? Like, right? What do you think about this? Because also, you said, God only gives you what he knows you can handle. And I've had questions. I'm like, God, like, are we serious? You really think a lot of me like, like, Please, please. Right? So you tell me, what's your philosophy? What's your thinking? Like? Are these like many teachers, many sages, like in our midst, or Paul, I really do think so. I think that they're, they're put on this earth. They are the personalities that they are to guide us and sometimes that's to challenge us. And they're, as much as they're so different. I don't feel like kids are supposed to be the extension of you and they're not supposed to live out your dreams or anything like that. But they are your mirror. And it's like when you see your five year old self in their face. You just come back to how would I have wanted to be parented and I find that a lot I find this most with my daughter because I have she's one of the one of the twins, and then my and then I have my two sons, but with her she is an empath to her core.

Kanika 25:00

are just like me, she really feels for people. And she can cry really easily. She's sensitive. And, and she's also a perfectionism. She doesn't get her way, she gets really frustrated about that. And this was me, this was always me. So when I think back to like, she's seven, now my seven year old self, I was exactly like that. And so if I don't validate where she's coming from, it's really disenfranchising, you know, and I just think, okay, if I were, what would I want to hear, and, and means for self regulation, when it comes to just social emotional, like something that we have learned, we did, we do two things. One is, name it, claim it, tame it. So name, kind of what the scenario is why you're upset, claim that you're feeling frustrated, disappointed, angry, and then tame it. Now let's find a way to let that anger out or let those tears out. But like, let it go, in the end, be able to let it go and not hold on to it. And so that's just really, really important. That's like an exercise that I do for myself now. And it's so important. And then another one is, the five senses, that's a that's a way to tame, if you will, so when she's like, in the middle of like, let's say she, she used to get so upset when she like messed up on artwork, she'd be like, Oh, my God, I made a mistake I was or over like, I was coloring this rabid art. And she, like, totally, just just get so emotional about it. So we'll talk about how that's frustrating all that. And then it's like, let's, let's bring it back. Let's bring it back to this present moment. So we'll do our five senses, tell me five things you see. And then she'll be like, my water bottle, the crayon, the paper, the Chair, I'm sitting on this room. And then it's for tell me four things that you hear three things that you can feel. So feel around you. Two things that you can smell, and one thing that you taste, and all of a sudden, it just diffuses everything. Because you're like, where am I right now? What's around me? What's going on, and your feelings don't get the best of you. Yeah, and I think it's funny because it's, it's like a body scan meditation, basically,

Kanika 27:37

I'm becoming like, this is where this is where it's gotten me being a mom of multiple, I'm literally literally becoming a meditation practitioner, like, needed, how needed it is in my life with three boys. So what you just described is exactly that which I teach, which is a body scan meditation. And it's so interesting, because oftentimes, we live our lives outside of our bodies, and we disassociate instead of really making some sort of peace with how we feel, and then bringing to our awareness, where these sensations are, and just being really, really present to it so that this way we could work through it. And so what I'm hearing kind of going, I don't know if this is on purpose, or it may be it's your mom's sense, leading the way. But it sounds to me like you're forming some sort of connection for your kids to their kids sense. Yes, 100% 100%, I want them to have this tool, it's in your back pocket. And it's something that like, I think of like how we talked about just being able to rise to this challenge. I knew I always wanted to be a mom, when I was a kid. But there were certain things that I saw my parents doing that I was like, Yeah, I wouldn't, I would do this differently. And I didn't get my needs met. And I think I had to learn how to deal with my emotions and my sensitivity and everything like much later in life like 30s. And now that I'm in my 40s, it's like this, like, just kind of reckoning and attitude where like, I see myself, I can call it out, I know how I feel when I feel it, and I'm going to just be able to like, deal with it. But I never really had that skill. And I think my kids brought that out in me, because I was like, I have to see some of the skill.

Kanika 29:32

I'm teaching myself and, and really breaking cycles, because it's not something that I could turn to as a kid and my parents were immigrant parents and just moved from India.

