Moments Matter

His needs, her needs... we all have needs. Sonja welcomes Kevin, her husband, back to the show for a special Valentine's Day Edition! They talk about a tool that helped them learn each other's needs and values and how that shifted their marriage just a few years ago. It was like a light bulb moment had gone on! God designed us each with unique needs and values that fit our own personalities, and understanding each other in this way is a GAME CHANGER for any relationship. Listen as they talk about some fun stories... you'll also hear some insider secrets that maybe you didn't know about Sonja and Kevin. 

Needs and Values 18-Page Assessment: contact [email protected] to get your free copy! 

We like to think we're in control of our kids' lives, but oftentimes we're not. We can do all the right things, say all the right things, and still our kids might do the wrong thing. We've talked a lot about do's and don'ts in other episodes, but on this one we're talking about the main things we're not in control of as mothers... whether we'd like to think we are or not. This is not any easy truth to admit, especially when it comes to the hard things like our kids' futures and their lives as adults. Today we dive into some of the things we aren't in control of and how Sonja deals with it even now. 

The early days of their marriage were rough, and Sonja had no idea what an "entrepreneur" was or how to love her husband well through it all. Walking through Kevin's multiple jobs when she had a baby or two on her hip was the last thing she wanted to do, and it made her doubt her husband and his ability to take care of them. 

Why think of another job idea before the other one has just begun? It drove her crazy not to see the benefits she was hoping for and produced a lot of friction in their family. So here's some advice for the wives who have husbands with big ideas! If you know, you know. 

Julia was kind of an angry kid... but she lived in an environment of God's love where her parents and school teachers were teaching her about Christ for all of her childhood. She tells her story today about some deep-seated issues she had of entitlement and when it all changed for her and she realized where her true satisfaction comes from. God is a jealous God, and He used this in her life to teach her about what true love looks like even though she really isn't entitled to it all. 

Setting goals in middle age is difficult, and today we get on the podcast today to talk about how Sonja was never a "goal-oriented" person. Because of this, she would get discouraged every new year because it seemed like she never really had mile markers to remind her how she'd changed over the year. When she began to create action steps that she could focus on month to month, everything changed.

- What Sonja did to achieve goals without being a "goal-oriented person"

- How many days it takes to build a habit

- How we talk to ourselves really matters... why do we never say the positive things out loud?

Why a “word” of the year? Most of our family–consisting of 8 adults–chooses a “word” for the year, and we've done it for a while now. It all started as a social media trend–but now it's a staple part of our family's year. We talk about how it started, how it’s going, and how we’re evolving the word of the year to create more meaning for our year than we have in the past. 

•  A word for the year might be trendy, but it’s convinced even the most skeptical of us that it’s helpful
•  Is there a difference between consistency in our goals vs. being faithful to our goals?
• You start it and perhaps they will follow

We really just shot in the dark with this one (it’s the holidays, we’re busy, too!), so it’s a fun conversation about traditions, gift giving, and making the season truly mean something for your family. What can you do to be more intentional to love your adult kids well? What does making a Christmas list have to do with personalities? Here’s to our incredibly random episode where we came up with these topics on the fly:

•  Why the gift giving and receiving might be a stressor
•  Changing holiday traditions with your adult kids when they get married
•  How to make your daughter-in-law or son-in-law feel more welcomed into your family traditions
•  What you should do when your kids make their own decisions
•  Don’t be the mom who takes things personally 

This episode is for whenever your kids aren't home for the holidays... You know that awful, painful experience when your kids become adults and you don't see them for those special days... yes, I (Sonja) know it well, too. So what should you do? How do you handle your emotions? Here's what Julia and I talk about today:

•  When your kids don’t come home for the holidays
•  How to emotionally respond as a mother in law to holidays
•  What it looks like to be okay during the holidays AND miss your kids 
•  An encouragement to the moms with kids are struggling with sin issues that make the holidays difficult

Do your holidays start and end with your adult kids coming and going? Whether you have kids coming home or it's just the two of you this year, it's important to be intentional with your spouse and enjoy the holidays. Here's what Sonja talks about on today's episode:

•  What does empty nesting look like during the Christmas season? 
•  Conversations you need to have with your spouse before your kids show up
•  Making Christmas intentional for the two of you
• Handling possible depression after your kids leave and Christmas is over

When was the last time you listed off what you were thankful for? Did it have an impact on you? I know that some of you are going through difficult, hard things as the holidays begin. I know that it'll take a deep breath just to get through the moments. So today, I'm being vulnerable as I get on the podcast all by myself!

If you're having a dark day or you're struggling as the holidays begin or maybe you're just not in the right mindset yet to really have wonderful Big Moments this season, I hope this episode can encourage and uplift you… to show you that just listing off what you’re thankful for can lead to true joy.