Kanika 29:46

They moved with me I was two years old. They were just trying to put food on the table and survive. So they weren't being like let's sit down and do a meditation session and everything's like Kumbaya. No, you know, and so I had to like raise myself and I had

Kanika 30:00

This history was seven years or younger. And I and my grandmother raised her. And so I think just a quick like, aside to that, I remember when she was born, because it was like having this little doll, I took care of how you would take the bottle and test it on your wrist to make sure I knew how to do that. When I was seven, I was like, give me the baby.

Learn the exact process that meditation practitioner, bestselling author, business coach, and mom to three young boys, Melissa Llarena, follows to have a consistent meditation practice despite no longer having privacy, time, nor a meditation closet. You will walk away with a step-by-step approach for designing your own ritual and you will get a mental break to THINK more strategically about your business and mom life too.

Live Webinar

Includes:

• Instantly receive upon sign-up Free meditation prompts (get centered in two minutes or fewer)
• Mindfulness i.e. meditation ritual ideas to become a more present mom and business leader
• 30 minute Q&A with Melissa
• Join LIVE to enter a drawing for a guest spot on Unimaginable Wellness the podcast for mom founders, entrepreneurs, and creators

Led by Melissa Llarena

Top ForbesWomen contributor with 4M+ views. Author of a the #1 Amazon Bestseller entitled: Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact. Mom to a singleton son who is 12 and a set of identical twin boys who are ten. A Psychology degree from NYU, and an MBA from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth, she holds a Transformational Coaching Academy certificate and is a student in the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program Class of 2025.

​

In this episode you will uncover why this is an important change in perspective: The answer is not always about taking things off of your plate. It depends on what drives you. Ever wanted to gain self-awareness around what makes you go, stop, or bounce back up faster? Listen with an open mind to this episode.

Some moms with their own businesses rise to the occasion when a business challenge arises. Going after worthy goals clears up a busy life like no other thing has for me. You might be the same way? Have a think about it. ​ Other moms implode when a business challenge arises. Your anxiety hijacks your thinking brain and you go into a perpetual fight or flight. Dishes crash to the ground like a traditional Greek wedding except with little dancing. Is that your truth? ​ The key is in knowing who you are and what makes you do things that you may have never witnessed another mother do ever in your lifetime.

This week I am seeking 5 visionary mom entrepreneurs who rise up when put in a position to accept a business challenge. You'll know this is you based on your most memorable business days last year --- have your best days been when you astounded yourself and met a challenge or declined to step up your game in business for your own reasons. Neither is wrong.

There are seasons in motherhood and in business. However, I bet you have a preference? Let's talk for 15-minutes if you are the riser. https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena​

This is an official call for 4 fabulous women. I'm prepared to share the insights that have built my relationships with powerful and genuine humans over the last 12-years. On our Zoom call I can shed light on why 9-weeks is all it'll take with me as your guide.

If you are committed to doing what it really takes to change how you approach your business and mom life then you might qualify to be one of my fabulous 5 group coaching participants.

If you have a fight in you for YOU then you might be the right fit. If you have not yet given up on all the power and potential other people see in you then we should talk. It's time to rise up. Reclaiming your power is a daily choice. If this resonates be sure to choose the best time on my calendar. Rise up!

​Book your time on my calendar today for the soonest slot you can snag.

Let's talk: https://go.oncehub.com/ClientSessionMelissaLlarena​​

Thank you,

Melissa Llarena

Bestselling Author of Fertile Imagination: A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact

Welcome to Episode 217. Did you know that February 17th is Random Acts of Kindness Day? My plea is to count yourself in! Moms can perform random acts of kindness and be the recipient of them too! Did you know that when you are kind or generous to others that you can feel a helper's high? I bet you have oodles of ideas of things you can do with your kids and today's guest shares her thoughts on those too. However, what I found fascinating is that, despite being a busy mom of two, Jennifer Klein a seasoned philanthropist and author on the topic of giving, has cracked the code on how to be an everyday philanthropist and reap the rewards of exuding a generous spirit! She's getting that boost in her mental health every week and as a mom I'm know you can use this unstoppable feeling on any given day to change your energy for the maximum! In today's episode, there are also a ton of practical insights and giving ideas fit for a mom with her own business. You'll hear about your options – should you go all in on cause marketing, strategically partnering with a nonprofit, or donate company funds to support a cause that's on your heart? Listen for fresh ways to consider these options.

This episode is brought to you by my #1 Amazon bestselling book, Fertile Imagination, A Guide for Stretching Every Mom's Superpower for Maximum Impact.

· You can find a link to the Amazon website here: https://www.melissallarena.com/fertileideas/

Ask me anything about this episode, my book, or mom in business life on Instagram

· Follow me: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Free resources for mom entrepreneurs!

· Are you a mom entrepreneur with a big vision? Sign-up for a free 30-minute Business Goal Progress Analysis & Course Correct session https://www.melissallarena.com/sessions/

· Is your business stuck? Take this quiz for moms to maximize your potential - https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/64fb50ebd9dce900148cdff8

· Grab your seat for my free webinar focused on your 2024 ultimate business success Mom Mogul Makeover - https://witty-thinker-2643.ck.page/7e884a0f0a

Jennifer Klein Official Bio and Links

Jenn Klein, CFRE, CHC, is a world-class and highly respected nonprofit fundraiser, speaker, coach, and one of the most brilliant minds on philanthropy. She is the founder and CEO of You Are A Philanthropist merchandise shop and podcast, a major gift officer for a Catholic school, an independent consultant with Arbonne International, and a proud mother of two boys. For more than 18 years, Jenn has helped nonprofits grow through best fundraising practices and strategies. Jenn also coaches individuals to make healthy lifestyle choices, which, at their core, include giving to charity. Jenn is on a mission to share the benefits of generosity, not just for others but also for yourself and our world. She just published her first book "Giving is Selfish", which can be found on Amazon.

· https://www.youareaphilanthropist.com

· https://www.instagram.com/_jennklein/

· Giving Is Selfish: https://www.amazon.com/Giving-Selfish-Change-World-Yourself/dp/B0CLK2STJT

· Type unimaginablewellness for a 20% off coupon code for any merchandise on youareaphilanthropist.com

TRANSCRIPT

Jen Klein, welcome to unimaginable wellness. I am so excited. You won the drawing from my Mom Mogul Makeover webinar!

Congratulations.

Thank you, Melissa.

I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to win this opportunity. I am excited to have you here just for anyone that's listening and catching this in January, I had the opportunity to deliver a talk for mom moguls and Jennifer won the drawing of appearing as a guest on today's podcast. And so I am so excited to have Jen here.

I'm also really excited for this very, like. Secret sneaky reason so not only does Jen Klein have an amazing like business, but it's also in the art of generosity, the spirit of giving, and I was like, holy cow, how perfect is that right to like. Have a lucky winner. Be like a giver and generous human and nonprofit expert.

So Jen share with listeners a bit about your background. Certainly share a bit about your book and, and we could just like get into this conversation. I'm excited. You are so kind. Thank you for saying that. I've been a fundraiser for 20 years in nonprofits and it's my passion. And when I became a full time mom about eight years ago, I wanted to continue to stay in my field of fundraising, but found myself a fundraiser without a nonprofit since I became a full time mom.

And I decided to start blogging and I blogged about, like you said, the general, the, the good feelings. Of generosity and it was really inspired by a quote that I heard from Denzel Washington and he said giving is selfish and I was shocked. I had to replay it. I thought he said giving is selfless. And that is always what I internalized and believed giving was about was being selfless and he turned it on a dime and made me realize that giving feels good.

And so I wrote my book called Giving is Selfish that recently I published on Amazon and it highlights how good it feels to give. I love that. And I think what's, what's really, really compelling and something that I want to just grab onto that you just said, you said that you're a nonprofit professional, but you didn't find yourself having a nonprofit.

And I was thinking to myself, well, I will say this. Having three children of my own, there is no profit making in my family. So that's really nonprofit in terms of just the family structure. But, but I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. And so it, it does flip the thinking on his head as far as giving is.

Selfless to selfish. And so I'm sure your book garnered a lot of attention because of its title. I'm wondering, as someone who wrote her own book, myself having written a book, was there something that you learned about yourself as a mom through the actual process of having written this book? I think that's such a great question and something I do discuss in my book about how much I learned about being a mother when I became a mother.

As many new moms, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what I was in for. And I found myself struggling to work on myself and, and be a good mom. By taking care of myself and so when we practice self care, we are giving to our Children when we are taking care of ourselves, we are inspiring and giving to our Children and I think that was such an important life lesson that I learned from being a full time mom and I to this day and for the rest of my life will balance my giving scale, which is what I mean by that is taking care of myself so that I can take care of others.

That sounds like a really important thing to become more self aware of. I know that a lot of mom founders, creators, and entrepreneurs, they have it in their heart to give and having created a business that might be one avenue through which they give. And, and this balance that you mentioned, I'm sure it plays a role also, even in the world of commerce, where someone might want to do some cause marketing, or someone might want to strategically partner with a nonprofit organization.

So here's the question that I have and the context that I provide is that I actually started a nonprofit and this was several years ago. But I also had my coaching practice. And so the thinking was, well, let me create a nonprofit so that this way I have full ownership of who gets a scholarship or not, because that was part of what I was going to be contributing.

And then of course I spoke to an expert who said, well, Melissa. That's a lot of extra work. It's like having an entire other business. So my balance would have been totally like topsy turvy. I would have been so lopsided. It's not even funny. Jennifer, Jen, as an expert in this space, a mom that wants to have, wants to be mentor and like exhibit to her child, what giving looks like and the benefits, how can someone that's a founder think about doing good through the avenue of their business, but in a way that.

They don't end up being so lopsided. I think that was really wise of you to seek counsel and to realize that you don't have the time to commitment that is required to start a non profit. Starting a non profit is something that I also realized. I wasn't able to create, even though it's a wonderful thing to put into the world and that the world needs more of, but I think that there is, especially for mothers who are in business, there are other avenues to pursue in order to give back one could be giving in your example, through a nonprofit for scholarship, or could be giving back in their business.

To, to charity. So for me, for example, I give back some proceeds of mine to charity so that I feel connected to my mission, connected to my community and, and I reap the benefits because that feels good. That makes a lot of sense. So then in terms of making that decision, right. And in terms of really having not just a business, but then also a family, like for me, and I'm sure for other listeners, it's like, you feel like you just are giving 24 seven and now we want to add on our long list of to do's another act of.

Help us see the social rate of return, right? Or the nonprofit rate of return. I think it's the SROI. I don't know why I'm not getting the exact acronym correctly. You correct me when you answer the question, but how can we get the benefit and not out? Like just drain ourselves to no avail. Like I want to add giving, but at the same time as a parent and a business owner, you give a lot when you're marketing your business.

Like you don't get paid for the marketing necessarily. You give a lot as a mom, like for me, three meals a day, I'm giving those out. And now we want to add giving. So why is it that that would make good sense from like an energy perspective, even like Biological perspective. What are some benefits? What's the SROI on giving for a mom entrepreneur who gives all the time?

I think it's, I think you're so spot on to recognize the unrecognized work that mothers do giving back to our children is crucial to making the world a better place. So I think starting with the mindset that. What I'm doing at home is really important and feeling successful in that area of your life is, is really an important component to ensuring that you feel good about what you're doing.

And really, my message is I want people to feel good about what they're doing at home in their business and in their community. And. If they feel like they have the time to, to donate in some area of their life to a, in their community, they will reap the benefits of better social connection, better mental health, better physical health.

It's been proven science that giving back. lowers your blood pressure. So there are physical benefits that we know from science that giving back feels good. So it's not just as Denzel Washington said, something that is. It's intangible that we can't quantify. It's also something that we have quantified through science.

Is there like a story, maybe it could be a personal story or someone that's included in your book that you can share with listeners that might be thought provoking or just kind of helpful as far as giving us some sort of next steps, like choosing the best way for us to give, not just so that it bubble wraps our sanity, but that it aligns with even like the business that we might have.

Yeah, so I think first of all, I have a podcast called you are a philanthropist where I interviewed 30 philanthropists who I have deemed philanthropists, even though perhaps by society standards, they aren't the millionaires. Giving lots of money to, to charity, but in their everyday lives, they're committing some sort of their time commitment to a charity of their choice.

So for me personally, I like to be a soccer coach, which is what I'm doing later in the day today. And I also like to give to my local food pantry, which is about two hours. Every other month I go around my neighborhood, pick up bags from people's porches and deliver it to my food pantry. So that's something that I'm really excited about and something that my children actually do with me now.

So I love teaching them about how we have so much and how we can give back. Some of the guests that I interviewed really are inspiring. I encourage your listeners to check it out wherever they find a podcast. For me, I was really inspired by a friend of mine who has a child who is severely disabled and he needs a full time ventilator, full time nurse at home, and yet she has found a way to give back to the Ronald McDonald house.

She does a run with him in his wheelchair every year and raises money through, through that run. And she also It gives back through stocking the pantries at the Ronald McDonald house. And her name's Daphne bird singer. If anybody wanted to listen to that episode of the you are philanthropist podcast. So she, she really inspires me in her everyday life.

She's giving back to her, her children. She has three children and I'm privileged to know what a great woman she is, how committed she is to her community, her family, and her business. So let me ask you this question as far as personally. So when you actually go through your day and you insert an act of giving, however that might take shape for you, explain to listeners.

How you feel after doing that act or during the act, like really get vivid into it, because I want to understand just like what it feels like to give, even as a mom that already has her own like podcast and practice, wrote a book, has kids, like, how does it feel to give for you personally? Yeah, that's a great question.

I think for me, I do feel really good about. Doing work in my community and feeling inspired by those who are also doing work in my community and feeling like together we're making a bigger difference. I think sometimes we overlook little acts of charity, little acts of kindness, and, but these little things add up and do make a difference.

For example, just holding the door at the Dunkin Donuts for the person behind you, that's an act of kindness. Being kinder to the cashier when maybe someone was not kinder before you. So these everyday acts that I do are, are something that I say to myself, you put some good into the world. You made the world a better place for at least one person.

So it sounds to me that anyone can be a philanthropist. That's what I believe. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. And then here's the other thing. So back to someone that has a business, back to someone that has to make a decision, like strategically partner with a nonprofit, donate money in some sort of other way, I don't even know, I can't even imagine right now, maybe like participating in someone's Kickstarter, for example.

Or creating their own nonprofit. Is there any sort of wisdom that you can share with us, with listeners who have a business, we want to do good and we want to make a decision, the right decision for us, like choosing path a B or C, like any sort of question that we can hold on to and really just ask ourselves before moving forward in any given direction.

So I think finding what you're most passionate about is the key to. Your success with giving back for me, that's my local food pantry and for others that might be a mental health organization or a cancer research organization, whatever it is that you find yourself that you want to commit your time to, you should pursue that.

Because if you're not passionate about giving back, it is going to be draining and it's not going to be fulfilling and where your passion leads you is where you should go. Got it. That makes, so that makes sense because it's the same in terms of a business, right? Like if you're not passionate about it, even if the market opportunity is gigantic, it's going to feel more draining because it's like you need a lift.

Like as a mom entrepreneur, like we need every lift that we could possibly imagine. And this is so not about plastic surgery, even though the thought just popped in my mind, but maybe I could use a lift there too, but I choose not to at this stage of my life. But I think. Any opportunity that a mom has to go in the direction that excites her beyond belief, like we're talking like giddy, like, Oh my gosh, I cannot believe I had the opportunity to do this today with them.

Like, if you feel that, then I would say that could be like the next step, right? So you have this like for profit entity, let's imagine, let's say you're a coach or whatever. And it makes sense for you to somehow be involved with dress for success as an example. Well, maybe the way that you participate does depend on what you can give.

Like you might have old suits, right? And right now we're like Zoom culture, cozy culture. So do you really need like that suit? I know. Don't so that's like one way, but then the other side of it is having tried it myself, just as like heads up sort of thing for anyone that's listening and Jen Klein, like your own sort of experiences, like the option is there to create like your own nonprofit, but be mindful that it actually does feel like a whole other business.

Yes. So. I would say personally, as my own guidance, I know that organizations I've worked with, they've been successful with cause marketing. And for them, the tie in is that there's some sort of connection between the brand promise of the for profit product and the actual organization with which you partner.

So like Dawn is a great example, the dishwashing detergent and like cleaning ducts in some oil water way. And so that makes sense. But I think Additionally, you know what Jen said as far as the passion side of the house, I think that's absolutely important because specifically as a mom, you need that lift.

And so Jen, this has been really helpful. I think your perspective as anyone can be a philanthropist is like the big takeaway that I'm getting. And I also think that If we think about motherhood, not so much as like straight up philanthropy, but it kind of is in its own way. I really do think it kind of is in its own way, but it's a way that is legacy building, right?

Like your DNA gets passed on. So you, you certainly reap the rewards. So Jen Klein, where can people continue to learn about you and your book and what you do? You should go to my website. You are a philanthropist. com. They can find more information about me on there, as well as look at my book, giving a selfish on Amazon.

And I did give a discount to your listeners. If they type in coupon code unimaginable wellness, they can get a discount, a 20 percent discount on my merchandise, which celebrates philanthropy. I'm also on Instagram and I love to connect there as well. Underscore Jen Klein. Beautiful. Thank you, Jen. So as far as bubble wrapping your own sanity, your own sanity, like you've got soccer going on, you've got work within your local community, like.

What's like one tangible thing that you do in order to stay sane? That's such a great question. And I am excited to say I'm getting a massage later today. So I have a monthly subscription to my local massage and I am very excited about that. I'm excited for you. I am like, like now I'm inspired. I'm like, okay, yeah, I should, I should do the same.

And I think it's. The funny thing about a massage is that it is self care for sure. And it does feel good, but there's like these benefits that somehow are additive, even to like business owners in a super tangible way, as far as like the stress levels that we have, I was reading the five o'clock 5 AM club.

I don't know if you know that book by Robin, I think it's Sharma or something. And that's part of his protocol. It's like two massages every week, and that can help make you like tip top performer. And so I think what you're doing is, is self care. It's self it's giving to yourself and it makes you a happier giver to everyone else.

So thank you for that tip. You're welcome. And if you don't schedule it monthly, it'll never happen. Amen to that. I totally know I have zero massages in the whole 2024 right now. So now you've got me going on that. Thank you, Jen, so much. Thank you, Melissa. Thanks for having me. Here are the three things that really captured my attention with regards to the conversation with Jen.

The first point is that you can be a philanthropist. You do not require an inordinate amount of time, nor millions or billions of dollars. And I think that is refreshing because even a Random act of kindness today, again, in light of February 17th is something that is going to give you those giving benefits that Jen spoke of.

The second point is that Jen did say that giving has biological benefits. And I think if you want to really think about ways to bubble wrap your sanity as a mom, entrepreneur, founder, or creator. This offers a very productive solution. So if you actually intend to give in any sort of way, whether it's your time or even your skills, please be aware it might be selfish and that is okay.

The third point is that Jen and I really talked about this idea that should you start your own nonprofit? Let's say that you have a for profit organization or business or consultancy practice, and you're thinking about a nonprofit. Is this a path that makes sense for you? Is this going to make business sense?

Is this going to be in alignment with the amount of time you have to give on a weekly basis to your business? Well, from my perspective and Jen's, it's really important to understand that creating a nonprofit is an entire business in and of itself. And if you feel like you can be at the helm of leadership in both entities at the same time and be a mom, then God bless you.

And I definitely support you. So let me know how I can help you really make that true. Otherwise, there are options such as cause marketing and donating actual money from your business to an organization that makes sense, given what Jen said. So given your passion, which that is going to help give you the lift you need and be invigorated by your donations or your giving, or given in alignment with the services that you offer and your main value proposition.

Please be aware, this is really strategic and it's something that I could absolutely support you with. Reach out to me on Instagram at Melissa Lerina. This is in the show notes at M E L I S S A L L A R E N A. Let me know if you would like some guidance pertaining to the very next step with regards to your business.

Oftentimes we don't know what we don't know. So get on the phone with me. Let me know how I can be of service. What question is on your mind? So I could help answer it or point you in the best direction. I am someone who truly believes that through networking, we can each find our angels. And in that way, I want to support you this very week.

So go ahead. Do not be shy. Get on Instagram at Melissa Llarena. Hope you enjoyed this conversation. Be sure to share this with one mom entrepreneur in that very way you are actually giving. And again, February 17th is a random act of kindness day. So celebrate it as Jen suggested. And I hope you do get that massage just like Jen shall be doing.

Thank you again.

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